


The Madness That Is My Life

by moonsongthemarauder



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Harry Potter Next Generation, Next Generation, Romantic Comedy, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, comedy! drama! all sorts of silly romcom stuff, just teenagers falling in love and being dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 169,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsongthemarauder/pseuds/moonsongthemarauder
Summary: Addie Malfoy's To Do List:1) Get Scorp and Rose together.2) Don't argue with Albus Potter. (No matter how much of a jerk he is)3) Stop failing Defense. (This might be the biggest challenge)4) Stop finding Albus attractive, stop staring into his beautiful eyes, and stop getting butterflies around him.5) Somehow survive this school year without ending up in Mungo's. (Not sure I can do this one)





	1. And So The Madness Begins

Something was poking me. I was trying to sleep and something was poking me. In an effort to try and escape the poking, I turned onto my side.

It didn't do much. I got poked harder.

Whatever was poking me would die. Slowly and painfully. It. Would. Die.

Poke. Poke. Poke.

"What do you want?!?! Can't you see that I am trying to sleep and you poking me isn't helping?!" I pulled myself out from my covers and turned to see the face of my prick of a cousin (who honestly, was more like a brother), Scorpius.

"Well someone is in a bad mood," Scorpius said, smirking. He walked over to my window and opened the drapes, letting the sunlight in.

"Yeah well I have an arsehole with a death wish poking me," I said, pulling my covers back over my head to block the light. "Now go away."

"Actually I was sent here to wake you up," Scorpius said and I felt him jump onto the bed and lay beside me. “It’s already ten.”

"Who in their right mind would send you here to wake me up? Your parents know that’s a good way to die." I pulled my head out of the covers and looked at him. “Maybe they want you to die, Scorp. And here I thought they were such loving parents.”

"Ha ha,” Scorpius said, with no real laughter in his voice. “But seriously, my mom sent me. She says it's time for you to get out of bed."

He got off the bed and started walking towards the door.

"Well I am not getting out of bed," I said, pulling the covers over my head once again and getting ready to fall back into my deep sleep. “There’s no reason for me too, anyway.”

"Alright. But the End of Summer party at the Weasley's is going to start in an hour so you might want to get up and fix that mess on your head."

I practically jumped out of my bed upon hearing this. However, this didn't go over well because I was covered in blankets so I ended up landing on the ground, with all the blankets from my bed with me. As Scorpius shut the door, I could hear him laughing.

What a prick.

 

* * *

 

"Addie, is that really what you are wearing?" Aunt Astoria said when I got downstairs. I looked down at my white sundress. I thought it looked rather cute. It was really the best I could do with only one hour to get completely ready.

"Yes, I wasn't awoken early enough to get completely ready and do my hair. Having curly hair is very time consuming you know," I said, sending her a teasing smile.

Astoria sighed as if I was aggravating her.

"Well, I think she looks beautiful," Draco said as he entered the room. He had lost some of his hair, but it was still the signature Malfoy Blonde. Draco was normally the last one to be ready, so it was a little strange to not be waiting for him. "Now is everyone ready to go?"

"No. Your son isn't here yet," Astoria said, looking at the clock again. "He is still getting ready. Seems like he takes after his father in that department. Must be some sort of Malfoy trait that all three of you got."

Draco raised his eyebrows at me, knowing that his perfectly punctual wife was very annoyed at the three of us for being tardy. I tried not to laugh as he put on a dramatic distraught face and walked towards her.

"Oh honey," Draco said as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry. How could I have done this to our son? How could my ancestors do this to our niece? How will the Malfoy family survive with our inability to be ready on time? Can you ever forgive me for doing to this our family?"

Astoria started smiling at this and wrapped her arms around him too.

“Maybe,” Astoria said. “You’re annoying, you know that?

“But you love me,” Draco said. “Addison, go get your cousin.”

“What why?” I said. “I was ready on time, why do I have to fetch him?”

“Because I want to kiss your aunt and not scare you,” Draco said.

“You guys are embarrassing,” I said, rolling my eyes and leaving the room to retrieve my cousin.

When I reached his room, I entered his room without knocking and instantly regretted the decision to do so. It smelled...bad. Not like the normal teenage boy bad but like...I didn't even know. Like there were 30 things of cologne in the air. Also Scorpius was standing in a ridiculous outfit: A tux jacket and boxers.

I worry about him.

"Um Scorp?" I said, covering my nose with my hand. "Are you almost ready?"

"No!!" He threw a pair of pants across the room. "I have nothing to wear!"

I looked at all the clothes on the floor that proved otherwise.

"Scorpius it isn't that hard," I said. I walked over to his closet and pulled out a plaid shirt and a pair of shorts. "Wear this."

He looked at it, looking thoroughly unimpressed. "But this is so plain. No one will think I look good especially not-"

"SCORPIUS AND ADDISON, ARE YOU READY TO GO YET?! WE ARE ALREADY TWENTY MINUTES LATE!" Astoria yelled from downstairs.

I guess she has had enough of our lack of punctuality.

"Wear it. Plaid always makes boys look better. And don't wear cologne," I said as he reached for a bottle. "Your room smells enough that it will rub off on you. Now let's go before your mother kills us."

We got downstairs and apparated to my best friend’s house, the house of the wonderful Rose Weasley and her wonderful parents and her quiet but I assume wonderful brother.

"You should let me dress you more often," I said, observing Scorp’s outfit. Astoria and Draco walked ahead of us, Astoria clearly stressing about the implications of us being late. "I do a pretty good job. Every girl will be practically all over you."

"I don't need every girl. Only one."  Scorpius had a nervous look on his face as he scoped out the other latecomers to the party, as if he was looking for someone.

"Wait, what? Do you have a crush?!?! TELL ME!" I said, trying to keep quiet so that his parents don't hear even though they were only five feet in front of us.

"No. I don't."

“Yes you do. You just said so."

“No I didn't. And no I don't."

"Yes you did and yes you do."

"No I don't-"

"Well if it isn't the Malfoy family!" I looked up at the door and saw Hermione Weasley standing there, inviting us in. Scorpius ran right in, ready to get away from me and my stubborn question asking.

“Hermione, I’m so sorry we’re late,” Astoria said. “And I’m so sorry Scorpius just ran in without saying hi. I’ll have to discuss basic manners with him again, I suppose.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hermione said. “I’m sure he’s just going to try to find Al and the rest of them.”

I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes and fortunately was distracted by my name being yelled.

"ADDIE!" I heard and turned around and see said best friend (see above) running toward me, her red hair as red as ever, opening her arms wide only to hit someone in the face.

Yes, that was my best friend.

No, you cannot judge.

I waved to Astoria and Draco and walked towards Rose who, being Rose, made sure the person was alright and even made small talk with them before coming and attacking me with a hug.

"Rosie, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm good!!" she said. "I can't wait to be back at Hogwarts though. I love Mum and Dad but they can become overbearing after a while-"

“Hello there Addie!” said Ron Weasley, who came up to Rose and me. Well stumbled is a better word. He seemed a little tipsy. I looked over at Rose and saw that she looked horrified. “Your aunt and uncle here?”

“Hello Mr. Weasley!” I replied. “Yes they are, they are over there”

I pointed over to where Astoria stood, discussing something with Hermione, while Draco stood awkwardly by, looking around for someone he could talk to as well.

“Your uncle looks rather uncomfortable doesn’t he?” Ron asked. “Might have to go tease him a little and remind him that for our wive’s and kids’s sake, we’re supposed to be comfortable around each other.”

“Dad, don’t be mean-“ Rose started, but was cut off.

“I’m not being mean! It’s called teasing Rosie,” Ron said, though this didn’t seem to help Rose’s worry at all. “Although just because you and your mother decided to befriend members of this family does not mean I have to. Obviously Astoria and Addie are great but the other two…” Ron took a sip of whatever was in his cup.

“Dad, you’re being rude to Addie’s family,” Rose said.

“I mean he’s not wrong,” I said. “I am the best thing in that family. Scorpius is the worst. He woke me up this morning.”

Rose sent me a look that said I was not helping things.

“Dad, Addie and I are going to head outside, why don’t you go find Mum-“ Rose started but was interrupted by her dad.

“Well Rosie, I hope you and Addie have fun! But Rosie,” He put his hands on her shoulder, acting like he was going to give her great advice. Which meant that whatever he was going to say in his drunken state would probably be hilarious. “I need you to stay away from that Scorpius boy.”

To say Rose turned bright red at this point would be an understatement. She turned into a tomato. And since her hair was red, she looked really funny.

“I know you have a crush on him,” Ron said making really funny gestures with his hand. Rose turned even MORE bright red (I didn’t even think that was possible since she was already SO red. But she did. That girl never seizes to amaze me) and I started giggling. “But he is the son of Draco Malfoy. Who is not very good. So stay away from him. Actually, stay away from boys in general.”

I couldn’t help but giggle harder at this because for as long as I could remember, Rose had only ever had a crush on Scorpius to the point where, besides a small period in fourth year, she never even looked at another boy. While Rose stood there being a tomato and I stood there giggling like a drunk person, Ron stumbled off to drunkenly greet other people. Once he left Rose punched me in the arm.

“OW!” I said. Because Rose is a lot stronger then she looks. “What the bloody hell was that for?”

“That was for not defending your own family and for bloody giggling while my dad embarrassed me!” Rose said. “He thinks I like Scorpius. I mean honestly. That’s just…REDICULOUS! How could I even like Scorpius?! He’s so, so…” Rose seemed to have to think about something wrong with Scorpius that would somehow prove she doesn’t like him.

“So, what Rose?” I said. “So…perfect for you and that is why you like him so much?”

“Exactly!” Rose said in agreement. Then she realized of what she said. “NO! NO! I didn’t mean that! NO! I DON’T like him!”

“Alright Rose, whatever you say,” I said, linking my arm through hers and beginning to walk outside. “So since you don’t like Scorpius, any cute boys here?”

"Just the normal situation. So basically all family for me."

"And what is wrong with your family, Ms. Rose?" James Sirius Potter came up behind us and asked. "Hey Addie!."

"James!!" I said and hugged him. James was a year older then me, Rose and Scorpius so I don't see him too often because he is always hanging out with his friends. But that didn't stop James and I from becoming a big brother figure in my life. Partly it’s impossible to be friends with a Potter/Weasley and not gain a bunch of sibling figures in your life.

He hugged me back and said down into my blonde curls, "Well I sure am glad that our parents don't hate each other anymore. Because then I wouldn't be able to see your beautiful face."

 I laughed until I heard, "Well if you don't get your hands off of my cousin then you might not be alive to see her again."

Scorpius. Lovely to see you again.

James took his hands off me and said to Scorp, "Dude, come on. She's like my sister. I would never do that."

You see, Scorpius tends to think it’s the eighteen hundreds and that I need to be protected from guys because “all guys do is break hearts, I’m a guy I know”. I pointed out that it was sexist to think this way and that I could take care of myself and he said he knew, but that he just wanted to spare me some pain in my life since I already had so much.

He had not been very kind when my first boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn’t do more with him than I was ready to. He yelled at him a lot to where my ex broke down into tears before Scorpius realized maybe it wasn’t the best way to handle problems.

"Come on Scorpius, like Addie would even LET James do that," Rose said.

It appeared to be the first time that Scorpius noticed she was there. All of a sudden his mean I-will-kill-James thing was gone and he got all shy and started stammering.

And that is when I knew.

Scorpius liked Rose.

It was all I could do not to jump up and down in the air with glee. Because normally Scorp falls for these girls who are not compatible for him in any way and he ends up dumping after a week because he was bored.

But this time he liked Rose! And they were PERFECT for each other!! I always hoped that they would fall for each other. On their wedding day, when I was Maid of Honor (because no way is Rose not letting me be Maid on Honor. I don't care who has to be "taken care of" I am getting that spot) I would have to make a toast about how I knew they were perfect for each other and how-

"ADDIE." A hand waved in my face, taking me away from the daydream I was having of their wedding. Whoever is doing this will die.

Oh it was Rose. She could live. It took too much time to break in a new best friend.

"Yes?" I said.

"You were kinda staring off and not paying attention to the conversation," Scorpius said. I tried to send him telepathic messages telling him I knew. I didn't think he is got them though. "You looked like you were going insane or something."

"Oh she's already insane."

Oh no.

No. No. No.

Not here. I didn't want to deal with this stupid tosser today.

Please Merlin? I was having a good day and didn't need HIM to ruin it.

He moved forward from the side of Scorpius. I didn't see him there before. How nice of him to come into the conversation now. NOT.

Right when Scorpius picks a nice girl to fancy, his idiot of a best friend is still around. Why is Scorpius best friends with him? He is nothing but a arsehole-tosser-prick-know-it-all-Mr.-I-think-I-am-better-then-everyone-because-my-dad-saved-the-Wizarding-World.

"It's just another thing that is on her bad qualities list." Albus said, flashing me a smirk.

Thanks for nothing, Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please kudos, comment, bookmark, subscribe, or do whatever you feel like doing to show what you thought of the story!


	2. The Madness Where I End Up Sobbing in a Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because even though I hated him, even I had to admit that Albus Potter was hot. Like he-should-be-a-super-model hot. But that didn’t change the fact that I hated him.

“Potter.” I said to the prick standing in front of me.

“Well hello to you too, Malfoy.” Albus said.

Albus and I hated each other. Plain and simple. Which made it awkward because I was Rose’s best friend and Scorpius was my cousin/best friend and Albus was Scorpius’s best friend and Rose was his cousin/best friend. So we all hung out together.

To my dismay.

“So how was your summer, Potter?” I asked, taking a step towards him. “Have fun spending all your daddy’s money and acting like you’re the best bloody thing on the planet?”

“It was great, Malfoy,” Albus said, taking a step towards me. “I bought my own street and named it ‘Albus Potter Way’. So that people know that I truly am amazing.” I rolled my eyes. Stupid git. “And how about you? Have fun with all the boys trying to get in your knickers? Poor blokes must be mental if they’re desperate enough to have a go at you.”

I gave a tight lipped smile, knowing that he was alluding to my lack of admirers.

“At least I know that the people that want to date me, want to date me for me, not because of my famous parents,” I said causing Al to deepen his frown.

We were right in front of each other now, something that often happened with us, because we kept stepping towards each other, as if thinking that we somehow got more power the closer together we were. We argued with each other sarcastic tones, with insults thrown out at each other at a normal voice level. We never really started yelling when we argued. We just take steps toward each other. Since we were so close, I looked up into his emerald green eyes. And how they so perfectly looked on his face. Because even though I hated him, even I had to admit that Albus Potter was hot. Like he-should-be-a-super-model hot. But that didn’t change the fact that I hated him.

We had a crowd around us, because we always got into it and many people thought it was entertaining. I saw that Dom, Freddy and Louis, more of the Weasley family, were here too, watching us next to James. Louis hung out with our group, so he was pretty used Albus and I arguing. He knew well enough not to get involved though, because unlike Rose and Scorp (who for some reason enjoy getting involved in our arguments) Louis knew that if Albus and I are going at it, we didn’t like to be disrupted.

…I just realized what that sounded like. And I most certainly did not mean it like that.

I don’t know why, perhaps it was because Iw as so annoyed with seeing after two blissful months without him, or because I really wanted to win the first fight of the year with him, but I wanted to make sure that what I said dug him deep.

“I mean it can’t be easy for you,” I said.  “You never know if the girl actually liked you or if she wanted to be a part of the ‘Famous Potter’ family. In fact, maybe that’s why you rarely have a girlfriend. Because once those girls see you and not your family, they don’t care about sticking around. You’re always expected to fill your dad’s shoes. People will always look at you as ‘Albus Potter, Harry Potter’s son who isn’t as good as him’.”

From the look on his face, I could tell I had hit him right where it counts. I couldn’t help but smirk. There was no way he could top that.

Except then he got a glint in his eye as if he just thought of a brilliant way to best me.

“Well I would rather be living in someone’s shadow then not even knowing where my mother is,” Albus said, smirking himself. I felt my smirk fall, suddenly feeling a lot less confident. “I mean, at least I don’t have to live off of my uncle and my aunt who got dumped with me because my mother didn’t want me. Because my mother didn’t even love me enough to stay.”

I felt like I had been slapped. But he didn’t stop. He kept going.

“Where my mother is too much of a slag to even know who my father is, or where he is, or even care. She was born as a bastard so why not have her child that way?” He said, smirking more and more as he could see me grow weaker and weaker.

I was looking at the ground, just hoping he would stop. I was forcing myself not to cry, because I never cried when Albus and I fought. If I cried, it meant that something he actually said affected me more than our usual spats. That he actually got to me this time.

“Why not just have a kid and dump them on her rich brother and his wife so that she don’t need to do any of the work. So that she can go on pretending she doesn’t have a child and continue slagging around while her child turns into total bitch who will never know what it is to be loved by parents?” Albus seemed to have finished because he said, “I would much rather live in someone’s shadow then live life with a mother who doesn’t care.”

When he finished, I finally looked up at him, tears streaming down my face. I was ready to keep attacking him, to somehow find a way to cut him worse than he cut me. But once he saw my face, his triumphant smirk was whipped off his face and replaced with something else. And by the look in his eyes, I could tell he knew he crossed a line that was never supposed to be crossed.

I opened my mouth to say something cutting, but found I couldn’t.

“You bastard,” I whisper to him. I turn away from him, showing him that he had won the fight, and ran into the house into Rose’s bathroom.

Which is where I burst into sobs, tears flowing out of my eyes, ruining my make up, and just overall being the photo of a person who hadn’t cried in too long of a time.

* * *

 

My mum was a love child of one of Lucius's affairs. She was born a little after Draco was by one of the housemaids that Lucius and Narcissa employed. She didn't look anything like the maid, though, she looked like a Malfoy. So Lucius and Narcissa decided to bring her in and raise her as their own daughter, but kept her a secret. She didn't go to Hogwarts, she went to Beauxbatons in France. But because her and Draco were close, they always wrote one another.

I hadn’t seen my her in 11 years. We had been staying with Draco and Astoria for a while at that point and one day I woke up and Draco sat me down and told me she was gone. Ever since then, I had lived with Draco, Astoria and Scorpius and they became my family. Draco and Astoria have practically been my parents and Scorpius had been my brother.

But that didn’t stop the  demons in my head saying that have said the exact same things Albus just said to me from yelling loudly as I tried to sleep every night for the past 11 years.

Just like they were yelling now.

I sat with my head in my hands, trying to make the voices in my head go away. I was partially distracted by a hand slamming repeatedly on the locked door.

“Addie!” Rose said. “Come on Ads let me in!”

“No!” I yelled back. “Besides Scorpius is probably out there and he’ll probably try to come in too!”

There was silence from the other side of the door. Which just proved I was right.

“No he’s not out here!” Rose yelled. But her voice was high pitched and she was speaking fast, which always happened when she is lying. “You don’t even have to let me in, just open the door a crack so I can see if I need to go kill my cousin or not!”

I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that my makeup was smeared all over my face, my hair was a mess on account of me pulling it because of how stressed I was and I just looked terrible. If I were Rose and I saw me, I would kill Albus.

So I unlocked the door and then I heard, “GO!” and saw Scorpius push the door all the way open, Rose run in, followed by Scorpius who then shut the door and locked it again. During this whole thing, I was shoved up against the sink (uncomfortably might I add) freaking out on the inside because Scorpius and Rose helped each other WITHOUT BEING AWKWARD BECAUSE THEY WERE TOTALLY IN LOVE!!!!!

They were so perfect for each other.

“Oh honey,” Rose said after looking at me. She tore off a piece of toilet paper to dab my eyes with. “I’m sorry. Albus can be a git sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” I asked, laughing slightly.

“Addie, you don’t know Albus like we do,” Scorpius said. I was sitting on the sink counter so he came over and put his arm around me. I leaned my head against his shoulder. “He’s a good guy. And if it makes you feel better, Louis and James are pretty pissed at him, so I would expect to see him with a black eye or bruises. You know how the Potter/Weasley Family temper is.”

As he said this, he looked over at Rose with the Malfoy smirk because Rose has quite a temper herself. She hit him. They were so cute. And what he said did make me feel better, I hoped Albus was in a wheelchair with all the bones in his body were broken.

“Scorpius, you heard what he said.” I said, as Rose finished cleaning my face off and pulled out her wand to do fix my hair. “It’s hard to believe that. No one but you two know about it, not even Louis knows about it. How did he even know that much about Mum?” I looked accusingly at Rose and Scorpius. “Did you tell him?”

“I’ve never told him anything,” Rose said. “And I’m pretty sure Scorpius didn’t either.”

“Well…” Scorpius said. I pulled my head off of his shoulder and looked at him accusingly. How could he? I mean, that stuff was personal!! The only reason that he knows about it is because he was there and Rose knows because she was my best friend and I told her everything! “I told him a little bit. Just that your mom left when you were five and that you’ve lived with us ever since then. But I didn’t tell him…everything.”

“See so while Scorpius told him some stuff, he didn’t tell him everything,” Rose said. That was comforting because if Albus knew the entire story about Mom…well that would just be bad. “Besides most people know all of that already. No one knows everything. Just me and Scorpius.” She put her wand away and came onto my other side and put an arm around me. “And we aren’t going to tell anyone. Are we, Scorp?”

She looked at him and I could see how they both had a slight blush on their faces just by looking at each other.

It should be illegal to be that adorable.

“Of course we are,” Scorpius said. “Now how about a group hug?”

I wasn’t sure if he was doing it because he thought it would help me or if he just wanted to hug Rose.

But either way, him and Rose both hugged me tight and at that moment, it didn’t matter why they were hugging. Just that my two best friends were hugging me and I was feeling so much better.

“Thanks,” I said. “I love you guys so much.”

“We love you too,” Rose said pulling away from the hug. “And if you will excuse me, I have a cousin who needs a good talking to. Because no matter what Louis and James do to him, I still get to yell at him.”

Rose gave me a pat on the head and walked out of the room. Scorpius watched her leave, and I saw the look on his face.

“You know, for not wanting me to know who you liked, you did a horrible job of it.” I said to Scorpius. “But I’m happy that you like Rose, because she isn’t your normal taste in girls.”

“Well she isn’t like any other girl I met,” Scorpius said. “So now that you know I suppose that you’ll tell me to stay away from her?”

“Actually, no,” I said. “I think you guys would be great together. But if you hurt her, then I would have to kill you. If I didn’t then it would go against the Best Friend Code.”

“Yeah well it’s not like she would ever go out with me,” Scorpius said, looking a little defeated. “She’s…Rose Weasley, smart, beautiful, nice, pretty much the perfect girl. And then there’s me, the son of a Death Eater, and rival of her father.” He snorted. “Yeah we’d be a great match together.”

I looked at him in shock. He could not actually believe that Rose would never like him because her father didn’t like him. I came around and hugged him around the middle and looked up at him.

“Scorpius,” I said. “Don’t think that just because Draco and her dad hated each other that that will influence her in anyway. Rose is a big girl. She makes up her own decisions. And trust me, she already knows how to because..." I really debated on whether to tell him or not. Because as a best friend, I shouldn't tell but as Scorpius's cousin/sister, I should. Ultimately, Cousin/Sister won out. "She likes you Scorp."

Here was the weird thing. He didn't jump up and down. He didn't freak out. He didn't do a happy dance.

He didn't do ANYTHING.

I mean what was wrong with him?! I just told him the girl he liked, liked him too! I thought that called for a celebration of SOME kind.

"Oh," Scorpius said.

Oh? Oh?! OH?! THAT WAS ALL HE COULD SAY?! WITH ABSOLUTLY NO EMOTION?! WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM?

"Gee Scorpius, I think your a little too excited," I said, as I pulled my arms back. Because he didn't deserve a hug. If that was all the excitement he was going to give for finding out that a girl he seemed crazy about actually liked him back, then he didn't deserve a hug. "You may want to calm down before you have a heart attack. Why aren't you excited?"

"Because now there is no way I can ask her out," Scorpius said, moving from the sink to the wall opposite of it.

What he said really confused me because...well there was just so much wrong with the sentence.

"I'm sorry but when you find out that a girl that you like, likes you back," I said because this wasn't making any sense. "Wouldn't that be a reason to ask her out without fear of rejection?"

"Addie," Scorpius said, seeming amazed that I didn't understand. Well Scorpius, I'm sorry that I don't have a weird brain that makes no sense like you do. My brain makes sense.

...most of the time.

"Addie, I can't ask her out now," Scorpius said. But before I could ask why he went, "But why?" (in a very bad imitation of my voice might I add. My voice isn't nearly as nasally as he made it sound.) "Because now that I know she likes me, I know she will say yes, and then I know that I will eventually hurt her and that her family would hate me more than they already do, and then I will be hurt because she will pick them over me, and then you'll come in and not pick any side but in actuality be picking hers because she is your best friend and I would never see you again and I would never be able to live with the guilt that I broke the heart of the one girl that I could actually love."

At the end, his voice got more and more miserable and he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. As I looked at him, slumped up against the wall, looking at the ground and I didn't see my big, overprotective cousin/brother who seemed fearless about anything, but the sad, little 5-year-old boy who just put his arm around me and cried with me as I cried because my mother wasn't coming back. I hadn't seen that boy for about the same amount of time that I hadn't seen Mum.

"Scorpius," I said and sat down next to him. "You don't honestly believe that the only way it would end is if you were both hurt, do you?"

"It is the only reason that makes sense. Look at who my father is, I am not going to have a happy ending. Especially not with Rose Weasley," Scorpius said. He sounded so sad so I pulled his head onto my shoulder and put my head on top of his.

"Well I don't believe that," I said. "I think that you and Rose...you guys could be an epic love story." When I said it, I realized that it was true. They really had the background to be that. "You're not Draco, you already proved that by being sorted into Gryffindor. You are your own person Scorpius and no one, not even yourself, should think that just because your father didn't make the best choices, means that you don't deserve a happy ending." I kissed him on the forehead. "And even if you don't get a happy ending, I will be there with you. Because you are more of my brother then my cousin, and I will always be there for you."

Scorpius moved around so that now it was me with my head on his shoulder, and his head on mine. He pulled me into a really tight hug. "Malfoys until the end?" he asked me.

I squeezed him tighter, smiling at our inside joke we made when we were younger and said, "Malfoys until the end. I love you Scorp."

"Love you too, Ads."


	3. The Madness of Going Back to Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I had to pick anyone in the Potter/Weasley family to marry, it would be between Louis and James. But Louis would probably win because then we could have wonderful veela children.

After our little bathroom party, Scorpius and I headed back out to the actual party. He seemed a little bit happier than in the bathroom but I didn't see him for the rest of the party, so I assumed he was with Albus while I was hanging out with Rose.

And since I was avoiding Albus (I didn't want to face him. No, I was not being a coward. I just didn't want to look at his git-face. There is nothing wrong with that) and Scorpius was avoiding Rose (or so I assumed, because one time he was getting butterbeer at the same time she was getting butterbeer and when he saw her, he practically ran away from her. Unfortunately Rose noticed, but I just told her that he probably saw a spider and that it had nothing to do with her. But then she went on about how she didn't care if it had anything to do with her because she DID NOT like him in that way, but we shared a look that said we both knew she was lying).

The next two weeks went by rather slowly. Scorpius and I seemed to have a non-spoken agreement to not have Albus or Rose over for the sake of the other one. I got letters from Rose and I went over there a few times but Rose would always ask me about Scorpius and then talked about why he seemed to be avoiding her.

I didn't like seeing Rose miserable and I didn't like seeing Scorpius miserable, so I decided that I'm going to do something about it.

I decided that this year, our sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I would get Scorpius and Rose to go out. Or admit they like each other and then go out. I honestly was not picky as to which one, just one of those.

I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to do this, but I was going to.

When there's a will there's a way. And I had a will. A large will, to see both my best friends happy with each other. So they will.

No matter who got in my way.

I would take out any girls that tried to lure Scorpius in and I would take care of any boy who asked Rose on a date.

This should be an interesting year.

* * *

Finally, the day to return to Hogwarts came. Scorpius and I had already gone to Diagon Ally and gotten everything we needed. Since we were going alone, we made sure to find out the times Albus and Rose were going and go at a different time. Of course there was always the chance of running into them, but we managed not to. I was proud of us. We got everything and didn’t blow the money on stuff we didn’t need. Other than that, we didn’t do much. We trained for Quidditch together (we were both Chasers) and hung around the Manor.

I loved Scorp, but when the day of going back to Hogwarts came and the thought of not having to spend every minute with him (because all of a sudden Albus and Rose were always at each other’s’ houses, so we were avoiding our two best friends. We couldn’t even see Louis because he was with them) I was more than excited.

“Come on we’re going to be late!!” I yelled as my wonderful Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin were lagging behind me.

“Addison,” Astoria said to me. I decided to stop walking and wait for them. “Addison, slow down. It’s only 10:50. And we’re already at the barrier.”

I looked and saw that we were, in fact, standing right in front of the brick wall that separated Platform 9 and Platform 10. In my excitement to get to Hogwarts, I totally was going to miss the barrier. I’m so dumb sometimes.

“Alright, Draco go with Scorpius,” Astoria said.

They walked calmly to the wall, Scorpius acting like he was trying to find a platform, when they suddenly disappeared through the wall. I was about to start walking toward the wall myself when Astoria’s hand held my arm back. I turned to look at her and saw that she had that look on her face. The Addison-We-Need-To-Talk-But-You’re-Not-In-Trouble look on her face.

“Addison what happened at the Weasley’s party?” she asked. She wasn’t angry, I could tell that much, just curious. I was about to say that nothing happened when she said, “And don’t say nothing because ever since then you haven’t been going over there anymore, especially when they are having the Potter’s and the other Weasleys’s over, which is normally when you and Scorpius are begging to go over there.”

“Well,” I said. I didn’t know if I should tell her the full truth or just a general overview. “Albus and I got –“

“Into an argument and he brought up your mother and you ran into Rose’s bathroom crying, while Louis and James proceeded to tear Albus apart and then Rose came and yelled at Albus,” She said.

I was very confused as to how she knew all this. Was she a seer? Merlin, she must be! That must be how she knew! I HAD AN AUNT WHO WAS A SEER! THIS WAS AWESOME! I SHOULD ASK HER WHAT MY GRADES WILL-

“Before you start thinking something ridiculous like that I’m a seer,” Astoria said. Well, okay then guess that was out. “Hermione told me at work. She heard it from all the kids.”

“That family never can keep a secret,” I said, not sure if I was thankful Astoria knew all of this or not.

“No they can’t,” Astoria said, checking her watch and seeing that it was only 10:53. “But why couldn’t you tell me? You normally tell me more than enough when it concerns Albus.”

This was true. Normally when I argued with Albus and I was home, I tended to still be pissed off when I got to the Manor and then Astoria would asked me what was wrong and then I'd spill everything out. So Astoria knew about all our arguments and comments, but I could tell that she thought that not telling her signified something.

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you,” I said. “It just went farther than usual and I didn’t feel like sharing. We both hit nerves for each other but the nerve he hit was a lot deeper for me. He was being a bigger git then normal and I just didn’t want to relive what he said to me.”

“Oh Addie,” she said, hugging me. She only called me Addie occasionally, normally when I was upset over a something or Scorpius was being stupid. It was her way of comforting me. “Albus is a teenage boy who takes things too far, very similar to that cousin of yours. While it’s an annoying concept that I had hoped we as a species evolved past, sometimes boys do pick fights with girls they fancy when the girl won’t give them attention.”

“That doesn’t make it okay-“ I started only to be cut off.

“No it absolutely doesn’t. However, you do the same thing Addie. You pick fights with him because you get his attention that way,” Astoria sighed. “I had hoped you two would grow out of this but teenagers do not handle their feelings for each other well.”

I gaped at her. “Wait, what-“

“Oh, it’s, it's 10:55,” she said, looking at her watch. “We should probably get onto the platform.”

She walked onto the platform, disappearing from sight, while I sat there, staring open mouthed after her.

She thought Albus liked me?! And more than that…she thought I liked him?! Was she mental?

Albus and I don’t argue because of our feelings for each other we argue because of our lack of feelings because we hate each other so much!

I hated him, and he hated me.

That was it, nothing else, zero, zilch, nada. Anyway you could say “nothing” or “zero” or anything else that was synonymous to that, that was what Albus and I were.

Realizing I had been standing there, mouth open, for a good minute, I shook off the complete HORROR at the idea of Albus having feelings for me and vice versa and went through the wall.

Astoria was waiting on the other side for me, wrapping an arm around me as I pushed my cart towards Draco and Scorpius.

“Hey, what took you girls so long?” Draco asked.

Well Draco, your wife was making silly comments about Albus and me fancying each other.

“Oh, just some girl talk,” Astoria said. “Now do you two have everything?”

“Yeah,” Scorpius and I responded in unison.

“Alright and you will write us?” She asked again, her voice breaking slightly. She never liked goodbyes because, though we annoy her, she did miss us when we went back to school.

 “Yeah, Mum,” Scorpius said, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek and hug her. “I love you, see you over Christmas break.”

So we said our goodbyes, and Astoria only teared up a little bit and then Scorpius and I got onto the train.

“So what was the girl talk about?” Scorpius asked once we were on the train and trying to find a compartment.

“Well, your mother is under the impression that Albus and I fancy each other,” I said, while looking into the window of a compartment to see if it had anyone in it. “Apparently us arguing is the only way we know how to get attention from each other, so that’s why we do it all the time. Which is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

“Eh,” Scorpius said, shrugging. “I mean,  it’s understandable where she is coming from,”

“What? How is it understandable?” I said, wondering what was wrong with my family. “If arguing all the time and not being able to not throw insults at each other is love, then Albus and I are deeply in it.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Scorpius said. “It’s just that you two do spend a lot of time and energy on each other, whether it be arguing or insulting or throwing death glares at each other, that it seems like you guys could.”

“That makes no sense,” I said, stopping and turning towards him, even though we were in the middle of the hallway. “If a boy and a girl liked each other, then they would be trying to make the other one like them, not insulting them all the time and reminding them no one loves them. Only very stupid people would do that and I am not stupid. Albus, maybe, but even he is not that stupid. There is no fancying going on and no matter what and there never will be.”

“Never will be any what?” I heard a voice from behind me say. I turned and saw the wonderfully gorgeous face of Louis Weasley.

“Louis!” I said, jumping and giving him a hug. The joys of being short was that when you hugged someone tall, like Louis, they would pick you up and let your feet dangle, making you feel light as a feather.

Trust me, it’s very reassuring after eating too big of a meal.

 “Hey Ads!” Louis said, as he set me down.

Scorpius had that uncomfortable look on his face he gets whenever I show affection to a male. Not generally out of protectiveness, but more an “I’d rather be anywhere but here right now” look.

“I got a compartment down a little ways for us,” Louis said, taking my trunk. (Did I mention he was chivalrous too? Because he was. He so was. He was the perfect boy I swear. If I had to pick anyone in the Potter/Weasley family to marry, it would be between him and James. But he would probably win because then we could have wonderful veela children.) “I haven’t seen you guy around lately. Parties were definitely more dull without you guys.”

“Yeah, we got caught up in some…stuff,” Scorpius said, sending me a panicked glance. I shrugged and gave him thumbs up.

Stuff sounded better then what we were actually doing: sitting in the Manor, bored out of our minds because we didn’t want to see his cousins.

“Well, that stuff better have been worth not coming,” Louis said, as he slid open the door to the compartment.

“Oh it was,” I said, unable to hide the slight sarcasm in my voice. I walked into the compartment and noticed two people were already in there.

The very two people who were the reasons why Scorpius and I were doing “stuff” and couldn’t come over.

“Addie!” Rose said, when I sat down next to her, avoiding the gaze of the boy who sat across from her. “I can’t believe you and Scorpius never came over after the party. Why?”

“They had ‘stuff’ to do,” Louis said, sitting down beside me. I sent him a glare at the tone he used to say _stuff_ as if he knew we were bullshitting.

"Oh, well that sucks. We missed you!" Rose said, before turning to Scorpius. "Hi Scorpius. How was the rest of your summer?"

Oh, just by looking at her face you could tell how much she liked him. Someone would have to be a complete idiot not to notice.

"Um..it was...it was good," Scorpius managed to stammer out. Just looking at HIM you could tell how much he liked her. He was looking at her all shyly and Scorpius was NEVER shy, so he really liked her.

They just sat there looking at each other shyly for a little while and I sat there looking like a creeper for looking at them and the git across from me kept staring me down.

"Well..." Louis said. Apparently, this was very awkward for him.

"Um, Scorpius and I should go to the prefect meeting," Rose said, blushing because she knew that she was caught. She and Scorpius were chosen as the Gryffindor prefects last year. I knew Rose would get it because, hello, it was Rose. I was shocked when Scorp got it though because I just assumed that Albus would get it because of his dad. But it's good to see McGonagall doesn't base her choices on who people's fathers were. But on how awesome they are.

And let's face it, Albus sucked.

"Yeah would hate for you two to miss it," Louis said. "You being good students and, what did that letter say last year, Rosie? Oh, yeah 'an example among your peers'." Louis laughed. Maybe Scorpius shouldn't have been a prefect if that was what they were supposed to do. He couldn't even talk to a girl he liked, how could he be an example?

"Oh, shut it Louis!" Rose said, her tone a mixture of teasing and serious. While she knew Louis was just teasing, I could also tell that she didn’t like when he was rude about the position. "You're just jealous because YOU didn't get chosen as a prefect-"

"Like I would've taken the job!" Louis said back. He was one of the more laid back Weasley's. Not a stick-in-the-mud like his Uncle Percy but not a giant prankster like his uncles George and Fred (RIP You Wonderful Jokester). A nice medium. "That sounds like a lame job to have. Am I right Albus?"

Everyone looked at the boy sitting across from me. Well, actually, everyone but I did. Because he was staring me down. I could feel his stare blazing into me and I wasn't going to look at him. On principal. No matter how awkward or creeped out I was. (I was very awkward and very creeped out, by the way).

So I settled for examining my hair. I had a lot of spilt ends. I should get that fixed somehow. There must be a spell somewhere that I could use to solve my spilt end problems and then I will have perfect-

"Addie, can I talk to you?" I heard Albus say. I was still examining my hair.

"Sure, go ahead," I said, without looking at him.

"I meant in private," He said. At that, I stopped obsessing over my split ends (although I need to get them fixed) and looked at him. And everyone else staring at us. I looked over at Scorp and from the look on his face I knew that if I said I didn't want to go, then he would support me. And not going sounded good to me. I'd rather not be insulted again.

But then I locked eyes with Albus.

His eyes were pleading with me, asking me to come with him. He wanted me to know what he said was going to be important. And for some reason, I couldn't force myself to look away. And before I even registered what I was saying, the words, "Yeah, sure" were out of my mouth.

Albus got up and so did I. So did Rose and Scorpius because Rose made a comment about how they were going to be late if they didn't go then. They still were both blushing and weren't really looking at each other but I saw them steal glances at one another. (Have I mentioned how adorable they are?)

As the four of us left the compartment, (despite Louis whining about how he had to sit alone because we were all leaving and what horrible friends we were for leaving him alone with no one to talk to) I looked over at Albus to see him open a door a few compartment's down from where Louis sat whining, going inside and then two seventh years coming out. They were a boy and girl and her hair was messed up and his shirt was untucked and his belt was undone.

"Addie, down here," Albus said to me. The couple looked over at me while I headed over to the compartment and gave each other a look. The guy saw Albus and I and he winked at us with a smirk on his face.

Oh Merlin. They thought we're hooking up.

What was it with people today?! First Astoria, saying that Albus and I liked each other and then these two random people thinking we were going into the compartment to do...stuff that I didn't even want to think about doing with Albus.

Even though he was hot. But that was beside the point.

When we were both in the compartment with the door closed, we both stood there awkwardly.

"So," I said after a few seconds. I couldn't stand standing there any longer. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah," Albus said. He looked nervous. "Well it's about what happened at the party-"

"Oh, you mean when you were a complete arse and reminded me my mum left and no one loves me?" I said. I couldn't help interrupting him because hearing him starting to talk about the party caused me to become pissed off.

"Yeah, about that-" Albus started again, but I interrupted him again. (I liked interrupting)

"Did you get satisfaction in seeing me cry?" I took a step towards him, like I always did in fights with him. "Did you enjoy knowing that you broke me? That you finally hit the spot that counted?"

"No, Addie-"

"That for once you actually beat me in a fight? That you made me run away from you, sobbing-"

"God dammit, Malfoy! Stop interrupting me!" Albus said. I did stop, but only because he actually raised his voice a little for this, which we never do. "I didn't say it to make you cry, or hurt you badly. I said it because I was angry and when people are angry they say stupid things. I didn't think it would affect you that badly, so I said it!"

I was in shock but that didn't stop me from saying, "Well, you knew it would have some effect on me-"

"Of course I knew that," Albus said. "Just like you knew that comment about my dad’s shadow would have an effect on me. But I didn't think it would be so bad. Merlin, I already felt like shit when you ran off but then James and Louis had a go at me, then Rose, then Scorpius, and then my mum and dad too! I already felt awful and wanted to apologize, and I’ve had enough people guilt tripping me, so I don’t need you to do it when I'm trying to fucking apologize!"

Like at the party, we were standing so close to each other that I could really look into his eyes. And this time, not only did I see the beautiful color but also I could tell he meant it. He wanted to apologize.

And that was the weirdest part about all of this.

"Oh," I said, much calmer and quieter than before, while his green eyes were locked to my blue ones. "Well I'm sorry for accusing you then."

"Don't be," he said, his voice matching mine. "You have a right to be angry at me. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have said that."

I would have been fine with this because these last few seconds were the most civil that we've ever been towards each other, but he took it one step further.

"I'm sorry Addie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please kudos, comment, bookmark, subscribe, or do whatever you feeling like doing to show what you thought! Have a great day! :)


	4. The Madness Where Scorpius Nearly Kills Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one day I decide to wear this stupid bracelet it gets stuck in some boy's pants.
> 
> Ironically, Scorpius gave me this bracelet.

Albus and I stood in the compartment staring at each other. I think we both couldn’t believe that he just apologized. But something still nagged at me.

“How do I know you’re not just saying this because your mum or dad or James or whoever is forcing you too?” I asked.

Albus sighed. “I figured you were going to ask me that,” He smiled at me. The weird thing? His smile…it made me smile back. It wasn’t one of his cocky smiles or his signature jerk-smirk (a name I made up myself) but it was a real smile. And it made him look happy and when he looked happy he looked more attractive.

…Did I just say that?

“Addie,” Albus said. “If I was forced to apologize to you do you think I would do it?”

His smile was still there and I couldn’t help but notice that it lit up his whole face. It wasn’t a full on smile; more like a laid back smile. This boy had some good genes.

…Again did I just say that?! Sure, I’ve said he was hot but I have never felt so… attracted to him. Like I was really, really attracted to him. I didn’t think I had ever been this attracted to anyone.

“Well I guess that’s true,” I said back, trying to ignore how attracted I was to him. “You probably would’ve just said it but still be rather mean about it.”

Albus laughed at this. A small laugh but a laugh nonetheless. I couldn’t help but notice that this was the first time we’ve ever been smiling at each other, talking to each other, and not insulting each other. (Also the first time I had been this attracted to him but that is beside the point).

This was a first for us.

“Yeah, probably,” he said. “Addie, I am so, so sorry about what I said.”

I looked into his eyes again, which were brilliantly emerald green, and the messy black hair and the smile and just everything. I could see why tons of girls fell for him and why I was currently going insane with attraction to him. And, who knows, maybe if we hadn’t fought all the time, I could’ve fallen for him.

Wait, what was wrong with me?! The entire time I kept finding him more and more attractive and thinking about how I could’ve fallen for him. It was Astoria’s fault. Her and her stupid idea that we liked each other.

“I know you are,” I said, ignoring my brain talking about how hot Albus was and how stupid Astoria was. “Maybe we could make an effort this year to not fight? Because I know Rose and Scorpius hate it, not to mention all our other friends, and I’m sure it makes them feel awkward and I feel like it would be easier on everyone if we just tried to make an effort. At least while they’re around. And who knows maybe we’ll become…friends.”

Even though that seemed very unlikely.

“That sounds like a good idea. But friends?” Albus said, raising an eyebrow at me. “That might be a little difficult.”

“Maybe we should look at this as a challenge,” I said, trying to figure out a way that we could actually do this. “We’re both competitive people, so maybe if we turn it into a game it’ll work. Like, we don’t fight and whoever starts a fight first, loses. And they’d have to…”

I looked at Albus for help because I couldn’t think of anything.

“Um,” Albus said thinking. “They’d have to...have to…ugh...Have Veritaserum and tell the school who they like?”

He cringed, as if he thought it was a bad idea, but it wasn’t. It was a great idea.

Yes, it was juvenile and silly and something sixteen year olds should be above but it was so perfect.  Because if Albus lost, he would have to suck up his pride and humiliate himself. It would be awesome. And hilarious. And if I lost it wouldn’t be  a big deal because I  don’t like anyone and I embarrass myself all the time, so doing it again wouldn’t bug me.

I was a sad person that this gave me so much joy.

“Yes!” I said, getting more and more excited. “Albus, that’s a great idea!”

And then, for some strange reason, I hugged him. Maybe it was my hormones taking over because they couldn’t stand how attractive he was or something. But once I realized what I did, I was about to let go and pull my arms back but I felt his arms come around my waist and (maybe I was imagining this) pulled me closer to him.

“I’m glad you think so,” he said and I felt him rest his chin on my head.

I was about to let go, when all of a sudden the train lurched and we fell onto the seats. I landed on top of him, my arms still around his neck, and he laid below me, arms still around my waist (again, maybe this was my imagination, but he seemed to be holding me rather tight like he didn’t want to let go. Maybe his hormones were being weird too). My face landed on his chest, and I couldn’t help but notice that he smelled really nice. Not like some sort of aftershave or cologne, but he smelled like…something that smelled really. Really good. Like a fresh grass smell…and pine trees…and maple syrup…

I decided that maybe I should stop smelling him because he might get a little creeped out and looked up. Which is when I noticed how close our faces were. They were very, very, very close. I could feel his breath on my face and I’m sure he could feel mine on his and again realized how close we were. (And okay maybe I realized how hot he was too).

A strand of hair fell in my face but before I could even process it, Albus removed one hand from my waist and pushed it behind my ear. And then, his hand didn’t really move from my hair. His hand started playing with my curls and again, I noticed how close we were. At this point, when two teenagers are lying on the seat, in each other’s arms, the boy playing with the girl’s hair, I would think most of them were making out. Which was what made this entire thing so weird. Because Albus and I wouldn’t do that. Not in a million years or when my life depended on it.

Okay so maybe if my life depended on it I would. I didn’t want to die.

“Your hair is really soft,” Albus said quietly, almost as if he couldn’t believe that I had soft hair. Or that he never noticed it before.

And of course, as life would have it, while we were there, in that position, Albus playing with my hair, the door to the compartment opened and I heard a male voice say, “Right in here, oh, wait someone’s in here. Sorry for disturbing-ADDIE?!”

Of course James had to walk in right then. At least it wasn’t Scorpius.

“Addison Malfoy, what the bloody hell do you think you are doing young lady?” James said, as he walked in. He immediately started pulling me from Albus’s grasp. “Come on, you should know better than to do this here, I’m going to have to have  a stern talk with you-ALBUS?!”

James let go of me, now free to stand, and looked from me to Albus and then back at me.

“Um, James?” We heard and we all looked at the door, where a petite seventh year Hufflepuff stood.

“Not now,” James said sternly.  “I need to deal with these two, Mary.”

“It’s Margie-“

“Not now Mary!”

Poor Margie. She walked away looking rather annoyed with James.

James went over and slammed the door before looking back at me and Al.

“So I guess it’s time for the sex talk, huh folks?” he said, causing me to immediately wish that I could pass out.

* * *

 

So it turned out that the compartment that Albus and I were in was the hook up compartment. It was where seventh years went so they could hook up.

I was appalled that they had such a thing.

I was also angry with Albus for taking us to that compartment but he said he didn't know. Normally I would've started a fight with him for being so stupid but I don't want to lose the bet within an hour of making it.

James sat us down and was about to give us a long sex talk and discuss our “urges” as he put them, before I cut him off to set him straight that we were not, at all, hooking up, in any way, shape or form. And that even if we were, I personally would not need the sex talk from him because Astoria gave me a very detailed discussion when I hit puberty and that was more than enough embarrassment I needed for one lifetime.

I only left the compartment because I was sure that James was convinced we weren’t hooking up. James stayed behind with Al for a second and when they came out a few moments after me, I noticed Al looked thoroughly flushed while James looked smug.

James ended up walking us back to the compartment, making an uncomfortable joke about “not wanting us to get caught again”. When we arrived at the compartment where Louis was, Rose and Scorpius had rejoined him, along with my other roommate Alice Longbottom.

“Alice!” I said, excited to see her and giving her a quick hug. “How are you? I missed you this summer, but Italy sounded awesome!”

“It was,” Alice said. “Had to go on a few plant tours with my dad, but doing the non-plant tourist stuff with my mom made it all worth it.”

“I’m so jealous,” I said, sitting in the only seat left between Louis and Albus.

"Hey James," Louis said. "Why did you have to chaperone these two back here?"

"Well actually there's an interesting story behind that," James said, a gleam of mischief in his eye. Oh shit. He wouldn't. We didn't do anything. I convinced him of that. Didn't I? "I walked into a compartment and found them in a..." James thought for the right word. "Compromising position."

So you know how Scorpius and Rose were kind of talking to each other? Well once James said we were in a compromising position they stopped giving each other longing looks and snapped their heads up to look at James. Scorpius looked so uncomfortable and also like he was getting protective.

"What?" Scorpius said slowly, as if trying to process what he said. "What do you mean a compromising position?"

"Well," James said. I was trying to decide if I should try and slip out of the compartment, attack James, or just stay still. I saw that in Albus had his dad's invisibility cloak in his pocket. "I walked into the compartment and they were lying on the seat, arms around each other, going at it."

Okay, so if I put the invisibility cloak on then I wouldn't have to deal with this until later. However, that meant I had to reach into Albus' pocket. Oh well. It was just his pocket.

"Damn!" Louis said. "So who was on top?"

See, while Lou is chivalrous and wonderful, he had a very sick sense of humor and disgusting mind.

"Lou!" Rose said. "That's disgusting!"

I think Albus noticed my hand in his pocket because he tensed up and looked at me. I just mouthed, "Cloak" and nodded to the door. He seemed to understand. So he let me continue to put my hand in his pocket to reach for the cloak. I must say, I had never had a civilized conversation with him until today and I've made more physical contact with him than in my one prior relationship.

I managed to get a good grip on the cloak and started sliding my wrist out.

"It's not disgusting!" Louis said. "Alice, do you think it’s disgusting? It’s just curiosity to see who's the dominant one in their relationship!"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My bracelet was stuck on something hard inside Albus' pocket. The one day I decided to wear this stupid bracelet it got stuck in some boy's pants.

Ironically, Scorpius gave me this bracelet.

"Well it is disgusting," Alice said. "But then again, you are curious so no harm in asking right?"

I tried tugging and pulling on my wrist but it was hard to not draw attention to the fact that your hand was in some boy’s pants. Albus must have noticed because his hand came and grabbed mine and started trying to pry my wrist free of his pocket. Keep in mind that we were trying to do this without drawing attention to ourselves. Almost everyone was looking at Alice and Louis, who were going back and forth about something about curiosity and dominance or something. Scorpius was just looking at the ground with a deep frown on his face.

And of course, while Scorpius has an annoyed look on his face, he has to look up and see my hand in Albus' pocket and Albus' hand in his pocket.

"What," Scorpius said, in a low voice, as if he was praying for this not to be happening. "The bloody hell is going on? Can’t you two just wait until we’re not here anymore? Get your hand out of his pants!”

Now everyone in the compartment was definitely looking at us, if they weren't before. Lou made some sick joke, Rose sat there in shock while looking at Scorpius and Alice was very calm, just looking out the window. And James was just sitting there laughing.

"Well, I can't," I said, trying to put on an innocent sounding voice. "My hand is stuck."

“Oh my god,” James said, holding his stomach. “Your hand…is caught in his pants…oh my god this is hilarious, I can’t believe Fred is missing this.”

Scorpius however, did not seem to see the humor in this. While his uncomfortable, annoyed face faded into a very irritated, if not angry face.

"That better be a bloody joke Addie," Scorpius said, exasperated.

I wish it were a joke. Because then I could pull my hand out and we all would laugh and this wouldn’t be the single most embarrassing moment of my life thus far.

And I’ve had some pretty embarrassing moments in my life.

"Scorp, it's not a joke," Albus said. "Her hand is really stuck in my pocket."

Scorpius took a deep breathe before looking at Al, a fire in his eye.

“What are you doing mate?” Scorpius said, an edge in his voice. “What the actual fuck are you doing? Two weeks ago you’re making her cry and making me want to kill you and now you’re hooking up with her? In front of me too? What the hell? I know you fancy-“

“Scorpius!” Rose said, placing her hand on his arm. Scorpius’s eyes softened and he appeared to be brought back down to earth. “Come on Scorp. You can’t honestly believe that anything would happen with them. It’s Addie and Al. They can barely be in the same room, when would they stop arguing long enough to even begin hooking up.”

“Fair point,” Louis said to Alice. “Unless that like worked for them somehow.”

Alice glared at him before sending a worried glance over at Scorpius, grateful he didn’t hear.

"It’s very doubtful that they were hooking up,” Rose said, rubbing Scorpius’s arm. “They probably fell when James walked in. And you know James only told us because he probably wanted to embarrass them and make it uncomfortable for everyone, which he did.” She sent a glare at James.

I kept trying to work my wrist out, trying to unhook my bracelet from whatever thread was keeping me in this awkward position.

Scorpius seemed to believe her, because he calmed down a lot and seemed to be less annoyed at the world, though he still looked uncomfortable. I finally managed to pull my bracelet free of the thread, although I almost punched Albus in the face in the process.

“Oh geez, sorry,” I said. “See, Scorp, bracelet was just caught. Nothing scandalous.”

Scorpius frowned. “Is that the bracelet I got you?”

“Yeah,” I said, causing Al, Louis, and Alice to laugh, with Rose at least attempting to hold in her laugh.

“Don’t expect that this year for Christmas,” Scorpius said. He leaned back against the seat, sending a smile at Rose, whose hand was still on his arm. She quickly removed it, looking down at the ground with a blush on her face.

James, of course, was still laughing by himself in the doorway.

“You looked so scared Al, it’s like you thought he was going to kill you, oh Merlin,” James said, wiping tears from his eyes. “Really, excellent job you two. That was so much more worth it than I thought it would be. Well, now that it is no longer incredibly uncomfortable in here, I’ll be returning to Fred to tell him about the wonderful laughs he missed out on. See you guys at the feast!”

I don’t think anyone was sad to see him go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!! Please kudos, comment, bookmark, subscribe, or do whatever you feel like to show what you thought!


	5. The Madness of a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really I would have talked about anything.
> 
>  
> 
> Potions, charms, summer.
> 
>  
> 
> Even nargles. I would talk about nargles even though I have no idea what nargles are.

The Welcome Back Feast was pretty much the same as every other year. Little firsties got sorted, food appeared and everyone ate until they felt like they were going to explode. All students talked loudly and pretty much went crazy. All the students seemed excited to be back at school, reunited with their friends and even the staff looked happy to have us back, Headmistriss McGonagall having a small smile as she looked across the room.

Though things seemed to have calm down a bit after the awkward and embarrassing train ride, Scorpius still was in a mood. He was very quiet throughout dinner, his brow furrowed in thought and he was staring at his food and only talking to Rose. (How cute was that?! I thought it was adorable and even more of a reason for them to be together. Besides at one point he touched Rose's hand and I could tell she was freaking out on the inside. Oh, young love).

All too soon, we  had stuffed our faces and the feast was over. Rose looked down at the newcomers to our table, who were looking around as everyone left, clearly unsure of what to do next.

"Come on Scorp, we'd better go lead the first years," Rosie said, getting up off the bench. Scorpius glanced from me to Albus, as if leaving us alone would mean that we would pounce on each other.

He still wasn’t quite convinced that nothing was going on with us after the little pocket incident.

"Don't worry Scorp, I'll make sure these two don't do anything scandalous," Louis said, receiving a glare from Scorpius. “You won’t need to give Al a black eye or anything.”

Scorpius was frowning at Louis when Rose grabbed his arm to pull him away, speaking under her breathe to him as they went.

I watched them, wondering, again, how two people could be so cute and how two people could also be so blind as to not see the other one likes them.

"If you're not careful you'll be the one with the black eye," Alice said to Louis once Rose and Scorpius were gone.

Louis shrugged. "Bruising makes a man more sexy. But I guess that I'm already so sexy, it would be hard to make me more sexy."

Alice rolled her eyes and started heading out of the Great Hall. We all started following her when she said, "Whatever you say, Louis. You aren't that sexy."

"What?!" Louis practically screamed. He pushed Albus and I out of the way so he could catch up with Alice. "You obviously are delusional. I'm clearly the sexiest man here."

They somehow managed to walk past the large amounts of students and far ahead of us, arguing if Louis was sexy or not (He was. Just for the record). Which left me and Albus walking to the common room.

Alone.

Great.

"Do you think Scorpius believed that nothing was going on?" I asked, as we worked our way through the mass of students.

"I don’t know," Albus said. "I’ll talk to him to about it."

I had to fight down the urge to ask why he would talk to him when Scorpius was my cousin, and therefore  I should talk to him and instead said, “Good.”

 We walked in silence for a while, both of us feeling awkward around each other, not wanting to upset Scorp, and because we didn’t know how to be civil to each other in general. This whole No Fighting thing didn’t sound too hard on the train, however I didn’t know that it came with the fact that we were alone together and didn’t know what to do in that time.

Deciding I didn't want to walk in silence anymore (it was so awkward. Because we were clearly walking together but we weren't talking and just the fact that we were walking together after he apologized and then I fell on him and got my hand stuck in his pants and both our lives were in danger that was awkward. I hate awkwardness) I decided to talk to Albus. About anything.

Really I would have talked about anything.

Potions, charms, summer.

Even nargles. I would talk about nargles even though I had no idea what the fuck nargles were.

"So..." I said. "Um...ugh..."

Albus eyed me strangely. "So...trying to think of something to say?"

I couldn't help but crack a little smile at this. "Yeah, I just really hate-"

"ALBUS!" a voice screamed from down the hall. "OH BABY, I MISSED YOU!"

Well, speaking of things I hated.

It was Albus' ex-girlfriend and forever stalker, Erica Ericson.

I wondered what her parents were thinking naming her that.

It was a bimbo name. And a stripper name.

They must have known that their daughter would turn out the way she did.

How she ended up in Ravenclaw I would never understand.

"Shit," Albus said, realizing who it was. It was good to know I wasn't alone in hating her.

"Don't want to see your little girlfriend, Potter?" I mocked, flashing a smirk. It wasn't fighting. Just teasing.

"No, Malfoy," he said, glaring at me. I could tell he knew I was teasing and I could tell he did NOT appreciate it right now. "She is not my girlfriend and I don't want to see her."

Erica's cries for Albus were getting closer and closer.

"Well you might want to tell her that," I said about to walk away when I felt his hand on my wrist.

"Oh, no Malfoy," he said as he pulled me back. "My best friend is barely speaking to me right now because of you. Now you get to deal with this for me." I was about to protest when he said, "Are you about to start an argument Malfoy? You will lose the bet after only a few hours?" I glared at him and he smirked. "That's what I thought. You know this is fair."

"Life isn't fair," I said, as the annoying twat came up to us and threw herself over Albus.

"OH ALBUS, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! DON'T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN! YOU NEVER VISTED ME AND I NEARLY FELL APART!" She was strangling Albus but he pulled her off of him and put her arm’s length away. While he was doing this I had a very good look at his arms muscles.

All I could say was, damn.

How did he get his arms so nice? And how was I just noticing this?

DAMMIT ADDIE YOU WERE THINKING HE'S ATTRACTIVE AGAIN!

Oh, hello brain. It wa me hormones. How are you?

ADDISON MALFOY DON'T YOU DARE KEEP THINKING HE'S ATTRACTIVE.

But he is...

NO, NO HORMONES, HE IS NOT. STOP THINKING THESE THINGS.

Okay brain.

THAT MEANS STOP STARING AT THEM TOO.

But they are so nice to look at!

ADDIE STOP.

But-

STOP.

Bu-

STOP. ALBUS IS WONDERING WHY YOU ARE STARING AT HIM.

I looked up and saw Albus was indeed looking at me with a questioning look. I pulled my eyes off of his amazing arm muscles (sad) and looked over at Erica.

Oh great, she was giving me the death glare.

Should I death glare back?

Nah, I would take the high road.

I stuck my tongue out at her.

I was so mature.

"I just don't understand Albus!" She whined. And that was when I noticed the tears.

Shit, what did I miss when I was staring at Albus' arms?!

"Erica," Albus said, trying to be patient, but I could tell he was getting pissed off. His jaw was clenched, which normally only happened when I started to argue with him. I knew that when the jaw clenched, I was getting exactly what I wanted, which was making him angry. "I told you last year, in March for Merlin's sake, and you can't seem to get it."

"Get what Alby?" She asked. I couldn't but snicker at that, receiving glaring looks from both of them. But come on, Alby? That was just hilarious. 

"That I don't like you. That I dumped you. That I don't want you in my life," Albus said. "You're a clingy and annoying and doesn’t seem to understand what no means. All you seemed to care about was my family image, you never cared about me. You're a poser who really could care less about anyone else as long as she got what she wanted. Well here's something you can't seem to understand: I don't like you. You cheated on me and didn't care about me so stay out of my life. Go run home to your rich daddy and beg for more money, maybe he'll actually start to pay attention to you more. Or maybe go try and talk to your mom if she can get away from one of the many affairs she's having. Merlin, you're pathetic. "

Okay. Even I dropped my jaw at that. I knew he had a temper but what was with him these days? He was just hitting the low blows. I looked over at Erica and saw her staring at him in shock.

"Albus," I said. I surprised myself by putting my hand on his arm, trying to force him to look at me. "I think you went to far."

"Addie," he said, his voice low as he pulled my hand off of his arm. "Stay out of this."

Erica looked between us with a shocked look on her face. "Oh now I get it, Albus," she said. "It's not about you not wanting me. It's about your loyalty to your new girlfriend."

Girlfriend? Albus had a girlfriend?

This was brand new information.

My stomach clenched a little at the thought of Albus having a girlfriend, which I assumed was out of pity for whoever that girl was.

Hopefully Scorpius would get off my back about what happened on the train if he had a girlfriend.

"You have a girlfriend?" I asked Albus, looking up at him. His face was just as confused as I felt.

"Apparently," he said. "Erica what the hell are you talking about? I don't have a new girlfriend. I just don't want to be with you. Like I didn't in March."

"Please Albus," she said as she sniffled. "Don't lie to me about your love life when you are showing it off right in front of me."

What?! I was so confused. It was only Albus an me.

She really was as dumb as her name.

"You two are clearly together!" She yelled, causing some students to look back at us. "Albus you're dating Malfoy! It's clear. I get it, and you two are torturing me by showing it off in front of my face."

"Erica, are you insane?" I asked her. I was very worried for her mental state if she though that Albus and I were dating. I should have owled St. Mungo's and booked her a room in the mental ward  right then because clearly, she was delusional. "We are not dating."

"You two are holding hands!" she yelled again. I looked down at my hand and saw it was in Albus'. I didn't notice that. Shit. "You are standing here with him and walking back to your common room together! Albus I thought you always thought she was an annoying bitch!"

"I do think she's an annoying bitch!" Albus yelled. I shot him an offended look and he winced. "Sorry."

"Well then why are you with her?!"

"For the last time we aren't together!!" I said, pulling my hand out of his in an attempt to prove it.

"Lies will get you nowhere, Malfoy," she said as she came face to face with me. She was shorter than me, and I was only 5'4", meaning that she was really short. "You mark my words I will get him back. No matter what you do, I will get my Alby back."

She turned around and walked away.

"I don't want him!" I yelled at her back. A few students gave me confused looks as they walked by. "I don't even have him! Take him! I don't care! Take him if you want him! I don't want him! He's yours! He is all yours!! I hate him! Take him if you want him so badly!!"

She turned around with a laugh. "Oh, Malfoy," she said to me. "I don't know how you are trying to play this game but I promise you, I will win."

"What game?!" I yelled at her retreating back. "I'm not playing a game! There is absolutely nothing going on between Albus and me!"

A few seventh years girls looked at us, giggling, before whispering and walking away.

So instead of making things better, I might have made thigns worse by yelling at Erica about how repulsive I found Albus in an attempt to make her understand.

"How the hell did she get into Ravenclaw?" I asked Albus.

He shrugged. "Beats me."

"She's a psychopath."

"I know. Kind of the reason why I dumped her. I mean, her cheating on me helped but I was already thinking of dumping her anyway."

I sighed and played with one of my curls. "Weirdest day ever?"

He nodded, starting to walk through the crowded halls towards the tower, me close behind him. "Weirdest day ever."

There was no argument over that.

* * *

 

"OI! SHUT IT!" James yelled at the mass of students standing in the Quidditch Pitch. It had been two weeks since school started and that meant one thing in James Potter's mind: Quidditch. "There is one position on the team. We need a keeper. So separate into groups based on how much experience you have."

The group shuffled around, trying to arrange themselves. There were about 20 people, mainly younger kids, as many of the older kids have heard of James' craziness of being Quidditch captain. He was kind of...passionate about Quidditch, to the point that it was very hard to recruit people our age to join the team. There were a few older kids, mainly boys (none of whom were attractive), but none of them looked ready to play Quidditch.

"Well this is sure an interesting turn out," Louis said, as he threw his arm around my shoulders. "Hopefully some of them are good otherwise James might have an aneurysm."

I laughed and leaned into him. “He’s crazy," I said as he made some people leave he field when they said they wanted to try out for a chaser position. He flipped and yelled at them saying that all positions were taken by Scorpius, himself and me. "You excited to get a new keeper?"

"Yeah except for no one will be as good as Bell was," Louis said. Elizabeth Bell was the keeper year and she got drafted to the Canons, much to her mother’s dismay (Her mum was a Puddlemere fan). "We will just have to see who is even some what close."

"True," I said.

"Lou, Scorp will kill you if he sees this," Albus said. He was standing next to Louis and was looking over at Rose talking to Scorpius. Louis removed his arm from around me and followed his gaze.

Albus and I had been pretty civil toward each other since the train. We would exchange words and had full conversations on more than one occasion. It was good. We hadn't had an argument but we've had bicker spats. We wouldn't be us without our bicker spats.

"He'll only kill me because of what happened on the train between you two," Louis said.

"Louis nothing happened," I said, sighing. Louis seemed convinced that something had actually happened on the train. Especially when Erica Ericson started saying we were dating. “We told you, we fell over.

"Sure," Louis said. "Sure, Addie we'll just go with that."

I rolled my eyes at him. It was useless trying to convince Louis otherwise. He was such a stubborn little git.

"So has anyone else noticed that Rose and Scorpius have been pretty friendly towards each other lately?" Louis asked, looking at Scorpius and Rose talk. That boy could not stay silent for long. He was like a little kid.

"Yeah I have," I said, smiling. They were so cute. Even from a distance I could tell Rose had on a shy smile that she rarely wore. And Scorpius was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing ever. They were so adorable. If I didn't want them to be together I might have puked from how adorable they were.

"So have I," Albus said. "And I don't like it."

That brought me out of my oh-aren't-they-so-cute trance and back into reality. I whipped my head around to look at him. "Why don't you like it?"

"Because she's my cousin," he said, still watching them. "And he's my best friend. I know what he does to girls and I'm not letting that happen to Rose."

"How do you know he's going to hurt her?" I asked. "What if it's actually different for him?"

"But what if it's not?" Albus asked me. I noticed Louis backing away slowly to go stand with James. "Then Rose will be in tears and I will have to kill my best friend. There's no way I'm letting that happen."

"Oh. do they need your permission?" I asked him. I was really starting to get pissed off. But I couldn't start a fight. I would not lose the bet.

"No," Albus said, his jaw clenching. He was getting angry too but he wasn't going to give in to actually argue. We were having a discussion. "But I will stop it. Rose doesn't deserve to have her heart broken. She's better than that."

"Are you saying that you're convinced that he will break her heart?" I asked him. "Or are you saying he isn't good enough for her?"

"No one is good enough for Rose," he said.

"Not even your best friend," I said. "Who you trust more than anything, who you've known since you were 11, who is pretty much your brother-"

"Yes he is all that but that doesn't mean I want him dating my cousin! He wouldn’t want me dating you!" He said at me and I scoffed at the idea of dating him. "You saw how angry and uncomfortable he got when he thought something was going on between us and you think that it's different if I were to get mad about something going on with him and Rose?"

"It is different!" I said. "There is nothing going on between me and you and besides Scorpius thought we were just hooking up! Rose would never just hook up with someone and maybe Scorpius actually wants to be with her! And trust me when I say this, I would never be with you, so Scorpius doesn't need to worry about that. You are a huge jerk, who doesn't even seem to think his best friend is good enough for his cousin and I absolutely hate you!"

We were really close again. Like our chests were almost touching close. And I noticed that his eyes changed when he seemed to also realize how close we were. All of a sudden all the anger was gone from his eyes and replaced with something that I didn't understand. I saw him gulp. All of a sudden I just became really nervous and had butterflies in my stomach as I stared into his eyes.

I needed to look away.

Okay look away...NOW.

Why was I not looking away? I said look away!!

I couldn't seem to turn my head. Dammit these butterflies needed to stop.

But he wasn't looking away either. He was standing there staring back at me with that weird expression. I honestly had no clue what is going on but I got the feeling he was just as nervous as I was.

He was so attractive.

"Um, Addie? Al?"

Albus and I snapped out of whatever weird trance we were in and looked away from each other. I all of sudden felt really awkward like I was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to. I looked up and saw Scorpius and Rose standing there staring at us.

"Ugh...hi," I said, trying to ignore how awkward I felt.

"Hi," Rose said, seeming to pick up on my awkwardness. "What were you two doing?"

That was a good question Rosie.

"Talking," Albus said and I noticed that his voice matched mine. Shaky with a bit of awkwardness and uncertaintiy.

"Okay..." Rose said. She looked at Scorpius and I saw him looking at the sky trying to avoid the awkwardness. So it wasn't just Albus and I. Even Rose and Scorpius felt the awkwardness from catching Albus and I doing...nothing. "Well, I'll go sit in the stands." She turned to face Scorpius. "Um...good luck Scorpius," she said and she kissed him on the cheek. I might have freaked out a little more if I wasn't so awkward.

"Thanks," Scorpius said. He seemed kinda in a daze and walked away from Albus and I with a goofy smile on his face. Clearly, what happened with Rose made him unable to pick up on the awkward tension between me and Albus.

However, him walking away left Albus and I alone again.

Dammit.

"Um," I said, looking at anything but him.

"We should, ugh," Albus said, seeming flustered. Which was weird because Albus NEVER got flustered. "We should, um go, ugh to the um team."

"Yeah," I said. Why were we so awkward? Just two minutes ago we were arguing and now we can't even look at each other. We were just staring at each other. So why the fuck was this so awkward? "That, um, might be good."

So we walked over to the rest of them (far away from each other, but no matter how far I got I still felt extremely awkward. I was in a cloud of awkward) and stood in the circle that had formed. Majority of the people had left the field and were sitting in the stands--they probably left after they heard the crazy practice schedule and what we do for training. There were only about five people still up to the challenge, Hugo being one of them.

Currently, the team made up of me, Scorpius and James as chasers, Louis and Freddy as beaters, and Albus as the seeker. James didn't want the entire team to be his family and friends, but we couldn't help it that we were better than everyone else.

If Hugo made the team, James would be annoyed because then it would seem like he was picking favorites.

Hugo was a fourth year and he wasn't very social. Even though I was best friends with Rose and over at their house all the time, I rarely saw the kid. He was always up in his room or out with his friends (at least I assumed he was out with his friends. I'm actually not sure where he was). So in six years I have probably said less then six words to him.

"Alright, everyone line up and then you will have your turn blocking the hoops. Scorpius, Addie, and I," he motioned to us. "We will try and make the Quaffle into the hoop. Whoever blocks the most is on the team."

They started getting in a line and I walked up to Hugo. "Hey, Hugo."

"Hey Addie," he said, nodding at me.

"I didn't know you were trying out," I said. "When did you decide to do that?"

He shrugged. "Over the summer."

Wow this was such an amazing conversation.

"Well good luck," I said and walked toward my broom. Scorpius still had the goofy grin on his face and was looking up at Rose reading in the stands. "Scorpius could you make it more obvious?"

He looked at me, not embarrassed that he just got caught ogling. "I could ask you the same thing."

"What?" I asked him, confused by what he meant.

He nodded over to Albus, who was talking with Louis. "Exactly what I said. You sure make it pretty obvious."

"I'm sorry Scorpius, but again: what?" I said, hoping that he wasn’t implying what I thought he was.

"Addie, it's very simple to understand," he said as he handed me my broom.

"No, Scorp it's not-"

"OI! ARE YOU TWO ACTUALLY GOING TO PLAY?" James yelled at us from the air.

Scorpius pulled at my braid and said, "Don't worry about it Ads." And then he was up and in the air.

And of course because he said not to worry about it I was worrying about it. The entire time I was playing, trying to score, I was worrying about it.

What was he saying? Was he implying that I liked Albus?

God no. That was weird. Albus was a jerk.

Most of the people trying out for keeper were bad. Like really bad. Like I got everything in and I was totally distracted bad.

That was until Hugo. He blocked every single Quaffle anyone threw at him. I was amazed. He must have practiced really hard to get like that.

"Hugo!!" I yelled, as I ran toward him after we all landed. "How did you become so good at Quidditch?"

"I've been training," he said, stepping off his broom. “Dad helped me.”

"You looked amazing out there! You're getting on the team for sure!"

He nodded, his face unchanging despite my clear excitement for him. "Thanks. I'm gonna hit the shower."

"Okay," I said. I got the feeling he didn't want to talk to me and I was insulted because of it. "Well bye."

"Bye."

Once he was in the locker room, with nearly everyone else with him, I said, "Well I could've had a better conversation by myself."

"Don't take it personally," a voice behind me said, causing me to jump. I turned around and saw the smirking face of Albus. "Scared, Malfoy?"

"Yeah, I kinda am because this creeper came up behind me," I said back. "And what do you mean, 'don't take it personally'?"

"Don't be insulted that Hugo didn't talk to you," Albus said. "He doesn't talk very much. I thought you would have noticed that after being Rose's friend for so long."

"I have noticed," I said, shrugging. "I just assumed it was because he didn't like me."

"Nope. He just doesn't talk much," he said. “He’s always been the quiet one of all of us.”

"Yeah well sucks for him on missing out on an awesome person like me."

"Sure, Malfoy," Albus said in a sarcastic tone. He was looking off around the now deserted pitch.

We were silent for a few seconds and I turned around to talk towards the locker rooms.

"Addie," Albus said, causing me to turn around and face him. He walked closer to me and looked at the ground. "What I said before, I didn't mean that Scorpius isn't good enough for Rose. In fact, he's probably perfect for her."

"So then why don't you want them to be together?" I asked looking at my shoes because I felt awkward if I was looking at him looking at the ground.

"Because I don't want one of them getting hurt," he said. I crept a look at him and saw that he was frowning at the ground. "Love doesn't always last. Yes, with most people it might but there is no guaranty, nothing saying it will last forever. If they got hurt because of each other, well, that would suck because both of them are my best friends."

I thought about this and nodded in agreement. "I guess we're in the same boat. I hadn’t thought of that though.”

"And if they started dating, then what if they became that couple where they forget about their friends? Then it would just be you and me," he said, a small, sad smile appearing on his face. "And we're not exactly friends."

"Well apparently you haven't heard the rumors," I said trying to lighten the mood. "Because according to them, we're more than friends."

He brought his eyes up to me and smiled. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

We were quiet again. But I had a question nagging in my mind.

"So, earlier, was that fight?" I asked.

"I was wondering the same thing," Albus said. "But I don't think it was. Only because I can't tell who started it."

"Meaning you started it," I said poking his chest. He grabbed my hand and pulled it off. Maybe I was imagining this, but he held onto for longer than necessary.

"So you think Rose and Scorpius would make a good couple?" he asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah," I said, smiling at thinking of how they were when they were together. "I really think they would."

"And you are trying to get some plan to get them to be together?"

'I'm figuring stuff out," I said, even though that was a lie. I had no idea how to get them to go out.

"And no matter what I say, you will still try and get them to be together?"

"Pretty much."

"Well," Albus said running a hand through his hair. "I guess I'll have to just deal with this."

"I guess so," I said back.

He looked at me and smiled a small smile.

I could tell that this wasn't a normal smile. He was telling me that if I thought it was right, he would back off. He would let me try to get Scorpius and Rose to be together no matter what the outcome may be. He was offering a friendship of sorts.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to take that next step. Yes, we agreed to try and be friends, but this was the first thing where that seemed actually possible. I wasn't sure what to do.

I let my instincts take over.

I felt myself do a small smile back.

 


	6. The Madness of Hooking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I may as well accept the fact that I will be forever alone with 1900 cats.
> 
>  
> 
> Even though I hate cats.

It wasn't even October and I was already failing Defense Against the Dark Arts.

I didn't even know how this had happened. I had never been THAT bad at Defense. Yeah, I struggled but I always managed to pull an Acceptable. Now, I had a Troll.

Yeah, I had a T.

The lowest grade you could possibly get. And I somehow managed to get it after only 3 weeks of school.

Let's just say Rose didn't know about this. She would have freaked. She would go on and on about how I needed to focus and how I would never be able to get a job with this.

Honestly she was worse than Draco or Astoria.

Combined.

And they were very annoying about school. If I didn't keep all my grades above an A, they would take away everything. I'm not kidding. No visiting Rose, no leaving the house, no letters, no broom, nothing. I pretty much would have to stare at a wall.

The summer after first year was not a fun one.

"Addie, will you stop studying? It's lunch time," Alice said to me. I was doing the Defense homework that was due the next day. However, I hadn't even started on it yet.

That could be a reason as to why I was getting a T.

"I just want to get as much done before tonight as I can," I said, scribbling down an answer from the book. "Especially since I will probably have to rewrite it in order for it to be readable."

"Addie, what I have told you about doing your assignments?" Rose said. It was just Rose, Alice and I right now because the boys were held into Transfiguration for blowing up the rat they were supposed to be changing into an eagle. There were guts everywhere. It was gross. I had no idea how they managed to blow it up.

Well, Louis and Scorpius blew it up. Albus, of course, didn’t.

He was talking with Professor Morgan about the possibility of tutoring someone.

Prick. He just had to be perfect in everything.

I'm starting to think it was something the Wotter's put into their food. Because all of the children were great at everything. Even the stuff they weren't great at, they were better at then the average person.

Maybe I should get them tested to see if they are being given steroids by their parents to make them super-human-smarty-pants-attractive-awesome-Quidditch-players-and-appealing-to-the-other-gender children.

That would be quite a story. WOTTER FAMILY IS POISIONING CHILDREN. THE BOY WHO LIVED IS THE MAN WHO HAS ARTIFICAL CHILDREN.

Oh, that would be funny.

"To do it in the library, right when it's assigned and not wait until the last minute. Only people who don't want to go anywhere in life wait until the last minute," I said, repeating what she had been telling me for the past six years.

"Why am I surprised that you didn't listen to me?" Rose asked. Alice and I both looked at her blankly.

"Rose you've known her for six years, I would think you'd be used to Addie not listening to you about school," Alice said. "She marches to the beat of her own drum."

Rose shook her head. "Well, that definitely is true. You never listen to anyone. Which is actually a good thing. But it would be nice if you listened to me at least once."

Even though she was semi-joking, I could tell she meant it. I could see how it bothered her when I didn't listen to her.

"Well Rose, I'm going to listen to you right now," I started packing my book away into my bag. I grabbed my essay off the table. I'm going to go to the library right now and I'm going to-"

But right as I turned, all of a sudden, I felt wet.

And cold. And sticky.

Fucking great.

"Shit!" I heard a male voice say. "Shit I'm sorry!"

I opened my eyes to see a boy in my year who, because his tie was yellow and black, was a Hufflepuff. He put down the now empty cup and grabbed some napkins and handed them to me, as I was now covered in the pumpkin juice that had once been in his cup.

"It's fine," I said. And it was. Until I looked at my homework. It was covered in pumpkin juice, just like the rest of me was. "Fuck!"

"What?" The Hufflepuff asked. I think his name began with an R.

"Ugh shit!" I yelled as I grabbed some napkins to see if I could save my homework. It occurred to me that swearing in the Great Hall might not have been the best idea, but at this point, I didn't really care. "Fuck! No! No!"

"What is it?" The Hufflepuff asked again. I think his name was Roger?

"My Defense homework is completely soaked!" I said, as I watched the ink flow down the damp paper. "Shit I'm even more behind than I already was!"

"Here, let me see it," Roger/Ryan/Ralph said. I must have looked hesitant because he said, "I'm a Hufflepuff. I think you can trust me."

I cracked a smile at this and handed over my now dripping homework. Randall/Ray/Reed pulled out his wand and started mumbling. I was very confused.

Regan/Remus/Ren handed over my paper. "Here you go, good as new."

I looked down at the now completely dry paper he gave me and looked back up at him in shock. "How did you do that? It's completely legible." I examined it again. "And it looks like it's finished." I looked back at him. "This wasn't finished when I handed it to you. It was also sopping wet. So how'd you do that?"

"Oh, I was just saving a damsel in distress," he said, laughing.

"You do realize you caused my distress right?" I asked him.

 "Technicality,” he said. "I'm Caleb."

Well, there goes my theory of his name beginning with an R.

I put my hand in his and smiled. "I'm Addie. Thank you for saving me from distress."

"Well thank you for allowing me to put you in distress," Caleb said with a laugh.

"And thank you for getting your hands off Addie," said an annoying voice.

I immediately closed my eyes, very irritated by what was about to happen.

"I'm really sorry Caleb," I said quickly. "Really, really sorry."

"What for?" He asked, very confused.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't another boy flirting with Addie," James said as he came up behind Caleb. I saw that Freddy and Lou were also behind him.

"Hey James," I said, moving so that I was in front of Caleb. I noticed that my back was very, very close to his chest and I could feel the heat radiating from it. I would be lying if I said I didn't get butterflies. "What's up?"

"Not much Ads," James said. I saw that he seemed to notice how close Caleb and I were. "Who's the new boy?"

"This is Caleb," I said, not moving from my post in front of him. I was a little worried as to what James might do. Ever since the incident on the train, he had been very annoying whenever I would talk to a boy, sometimes borderline mean. "Louis, where's Scorpius?"

"He had to go up to the common room to get something," Louis said, eyeing Caleb with a smirk on his face, as if figuring out how to best torture me. "Albus went with him."

"Yeah, Caleb, you know Albus right?" Freddy said, glaring at Caleb. Freddy had never been super protective or annoying about boys before. Why was he starting now? I would have been fine for him not really caring about me at all.

"Albus Potter?" Caleb asked. "Yeah, I know of him."

"Yeah, Albus Potter," James said, glaring at Caleb. I saw Dom enter the Great Hall and, when she saw her family being stupid, sighed and headed over here. "My little brother. I don't think he'd be too appreciative of you flirting with Addie."

That got my attention and I looked away from Dom and at James with a confused expression. "And why wouldn't he be okay with that?" I asked James, my voice testing him.

All three of the boys laughed. "Because of what happened on the train," Freddy said. "You may deny it, but we know you two are hooking up."

ARE YOU SERIOUS? THAT WAS STILL GOING ON?

Caleb moved out from behind me, a confused look on his face. "You're hooking up with Albus Potter?"

"No!" I said. Dom picked up her walking pace, heading straight toward us. Oh, please let her be trying to save me, instead of joining in her idiotic family. "And I've told these idiots that but they don't believe me!"

"Addie, you two have spent six years focusing only on each other," James said. "You haven't dated anyone else, except that one tool-"

"That's not by my choice!" I yelled at him. Maybe I was being a little over dramatic. But who cared? I was always melodramatic and people needed to accept that. "You idiots and my idiotic brother are so overprotective and annoying that it is impossible for a boy to like me without fear of getting killed or mercilessly teased! All of you have such alpha male problems that you can’t handle someone new coming in, despite, you know, what I actually want."

"Killed?" Caleb asked, sounding scared, clearly not hearing anything else I had said. Great. The first boy who had shown interest in me in a long time was getting scared. Awesome.

I may as well accept the fact that I would be forever alone with 1900 cats.

Even though I hated cats.

"Addie, we're trying to protect you," James said. “If a guy can’t handle us then-“

"Protect me from what?" I said back. Freddy and Louis were watching, seeming thoroughly amused but still managing to glare at Caleb. "Boys? Why?"

"Because they'll hurt you-"

"So what?!" I said back. "So what if I get hurt, it's bound to happen sometime! I'm not twelve anymore, James. I can make my own decisions. You, Scorpius, Louis and whoever else need to stop being so over protective and over involved in my life. Just because I am a girl doesn't mean that I can't talk to boys, which, ,by the way, is an incredibly sexist thought. I can make my own decisions when it comes to guys and who I can and can’t trust. So you know what James? I'm going to the library."

James (and everyone else listening to our conversation) looked very confused at my statement. "Well...ugh...good Addie, you can focus on school-"

"With Caleb," I said and I grabbed his hand. I guess I should have asked Caleb if he wanted to come to the library or even be involved in this plan. "If you need us you'll find us in the Restricted Section."

And I walked right past him, Caleb in tow.

Or, at least I tried. James was yelling after me so I just ended up walking faster and faster until I was running to the library. It's very hard to run while dragging someone bigger than you along so when we finally ended up in the Restricted Section, I was panting.

"Addie?" Caleb asked, looking at me worriedly. "Are you okay?"

I was panting and trying to make hand motions that said I was okay but he didn't seem to understand. I guess I'll have to try and speak. "I'm," pant. "Fine," pant.

"Do you want to sit down or something? Do you want me to get you a glass of water?" Caleb asked and as soon as I caught my breath I laughed. He gave me a strange look like he thought I might be mentally insane.

Which I may be. But that was another problem for another day.

"You Hufflepuffs are always so helpful aren't you?" I asked him, smiling and leaning against the bookcase behind me. "Offering me water, finishing my homework for me, pretty much allowing me to drag you here just to spite my friend." I looked up at him. "Why would you let me do that?"

That was the first time I got a real good look at him. And all I could say was: DAMN. He was hot. He had dirty blonde hair, dark, chocolate brown eyes, and he seemed to have a pretty good build. I think he was on the Quidditch team, which would mean that he had one nice body.

Quidditch players always had good bodies.

It was like a law.

"Well," he said, putting an arm on the bookcase behind me. If someone were to see us, they'd totally think we were about to hook up. Which I'd be okay with. He was hot. Not as hot as Albus, of course, but still he's pretty hot. "We are always willing to help people. Even if a pretty girl does drag us into the Restricted Section, just to spite her over protective friend. We can't help it."

Wait. What?

Did I just say he’s not as hot as Albus?

What was wrong with me?

I giggled, only half hearing what he said. "That's good then. You don't think I'm psychotic?"

Even though I may be, because I am one of the main hook up spots at Hogwarts with a hot boy and thinking of how he was not as hot as another boy.

A boy I hated.

A lot.

"The jury is still out on that one," he said. I noticed that we were pretty close and he seemed to be leaning in. "You did drag a boy you barely know to the Restricted Section," he said in a whisper. Why was I even thinking of Albus? God Albus could never make whispering so sexy. Well maybe he could. "Even though everyone seems to think you're hooking up with someone else right now."

Really? Really Caleb? I was trying to focus on how attractive you were and you brought up Albus? "Well I'm not," I whispered back, trying to do the sexy whisper thing. I felt like I might have been failing. In order to get Albus out of my mind, I grabbed Caleb's tie and started playing with it in my hands. Channel the flirty, sexy girls Addie. "So I guess it doesn't really matter that I'm here with you does it?"

I guess that I was channeling the flirty, sexy girls because Caleb's gaze dropped down to my lips before going back up to my eyes. "I guess not," Caleb said.

We stood there for a minute, staring at each other and I realized he wasn't going to kiss me. Deciding to still channel the flirty, sexy girl I was pretending to be, I stopped playing with his tie, and pulled his head down to mine. Our lips met and it was...

It was nothing.

He was a good kisser, don't get me wrong. (Not that I had much to go off of but even I knew he was a good kisser.)

It made me weak in the knees but I didn't get butterflies.

Merlin, I somehow got more butterflies when I was talking to Albus.

Really brain? Really? You’re making out with a hot boy, in the Restricted Section and you were going to think of Albus? Come on, at least think of a celebrity or something.

Although I guess Albus was a celebrity. Since the press follows him like crazy since he was the Harry Potter's son.

I wonder what making out with Albus is like.

Instead of Caleb's arms around my waist, they could be Albus' strong ones, pulling me closer to him, and his soft (at least I'm assuming they would be soft) lips would be on mine, I'd run my fingers through his beautiful, dark hair.

Merlin, I was getting butterflies just thinking about it.

I could just imagine him saying my name over and over again...

"Addie!"

Yeah. Like that.

And suddenly Albus' lips were off mine.

Wait. I wasn't making out with Albus.

I was making out with Caleb.

And Albus was standing next to him, Caleb giving him a confused look as to why he interrupted us.

This was an awkward situation. I was standing there with the boy I was making out with and the boy I was imagining making out with.

"What the fuck, Addie?" Albus said to me. And, to be honest, he looked kind of hurt.

"What do you mean 'what the fuck', Albus?" I asked, trying to appear annoyed, though all I could think of was how I had just been imagining snogging Albus.

"Why are you snogging with some guy in the Restricted Section?" Albus said, raising his voice.

Ugh, I guess the Potter Boys were in a yelling mood today.

Caleb looked at me. "I thought you said you weren't hooking up with him?"

"I'm not!" I said.

"She's not!" Albus said at the same time, although he seemed much more annoyed with Caleb than I did.

Caleb looked between Albus and me with a strange look. He shook his head and picked up his bag from the ground.

"There's clearly something between you two," Caleb said. Albus and I were both about to interrupt when he said, "I know that you say there isn't but there clearly something is. Maybe you two just hate each other or something, but I think James was right Addie." He looked between us again. "I think you two like each other."

And with that he left.

Albus and I stood there in awkward silence for a few moments before we broke out laughing.

"What the hell is wrong with people?" I asked him as he leaned back on the book shelve behind him, mirroring my position. "Why does everyone think that because we're mean to each other we must like each other?"

"I don't know," Albus said. We both stopped laughing and looked at each other. And I realized what I was thinking earlier was true.

Albus was way hotter than Caleb.

Dammit.

"What?" Albus asked me. "Why are you staring me down?"

"I'm not staring you down," I said and looked over his head. "I'm looking at the books behind you."

"No," Albus said, getting up from leaning on the bookcase to look behind him. He pulled out a book and held it in front of my face as he walked in front of me. "I highly doubt you were looking at Fifteenth-Century Fiends."

I took the book from him and held it in my hands. "Actually," I said, opening the book. "This is exactly what I need."

I looked back up at him with a small smile on my face and saw that he was smiling back. Even with that, for some reason I got butterflies. We weren't any closer than Caleb and I were and yet it was having more of an effect on me.

Which was odd.

Because Albus and I hated each other.

Yet I was imagining making out with him earlier.

"So what's the deal with you and that Hufflepuff?" Albus asked, looking down at the ground. Now that we were "friends", I noticed that he did that when he was uncomfortable or trying to figure out a way to say something.

"His name is Caleb," I said, slightly irritated about the way he addressed Caleb. He looked at me, as if asking if his name was relevant

. "Fine,” he said with a sigh. “What's going on with you and Caleb?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I brought him here because James was being an overprotective prick and I kind of brought Caleb here to spite him."

"You made out with someone to spite my brother?" Albus asked, smirking. "That's a low blow, even for you."

I hit him on the chest. "I didn't snog him to spite James! I just brought him here to spite James into thinking we were snogging!"

Albus laughed. "Malfoy, you are such a piece of work."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"So if you just brought Caleb here to spite James, how did you two end up snogging?" Albus asked.

Of course I couldn't tell him the truth. That I made out with Caleb so I could stop thinking about Albus, even though that turned out to be a huge fail.

"I don't know we just did," I said. I looked down at the book, which was still in my hand. "Do you know how you end up making out with girls half the time?"

"I guess not," Albus said. He tried taking the book out of my hand but I refused to let it go. I looked up at him a challenge in my eyes.

"You really are going to try to take the book away from me?" I asked.

He smirked. "I'm not going to try to take it away, I will take it away."

"Oh you will?" I said smirking back. I stopped leaning on the bookcase and took a step closer to him.

"Yeah," Albus said, not backing off. "I will."

We started a tug of war of the book. I tried moving my hand so that Albus couldn't get it but his grip was still on it. We nearly fell four times until the book was out of both our hands and I was up against the bookcase, Albus leaning on me, both laughing our arses off.

My head was right in his chest and I was holding his robes to keep myself standing while I laughed. Albus hand his hands on the bookcase behind me and was using that to make sure he didn't fall.

Albus stopped laughing first. I nearly fell because I was still laughing so I clung to his robes even more and he put his arms around my waist when he saw that wasn't working. I started laughing even harder and pulled myself close to Albus and put my forehead on his chest.

"Wow, you laugh a lot Addie," he said, laughing himself. I could feel the vibrations of him speaking from his chest. I could also hear his heart beating really fast, nearly as fast as mine.

Man, laughing made you tired. It was quite a work out since both our hearts seemed to be hammering.

I looked up at him, still holding his robes and staying very close to him.

Did working out cause you to have butterflies?

"So who ended up getting the book?" I asked him.

"I don't know," Albus said. "I don't think either of us did since it ended up on the ground.”

"Oh," I said, as I looked at his lips. They really did look soft. Really soft. I looked back up at his eyes.

"Hey Addie?" Albus said, looking down at me.

"Yeah?" I said back, ignoring the fluttering in the stomach.

"You have really pretty eyes," Albus said softly.

I couldn't help but smile at that. "Thanks. So do you."

"Thanks," Albus said.

Now, maybe I imagined this whole next part but I don't think I did. His arms tightened around my waist and his head started leaning in toward mine. I rose up on my toes as if to meet him in the middle. The butterflies in my stomach were insane.

Our heads were close. Really close. Our foreheads touched first and we stopped and just looked into each other’s eyes. His beautiful green eyes. They looked different and he was looking at me in a way he had never looked at me before. I could feel his heart underneath his robes and it was beating like crazy. It's good to know I wasn't the only one who was feeling whatever we were feeling at that moment.

He shut his eyes and leaned his head down. I shut mine as well and waited for his lips to meet mine.

"Shouldn't you two be in class?!"

 


	7. The Madness of Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow. You can feel the awkwardness. It's like we're in a sea of awkward. We're all just swimming through the deep sea of awkward.

_Our heads were close. Really close. Our foreheads touched first and we stopped and just looked into each other’s eyes. His beautiful green eyes. They looked different now, and he was looking at me in a way he had never looked at me before. I could feel his heart underneath his robes and it was beating like crazy. It's good to know I wasn't the only one who was feeling whatever we were feeling right now._

_He shut his eyes and leaned his head down. I shut mine as well and waited for his lips to meet mine._

_"Shouldn't you two be in class?!"_

"Fuck," Albus whispered. I opened my eyes and saw that he was only an inch away from meeting my lips.

"Mr. Potter, Ms. Malfoy I suggest you stop snogging and get to class," Madame Thompson said. Albus and I let go of each other and I tried to ignore the giant sadness that seemed to be filling myself.

I thought Albus was going to kiss me. I was hoping for it.

Clearly, I was losing my mind.

Madame Thompson followed us out of the library and made a point of slamming the door when we left.

"What class is it now?" I asked Albus, acting like we totally didn't almost kiss.

"Potions," he said back, looking back at the library, annoyed.

I started walking fast, because Potions was in the Dungeons and we were on the fourth floor. I managed to walk in front of Albus the entire time, until we reached the Entrance Hall.

"Addie," Albus said. "Addie, we need to talk about it."

"Talk about what?" I said, trying to make it to the dungeons as fast as humanly possible.

"What happened in the library," Albus said. "Or...what didn't happen." I wasn't sure, but it sounded like he was disappointed that we didn't kiss. Which was odd.

Albus hated me. Why would he want to kiss me?

I made my way down the stairs and into the corridor of the dungeons. "We're already late Albus, I think we can talk later."

"Well I think we can be a little later to class," Albus said. He tried moving in front of me but I was too quick for him.

I saw the door! I was almost there!

"I'd rather not be late for class," I said. Almost at the door. Just ten more steps. Come on, Addie, you could do it.

"Addie!" Albus yelled. I didn't turn around. I was almost at the door. I could make it to class.

However, Albus really wanted to talk.

I heard him start running and before I could even react I felt his arms around my waist. I shrieked and tried to get free but was unable to.

"We need to talk!" Albus said, fighting my squirming ways.

"We need to get to class!" I screamed. I kept squirming, I even elbowed him in the gut but he didn't seem to feel it.

God damn his rock hard abs.

"Addie," Albus yelled, tightening his grip around my waist to try to stop me from squirming. "We. Need. To. Talk. Now!"

"Mr. Potter!" I stopped squirming and looked up at the now open door where the frail Professor Slughorn stood. "Would you mind putting your girlfriend down and having the two of you join us in class?"

Fuck. Even Ol' Sluggy thought we were dating.

Even though he was blocking the door, I knew that the entire class was trying to see who Potter was with. All the Slytherin's, Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Huffle-

Shit.

I knew why Caleb looked so familiar.

He was in my potions class. He had been for the past 6 years. But I never talked to him.

And now I had to see him after we snogged. And probably after he thought Albus and I snogged.

Awesome.

Albus set me down and pulled his arms off me. I bent down to pick up my bag, which was knocked on the floor but Albus beat me too it. He grabbed it and put it on my shoulder.

"Sorry sir," he said turning to Sluggy. "We'll try not to be late next time." He gave Sluggy the smile that he gave all the teachers (and girls. For some reason girls loved his award winning bright, white, perfect smile. I didn't understand why.)

And of course, because it was Slughorn and he loved all the Wotter family children, he simple smiled at Albus. "Oh, Mr. Potter," he said, patting Albus on the back as he went into the classroom. "It's certainly alright. I'm just glad to see that you and Ms. Malfoy have finally come to your senses about each other!"

Albus and I both stopped dead in our tracks to see the entire class staring at us. Scorp looked murderous, Rose was giving us the "Oh they're so cute" look (no. I was supposed to give her and Scorpius those looks, she was not supposed to give them to me!), Louis and Alice were laughing their arses off and everyone else simple stared. I saw Caleb and instantly avoided eye contact, but I could tell he didn't look too pleased.

"Oh, the past six years of you two bickering, I always knew this day would come!" Sluggy kept saying, coming in front of Albus and I to look at us. I felt my face growing hot and I decided to stare at the ground. It was a safe place to look because it couldn't send me looks. "Just like your grandparents Albus, my, Lily and James argued all the time, although everyone could see they were crazy about each other, but then they ended up getting married! It's good to see that now I won't have you two bringing other dates to the Slug Club parties!"

"Um, Professor," I tried to speak up but he kept on going.

"Two of my favorite students, together at last! Finally, breaking the mold of your families!" Slughorn seemed pretty pleased with the idea of Albus and I. Which made no sense. Since that will never, ever, ever happen. Ever. "Well Albus, how long have you two been together?"

"I'm sorry, sir," Albus said. I didn't look from my spot on the ground. I noticed how dirty the floor looked and that there were many pieces of gum from past years. "But Addie and I aren't together."

I looked up at Slughorn and saw that his face instantly fell. He looked like someone just told him his cat had died. "Oh...but...why? I thought you two had feelings..."

"Yes that seems to be a common thought lately," I said, looking at Slughorn with a smile. He looked down at me with great disappointment. "Now, we're sorry for being late, but we would hate to delay the class any longer."

"Yes...yes...I suppose we should...class," Slughorn said, motioning for us to take seats. Rose, Scorpius, Alice and Louis were all at one station, so we would have to sit elsewhere. I looked back and saw that there were only two seats available.

Right next to Caleb.

Of course.

Albus and I walked over to the table and Albus rushed to pull out my chair for me. He sat in the chair next to Caleb and accidentally hit him with his elbow.

"Sorry," Albus said, but when he bent down to pull his potion book out of his bag, I noticed his jerk smirk plastered on his face.

I hit him over the head. He looked up at me, seemingly annoyed and said, "What?"

"Be nice," I whispered to him, leaning in close to make him hear me. His face changed when he saw how close I was.

"Are you going to try to kiss me again?" Albus said. He still had on his jerk smirk and he moved his face closer to mine. Instantly I pulled back.

"No you prick!" I whispered, still trying to keep my voice low. "And as I recall, you tried to kiss me. Trust me, I would never, ever kiss you."

"Are we going to argue about this?" Albus said. "Because we could always change the bet to whoever starts the fight has to kiss the other person."

"Absolutely not," I said back. I was really tempted to hit him over the head with my potion book until he was unconscious. "We made the bet and we're sticking too it."

"So are you two actually going to work?" the Ravenclaw next to Caleb asked. "Because we don't need to sit with the two love bird if all you two are going to do is whisper to each other."

I saw Caleb start to look really uncomfortable. "Yes we are going to work," I said to the snooty Ravenclaw. "And just so you know, we're not dating. There's nothing going on with us."

This last part I directed more at Caleb but he was just looking at his book. The Ravenclaw looked at me skeptically. "Whatever." She got up. "Now will someone please help me get the ingredients?"

I shoved Albus out of his chair. "Albus will help you."

He looked at me, annoyed, and then looked at Caleb. "Try not to jump each other while I'm gone," he said.

"Don't worry, Potter, I won't jump your girlfriend," he muttered under his breath as Albus walked away.

I looked at him. "I'm not his girlfriend."

Caleb looked at me, clearly not believing me. "Doesn't look that way."

I don't know why, but I really hated that Caleb seemed jealous. Some people would say (cough James and Louis cough) that he had no right to be jealous. However, we had just made out and then I almost kissed another boy. I felt horrible because he seemed like a nice guy. He didn't chose to get dragged down to the library and make out with me, only to have me bail on him.

"We're not dating. Not even secretly," I said. "You can make me take Veritaserum, I promise you we haven't ever dated or hooked up. You're kind of the only person I've ever hooked up with." I said the last part before I could even process what I said. "And I sound like a major loser for saying that. But it's the truth."

"I don't think you're a loser," Caleb said, this time smiling at me. "After interacting with your guy friends, I feel like you not dating a lot of people is more their fault than it is yours.

I couldn’t’ help but smile at him, feeling very grateful for him in this moment.

Caleb and I were just smiling at each other when Albus and the Ravenclaw came back. Albus sat down in his seat and placed the ingredients on the table.

"Well we should get started on the Draught of Living Death, right guys?" He said, overenthusiastically.

"Um, sure," Caleb said, uncomfortable by Albus' over eagerness.

For the rest of class, I didn't really talk. I just made the potion. Potions has always been my favorite subject and was always something I excelled in. I enjoyed it and knew that I wanted to make it a part of my career after Hogwarts. Everyone else in the room, Albus and Caleb included were having difficulty with the potion. Potions was the one place where I actually rivaled Rose's top spot in the class.

At the end of the class, Slughorn came around to look at all the potions. Louis failed miserably, with Slughorn saying, "I expected more from you Weasley." Scorpius did all right, but he didn't stir it correctly. Albus got close, with Slughorn saying "Good job Potter, but not quite there. You seemed to not have inherited all of your Father's potion making skills."

When he came over to mine he looked in and said, "Perfect, as usual Ms. Malfoy. Glad to see you haven't lost your skill over the summer."

"Thank you, Professor," I said back with a smile.

"Alright, you may go," Slughorn said. All of us packed up our stuff and I grabbed Caleb's arm before he could leave.

"I don't think we finished our conversation earlier," I said.

Caleb looked over my head and said, "I don't know if your cousin or your friends would like for you to ditch them." He got a strange look on his face. "Especially, you're 'not boyfriend'."

I turned and saw that Albus did look annoyed, but when he saw me, he turned back around and headed toward the table with Rose, Scorp, Alice and Lou, all of whom seemed to not like that I wasn't waiting for them. I turned back to face Caleb.

 "They'll get over it. We were having a conversation that we never finished. So let me recap our conversation." I took a deep breath. "I've never hooked up or dated Albus, I think he's a snot nose prick. Caleb, you're the only person I've ever hooked up with, I don't are how big of a loser I sound like." I lowered my voice. "Addie, you don't sound like a loser, your guy friends are dumb and no one sane would put up with that."

Caleb was looking at me with and amused expression on his face. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the classroom. "Thanks Caleb, I'm glad you don't think I'm a total loser."

"It'd be hard to think you were a loser," Caleb said. "Crazy, yes, but a loser? Nope." He got quiet and seemed to be debating something, "So...there really is absolutely nothing going on with you and Potter? Nothing what so ever? Not even the start of something?"

Does almost kissing in the library count as nothing what so ever? Because that wasn't the start of something...was it?

No. Of course it wasn't.

It was Albus. There was nothing that could ever start between us.

"There is absolutely nothing going on between Albus and I," I said. "I promise."

Caleb smiled at the ground. "Good. So he won't kill me if I asked you to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Well he won't kill you," I said, absolutely flattered and shocked that I just got asked out. I just got asked out! I might not have to end up dying alone with 1900 cats! "However, I can't say the same for the rest of his crazy family. And my cousin. You saw what you got for just talking to me. Do you really want to know what will happen if you go on a date with me?"

"Addie," Caleb said, turning to face me. He pulled me out of the crowd and to a side corridor that was rarely used. "I want to go to Hogsmeade with you. I know I've never talked to you until today but I've been wanting to talk to you since forth year. It sounds creepy when I say it out loud but it's true. Dumping that pumpkin juice on you was like a miracle because it forced me to talk to you. My friends were getting sick of hearing all the ways I would start a conversation with you and almost just straight up told you I had a fat crush on you." He cringed. “Well, not crush but I don’t know I just wanted to get to know you.”

"Wait," I said. "You've had a crush me since we were 14? Why didn't you just talk to me?"

“Not a crush,” he said and I rolled m eyes at his correction. “I didn’t know anything about you so it wasn’t a crush, I just wanted to get to know you better.”

“Fine,” I said. “You wanted to talk to me since we were fourteen. Why didn’t you?”

“I wasn't exactly slick with the ladies," he said. "So today, when I split pumpkin juice on you and then you brought me to the library and we...well you know...it was like a miracle. I still can't believe that it happened."

As weird as it may have sounded to other people, I didn't care that Caleb had liked me but never talked to me. I knew the feeling. My crush on Luke Wood was exactly the same. I loved him in silence.

And maybe followed him around Hogsmeade sometimes.

Don't judge me.

He was attractive.

"Yes," I said. "I'll go to Hogsmeade with you."

Instantly Caleb broke out into a huge grin. "I’ll meet you in the Great Hall at 11 on Saturday. Don't bring your money, I'm paying."

"Caleb you don't have to-"

"Yes, I do. It's the gentleman thing to do," he said.

I sighed. "Fine. You win."

"Don't sound so defeated," Caleb said, smirking.

"I hate losing. But I like free meals."

"Well," Caleb said and he moved his arms around my waist. "I think I know something we could do where we both win."

"Oh do you?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, his face leaning closer to mine. "I do."

And then he kissed me. Unlike in the library where I had to practically force him to kiss me, he kissed me first.

And there wasn't a thought of Albus in my mind.

* * *

 

For the rest of the day, I was in a good mood. No, a great mood. I had a date. With a cute boy who I had snogged twice.

And who was a very, very good kisser.

Everyone at the dinner table noticed my mood that night, but only Louis had the guts to actually say something.

"What the hell is up with you Ads?" he asked me, inspecting me as if I might have been under the influence of some Muggle drug. Once, last year Scorp, Albus and Louis decided to try smoking weed.

It was hilarious. But they got in a shit load of trouble.

"Just in a good mood," I said, smiling down at my food.

"And why is that?" Rose said. She was eyeing me, reading my expression in a way only Rose knew how. "Because you are never in this good of a mood unless it involves a boy. So my guess is that something happened with a certain boy." Her eyes slid to Albus who was sitting next to me.

"It does have to do with a boy," I told her. Scorpius instantly dropped his fork and looked at me as if I had told him I was pregnant. "I'm going on a date with Caleb this weekend."

"Who the hell is Caleb?" Scorpius asked.

"He's a Hufflepuff who-" I started but was interrupted by the wonderful Albus.

"He's the Hufflepuff who I caught Addie snogging in the library today," Albus said, nonchalantly. He just continued eating his potatoes like he didn't just send out a murdering squad.

"What?" Scorpius and Louis yelled.

"What do you mean she was snoggin some guy in the library?!" Scorpius said, instantly turning the overprotective settings on. Joy.

"Scorpius calm down," I said. "It's not a big-"

"Not a big deal?" Scorpius asked furiously. Ugh. He needed to calm down. "You were slagging around with some guy in the library and it's not a big deal?! Where is this guy? Oh wait until he gets a piece of me-"

Scorpius stood up off the bench but stopped at Rose's voice.

"Scorpius Malfoy don't you dare go over there and beat that boy up! You sit down right now!" Rose yelled at him. Merlin she was such a mother. "Yes, Addie maybe should not have snogged a boy in the library. But he's taking her on a date. So just let him live for a little while longer because he could end up being a good boy for Addie. Merlin knows she deserves one with the crazy, over protectiveness of everyone here."

"But-" Scorpius started.

"No buts," she said. Scorpius slowly lowered himself down onto the bench beside Rose. "Besides I'm sure you have some plans of your own with whatever new girl you plan to string on for the next week."

Oh. This was awkward.

Scorpius looked at her, stabbing her food on her plate (probably it was imagining it was whatever girl Scorpius was going to take to Hogsmeade) and smiled.

"Well actually Rose," he said. Oh my God was he going to ask her out? It sounds like it! Please, please, please. "I was thinking-"

"I don't care what you were thinking," Rose said, interrupting Scorpius. I tried to restrain myself from screaming out in annoyance that Rose just sabotaged herself in getting a date with the boy she's been in love with since first year. "Honestly, I don't know why I even asked. It's not like I care who you go with. Or don't go with."

Scorpius seemed taken aback, and I can't blame him. He was just shot down by the girl he liked. Without even asking her. Everyone just sat in silence, not knowing what to say.

Wow. You could feel the awkwardness. It was like we were in a sea of awkward. We were all just swimming through the deep sea of awkward.

"So, um Addie how'd you get so good at potions?" Alice asked, clearly looking for some other way to change the topic.

"It's just something I've always been good at," I said. "According to Draco my mum was-" I stopped myself when I realized what I was saying. I never talked about Mum. Ever. I hadn't even thought of her since the party when Albus brought it up. Suddenly, I lost my appetite. "You know what? I think I'm going to just head up to the dorms. I'm tired."

And I got up and walked straight toward the dorms. I didn't look at anyone and I didn't talk to anyone.

Once I got inside the girls dorms and put everything on my side of the room, I laid down on my bed. I put my hands on my face and took deep breaths, trying to think of anything but Mum.

"Addie?" I heard Rose say. I opened my eyes and saw her and Alice standing at the door. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

They came over and sat on my bed. "I'm sorry about that," Alice said. "I didn't know about your Mum and...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't know," I said. "It's not your fault Alice. It was a long time ago."

"But still, I shouldn't have said anything," Alice said.

"Don't beat yourself up," Rose said. "You wanted to change the topic from Scorpius' date to something else. You didn’t know this would happen."

"Rose, Scorpius doesn't have a date to Hogsmeade," I said.

"Yeah he does," she said, looking down at the bed. "He asked some fifth year after you left."

"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry Rose."

"Why are you sorry?" she asked. "It's not as if I like him or anything."

"Okay that is the biggest lie I've ever heard," Alice said.

Rose glared at Alice. "Well then let's talk about your crush on Louis."

Instantly Alice turned bright red. "I don't have a crush on Louis."

"Bullshit!" I yelled. "Merlin, forget homework. I think a much needed girls night in is in order!"

"I second that!" Alice yelled. She called Kretcher, the Wotter Family/Hogwarts house elf and said, "Can we have ice cream, chocolate syrup, cake, cookies and any other sweets you have in the kitchens?"

"Oh course, Ms. Longbottom," Kretcher said and with a crack he was gone.

"This should be good," I said. "PJ time!!"

* * *

 

Girl talk was overall successful. I found out that Alice had liked Louis since the end of last year and that they wrote each other over the summer. (Which was a big deal because Louis never wrote anyone over the summer. Lazy ass.)  Alice and I got Rose to admit that she had a mini-crush on Scorpius, even though we both knew that was a blatant lie. And I gave them the full details on my snog fests with Caleb. (Well except the part about me thinking about Albus...because that would have just been awkward.)

I think all of us went to bed, full on sweets and talks of boys, around the same time. But my brain couldn't sleep. All I kept thinking was how my idiot cousin asked someone else out. And the look on Rose's face was when she told me.

So I came up with a plan. It wasn't exactly a good one but it wasn't really bad either. But it was more than I ever had before.

And with this plan, Scorpius and Rose were going to be together.

Even if it was the last thing I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please kudos, comment, subscribe, or bookmark


	8. The Madness of Hogsmeade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think I just swooned. That was the nicest thing a boy has ever said about me.

The rest of the week flew by. I was so swamped with schoolwork, Quidditch and freaking out about my date that I barely had time to think about the plan.

I found out (from Rose of course. She was sitting on her bed eating chocolate ice cream at the time and she looked like the typical girl who was upset over the boy she fancied. Only Rose kept denying that she liked him) that Scorp was going with some fifth year named Melanie. When Rose told me this she didn't hold back saying that Melanie was a complete and utter twat and that she probably didn't even know how to tie her shoes she's so stupid. She also claimed that Melanie was such a big whore and that she probably has hooked up with over half the guys in school so if Scorpius wanted to get an STD and die then that was fine with her.

I decided not to point out that both of her Potter cousins, Louis and Scorpius have all hooked up with majority of the girls over fifth year. I figured that wouldn't make her happy because they were total manwhores too and one of them probably had an STD already.

She ended her entire rant about what a whore Melanie was, by claiming that she didn't even care because she didn't even like Scorpius.

Alice and I each gave her stares of disbelief, to which she avoided completely by stuffing more ice cream in her mouth.

Man that girl had it bad.

"Alice, I have nothing to wear!"

I was standing in front of my closet, in my PJ's staring at the amount of clothes in my closet and how none of them would do.

I felt like Scorpius when I walked in on him trying to get ready for the Weasley’s party at the end of summer.

“You have more clothes than Rose and I combined, I’m sure there’s something in here.” Alice walked over to my closet and pulled put a pair of skinny jeans. "Wear these," she said handing them over to me. "They make your butt look good and you can wear them with your grey boots."

"Okay well I still need a shirt," I pointed out. "I don't think Scorpius would let me go in my bra. I'd rather go on my date in clothes then have Scorpius kill me."

"Hey don't be a smart ass," Alice said. "I'm trying to help you so you don't go in your PJs."

"Did I mention how beautiful you look today, Alice?" I said to her. Rose snickered from her perch on her bed (of course she was ready. I'm going on a date in 20 minutes and I'm still in my PJs. Rose is just hanging out with her cousins and she looked better than I ever would.)

"Sure," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, wear this shirt," she pulled a dark red tank top out. "And since it's October you are going to be a little cold so wear this." She pulled a dark grey  jacket that I rarely wear and handed it over to me.

I stared at the outfit in my hands. "I sat in front of my closet for an hour trying to decide what to wear and came up with nothing, but somehow you can find am outfit in 2 minutes."

"What can I say? I'm good at outfits," Alice said shrugging. "Besides those are your best jeans and that shirt looks good in you, but you never wear it. So I figured now would be as good as ever. You need to look hot for your date." She walked back to her bed. "Besides Caleb won't know what hit him."

I smiled. "Good."

* * *

 

At 11, Rose, Alice and I walked down to the entrance hall. Alice was right: this shirt looked good on me and made me have cleavage, but not too much.

I didn't see Caleb so I went with Alice and Rose to where Albus and Louis were standing.

"Hey boys," I said as we walked up.

"Hey Addie," Louis said turning to face me. He took in what I was wearing (especially the cleavage) and his eyes went wide. "Why the hell are you wearing that?"

"Because I like it," I said. "And Alice picked our out for me."

Hey, don’t look at me like that. I was not throwing Alice under the bus.

…Okay so maybe I am a little. But if Louis wanted to kill someone for my outfit may as well be the person responsible.

Louis turned on Alice. "Why would you make her wear that? She looks…like a girl! What was wrong with her normal sweaters that went up to her neck?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "She has a date and she looks good. Just because she's showing off a little more skin than normal does not make her a slag Lou. She looks good and no matter what you say she isn't changing."

Louis was about to argue when Albus interrupted. "Alice is right, Lou. She looks good."

"Well of course you think that," Louis said to Albus. Albus frowned at Louis and they went into one of their silent cousin conversations, where they both knew what the other one was talking about, while everyone else just sat there confused.

I tried having a silent conversation with Scorpius one time.

It didn’t work well. He just wondered why I was staring at him.

It must have been a Wotter thing. Which made me believe even more that all of the kids are drugged up to be super human.

"So have you guys seen Scorpius?" Rose asked quietly. We all turned to look at her and watch her in silence.

"Ugh, no I haven't Rose," Albus said, looking around the crowded entrance hall. "He might be with Mel-"

Before Albus could finish the sentence, I elbowed him in the stomach. He glared down at me as if asking me why I did that. I tilted my head towards Rose who was now looking down at the ground, with a very sad expression on her face. Guilt immediately flooded his face at causing his cousin pain. "No, Rose, I haven't seen him."

"Oh, okay," Rose said, but from the sad look on her face, it was clear she knew where Scorp was. And who he was with. And what they were probably doing (it was not hard to figure out.) And she hated it.

Because she wished it was her. Though she would never admit it.

We stood in an awkward silence for a few seconds until Caleb walked up.

"Hey Addie," he said, smiling. I smiled back and stared in awe at how good he looked. He was wearing a grey long sleeve sweater and jeans. His hair looked like he had just gotten off of a broom and his chocolate brown eyes looked so incredibly beautiful.

"Hey Caleb," I said back, trying not to creep him out by staring. "You know everyone."

Caleb nodded. "Nice to see you Rose, Alice, Louis." He looked next to me and glared at Albus. "Potter."

Albus just nodded back. I looked at him and noticed how good he looked as well. (Why was I surrounded by attractive boys? Not that I was complaining but it was a little strange that I’m friends with not only Albus and Louis who were both considered hottest blokes in our year, along with Scorpius (cringe), but then Caleb as well. I was a lucky girl.) And he wasn't wearing anything amazing. Just a blue and white flannel shirt that really wasn’t that special or out of the ordinary. On a normal person it would be like 'Hey cool flannel' but not on Albus. No. Albus had to look like a freaking god in a regular shirt. I could really only stare at him. Apparently I was staring for a while since Rose kicked me in the butt. (It hurt really badly. I would seek revenge but I knew she was hurting because Scorp is on a date so she'll live.)

I snapped out of staring at Albus and looked back at Caleb. While he looked good, he did not look as hot as Albus. Not even close.

Dammit.

"So are you ready to go?" I asked him, intertwining my fingers with his. I had no idea if this was a good idea or not but I figured maybe I would stop thinking about Albus. (It didn't).

"Yeah," Caleb said. He looked at the rest of the group. "Bye guys, good to see you."

"Now wait a second," Louis said. "Let me go over some ground rules Caleb."

I groaned. "Really Lou? Can you not do this? Please?"

"Scorp isn't here so he asked me to do it," Louis said. "Besides I'm being nice and letting you go out in that outfit. Scorpius would make you change." Louis turned his attention back to Caleb. "You will not take her to Madame Puddifoots. You will not force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. You will not try to kiss her if she doesn't want to kiss you. You will be a perfect gentleman. Understand?"

Caleb didn't back away as most guys would have. He stood his ground and looked Louis straight in the eye. "Madame Puddifoots is too pink and strange to go in anyway so I wasn't going to take her there. I want Addie to have a good time so I would make sure that whatever it is we were going to do, she wanted to do. And of course I will be a perfect gentleman. I like Addie, and would like for this not to be the only time we go out, so I'm going to make sure she has a good time and that she feels comfortable. I wouldn't do something to sabotage my chances of going out with her again."

I think I just swooned. That was the nicest thing a boy has ever said about me.

I squeezed Caleb's hand and smiled up at him. "Now that you've warned him, may we start our date?" I asked Louis.

Louis was about to say something when Alice pulled him back. "Go," she said. Louis looked at her in annoyance. "Louis the boy has just proven that he likes her. Besides I get the feeling Addie could defend herself if he tried anything. Let her go."

"Fine," Louis grumbled.

Alice and Rose waved goodbye while Louis stared the ground but my attention wasn't on them. It was on Albus.

He was staring at mine and Caleb's hands with a strange expression on his face. It was very similar to Rose's face earlier when we were talking about Scorpius. If I didn't know Albus as well as I did, I would be tempted to say he looked jealous. Like he thought he should be holding my hand.

"You ready to go?" Caleb asked me, causing me to quickly look away from Albus.

"Yeah," I said. With one last look at the strange expression on Albus' face, we turned and headed toward Hogsmeade.

* * *

 

"So are you having a good time?" Caleb asked me halfway through our date. We had already gone to Zonko's, Honeyduke's and a little cafe that had just opened up.

"Yeah," I said, as Caleb intertwined his fingers in mine. We walked along High Street in silence for a few moments. "I'm having a very good time."

"Well is there anything else you want to do?" Caleb asked me.

"I could-" But before I could finish there was a scream.

"JAMES POTTER YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER ARSE!"

I turned around and saw James and Freddy standing with a group of fangirls (Dom was there too and looked really annoyed with all the fangirls) as a girl from Slytherin yelled at James.

"And hello to you too, Annalise," James said, smiling at the girl. (I swear I heard one of the fangirls sigh) "How can I help you?"

"Don't give me that shit!" Annalise yelled back. I dragged Caleb closer to the drama as the girl walked closer to James, the rest of the girls and Freddy scattering. "Just change it back!"

James smirked, a smirk that was so similar to Albus' jerk smirk. "Change what back?"

"My hair you fucking idiot!!" She screamed at him. Now that she mentioned it, I noticed that her hair looked a very strange shade of red, almost Gryffindor red. "Change it back or I swear, I will make you wish you had never been born!"

"Well I see nothing wrong with your hair. Red is a good color on you," James said, stepping closer to Annalise. "But I might change it back. If you do one thing for me."

"Change. It. Back." she growled. Literally, she growled. I was scared. I was tempted to use Caleb as a body shield so that if she got angry and went on a killing spree I wouldn't die. "Now."

"Fine I will," James said. She didn't relax though. "If you go on a date with me."

Now, Annalise looked even more ready for murder. "Are you fucking kidding me Potter?!"

"No," James said and took a step closer so that he was only a couple of inches from her."I know you like me. And I know you want to go out with me. So, if you want your hair changed back, go out with me. It would be fun for both of us."

Annalise looked down at him, her glare full of fire. “Do you have any idea how sexist you sound right now? I’m literally telling you to go away and that I don’t want to deal with you and you’re asking me out? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

"You never answered my question," James said, clearly not hearing what she said. "Go on a date with me."

James attempted to take another step closer to her, but before he could finish his step, there was a flash of bright red light and James was thrown back.

"Want to know my fucking answer to your fucking question?!" Annalise screeched. "Listen to my words and maybe, I don’t know, respect them this time. It's no. It will always be no because I would never go out with you in a million years. Even if Voldemort rose from the dead and said I had to date you in order to live, I would die. I hate you. Understand that, Potter? I will never, ever, ever go on a date with you because you are a complete arsehole who doesn't know how to treat people and are a complete arrogant fool who will end up alone! Back off, Potter because right now, the giant squid has a much higher chance of going on a date with me than you ever will!"

And with that, Annalise stormed off.

James was still lying on the ground, rubbing his head. "That didn't go well," he said to Freddy.

"Really?" Dom said. "I thought it went rather well."

James threw a glare in Dom's direction and walked away from the adoring fangirls that were surrounding him. Freddy and Dom caught up with him and the fangirls followed.

"Wow," Caleb said. "And I thought you and Albus fought badly."

"James is such an idiot," I said, feeling very annoyed at my fake big brother for not listening to Annalise’s “no”. I pulled Caleb toward the Three Broomsticks. "I'm feeling like a butterbeer how about you?"

Caleb held the door open for me. "Sounds awesome."

As we walked into the Three Broomsticks, I noticed that it wasn't as crowded as normal. It still had plenty of people, but it wasn't as jammed packed as it sometimes is.

"Addie! Caleb! Over here!"

I turned in the direction of the voice and saw Rose, Alice, Louis and Albus all sitting in one of the back booths.

"Want to go sit with them?" Caleb asked me. And I did. This was the first time since Fourth year that I hadn't spent Hogsmeade with any of them. I was having fun with Caleb, I really was, but I missed spending it with Rose and Alice too.

"You sure you don't mind?" I asked him. I wasn't really sure what date protocol was, so I didn't know if it was allowed to hang out with your friends while on a date.

"No," Caleb said with a smile. "I'll get us butterbeer and then you can go sit with them. I'll meet you over there."

"Thanks Caleb," I said. He really was a great guy.

I walked over to where they were all sitting and slid into the booth next to Albus. "Hey guys."

"Is Caleb going to join us?" Alice asked.

I nodded. "He's just getting us the drinks."

Alice smirked at Louis, who was seated next to her. “Told you he'd be good."

"Well he better be," Louis said. "Only the best deserve to be with Addie."

Alice rolled her eyes.

I turned to Albus and said, "Your brother was making quite a scene out there."

"What'd he do this time?" Albus asked.

“He dyed some Slytherin's hair red and then she started yelling at him," I said.

"Let me guess, he tried asking her out?" Albus asked smiling at me.

"Yep," I said. "But she used a curse to throw him off and told him the Giant Squid had more of a chance of getting a date with her than he did."

Albus laughed. "That's a new low for James. It was Annalise wasn't it?"

"Yeah. What's the deal with that anyway?"

Albus shrugged. "He liked her since his first year and seems to think pissing her off will make her fall in love with him."

"Is it a Potter boy gene to do that to try to win a girl's heart?" Louis asked. Alice hit him over the head and Rose just chuckled. Albus glared at Louis and they started having one of their telepathic conversations again.

But I was confused. Who was Albus trying to win over by arguing with her? The only person who he ever continually fought with was me.

Wait...was Louis implying that Albus liked me?

Of course not, that was just crazy.

"Hey guys," Caleb said, placing our drinks on the table and sliding in next to me. He grabbed my hand under the table. "What are we talking about?"

"We were just talking about James's little scene out there," I said. "Albus said that's normal for James to do to her."

"Really? That's strange," Caleb said looking at Albus. "It seemed like he liked her. Why would he piss off someone he likes on purpose? I mean that's not going to make her like him."

Albus just glared at Caleb as if he insulted him. "Maybe he figures that if he keeps after her, then no other blokes would be after her. And up until this year he was right."

"Oh no," Rose said from the other side of the table. We all looked at her and saw her staring at the door. I glanced over and saw Scorpius and a girl I assumed was Melanie. "Merlin, now they're going to come and ruin our perfectly good afternoon."

"Hey guys," Scorp said as he approached us. Rose brightened a little when she saw that Melanie was nowhere in sight. "Can I join you?"

"Yeah of course Scorp," Rose said with a smile. However her smile quickly deteriorated.

"Scorpius why'd you leave me?!" Said an annoyingly high-pitched voice. A petite brunette slid into the booth beside Scorpius and snuggled up to him.

I think it was safe to say he was cringing.

Rose was glaring daggers at the girl, who was too dumb to even notice.

Yeah Rose, you keep denying that you don’t like him. Because it totally doesn’t look like you want to claw Melanie’s eyes out right now.

"Well Scorp who is this," Louis pondered on the next word. "High pitched girl you're with?"

"Everyone this is Melanie," Scorpius said, almost as if he was ashamed of it.

"Hi!!" She squeaked. Like she actually squeaked. "I'm Melanie. I'm in Ravenclaw and am in fifth year."

Oh Merlin, I've only spent a minute with the girl and I was annoyed with her. Poor Scorp must have been going out of his mind. (Although he wasn't paying attention to her. He was watching Rose, who was staring at her drink with a very pissed off expression. She was so jealous. And totally oblivious since she hasn’t noticed Scorp’s puppy eyes on her.)

"And how exactly did you end up here?" Alice asked.

"Oh!" Melanie said. "Well one day, my mum made this big meal for my dad, she really wanted another kid-"

"Not like that," Alice said. She seemed very annoyed and I heard Louis mumble something that sounded like "Dumb bint" but Alice elbowed him in the stomach. "I meant on a date with Scorpius."

"Oh duh!" Melanie said, doing that ridiculous airhead giggle. I caught Scorpius' eye and tried to telepathically ask him if he was insane to ask this girl out. He HATES airheads. Which is why he's in love with Rose. "Why would you want to know how I was conceived, I'm so dumb sometimes!"

"I'll bet," I heard Albus mutter. I held back a laugh and looked at him and saw he was smiling too. I looked into his eyes, filled with laughter and suddenly Caleb's hand felt heavy in mine. It felt wrong.

"Aww you two are so cute!!" Melanie squalled. I looked away from Albus and saw her looking at me with an adoring expression on her face. "God, Addie you're so lucky to have a boyfriend like Albus."

I'm sure that Caleb, Albus and I all looked at her like she was the stupidest person on the planet (I know I did.) Caleb pulled his hand back from mine and awkwardly placed it on the table.

"Actually Melanie-" I tried to say but she cut me off.

"Just think Scorpo," Melanie said. Louis cracked up at the nickname, only to receive a "shush!" from Alice although she was smiling too. "That could be us one day. We could be just as in love as Albus and Addie are."

"Well then you'll be nowhere," I said to her. "Because Albus and I aren't together. In fact," I grabbed Caleb's hand from the table. "I'm on a date with Caleb here."

"Really?" Melanie asked, clearly disappointed.

"Really," Caleb said and he put his hand around my waist, pulling me close to him. I snuggled into his chest, avoiding the glare I was getting from Scorpius. "Potter here has never been close to dating Addie, and as far as I'm concerned he never will." Caleb kissed my head. "I like Addie far too much for that."

"Yeah but does she like you?" Albus asked Caleb. "Because for all we know she's using you to make me jealous because she has secret feelings for me. And you're the poor fool who came into her plan."

"You wish Potter," Caleb said. I looked around to see if anyone was going to get involved but I saw Rose stabbing the table with her straw and Scorpius watching her, almost in awe. Louis, Alice and Melanie were all watching us, Melanie with an excited look and Louis and Alice smirking, like they knew something I didn't. "It probably just hurts your ego too much to realize that she probably does hate you, just as she says. You can't handle having someone bruise your ego, especially her. So much like your brother and his little crush."

Oh God was Caleb saying that Albus had a crush on me?

It was bad when even your date thought that.

I'm losing faith in the human population.

"Yeah well maybe she just pitied you," Albus said, tightening his jaw. "Maybe she felt bad that this lowly little Hufflepuff got no attention and decided to go on a pity date with him. After all he's liked her since fourth year but never had the guts to talk to her-"

"That's enough!" I said interrupting Albus. I had no doubt in my mind that he was going to continue arguing with Caleb over this and it was starting to piss me off. Caleb was glaring at Albus, looking more pissed than I ever imagined he could be. "Caleb would you pay for our drinks so we could get back to our date?" Caleb nodded and with one last glare at Albus, he got off the bench. I followed after him and turned to face Albus, letting my frustration take over my face. "You. Come with me."

Albus got out of the booth and followed my lead to a corner of the room no one was in. Albus looked annoyed at the whole situation whlie I was boiling with so much anger that it made it hard not to hex him.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" I asked him, trying to keep my voice level.

"What am I doing?" Albus asked, clearly shocked that I think he’s in the wrong. He leaned against the wall behind him. "Your boyfriend was being the jerk not me."

"You attacked him!" I said, my voice raising slightly. "You told him that this was just a pity date and that I didn't like him! How did you think he would react?"

"I don't know but I figured that Scorp wasn't enjoying you two practically getting it on right in front of him!" Albus said causing me to scoff. "Besides why do you care what I said to him?"

"Because he's my date!" I said back, nearly yelling. "And everything you said, about how this was a pity date, how I didn't like him was a complete lie!"

That caught Albus' attention. Suddenly he wasn't mad anymore, but had a look similar to the one he had on this morning when he saw Caleb and I holding hands.

"So you do?" He asked, annoyance completely gone from his face and replaced with an intense one. "You do like him?"

"Yes!" I said. I thought back on our day and all my anger at Albus was gone as I broke out into a grin. "Yeah, I really do."

"Oh," was all Albus said as he stuffed his hands in his pockets looking pissed. "Well then have fun on the rest of your date with your new boyfriend."

I couldn’t help but noticed that Albus seemed strangely hurt. Although he had finished our conversation, I found it impossible for me to walk away from him.

"Why does it matter to you if I do like him?" I asked, genuine curiousity in my voice.

"It doesn't," he said, clipping his words. "I just think you could do a lot better."

"With who?" I asked him, laughing slightly . "There's not exactly a huge line of boys trying to date me."

He looked like he was about to say something else, like there was a person that I could be with, but then he decided to hold it back. Instead, his face went flat. "Whatever Addie. Date who you want to date. It's not like it's my business right?"

He looked just as he did earlier, a little hurt, a little pissed and even a little jealous. And I didn't know why, but I had this overwhelming urge to kiss him, to finish what we never started in the library.

Apparently my silence wasn't the answer he wanted. He pushed past me and went back to the booth and sat down, looking defeated. Louis said something to him, something I couldn't hear and received only a glare from Albus. I looked over at Caleb who was now paying for our drinks and back at Albus.

There was no contest. Albus was hotter. And I somehow got butterflies looking at Albus and not with Caleb.

"Hey," I said, putting on a fake smile when Caleb walked up to me.

"Hey you ready to go?" He asked as he grabbed my hand. Before I could respond the door burst open and a voice said, "Albus!"

I looked over and saw Erica Ericson, now walking toward the table I was just at, sliding into my spot (she received more glares than Melanie did. That was an accomplishment.) She started talking to Albus, pressing up against him and for once, Albus didn't push her away. He just sat there staring at the table with the same look in his face.

"Yeah," I said, taking my eyes off the scene, ignoring the anger that was rising up inside me. "Let's go."

We left the pub and started walking on High Street, back towards the castle. We did small talk, trying to avoid the topic of Albus, and when that failed we walked in silence. However, Albus never left my mind.

"I had a good time today," Caleb said when we reached the entrance hall.

I smiled at him. "I did too."

"So maybe you would want to do this again sometime?" He said. "Only without the arguing with Albus of course."

At the mention of Albus, my mind filled with our bicker spat (it was NOT a fight. If it were a fight that would mean someone would lose the bet. And I think I would. So it wasn't a fight) and how his face fell when I told him I liked Caleb. Why would that happen? Why would he be...jealous? Did he like me?

More importantly, why did I care?

"Yeah," I said to Caleb, only half listening to what he said. "I would like that."

Stop thinking about Albus. He probably was gay and has a crush on Caleb and was upset that you're on a date with him because Caleb rejected him.

...Okay maybe not.

I saw Caleb smiling down at me and even though he looked so good, all I could think of was Albus. So I pulled Caleb closer to me and pressed my lips to his, hoping Albus would leave my mind.

He didn't.

Damn him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Please comment! I would love to know your thoughts about the story so far!


	9. The Madness of My Alter Ego Candi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should've been a Slytherin.

I scanned the library for him. He had to be in here he was always in here. When I didn't see him, I just walked toward the back of the library. Knowing him, he was probably at the very back.

I knew he had to be in here. He was always studying. He was like the male version of Rose, which was why he was perfect.

When I got to the back I didn't see him. But then a suddenly, I saw his head of dark brown, nearly black hair. I ran over to him and slammed my bag onto the table. He looked up, annoyed.

"Hi Ryan!" I said to him, as I sat down.

"Addie," he said seriously. "How can I help you?"

"Now Ryan," I said, copying his serious tone. "Is that anyway to greet your amazing, beautiful and wonderful cousin?" Ryan's serious façade broke and he let out an easy grin. "There's the Ryan Greengrass I know and love."

Ryan Greengrass was Astoria's brother's son. He was a year ahead of Scorpius and I and in Ravenclaw. I loved him. He was tied for my favorite cousin with Scorpius. They were my only cousins, so I couldn't pick a favorite.

"And here is the amazing Addie Malfoy I know and love," he said. "And though I love her, she tends to only talk to me when she needs something."

I played mock hurt. "Ryan, I am hurt. How could you think that?" Ryan raised his eyebrows, not believing a word I said. I dropped the act. "Well you're in Ravenclaw for a reason. I need your help."

"With what?" Ryan said, setting down his quill.

"I need you to flirt with Rose." Ryan opened his mouth to object but I stopped him. "Just flirt with her, take her on a date anything to make Scorpius jealous and finally grow the guts to ask her out."

"Well as much as I would love to see Scorpius and Rose finally get together," Ryan said. "But I think we both know that I can't do this."

"No Ryan, you're perfect for it!" I begged. I needed him to agree. If he didn't agree then the entire plan would go back to square one. "Without you there's no way they'll ever be together and have adorable little babies together."

"As much as I would hate for that not to happen," Ryan said. "Addie we both know why I'm the wrong person." I gave him a blank look, acting like I didn't know. "Addie," he said looking around. "I'm gay."

I knew that. I was the only person who knew, since he came out this summer to me.

"That's why you're perfect!" I exclaimed. I received glares from people near us. "You can flirt with her, you can woe her but you won't fall for her! Scorpius will get jealous but it won't matter because you won't even be falling for her because you like boys!"

"I can't do it," he said, shaking his head. "I don't even know how to woe a girl."

I gave him a look of disbelief. " Between your fourth and your sixth year you had at least 20 girlfriends. I think you can get one more."

Ryan seemed to be thinking of more reasons as to why he couldn't do it. "But Scorpius won't believe it."

"And why wouldn't he?" I said. "Unless you told him your secret then there's no way that he would know."

"Ugh..." Ryan said thinking.

"Please Ryan?" I said giving him the puppy dog eyes. "Pretty, pretty please?"

"Shit not the puppy dog eyes," Ryan said. He tried avoiding my eyes.

"Please Ryan?"

"Ugh...no...fine," Ryan said in defeat.

"Yes!" I yelled and pumped my fist in triumph. This made me receive even more glares and people even got up and left.

Whatever. Clearly their gay cousin had never agreed to help make their other cousin jealous.

Ryan put his face in his hands. "I can't believe I just agreed to that."

I launched myself at him, throwing my arms around his neck. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Ryan put his arms around my waist to hug me back. "What if Scorpius tries to beat me up?"

"He won't!" I said, holding him tight. "Thank you so much Ryan!"

"Um Addie?" Said a voice from behind us.

I let go of Ryan and turned on his lap, and saw Caleb standing there. He had an angry and jealous look on his face. Which I didn't understand.

But then I realized how bad this looked. To me, I was just hugging my gay cousin because he agreed to help me. But what Caleb saw was very different. He saw his girlfriend hugging another guy as if her life depended on it.

Maybe the look on his face was understandable.

I got up and went to greet my boyfriend with a kiss. "Hi."

"Hi," Caleb said back, still looking questioningly between me and Ryan.

"I have someone I want you to meet," I said and brought him over to where Ryan was sitting. "Caleb, this is my wonderful cousin Ryan Greengrass."

Caleb seemed to relax when I said cousin, probably relieved that I wasn't cheating on him (which was dumb...I could barely get Caleb to like me how could I possibly get another one to?) He stuck his hand out to shake Ryan's. "Caleb Adams."

"So you’re the boyfriend," Ryan said as he shook Caleb's hand. "I'm surprised Scorpius let you date her. Normally he won't even let boys within a five foot radius of Addie."

Caleb smiled and slipped an arm around my waist. "Yeah, well, I guess he approves."

I put a fake smile on my face, ignoring the huge lie Caleb told. But it was not Caleb's fault, he didn't know that Scorpius absolutely positively did not approve.

When I told Scorpius that Caleb was my boyfriend, he flipped. We were in the Common Room and he got really upset that I was dating someone who I didn’t know that well. Rose managed to calm him down, after failed attempts by Louis and Albus, and dragged him down to the lake. (She grabbed his hand and pulled him! It was really exciting because she never does that! *Sigh* they're so getting married.) Once at the lake, Scorpius took out his anger and frustrations by punching a tree until it died while Rose read on a nearby rock. Once Scorpius killed the tree (not actually but the tree wasn't in good shape) he sat next to Rose on the rock and she used a spell to get all the splinters out. Then they sat there, talking for a while and once Rose was absolutely sure that Scorpius was not going to go on a killing spree, did she let him come back up to the castle. That night at dinner, Scorpius sat next to Rose and when Caleb came over, he even made small talk with him. This made him receive a smile and pat on the hand from Rose. It was really cute.

Ryan, knowing Scorpius just as well as I did, didn't believe that Scorpius was okay with me having a boyfriend. "Well that's good. Do you mind if I keep your girlfriend until dinner, Caleb?"

"Nope, she's all yours," Caleb said as he turned to me. "See you at dinner?"

"I don't know, I may have a date," I said teasingly. I kissed him. "Bye."

"Bye," Caleb said and as soon as he was out of our section, I sat back down.

"Ads, I must say that you have one nice looking boyfriend there," Ryan said. I laughed at the comment, thinking about how over the summer we would go boy hunting together and he had a lot of trouble saying he found boys attractive. "But there's no way in hell that Scorpius was okay with it."

"He wasn't," I said. "He yelled at me and nearly killed a tree. Rose was the only person who could calm him down."

"Good ol' Rose. Only she can manage Scorpius' temper," Ryan said. "Although she has quite a temper on her too."

"Yeah, but I think that's why she can handle Scorpius," I said. "Her father is Ron Weasley, practically king of having a temper. In my opinion, it's just more proof that they should be together."

"Makes sense. Now speaking of tempers," Ryan said leaning toward me. "I'm surprised that Caleb is your boyfriend."

"How does that relate to tempers in anyway?" I asked confused.

"Because I always thought that you and that boy over there would get together," he said nodding behind me. I turned around and saw Albus working at a table a little ways away from us.

And damn did he look good.

I tried to act like I didn't find him attractive and turned back to Ryan. "Albus? No. Not happening. Ever."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yes really!" I said, maybe a little too defensively.

"Well someone is a little defensive," Ryan said. Merlin he was annoying. He was no longer tied for first favorite cousin. He was getting bumped down to second aka LAST. Ha. Take that Ryan. "Addie, it's okay to have feelings for the bloke."

"I do not have feelings for Albus!" I said, becoming greatly annoyed with him. "He's the rudest, most arrogant, annoying, mean and dumb jackarse in this entire school!"

"You forgot attractive," Ryan said nonchalantly.

"Yes! He's the most attractive, rudest- Hey!" I said glaring at Ryan. "He's not that attractive."

Ryan raised one eyebrow. "Really Addie? Look at him."

I looked back at Albus and had to agree with Ryan. But he couldn't know that. "I've seen better."

"Addie, you forgot that I spent the entire summer boy scoping with you," he said. "I know when you find a boy attractive."

"You're dumb," I said.

"And you're a liar," Ryan said simply. "I hate to break it to you but Albus is a lot more attractive then your boyfriend. And you know it."

I was tempted to argue with him. To tell him that he must be blind if he thinks that Albus was hotter than Caleb. But I couldn't. Because he was right.

Ryan chuckled. "From the look on your face I'm going to assume you agree with me." I didn't say anything. He got up and started packing his stuff. "When you break Caleb's heart because you realize what everyone is saying about how you and Albus feel about each other is true, let me know. Maybe he'll switch teams." I laughed and watched as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "I'll get started on the plan tomorrow."

I smiled. "Thanks Ryan."

"Anything for you babe," Ryan said, winking at me.

He was perfect for the plan.

I gathered up my stuff and put it all into my bag and got up to leave. However, when I turned around I ran right into someone, knocking their book and paper out of their hands and hitting my head against their chest. (A very toned chest...this boy clearly worked out.)

"Sorry!" I said and bent down to pick everything up. I handed it back to them.

"It's fine," Albus said.

Of course I ran into Albus. Of. Fucking. Course.

"Hey," I said to him.

"Hey," he said back. "Haven't seen you too much lately."

"Uh, yeah I've been busy," I lied. In truth I was avoiding him. I'm not sure why but I think it has to do with the fact that while we were bickering (not arguing!) I wanted to kiss him. Which wasn't a good feeling to have when you were dating someone else.

"Figured," Albus said. "First few days with the new boyfriend are always time consuming."

”Yep," I said. "It's strange having a boyfriend."

"I'm sure," Albus said, seemingly annoyed. "Especially one as awesome as Caleb."

I glared at his sarcastic tone. "What's with you Potter?"

"Nothing," he said. "I'm fine."

"Good," I said. "I mean considering the fact that you and Ericson were looking rather cozy at the Three Broomsticks, I would hate for her boyfriend to be in a bad mood."

"She's not my girlfriend," Albus said. I ignored the wave of happiness that coursed through my body.

"Well you sure send her mixed messages," I said back.

Albus put on his jerk smirk. "Why? You jealous that she was close to me and you weren't?"

Dammit I didn't know so many butterflies could be in my stomach.

"You wish," I said. "I have a great boyfriend who is so much better than you."

"Really?" Albus said. "Pretty sure that you and that Hufflepuff have zero sexual tension."

"And you would know all about sexual tension wouldn't you?" I asked Albus. For the heck of it, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a corner. "I mean Albus Potter can have sexual tension with anyone right?"

"Yeah," he said, his eyes never leaving mine. "There's only one that's constant though."

"The lucky girl," I said playing with his tie. I had no idea where any of this was coming from. It must have been my slutty alter ego Candi. "The sexual tension must be amazing. Just imagine the passion that kiss would have."

"Oh I have," Albus said. I couldn’t help but noticed that he glanced down at my lips. "But this girl has a boyfriend. And I don't think she likes him that much."

I placed the tie on his chest, flatting it against his shirt. "Really? What makes you think that?"

"Because she's here with me and not with her boyfriend."

I looked up and met his eyes. That was the game changer. That was where I could either go with my hormones and kiss him as they were screaming at me to do, ending the game by both of us winning. Or I could do what Candi was telling me to do, which was to win this game.

And I liked winning.

I put my hand on one side of his face, using the one on his chest to help push myself up to his ear.

"Here's a tip," I whispered in his ear. "Sexual tension is best when it's left unresolved. Sorry, sucker. But my boyfriend is waiting for me."

And with that I let go of him and walked out of the library. I didn't look back once.

I should've been a Slytherin.

* * *

 

The next week was the first Quidditch game of the season. It was Hufflepuff against Ravenclaw and as the girlfriend of the Hufflepuff keeper, I was obligated to go.

"No, no, no, no!" Rose said from across from me at breakfast that morning. "For the one hundredth time no!"

Unfortunately Rose wasn't.

"Please?" I said, pulling the sleeves of Caleb's old Hufflepuff jacket back. "Please come with me so that I won't be alone."

"Malfoy I doubt she's going to go," Albus said rudely. He hadn't been very nice to me since our...exchange in the library.

"Please Rosie, please I'll do anythi-"

"Hey Rose," my wonderful cousin came over, much to the annoyance of my other cousin. Scorpius glared at Ryan. For the past few days, Ryan had been doing an excellent job of flirting with Rose and Scorpius was definitely noticing. "You going to the game?"

"No she's not," Scorpius said roughtly . I didn’t really like being next to him when he was jealous. It was scary.

"Yeah mate not obvious at all that you like her," Louis mumbled under his breath. Alice giggled and he gave her a grin.

"Actually," Rose said, glaring at Scorpius. "I think I will go."

"Good," Ryan said, with a cool smile. "You better be rooting for Ravenclaw. We're the best even though my idiot cousin seems to think otherwise. Besides, you probably should have been a Ravenclaw." He eyed my sweatshirt and I could tell he was getting an idea. He took off his Ravenclaw sweatshirt and gave it to Rose. "Here, wear this to show your loyalty."

Rose smiled. "Okay."

"I'll save you and Addie seats in the middle ground," Ryan said. He walked away and Rose slipped on his jacket with a smile.

"Are you fucking kidding me Rose?" Scorpius said. "My fucking cousin?"

Rose glared at him. "There's nothing going on. He just gave me his jacket to wear to the game since I don’t have any Ravenclaw colors."

"Yeah and it probably won’t stop there!" Scorpius said. "My cousin is one of the biggest players at this school! He's probably hooked up with majority if the girls in his year!"

Oh. Well. Ryan was doing his job very, very well since Scorpius was very, very jealous.

"Oh is that where you learned how to play girls?" Rose bit back. "Besides don't even talk to me about my choices. Must I remind you of your date last week? She's the biggest slag in the entire school! But then again you probably just wanted to get some anyway so it didn't matter!"

"Yeah well at least I'm not being stupid!" Scorpius said. "There's only one reason that Ryan would be doing this and that's because he wants to get in your pants! There's no way in hell he actually likes you!"

Rose's face fell. She looked like she was about to cry. "Are you saying it's impossible for him to like me? That the only reason he, or anyone could like me is to get into my pants?"

Scorpius looked taken aback, since he clearly did not mean that. "No that's not at all what-"

"Well Scorpius, it's good to see that you think I'm so unbearable that no guy could ever like me. It's good to know that I don't need to worry about you ever having feelings for me beyond friendship." Rose had tears in her eyes. "Why do you even care what I do anyway? Since all I ever am and will be to you is a friend, I think there's nothing wrong with me trying to find someone to be with." She stood up. "I'm sorry I'm so intolerable Scorpius. I'll leave so you won't be in my presence any longer."

Rose rushed out of the Great Hall, but not before I saw a tear run down her face.

Scorpius put his head in his hands. "That's not what I meant," he whispered, more to himself then anyone else.

Alice rubbed his back soothingly. "We know. Cleary you fancy her so you would be jealous when your own cousin flirting with her and you became dumb."

"Yeah and apparently you turn into an asshole," Louis bit the meat off his fork. "I would've thought you learned from Al that pissing a girl off doesn't make her fall for you."

Al glared at Louis.

Okay, seriously who was this girl Albus can't seem to win over because he was a douche?

From all the information I've gathered it seemed like it was me but that was dumb. Why would he like me?

We have sexual tension. That was it. Not like Rose and Scorpius where they have EXTREME amounts of sexual tension and were madly in love.

"Alice why don't we check on Rose?" I said and got up. I looked at Scorpius, who still had his head in his hands, probably mentally beating himself up for being an idiot. I hugged him from behind, looping my arms around his neck. "She'll be okay."

"I'm such an idiot," he said into his hands.

I kissed his head. "You wouldn't be the Scorpius I love if you weren't."

Alice and I left the Great Hall in search of Rose.

"Scorpius is such an idiot," Alice said as we headed up the stairs.

"He was pissed off and jealous," I said. "Not a good combination for Scorp."

"He still didn't need to say that," Alice said, clearly irritated.

"He always says dumb stuff," I said as we approach the Common Room. "Rose knows that and shouldn't have taken it to heart."

"The boy she's been in love with since first year said the only reason a boy would like her was so he could get into her pants." Alice raised her eyebrows at me. "I'm pretty sure anyone would react that way."

As much as I tried, I couldn’t deny that she was right.

"Scorpius is such an idiot," I murmured.

"Hey wait," Alice said and pulled me to the side corridor. "What's up you and Al? You guys haven't been on the best terms lately."

"Nothing's going on," I said. But Alice gave me The Mum Look.

The Mum Look was scary. It made you tell the truth. Her kids (hopefully with Louis) won't get away with anything.

"Ugh..." I said. "Well...we were talking in a corner of the library about sexual tension and my slutty alter ego Candi arrived and basically flirted with him a lot and then I left."

Alice shook her head. "Well that would explain it," she said quietly. But then she addressed me, in full mum mode. "Addie you can't play with people's feelings. I don't care if it was you or Candi or whoever that's not okay. Besides you have a boyfriend and if Caleb saw that then that would cause problems. Understand?"

"Yes," I said my head down. Thanks Candi. You being a bitch and slut are getting me into trouble. When I didn't do anything. "So...what's going on you and Louis?"

Alice blushed. "Don't change the subject," she said. "We should go find Rose and make sure she's okay."

"Whatever you say Mrs. Weasley," I said, linking my arms with hers and smirking.

"Merlin it's creepy how you and Scorpius have the same smirk," Alice said as we entered the Common Room and headed up to the dorms.

"It's not creepy," I said. "It's genetics."

Alice opened the door to our room and we saw Rose lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Your cousin is a jerk Ads," she said quietly. Alice and I sat on her bed and she pushed herself into a sitting position. She pulled Ryan's jacket tighter around her small frame.

"I know," I said. "But he didn't mean it."

"Scorp was in a strange mood," Alice said. "There's no way he thinks that Rose."

Rose nodded. "He was just being over protective. He's a good friend." She looked down at the word friend. "He's going to make some girl very happy someday," she said sadly.

Merlin Rose, for claiming you don't like the bloke you are doing a terrible job of showing it.

Rose wiped her tears away. "Is Ryan really just trying to get into my pants?"

"No," I said, because he wasn't. I was pretty sure getting in her pants was the last thing he wanted. He’d probably try to get into Scott Miller, the creepy kid in seventh year Slytherin’s pants before Rose’s. You know. Cause he was gay and all. "I think he's just trying to become friends with you and Scorpius sees it the other way and is jealous."

"Why would Scorpius be jealous?" Rose asked.

Alice laughed. "Rose the fact that you're supposed to be the brightest witch of our age and you don't understand why Scorpius is jealous makes me laugh."

"Why? Why is that funny?" Rose asked. Wow she really did have no idea.

"Rosie that boy is crazy about you," Alice said. "He always has been. You can tell just by the way he looks at you."

Rose thought about this for a moment. She really seemed to be taking all of this in and Alice and I looked hopefully at each other.

Maybe she would finally figure out how she feels. Maybe she would run down to the Great Hall and jump on Scorpius, kissing him and then they'd be together. And all would be well because my two best friends who have so obviously liked each other would finally be letting go of all their sexual tension and built up love for each other. There would be no more tears or random people coming in to ruin them. Rose would have Scorpius and Scorpius would have Rose.

They'd finally be happy.

Suddenly Rose smiled a small smile and shook her head. "No he's not Alice. I'm not the usual girl he goes for. He has his type and I have mine and we don't fit the molds for each other. We wouldn't work together."

"That's not true," I said but before I could continue Rose interrupted me.

"Trust me. We don't like each other and even if we did..." Rose trailed off before snapping back into reality. "But we don't. Now I'll go get cleaned up and then we'll go to the game, okay?"

I nodded as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

"That girl is so dumb," Alice said.

I just nodded in agreement. I only hoped that Ryan would do his job so well that Scorpius got super jealous and tell Rose exactly how he feels.

Because Rose seemed to be finding any and every excuse not to admit how she feels for Scorpius.

And it was breaking my heart almost as much as it was breaking hers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please kudos, comment, bookmark, or subscribe!


	10. The Madness of Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...Brain why do you hate me?  
>  You're supposed to filter my thoughts before they come out of my mouth.  
> You suck brain.

"So who's going to the Halloween party tomorrow?" Louis asked.

Louis, Alice, Scorpius, Caleb and I were all sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room on the Friday before Halloween. Rose and Al were off talking about homework and wouldn't join us until they were done.

"I am," Scorpius said.

"Wow, Mr. Prefect going to a party! That's not setting an example for the youngins," Louis teased.

Alice rolled her eyes from her spot on the arm of the chair Louis was in. "I'm going to."

"Really?" Louis said. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her so that she was sitting in his lap. "Well, Miss Alice, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"

"And what would that be?" Alice asked as she made herself comfortable in Louis' lap.

If only Scorpius and Rose were as up front with their feelings as Louis and Alice were.

"Be my date?" Louis whispered in her ear.

Alice's eyes went wide and her cheeks became a rose color. "Okay."

"Yes!" Louis said, fist pumping, which caused Alice to giggle.

"Hey what's going on?" Albus asked, as he and Rose approached our group. Rose took the armchair as far away from Scorpius as possible, which only left one seat for Albus.

Which happened to be on the love seat where Caleb and I were.

Awesome.

"Alice agreed to be my date to the Halloween party," Louis said.

"Really? That's great," Rose said.

"Yeah," Louis said. "Al, Scorpius that's how you ask a girl out. You don't do all the dumb things you two do."

"I don't think Scorpius has a problem in that department," Rose said quietly but you could still hear the anger in her voice.

"Actually I do," Scorpius said. "I can't tell the girl I really care about how I feel. I always get tongue tied and say the wrong thing."

"Mate, at least your better than Al," Louis said. "You don't piss the girl off every time you get the chance."

"Well it doesn't matter does it?" Al said. "I don't need a date when the girl I want to go with I can't go with."

I tried to ignore the overwhelming pain that had entered my body. Albus wanted to go to the Halloween party with some girl. Who?

"Who did you want to go with?" I asked him. He looked at me and his eyes seemed to say something I couldn't read.

I felt Caleb's arms come around my waist and pull me closer to him. The look on Albus' face changed.

"It doesn't matter," he said and looked away from Caleb and I. "I'm just going to go alone. Maybe she'll come around and finally see me as more then...what she sees me as."

"Best of luck to you, man," Caleb said. Albus looked over at us again and suddenly the love seat felt to small. "Maybe when she comes around then you two can double date with Addie and I."

The look on Albus' face told me that that was probably the last thing he would ever want to do.

"That would be an awkward double date..." Louis said quietly (well he thought it was quiet. It wasn't.) When everyone turned to look at him, he tried to make an excuse. "Only because...ugh..."

"Only because Albus and Addie would probably start fighting," Alice said. "That's always a little awkward."

Louis gave Alice a smile and whispered a thanks in her ear.

At least, that’s what I assume he did.

"What about you, Scorpius? Got a date?" Caleb asked. Rose perked up, curious and stared at Scorpius.

Scorpius stared right back. "Nope. There's only one girl I want to go with. But she currently thinks I'm a jerk, so that's not happening."

"Well I'm sure she has good reason," Rose said, standing up. Her face had a deep frown, so I was sure she wasn’t happy. "I'm going to head to bed now."

I saw Alice start to move to get up, but I beat her to it.

"I'll go check on her, Alice," I said, kissing Caleb on the cheek and standing up. "You can stay here."

Alice mouthed a thank you and relaxed into Louis. Before heading up the stairs to the dorms, I looked back at my friends. Alice and Louis looked so happy and like they had been dating for years. Scorpius was staring into the fire, probably beating himself up over screwing things up with Rose again.

Caleb and Albus were awkwardly sitting next to each other, listening to Louis talk about the latest Quidditch game.

I went up to our dorm to see Rose in her PJs cleaning the room and muttering angrily to herself.

Well it seems I came up here just in time.

Especially since it was my side of the room she was cleaning. (I'm not a slob! Everything is an organized mess!)

"Rose," I said stepping into the room as Rose grabbed a magazine out of the throw away pile. Though I never got around to throwing away the stuff in the throw away pile. "Put the magazine down and retreat to your bed."

She mumbled something that sounded very similar to "My best friend is a pig." However, I let it slide and went and sat on her bed with her.

"What's up?" I asked her.

"What's up?!" Rose said back. "What's up is that your cousin is a complete and total idiot! And who the hell is this girl he's talking about screwing up his chances with because he's a jerk? Lately he's only been a jerk to me!"

I decided it might be a futile attempt to tell her that girl was her. "Rose you need to calm down. Scorpius means well."

"Scorpius means well?!" Is she just in a parrot mood today? Why is she repeating everything I say? "He shouldn't even be going to that party! He's a Prefect! He's supposed to report this kind of thing to the teachers!"

"But you're going to the party," I pointed out. "And you're a Prefect."

"Well I'm thinking of not going," Rose said curtly. "I should tell McGonagall and get Scorpius and all them into trouble. That would show Scorpius."

"Or," I said because I didn't like the idea of my best friend becoming the most hated girl in school. James and Fred's Halloween Party was always epic, and has only improved since they started it in their third year (yeah they started throwing the biggest party of the year when they were 13. Total respect.) And they never allowed any of us in until last year, saying that Fifth Years should have something to look forward to. Rose couldn't ruin that. "You could go to the party and relax. Dance, flirt with boys, maybe even drink a little." Rose frowned. "Please Rose? At least try to have fun."

"Fine," Rose said.

"Thank you," I said. But something was nagging me. "So...who's this girl that everyone keeps talking about? The one Albus is interested but keeps messing up because he keeps pissing her off?"

I push down the amounts of hope inside me as I wait for Rose's answer.

"Oh," Rose said, scrunching up her nose, as if she was annoyed by the question. "It's some Slytherin girl. I've never really met her."

Gee Addie don't act so disappointed.

That must be Candi. She's always trying to cause drama.

"Huh," I said. "Well him and James sure are similar aren't they?"

"Yep," Rose said. "Now I actually am tired and would like to go to bed now. Night Addie."

Night Rose," I said and headed to the bathroom.

But I didn't want to go. All I wanted to do was find out more about this girl Albus liked.

I didn't even get a name. Or a letter in her name. I had nothing.

I looked up in the mirror and hated the reflection looking back at me.

It was the one I never wanted to see.

I tried to fake a smile, hoping maybe the sadness would leave my face.

But it wouldn't go away.

I stared at my reflection and tried pushing all the dark feelings away.

I succeeded eventually, but not before I heard a voice echo through my head.

"You're not good enough for anyone."

I left the bathroom as fast as possible.

* * *

 

"Addie come on!" Rose yelled through the bathroom door. "The boys are waiting!"

"One second!" I said, adjusting my costume.

"You said that 20 minutes ago!"

Well someone's in a snappy mood.

I adjusted my wings looked at my sparkly, green fairy costume, feeling pleased with my appearance. I looked up at my reflection, but remembering the voice I heard early, quickly went back to adjusting my skirt.

"ADDIE. GET OUT OR WE ARE LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!" Rose yelled, sounding like a mother. Her and Scorp's kids won't be able to do anything with her around. Thank Merlin Scorpius would be a cool parent.

"I'm here!" I said, coming out of the bathroom. "Calm down."

"About time," Rose said. "Alice was about to go in that bathroom and pull you out by your hair. She wants to see Louis."

"No!" Alice said, adjusting her costume. I wasn't exactly sure what she was. "Rose you were going to pull her out by her hair because you want Scorp to see you!"

"That's a lie!" Rose said. "Why would I care about Scorpius seeing me?"

"Because you're dressed very differently than usual! You have practically everything on display!" Alice said, gesturing to Rose's chest area. "And could that dress be any shorter?"

I took a moment to take her outfit in.

She looked…not like Rose normally looked. Normally, Rose was dressed very nicely; not too conservative, but also not to wear she was showing enough. Tonight however, Rose’s shirt was low-cut and her dress barely covered her butt. It's like she's been taking lessons from Candi or something. I think she was supposed to be a cat.

"Rose what are you wearing?!" I said. While I didn’t really care about how much skin she was showing, since she has a right to dress how she wants, I couldn’t help but be concerned because it was Rose. She got self-conscious wearing shorts. "You don’t wear stuff like that! Are you okay?"

"Yes!" She said, her voice showing off her annoyance. “Why do you both keep asking me that?”

"Because we know you," Alice said. "You don’t dress like this. You're only dressed like that because you want to show Scorpius what he can't have!"

"And why would I do that?" Rose said her voice defensive.

“Guys-“ I tried to stop them from fighting but couldn’t get a word in.

"Because you're absolutely in love with the bloke!" Alice said, ignoring me. "You have been since we were in first year! And though you hate to admit it, he is totally in love with you too! Everyone can see it! Everyone knows that you two are meant to be with each other! People have even started taking bets on when you two will finally hook up! Addie and I have tried telling you that but you never seem to listen to us!"

Rose looked at Alice a look of disbelief on her face. Then, she shook her head before looking at us both with a hard, stubborn look.

"I am going to say thing for the last time," she said, quiet but firm. "I do not have feelings for Scorpius. I have none whatsoever, and I'm sure he feels the same for me. Whatever you two are trying to do, trying to put us together, will never, EVER work. Understand?"

"Rose, we just want you to be happy," I said softly, reaching to touch her arm. She pulled away from my touch.

I tried to ignore the hurt I felt at her pulling away at the whisper of the voice of earlier, and instead focused on Rose.

"I am happy," she said. But I could tell she was lying. She even started tearing up. "I'm very happy. Scorpius means nothing more than a friend to me. That's all. All we will ever be is friends. He could never feel that way about me and I could never feel that way about him." She closed her eyes to hold back the tears. "I'm going tonight to have fun and flirt with boys and maybe even drink a little. But I'm not doing any of this for Scorpius. Scorpius and I...we will never be together. And everyone just needs to accept that."

And with that she left the room, but not before tears started falling down her face.

I looked at Alice, who looked incredibly guilty.

"I just want her to see how perfect they are for each other," she said quietly. "He's crazy about her. He's only told Al, Louis and you, but everyone knows it. But why won't he do anything about it? Why won't he just kiss her and make her see that she's crazy about him to?"

I sat down on the bed next to her. "Because Scorpius thinks that he'll only hurt her," I said, recalling our conversation at the Weasley's party at the end of the summer. "He thinks that if they were to date, it wouldn't end with a marriage and rainbows. He thinks that it will end terribly and that he would not only lose Rose, but Al, Louis and me as well. He doesn't want everyone to hate him."

"I don't think Scorp would hurt her," Alice said. "Scorpius may be big and tough, but he is such a teddy bear. He wouldn't hurt a fly as long as it didn't flirt with you or break your heart in some way."

"I know," I said, sighing. "It must suck being totally crazy about a person and not even realizing it. I don't know how Rose manages to keep denying that she doesn't have feelings for him. I'd be exhausted."

"I don't know," Alice said looking at me. "You do a pretty good job at it. And you don't even seem tired." I looked up at her in confusion, but she was grabbing her stuff and putting it in her purse. "We better go the boys are waiting."

I followed her out of the dorm. "What do you mean by that Alice?"

"Oh, not much," Alice said. "Just that you may want to analyze your feelings for a certain bright eyed boy so you realize that you and Rose aren't all that different."

Bright eyed boy? Who the fuck was that?

However, before I could inquire Alice further, we arrived at the Common Room, where Albus, Louis and Scorpius were waiting for us. Scorpius was staring at the Common Room door.

"Wow, Alice you look great," Louis said. I still had no idea who she was. "What are you supposed to be?"

"Morgan Le Fay," Alice said. "She was one of the darkest witches in Avalon and is one of the reasons Camelot failed."

Louis smiled. "Well you look great." He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the Common Room.

"So did I do something wrong?" Scorpius asked me. "To Rose I mean? Because she walked down here, saw me, burst into tears, and ran out."

"Oh, uh," I said. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah you try not worrying about the fact that the girl you’re crazy about running away from you crying while looking totally hot," Scorpius said.

"Dude!" Albus said, hitting Scorp’s arm lightly. "She's my cousin!"

"So?" Scorpius said, a confused look on his face. "It's not like you haven't-"

But before Scorpius could finish the sentence, Albus hit him over the head and gave him a warning look. Scorpius rubbed his head.

"And you say I got it bad," Scorpius muttered and walked out of the room.

I watched him in confusion and then turned back to Al with a questioning look. "What was that all about?"

Albus shrugged. "He needs to learn when to shut up. Maybe he'll stop saying dumb things to Rose."

Well. Clearly I wasn't going to get a straight answer from him.

"So what are you supposed to be?" I said, taking in the costume. He was wearing tight pants, a loose, button up shirt, and appeared to have a sword hooked onto his belt.

Haha. He had a sword.

Shut up, I'm mature.

And boy, did he look hot.

He really filled out those pants.

...HAHAHAHAHA.

Okay I'll try to be mature now.

Oh, who was I kidding? I have never been mature.

"I'm a Musketeer," Albus said. "Originally, Louis, Scorp and I were going to be the Three Musketeers. But then they both decided that was lame and they didn't want to. So now I'm stuck looking like an idiot with a sword."

That time I couldn't help but giggle. Albus eyed me with his beautiful, bright green eyes.

Wait...didn't Alice say that I needed to analyze my feelings for a certain bright eyed boy?

She wasn't talking about Albus was she?!

No. That's dumb. And doubtful.

Besides he had his little Slytherin love.

That bitch.

"Yes, Addie," Albus said. "I have a sword. Act your age not your shoe size."

"Wow mature, Albus," I said back. "What's your shoe size, a 4?"

"No," Albus said. "It's actually an 11."

I tried really hard not to think about that thing that James once said about a guy’s foot size correlating to his…sword size. I bit my lip, and looked around the room, trying to find anything to distract myself from that very awkward topic.

I realized that I had been standing in silence for a few seconds now and Albus was looking at me with a worried expression.

I cleared my throat to talk, figuring that was the best distraction from my stupid brain.

 "So...ugh..." Wow Addie, articulate. "We should go to the party?"

Why did that come out as a question?

That should not have been a question.

"Sure..." Albus said. We walked out of the Common Room in silence. "Don't you have to meet your boyfriend though?"

"Nope, I'm meeting him there," I said and his sword hit my leg.

I groaned, because I heard James’s stupid voice talking about “swords”.

"Are you okay?" Albus asked me. He was looking at me with an increasingly concerned expression. Almost as if he was worried about my sanity.

"Yeah I'm fine," I said. His sword hit me again. GOD DAMMIT. "Can you please stop touching me with your sword?"

"I'm not trying to touch you with my sword," Albus said, confused on why that would bug me so much. "Besides I can't move it."

Was he trying to make me feel awkward?

Because I was feeling awkward.

"Well move it!" I said, snapping at him as we arrived at the Room of Requirement. The doors opened and revealed a giant room, where people were already dancing, drinking and somehow already making out. "Why is it so long anyway?"

I DID NOT JUST ASK HIM WHY HIS SWORD IS LONG.

SOMEONE JUST KILL ME NOW PLEASE.

"I don't know, it just is," Albus said, looking around, clearly wanting to get away from me and my craziness. Apparently he wasn’t feeling the awkward vibe that surrounded me and was now drowning me.

"Well maybe if you didn't have such big feet it wouldn't be so long!" I snapped before immediately turning deep red.

...Brain why do you hate me?

You're supposed to filter my thoughts before they come out of my mouth.

You suck brain.

Albus looked at me in shock, before smirking at me, a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"Something tells me, we aren't talking about the same sword," Albus said, giving me a full on jerk smirk.

Okay Alice, I'm analyzing my feelings. And I've realized something.

I hate Albus. With a passion.

"Shut up," I said, attempting to walk away from him. Which meant that I had to walk straight into the dance floor.

"No, it's fine," Albus said, following me.

Everyone around us was grinding on each other as if they were in a club. I mainly focused on trying to not touch anyone or anyone’s bodily fluids. Out of nowhere, a couple, mid snog session, pushed into me and I fell backwards, Al’s arms coming around my waist and holding me up against his chest.

I turned around, ready to tell him to let me go, but found myself looking into his eyes, which had a new, almost hungry look in them. My words got caught in my throat and I couldn’t help but look down at his lips, the loud music making it hard to think.

His hands remained my waist and he started to move to the rhythm, his waist starting to grind against me. As if acting on their own accord, my hands landed on his chest, slowly working their way up to Albus’s shoulder’s, pulling him closer to me, my hips matching his.

In this crowd of hormonal teenagers, we looked no different, dancing closely together in a way that probably would not have been appropriate anywhere else. But despite that,  being with him on the dance floor, dancing as we were...it felt natural. Almost right.

It was as if years of sexual tension were coming together all at once, our surroundings only intensifying everything. I couldn’t help but think about how badly I wanted to grab his hair and pull his lips to mine, as my hormones seemed to be begging me to. 

As far as I knew, there was no one else in the room, it was just Albus and I. It was just the two of us, standing so close together that nothing could get through, our hips grinding against each other, and our eyes locked on each other.

It felt so right. It felt like I was always supposed to be here. My heart was hammering in my chest, faster than the beat of the song, and Albus' heart matched mine.

Albus moved his hands up and down my waist, pulling me as close to him as possible. It felt so right. And it seemed so natural for him to be doing it. I felt drunk, and I hadn't had a single drink.

Albus pulled away and looked me in the eyes. My arms were clinging him to me, desperate to pull him back. We stared at each other, our breathes heavy. I could see it in his eyes, the lust, the hunger and something I couldn't put my finger on though it looked so similar to how Scorpius looked at Rose. Albus rested his forehead on mine and everything disappeared, everything that wasn't gone already. The music disappeared, the shouts, the noise, and the tension in the room. All I could hear was mine and Albus' hearts, beating so fast and so in time and I just looked into his eyes and felt the butterflies, no, butterflies was too small of a word. I felt all the birds in the entire world fly around my stomach, just by being this close to him.

Caleb never made me feel like this.

Caleb. My boyfriend.

Suddenly, I became so overwhelmed with guilt, that all I wanted to do was run and hide, pretending this day hadn’t happened, and pretending I didn’t enjoy it as much as I did.

I closed my eyes and used all my will power to push away from Albus. I ignored how bare my waist felt without his arms there, holding me close to him.

By breaking contact with him, the real world came back, and all the noise that was pushed out by the beating of our hearts was suddenly loud.

But not as loud as my heart, hormones and brain, all yelling at me for detaching myself from Albus.

"I have to go find my boyfriend," I whispered and looked at him. He was looking at me with the same expression as before, but he looked extremely hurt now.

But instead of objecting or pulling me closer he just nodded.

I turned and walked away before I could do anything else.

* * *

"Do you want to dance?" Caleb asked me. I nodded and he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. It was a slow song, so Caleb put his arms around my waist and I put my arms around his neck. I rested my head on his chest and tried to feel a fraction of what I felt with Albus earlier.

I liked Caleb. I did. He made me feel safe and secure. And he was hot. And a great kisser.

But he didn't make my heart race.

I scanned the party around us, looking for familiar faces. I saw Louis and Alice, slow dancing and looking so happy. I smiled watching as Louis brought her chin up and kissed her softly on the lips. Not knowing where that was going, I looked away.

I spotted Rose, sitting by the bar, a group of boys around her. Scorpius wasn't too far away and he was watching them, clutching his drink as Rose laughed loudly, clearly drunk. Scorpius got up from his barstool and went to the group and all of the guys scattered while Rose downed her drink. When she put the drink down and saw Scorpius standing there, she said something to him and then downed the shot glass next to her and took off. Scorpius looked hurt, but started following her instantly, his duty as her self-appointed guardian for the night.

"I said NO, Potter!" I heard a voice say. I looked over and saw James and Annalise, the Slytherin girl he liked.

"Come on, just one slow song," James slurred. He swayed a little and, despite herself, I saw Annalise smile, I assume laughing at his drunkenness before catching herself and putting a frown on her face.

"No, Potter!" Annalise said.

"But why?" James said and his eyes seemed to gloss over. "Why do you always say no to me? Maybe I'm a really good guy and you just don't see it. I don't try to make you mad. It just happens. I really, really like you. When I'm with you my heart races like crazy and I lose control of what I meant to say. I know I'm a pig-head but for once can you give me a chance?"

I didn't hear Annalise's answer because the song changed to an ear crushing screamo song. I let go of Caleb's neck and grabbed his hand to bring him to the side.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked as we walked along the party.

"I don't know," Caleb said. "Hey there are your friends, why don't we see what they're doing?"

Caleb pulled me in the direction of my friends and I saw that Louis, Alice, Scorpius and Al were all sitting by the bar talking. Alice appeared to be comforting Scorpius while he looked at something happening farther down the bar. And he looked pissed.

"Hey guys," I said. "What's up?"

Alice rubbed Scorpius' back. "Calm down Scorpius, it'll be okay."

I looked down the bar and saw that boys surrounded Rose again, and she was completely smashed. A guy put his hand on her leg and Scorpius was up like a shot. He was about to head over there when I went in front of him and felt the presence of Caleb behind me.

"Whoa there Scorpius," I said. "Sit back down."

"Rose will be fine," said the person (who wasn't Caleb...and sounded weirdly like Albus) behind me. I turned my head and saw that Albus stood behind me, his chest only inches from my back. I ignored the butterflies that appeared in my stomach.

Rose pushed the guy's hand off her leg and he didn't try it again.

"See Scorpius," I said, desperate to calm Scorpius. "Rose can take care of herself."

I turned him around and pushed him back onto his stool. I went back to Caleb's side and grabbed his hand. "You need to do something to get your mind off her."

"Like what?" Scorpius said, rudely.

Watch it buddy. If you weren't feeling bad I'd give you the old one, two.

Be scared Scorpius.

Be very scared.

"Why don't we go to the haunted house?" Caleb suggested, nodding to the part of the Room of Requirement that I hadn't ventured to.

Haunted houses tended to have boggarts. I stay as far away from boggarts as I possibly can.

Scorpius knew this. "I don't know if that's a good idea," he said, eyeing me.

Caleb noticed and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. "Are you scared Addie?"

"No," I lied. "I'm a Gryffindor, we aren't scared of anything."

"Okay," he said kissing my head. I laid my head on my chest and I saw Albus looking at the ground with the same expression he had on earlier when I broke off from him. He raised his eyes and we made eye contact. "I'll protect you from anything that scares you."

I broke off from Al's wonderful eyes and buried my face in Caleb's chest. He pulled me closer to him and I felt that safety net come around me. With Caleb it was easy. I didn't have to take risks, I never worried that I wouldn't be good enough. I knew where I stood with him and I knew that he liked me.

He liked me a lot more than I liked him.

"Okay," I said and smiled up at him. Caleb gave me a quick peck on the lips. We joined hands and the six of us headed over to the haunted house, Caleb and I leading.

We entered the haunted house and saw that it was just a hallway with many doors.

"Now what?" Alice asked.

"I think we have to open one of the doors," Albus said. "I remember Freddy saying that depending on what door you open, you'll go through a different haunted house than other people. So we may as well just pick a door."

Scorpius walked to one of the doors and opened it. He walked in and the next thing we knew, he had disappeared. We all ran towards the door, Caleb reaching it first, then Al. Both of them disappeared.

I ran in after and suddenly felt all of my bones turn to jelly. I felt like I was Apparating, where I had no control over my body and I was being shoved through tubes.

I landed rather quickly, on someone's chest. They made an "oof" sound when I landed and I took a moment to gain control of my limbs before rolling off them.

"Thanks for landing on me," Albus said, rubbing his chest.

"Thanks for breaking my fall," I said, rolling off him and onto the ground.

Albus sat up and looked around the room. "I guess it's just the two of us here."

"What?" I said, sitting up as well. It appeared that we had landed in a corridor. "Where is everyone else?"

"I don't know," Albus asked. "We all ran in the same door right?"

I nodded and stood up. "We may as well find a way out of here." I stuck my hand out to help Albus up. He grabbed it and nearly pulled me down on top of him. "Watch it," I said. "I'm only one hundred and seven pounds you know."

Al looked down at me, since he was standing about nine inches taller than me. "I never realized how tiny you were."

"I'm not that tiny!" I said. "I'm 5 foot 4! That's a very reasonable height!"

Albus nodded. "Which way, Shorty?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "This way!"

I lead Albus down the hallway, which lead us to a ghost. It was one of those ghosts that Muggles always feared and actually said boo at us. Next we encountered a coffin that when you opened it bats flew out. That sort of thing was mainly what the entire haunted house was.

"Well this sucks," I said, turning a corner. "We're probably almost done and have not encountered one single thing! Except those spiders of course." I smirked at Al, referring to his reaction to the spiders that were coming down all the walls.

He ran away screaming like a little girl.

If there was ever a time for a camera it would be then.

"Spiders are scary," Albus said. "I'm sorry that I'm not willing to face something that has eight legs. That's just creepy."

I shook my head. "Your father faced a huge spider and his millions of children when he was 12. And your 16 and you can't even face a single spider."

"My father is a robot," Albus said. "Spiders are creepy and you know it."

Al and I walked in silence for a while.

"I think we're almost done," I said.

"I hope so," he said.

We turned the corner and right in front of us was a giant wardrobe.

Shit.

"Should we open it?" Al asked me, walking toward the wardrobe.

"No," I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

"Why?" Albus said. "You scared?" Albus smirked at me. "I doubt there's anything too scary in there. It's probably something lame like the rest of this haunted house."

"Or it could be a boggart," I said, anxiety building inside me. "And I'd rather not have to face that."

"Why?" Al asked, looking genuinely concerned. "What are you so afraid of?"

I looked up at him. I could tell him. It wouldn't be hard. But when I tried to speak nothing came out.

Al nodded his head, as he if he understood that I couldn't tell him. "Just stand behind me and I'll take care of it."

"Okay," I said and took my place behind him. I adjusted myself so I couldn't even see the wardrobe.

"Ready?" Albus said.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

Albus grabbed his wand out of his pocket. He tightened his grip and aimed it toward the wardrobe. The door flew open.

For a moment nothing happened.

But then, suddenly Al was pulled against the wall by something that looked similar to snakes. His hands were held up against the wall and were woven around, holding him in place.

"Al!" I said and I went toward him.

But not before I heard the voice.

It was the voice that haunted me in my darkest times, the voice that made me feel worthless. I had been hearing it less and less as the years had gone by, and yesterday was the first time I heard it in months. And it had been haunting me ever since.

"Addie," my mum's voice said behind me. I wanted to go help Albus, to free him. But no matter how hard I tried to walk away, to not look at the boggart, I couldn’t. I couldn't do this. I couldn't save myself from this fear.

I turned and saw that the boggart had taken the shape of my mother, at least the one form I knew her as. It looked exactly like the picture I had until third year, when I ripped it up and burned it.

By that point I knew she wasn't coming back.

"Addie dear," said my faux mother. She looked young, since she was only about 28 or so in the picture I had. She and I looked similar; same blonde hair, same eye shape and same body. But my curly hair and blue eyes were things that I inherited from my father, a mystery man I never knew and had no intention of knowing. "Oh Addie my how you've grown. Such a...unique look you have." She looked like she was disappointed. "You look so much like me, only not as pretty. How are your grades? Not good I bet, you never were very smart."

I knew Albus must have been confused, wondering who this woman was. And I knew I should grab my wand and make her go away but I couldn't. I knew we had learned the spell to do so, I knew all I had to do was think of something silly, but the image of seeing my mother, or something disguised as her, shocked me so much that I was frozen in place.

“You never were good enough were you?" Mum said, and she began to circle me. I felt tears starting to prick my eyes. I never should've done this stupid haunted house. "Always not good enough in school, never even could do anything for yourself could you? You were such a pathetic little child. I doubt that changed with age."

"Addie," I heard Albus say. "Don't listen to her."

"You didn't know this, but you're the reason your father left. Even at a young age he could tell that you were going to be a pathetic excuse of a daughter."

"Addie!" Albus said, louder now. He was fighting off the snakes that held him to the wall but more seemed to appear. "Addie stop listening!"

But I couldn't. I was frozen in place, taking in every word my mother said.

"I on the other hand thought maybe you could amount to something," Mum said. "However you proved me wrong. So I left. I couldn't stay for something that was never going to be good enough."

The tears were falling quickly now and Albus was shouting at me to stop listening. But I knew there would be no point that that. She was right.

"You're not pretty enough or smart enough. It's a wonder Draco and Astoria have put up with you," she said. It took all my energy to stand because I was crying so hard. "Especially with Scorpius as a son. He's so smart and just all around wonderful. You are nothing compared to him. And soon, that whole family will figure out what your father and I already know." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "You are never going to amount to anything. And they'll leave you and you'll be alone."

At that, I lost my ability to stand. I just couldn't do it anymore, the pain hurt too much.

She was right. She was one hundred percent right.

I fell to the ground and pulled my knees to myself, trying to make myself as small as possible. I barely heard Albus' shouts now, all I heard was my mother, telling me the truth.

"But you may think you have your friends right? But no, they too will realize what a pathetic human you are," Mum's voice sounded soothing almost, like she was reading me a bedtime story even though she was doing to total opposite. "Rose is far too smart to deal with you. It's a wonder she hasn't given up on you already. And Alice will get fed up of you holding her back. They'll both go off and make something of themselves while you do nothing with your life. And not even with your life, but right now. It's a wonder you even got a boyfriend with them around! Alice, perhaps one of the most beautiful girls in Hogwarts, could easily take him away if she chose. And Rose too, she's far smarter than you could even dream of being! It's funny how they even became friends with you. It was probably out of pity. They'll leave you, just as people always leave you. And then Caleb, well, he quickly realize that you aren't as great as he made you up to be. And he'll leave. And you'll be alone. But those won't even be the most painful losses."

I sobbed and hugged my legs, mentally begging her to stop. I didn't want to know what the most painful loss would be. She already listed everyone important to me leaving me. Who else could there be?

"Oh no, you'll be devastated after he leaves," Mum said. "Your heart will break in to a million pieces. And you won't even realize it until it's too late. You're very proud, Addison. You don't even realize that you want something so badly because you know that you can't have it. You can't have him. You aren't good enough for him. So you don't even that your feelings could ever go past what you claim they are. But they are far past that. They are quite the opposite of what you think. But you know you aren't good enough, so you don't even bother trying to get him. Trying to win him over. He is a Golden Boy after all, there's no chance in hell that you could get him." Mum laughed. "If there's one thing you're good at, it's knowing what you don't deserve, and you will never ever deserve him. Nor will he ever want you. You'll always be the crazy bitch Addie Malfoy. And he'll see it the most clearly. He's been here for so long and it's a wonder that you've never realized your feelings for him. But it's good that you don't. You don't want to get your hopes that someone as amazing as him could fall for you. Your family history doesn't match his. It's good to listen to your mind over your heart in this case."

I listened through my sobs, trying to figure out who it was. But I couldn't. But my heart, my heart seemed to know exactly who she was talking about, because the thought of this mystery boy leaving me, made it ache with longing. I didn't want to lose this boy, not if it meant the pain that she had just said.

"You're almost like me," Mum whispered. "You aren't good enough. You're the child they whisper about because of your heritage. You have no mother or father and someday you will have no one. Everyone will leave you but you don't have the heart to leave anyone. At least I could leave people. I wasn't a pathetic little girl like you. Nobody will ever love you, Addison. Nobody will ever stay. You aren't good enough and you never will be."

"Riddikulus," I heard Albus say. Suddenly, it was completely quiet in the room. And I knew she was gone.

"She's right," I said, through my sobs. I put my face in my knees, trying to make it so he couldn't see my tears.

I heard Albus' footsteps come towards my direction and felt him sit on the ground next to me. His arms snaked around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. One of his hands stayed at my waist and the other went to my hair, gently stroking it. He pulled me as close to him as he possibly could, curling me into his chest.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him as tight as I possibly could. I sobbed into his chest, not caring if I got snot all over his shirt. All that mattered was I was in his arms and he was holding me. I just let all the tears out because it felt right to do so.

I felt safe.

It was as if a blockade had come and made it so nothing could hurt me. Nothing could make me feel bad or hurt me because Albus was holding me.

But Mum's words still ran through my mind.

"She's right," I said. "She's one hundred percent right. Everyone's going to leave me. Everyone is going to realize that I'm not worth it. That I'm not good enough. That I'm never good enough."

"Addie," Albus said, softly in my ear. "She wasn't right."

"But she was," I said. "No one wants me, my own parents didn't want me. I'm a waste of space."

"No you're not," Albus said, kissing my temple. "You're a lot of things but you are absolutely not a waste of space."

"Everyone's going to leave me," I whispered into his chest. "Rose, Scorpius, Alice, Caleb, Louis, everyone will realize that I'm not good enough." I tried pulling myself closer to him. "Even you. Everyone is going to realize that I'm going nowhere and that I'm never going to amount to anything. They'll stop loving me and they'll leave. They'll leave just like everyone else. And I'll be alone." I pulled my face off Albus' chest to look at him. His beautiful eyes. "I'll be completely alone."

I was about to put my head back on his chest. I couldn't face him. Facing him, while knowing that he too was going to leave me, hurt.

We were friends now. But he was just going to leave me alone. And that thought made my entire body and heart hurt. By letting him see all this, he could realize that I'm not worth it and leave. And I couldn't handle looking into his eyes and knowing that.

But he stopped me. As Albus does so well, he fought against me. He put his hands on either side of my face and forced me to look at him. His eyes searched mine and he looked at me in the same way that Scorpius looked at Rose, like he just couldn't believe how amazing and beautiful she was.

My makeup had to be ruined now. The eyeliner, the mascara, the glitter, it all had to be all over my face. I had to look like a total and complete mess.

Yet Albus was looking at me like I was the most beautiful girl ever.

"Addie," he said, rubbing his thumb along my cheek. "That's not true. No one is going to leave you. We're all are going to be here no matter what you do. Nothing you do could disappoint us." I shook my head and wanted to argue, but I couldn't find the voice too. Albus knew that I didn't believe him. He brought my face closer to his and rested his forehead on mine. "You are good enough," he whispered. "You are so incredibly good enough. You're the most amazing friend to everyone and you have the loyalty of a Hufflepuff, which is a good thing. You would do nearly anything for your friends. You're incredibly smart, even if you don't do the best in school. You're an amazing Chaser, definitely one of the best in the school or James wouldn't have put you on the team. And you're not pretty. You're absolutely beautiful. You're strong willed, stubborn, cunning, smart, kind and willing to stand up to anyone. You are more than good enough, Addie." His green eyes bore into my blue ones, and I could see that he meant it. He meant every word that came out of his mouth. "Caleb is a lucky guy to have you. Any guy would be lucky to have you, just like anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. It's amazing that you can't see how amazing you are."

He wiped a tear away from my face. I shut my eyes and just took in everything he was saying. Took him, holding me as if he had been doing it for years and making me feel worth something, in.

"I'm not the amazing one," I whispered to him. "You are."

Albus seemed surprised by this, and so was I. But it was true. He was amazing.

"Trust me, you're amazing," Al whispered back. "And anyone who says you aren't isn't worth your time. You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met."

I closed my eyes and sighed. I then lifted my face up a little bit until our noses touched. I opened my eyes and saw him staring right back at me.

It felt so right. I wanted to kiss him so badly.

Albus looked at me and sighed, closing his eyes. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me. But then he opened them and pulled back.

"We had better get out of here," he said, almost painfully.

I pulled my arms back and he pulled his back too. I slowly crawled out of his chest, out of my safety zone. He stood up first and offered a hand to help me up. Once I was up, I stopped him before he could walk away and put my arms around his neck. His came around my waist, almost like a reflex.

"Thank you, Al" I said to him.

He rested his cheek on top of my hair. "No problem." I heard him laugh. "You called me Al. You've never called me that before."

I smiled into his chest. I liked that he noticed me calling him Al.

I didn't want to let go, I didn't want to go and face the real world. I wanted to stay in Albus' arms in the haunted house forever if it meant the peace and quiet and safety I felt here.

I pulled my arms back and fortunately, Albus left one arm around my waist. I leaned into him as we walked.

I didn't even try to ignore how perfectly we fit together.

When Albus and I finally reached the end of the haunted house, I was happy and sad. Happy that I wouldn't have to face the boggart again and sad that mine and Al's nice moment would have to come to an end.

When we walked out, I saw Scorpius and Caleb standing together, Scorpius looking at something with an agitated look on his face and Caleb was looking around, probably looking for me. When he spotted me, he started smiling brightly, but darkened when he saw Albus' arm around my waist. Reluctantly, I pushed away from Albus and went over to Caleb and engulfed him in a hug, hoping to get more comfort in his arms than in Al's.

It didn't work.

I felt safe, but not indestructible.

Dammit.

"Hey," he said as I pulled back. I quietly greeted him and turned toward Scorpius, who stopped glaring in the distance to give Al a questioning look. They appeared to be having a silent conversation.

Well Scorpius sucks since he never has silent conversations with me.

Scorpius turned to me. "Boggart?" He asked me. I only nodded. He lifted his arms, asking me if I needed a hug and I ran into them.

Scorp's arms were unlike any other because they were the ones there for me the longest. I will never stop loving the feeling of hugging him.

Scorpius held me close and rubbed my back soothingly. "I'm not going anywhere," he said quietly. "I promise."

"I know," I said back.

"I love you Ads," he said. "Nothing is ever going to change that."

Scorpius kissed my head and let me go. I went back to Caleb and got a questioning look.

"What happened in there?" Caleb asked me.

"Nothing," I said.

"No, tell me," he said. "I want to know."

"Mate, lay off," Albus said. "She doesn't want to talk about it."

"Yeah well you clearly know about it don't you?" Caleb asked rudely.

"Well I was there," Albus said, just as rudely. I shot him a glance telling him to knock it off.

"Nothing happened, Caleb," I said. "I ran into a boggart. That's all I'm willing to say."

"Well what was your boggart?" Caleb asked me.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I said. "And you should respect that."

"I do respect that," Caleb said and I could see I hurt him. "I just wish you would tell me. I wish I was there to protect you like I promised I would."

I quickly kissed him on the cheek. "Maybe I'll tell you someday. But I can't right now."

"That bastard," Scorpius said from behind us. We both turned and saw him looking directly at Rose.

Rose was very drunk now, to the point of where she could barely stand up. It was clear she was going to pass out soon. A guy pushed her up against a wall and, though she tried, Rose couldn't push him away. Before I could even process all this, Scorpius was over there and pulled the guy off of Rose.

"You fucking arsehole!" Scorpius yelled, as he slammed his fist into the guy's face. I ran over to the scene. "She said no. Get that through your thick skull fuckhead."

The guy tried coming back up, but that ended with him getting kicked in the privates by me.

No one messes with the Malfoy's. We're protective people and you don't try to take advantage of anyone we care about.

Especially Rose.

In fact, I would have continued kicking him in the privates if Albus hadn't pulled me away.

"Scorp," Rose said, leaning back against the wall and crying. "I was scared, I was so scared. He wouldn't get away and I couldn't push him off..." Rose put her face in her hands.

"It's okay Rose," Scorpius said, wrapping his arms around her. He sighed a breath of relief. "I'm just glad you’re okay."

They stood like that for a while, Scorpius even kissed her head multiple times. You could tell just by looking at them how perfect they were. She fit so well into him and he looked so relieved that she was okay. That she was the safest place she could be, which was in his arms.

"I told you they were good for each other," I said to Albus. Albus only smiled at me.

I felt Caleb's arm come around my waist and pull me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Where's Alice and Louis?"

Caleb nodded toward a couch where they both sat, laughing and stealing kisses from one another.

It's been a good night for my friends.

"Scorp," Rose said quietly. "I want to go to sleep."

"Okay," Scorpius said and pulled away. "Can you walk there?"

Rose took one step and nearly fell, but Scorpius caught her just in time. "It's okay, I got you," he said as he lifted Rose into his arms, bridal style. Rose wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled into his arms.

"I think I'm going to head to bed too," I said, watching as Scorpius slowly made his way through the room, Albus close behind him.

"I'll walk you," Caleb said, grabbing my hand.

We caught up to the rest of the group and walked in a comfortable silence. Scorpius led the way, Caleb and I in the middle, and Albus trailing behind. It took a lot of strength not to look back at him.

When we reached the Gryffindor Common Room, I turned to Caleb to say goodnight, and I saw Albus over his shoulder, down the hall and walking very slowly.

"Night," I said, reaching up to kiss him.

"Night," he said. He turned and headed toward his Common Room, giving Albus a glare as he went.

I waited for Albus to catch up before I entered the Common Room. I headed up to the boys dorms, knowing that since there was no way Scorpius could get up the girls dorms, that he must have taken her up to his.

I was right. The door to his and Al's room was half open and I looked in and smiled at the scene before me. Rose was fast asleep, curled up against Scorpius' chest and their hands were intertwined. Scorpius' eyes were fluttering open and close, as if she would disappear at any moment.

He better not try anything," Albus said sternly from behind me.

"He won't," I said. "Let's give them some time."

I laced my fingers in Al's and pulled him toward the entrance of the Common Room.

"Where are we going?" Albus asked me when we reached the Entry Hall.

"For a walk," I said. I pulled him out the front doors and onto the grounds.

It was cold, but not the usually biting cold of November, this fall being an unusually warm one. The moon was bright and the entire sky was dark blue. It was the time I loved.

"When I first got to Hogwarts," I said, as we walked toward the Black Lake. "And I found myself missing Mum, I would always come out here in the middle of the night and sit by the lake. I would try to clear my head of her and the fears going through my head."

"What the boggart said?" Albus asked as we sat down. But we never let go of each other's hand.

I nodded. "I figured tonight would be a good night to do this. I hadn't done it in a long time because I didn't need too. I hadn't even thought of Mum since the party at the end of the summer."

"Can I ask you something?" Albus said. I nodded. "Is that why what I said then bothered you so much? About your Mum?"

"A little," I said, remembering his words. "I used to just think it was in my head. But then you said it and I thought maybe it was true. Maybe all the thoughts that I kept to myself were true."

"They aren't," Albus said, squeezing my hand. "They aren't in the least bit true. I know I've been an arse over the years and I'm sorry, I really am."

I looked at him, sitting beside me. "I know you are."

"Because honestly, if I could go back and redo the last six years with you I would," Albus said. "I was such a dumb idiot."

"And you're super smart now?" I asked him, laughing. "As I recall, you still have a crazy ex-girlfriend who can't seem to understand you aren't interested. If you were smart you would have at least gotten a restraining order by now."

"Oh and you’re so smart?" Albus asked laughing as well. He let go of my hand and laid back on the ground. "You hooked up with a guy in the Restricted Section to piss off my brother. You were basically asking for Thompson to find you and kick you out of the library."

"Oh shut it!" I said. "I'm pretty sure I ended up getting kicked out with you!"

"Not my fault you can't keep your hands off me," Albus said, giving me a smirk.

"Get over yourself," I said and hit him on the chest.

"You did not just hit me," Albus asked, sitting up.

"Yeah I did just hit you," I said, mocking his five-year-old tone. "What are you going to do about it?"

An evil grin appeared on his face as he scooted closer to me. "Well," he said and looped and arm around my waist.

"Ugh..." I said.

"Tickle monster is here," he said, full on smirking now.

"NO!!" I yelled as his fingers moved across my stomach. I tried grabbing his hands to move them away but I started laughing too hard. "Stop it!!"

I lay back on the grass, hoping he would stop but he didn't. He got right on top of me and kept tickling me, laughing himself. I tried grabbing his hands but he always got out of my grip.

"Stop it!" I said through giggles.

"Only when you say sorry," Albus said, still tickling me.

Don't give in Addie. Don't do it.

"I'm sorry!" I said.

Wow, great self-control there, Ads.

Albus stopped but we both laughed for a few more seconds and his hands found mine and laced our fingers together. He stopped laughing first and just watched me laugh, with a half-smile on his face.

"What?" I asked him when I finally caught my breath.

"Nothing," he said, squeezing my hands. "You just look really beautiful."

I blushed and realized what position we were in.

I was lying with my back on the ground and he was on top of my, his legs on either side of my hips. Our hands were at my sides and Al was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me.

"Al?" I asked him.

"Yeah?" he said, tearing his gaze away from my lips to my eyes.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

Albus didn't say anything, he just sat there, as if he was debating over his answer. Time stood still as I waited, lying there beneath him.

I could've pushed him off. I should’ve pushed him off.

But I didn't.

And he noticed this. He knew that if I wanted to get out of this position I would be gone. There's no way I would be sitting here right now, waiting for an answer that I shouldn't be hoping for.

The longer I waited, the more butterflies appeared in my stomach.

Slowly, as if making sure I was okay with it, he lowered himself onto me. His chest rested on mine and he put our hands up toward my head, so he could support some of his weight. He was hesitant, but slowly his head dipped down to mine.

Finally, after what seemed like years of waiting, hoping and fighting, he kissed me.

I got my answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please kudos, comment, bookmark or subscribe! Thank you for reading!


	11. The Madness After the Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would consider that a success.

When Al's lips met mine, time stopped. The overwhelming amount of butterflies in my stomach and my brain yelling at me that I shouldn't be kissing Al because I had boyfriend didn't matter. All that mattered was Al.

It was a slow kiss, almost safe. At first, it almost seemed like we were just placing our lips on each other’s. But then we slowly began to move our lips and got into a slow and steady rhythm. His lips were intoxicating and I couldn’t help but crave more.

I pulled my hands out of Albus' and ran them through his hair and then pulled him closer to me. Albus followed my lead and held my waist. I arched my back to get closer to him and he put him arms beneath me and held me close. Slowly he rolled over so that his back was on the ground and I was lying on top of him. It felt so perfect.

For once, Albus and I didn't have huge amounts of sexual tension that was so thick that you could feel it. Our kiss didn't seem like it was one of built up sexual frustration, it was quite the opposite. It was soft and slow and even when I deepened the kiss and felt his tongue run along my teeth, the kiss wasn't hungry. It was never hungry or desperate. It's almost as if both of us were trying to hold onto this small time and make the most of it. There was passion and fire that normally were only seen in huge Muggle romance movies that Rose made me watch.

There was nothing more I wanted to do. All I wanted was to keep kissing Albus. No matter how wrong it may have been.

But how could it be wrong when it feels so right?

It was wrong because I had a boyfriend.

I was cheating on my boyfriend.

At that realization, I pulled away from Albus. I didn't remove my hands from his hair and I didn't get up. I waited for him to open his eyes.

When he finally did, I looked into them. I hated what I had to do, but I was not a cheater.

I tried to hide the tears that were threatening to come. Albus saw them and sat up, and pulled me into his chest, just as he did earlier in the haunted house.

"What's wrong?" he asked me quietly, kissing my cheek.

I wanted so badly to just hide in his arms and bury my head in his chest. I wanted to hide away from the world and the truth that I had just betrayed Caleb. I wanted to ignore how right this felt and remember that it was Albus. He hated me, just like I hated him.

A tear fell from my eyes and Albus wiped it away. "Addie," he said, putting his forehead on mine. "Tell me what's wrong."

We were so close. I could push all the feelings that seemed to be welling up inside me out and kiss him. I wanted to, so badly, especially now that I knew what it was like. I knew how perfect it felt and how I never wanted it to end. He made me get all the feelings I read about in books but never experienced. He somehow made me feel things that Caleb never even got close to.

But I was with Caleb. I had already betrayed him once. I couldn't do it again.

I looked back into his beautiful eyes. He seemed to care. He wanted to know why I was upset.

But I couldn't tell him.

Slowly, he moved forward again, and his lips met mine. I pulled away instantly but not before I felt the spark that went through my entire body.

"You shouldn't have done that," I whispered. He looked at me, almost hurt. "I have a boyfriend." Now Albus was definitely hurt. I could see it in his eyes. And I wanted to tell him that if I didn't have Caleb, I would gladly kiss him for the rest of eternity. But I wasn't a cheater. I felt more tears fall out of my eyes, only now Al didn't make a move to wipe them away or comfort me. "We shouldn't have done that."

I pulled my hands back, out of his hair and broke free of his grip. I stood up, wobbly, and tried walking back to the castle without tears falling.

It didn't work. The more distance I put between Albus and I, the more the tears came. I eventually started running and ran all the way up to my dorm and threw myself at my bed. I started sobbing as I pulled my blankets tight to me.

I didn't know if I was crying because I had just cheated or if it's because it felt like I had just broken my heart by pushing Al away.

I decided I didn't want to know the answer.

* * *

 

I woke up because the sunlight shone into my room. I was still in my costume but my wings were missing since I discarded them somewhere last night. For a moment, I thought about last night, trying to figure out what happened.

And it came rushing back. The boggart, Scorpius and Rose, Caleb, and the kiss. The wonderful, intoxicating kiss with Al.

I laid in bed for a few minutes, trying to figure out why he would do that. Why would he kiss me? It made no sense. We hated each other; we have always hated each other, from first year to now.

After 10 minutes of debating with myself (it was perfectly normal to debate with myself. I'm not insane, any sane person would do it. Duh. You're the insane one. You try getting kissed by the hate of your life and try and not debate with yourself. Idiot) I got up out of my bed. I had a headache, probably from drinking last night. I didn't have much to drink but maybe I had more than I thought I did.

Maybe that was why Albus kissed me.

He was drunk. And that was why I kissed him back.

We were both drunk.

It made perfect sense.

Boom.

And you were thinking it actually meant something.

Idiots.

I looked around the dorm, noticing that I was the only on in here. Rose must have still been asleep in Scorpius' arms (fuck yeah. My plan was working. They'll be married by Christmas) and I had no idea where Alice was. Off with Louis I imagined.

I went into the bathroom to get all the makeup and glitter off. Surprisingly, there wasn't very much of it on my face and I didn't look like the hungover baby raccoon I thought I would.

I would consider that a success.

Once all my makeup was washed off, I went into the cabinet to see if Rose made any hangover potions. I saw that there were about 10 bottles in there. I took one and only drank half, since I only have a small hangover.

I got the feeling Rose would need the other nine with the massive hangover she was going to have.

I changed out of my costume and into my PJs, one of Scorp's old shirts and some sweat pants, and threw my hair up in a bun.

Needless to say, I looked like the hottest person ever.

I walked down to the Common Room, looking around for any one of my friends. It was deserted though so I headed up to the boys dorms.

I went into James and Freddy's room, and saw them passed out. Freddy had some girl clinging to him and I put the hangover potion next to his bed, deciding not to wake him up. Waking Freddy up before he got rid of his latest fling was never a good thing to do.

I went over to the other side of the room, passing their roommates’ beds, and sat on James's bed. He was totally passed out and, unlike Freddy, alone in his bed.

He got to be woken up.

"James," I whispered, poking him in the side. "James wake up."

He turned over onto his side. "Go away," he mumbled.

"Come on James, wake up," I said, poking him harder. He tried to push my hand away. "I have a hangover potion." He put his hand out, asking for the potion. "Sit up first," I said. "You know you'll spill it if you try to drink it while sleeping."

James groaned and sat up. I handed the potion over to him and he chugged it. "Thanks Ads," he said, placing the bottle on the table beside him. He sat back against the wall behind him. "So what did you think of the party? In my opinion it was one of the best."

"It was good," I said. "The haunted house wasn't too great though."

"Really? And why's that?" James asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Because it wasn't scary at all," I said. "And suddenly there's a boggart. It was unexpected."

"Well that's kind of the point," James said. His blanket fell to reveal his bare chest and the top of his boxers. Me likey. "Boggarts bring out people's worst fear."

"Yeah well it would've been nice if you told me they were in there," I said, giving him a pointed look.

"Shit," he said, guilt flooding his face. "I'm sorry Addie. How bad was it?"

I looked down at my hands, trying not to think of it. "It was bad."

"I'm so sorry, Ads," he said, pulling me against him in a hug. "I completely forgot."

"It's okay," I said. "You only saw it once, I can't expect you to remember."

"But seeing you cry and be so scared over that was enough," James said, rubbing my back. Most girls would have hated me. I kissed Albus last night and now a shirtless James was hugging me.

It was okay to be jealous.

It was hard to have as much swag as I did.

"I'm a bad friend and overprotective fake brother," he said quietly.

I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. "No you aren't, James. You're a great friend and a great overprotective fake brother. I'm pretty sure you scared the crap out of Caleb the first time you met him." I kissed him on the cheek. "I was okay."

"Really?" James asked, surprised. "You managed to get rid of the boggart?"

"Well, I didn't," I said, not wanting to get into what I k new ould be an hours long teasefest. "But Albus did."

James smirked at me. "Well, well, well, my brother saved the girl? What were you and Albus doing in the Haunted house alone?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh not like that," I said, shoving him. "Scorp, Al, Lou, Alice, Caleb and I all went in together and when we went through a door we all got separated and I somehow ended up with Albus. And therefore he saw me, crying in a ball on the ground while the boggart told me everyone that I have ever cared about in my whole life was going to leave me and that I would never be good enough. It was really quite romantic and it's a wonder that we're not engaged now."

Man, I was in a sarcastic mood today.

I decided it would have been best to leave out the whole Albus comforting me and then us kissing later. They were both mistakes and meant nothing to either of us.

"Alright," James said, clearly not believing me. "Whatever you say. It's your love life."

"Speaking of love lives," I said, desperate to change the subject. "What's going on with you? You normally have a girl after the party. But you don't."

"Oh," James said. "Um..."

"AND you have been paying a lot of attention to Annalise, the pretty girl from Slytherin," I said. James was looking down at his hands. "Has a girl stolen James Potter's heart?"

"No," James said, quickly. Too quickly for it to be anything but a lie. "She's just a girl that I talk to. It's not a big deal."

"James you made a drunken confession about how much you like her and how your heart beats faster whenever she's around you," I said. "I also think you also said that you don’t try to piss her off but it just happens."

James sighed. "I did do all that didn't I?"

I nodded. "You did."

"Okay so maybe I like her more than I like other girls," James said, quietly. "It's not like it matters. She hates me. She won't even be able to be in the same room as me without screaming at me. And I have no idea what to do."

"James Potter, master at getting girls, has no idea what to do?" I asked him, shocked. There had never been a girl James can't get. Most girls fall at his feet if he even said hi to them. "I can't believe it."

"I can understand why she hates me," James said. "I piss her off, I say dumb stuff yet I somehow think that she'll magically fall in love with me. I've never had a girl not like me before they always just did."

“I mean did you ever think that she doesn’t like you because of all the reasons the other ones did?” I asked. “James you wear your last name as a badge of honor and sometimes get a little entitled by it. Maybe if you just talked to her and showed her the guy that isn’t a massive jerk she would be a little more open to you. I mean, let’s be honest James, it’s not like you have the best track record when it comes to girls. It makes sense why she would be cautious.”

“You’re right,” James sighed. "Girls are so confusing."

"Not as confusing as boys," I said, thinking about Albus. You claim to hate a girl for six years, insult everything about her, then tell her she's amazing, comfort her, tell her she's beautiful and then kiss her.

It didn't get more confusing than that.

"Well you have a boyfriend, so it can't be too confusing," James said, eyeing me suspiciously. "Unless there are problems in your little relationship."

"No!" I said, but could tell James didn't believe me. "Caleb and I don't have issues. We don't even fight."

"Maybe that's the issue," James said. "My mum always said that it was okay to fight and sometimes even made things better. You know, because then you know you can talk to the person.”

I rolled my eyes. "Well I guess that leaves hope for you and Annalise then?"

"Yep," he said. "But not as much hope as it does for you and Al."

I stared at him, trying to think of what to say.

"That's ridiculous," I managed to spit out. "Albus and I will never be together."

"As I recall, that's what Elizabeth Bennet said about Mr. Darcy," James said, going all Muggle on me. "Same with Benedick and Beatrice."

"Yes well, they were perfect for each other," I said.

"And so are you and Al," James said. "You just need to kiss him and see it."

I gaped at James, trying not to think about how right the kiss with Albus felt so right. Is that how you know when you're perfect for each other? Because if so, well then Albus and I were perfect for each other. We were made to be together.

I shook that idiotic thought out of my head. "That's dumb, James."

He was about to respond when there was a scream from the next room over.

A girl scream.

From the sixth year dorms.

Which Rose was currently sleeping in.

James and I both ran out of his room and into the sixth year dorm to see Rose with her head buried in Scorpius' chest and Albus standing there with only a towel and a freaked out expression on his face.

Oh. My. God.

Albus has the most amazing body.

Seriously. It was taking all my strength not to jump him and snog his brains out right then.

I never knew that abs could be so perfect.

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Rose screamed. "Please tell me he has a towel on now!"

Scorpius held Rose to his chest and kissed her forehead, smiling. "He does."

I think I might actually be in heaven. Rose and Scorpius seemed to have made huge progress, as they are cuddling on his bed and acting all around adorable, and James and Albus both don't have their shirts on, giving me the wonderful view of their beautiful abs.

I love Harry and Ginny Potter for creating such beautiful children.

Even Lily was beautiful. She was one of the most beautiful people I had ever seen.

"Rose what are you doing here?" James asked, pushing me so he could get into the room.

Unfortunately that pushed me into Albus.

Who was only wearing a towel.

"Sorry," I said, avoiding looking at him. Because as if it weren't awkward enough that we kissed last night, but now he was standing there looking like a fucking sex God and my hormones were basically yelling at me to jump him.

My hormones were bitches.

"It's fine," Albus said.

I wondered if anyone else could feel the obvious awkwardness that was in the air.

Probably not.

"I stayed here last night," Rose said, happily.

What the fuck Rose, you were drunk out of your mind, how did you not have a massive hangover?!

Maybe she was still drunk.

She laced her fingers with Scorp's.

Yep, she was still drunk. There was no way she would do that if she was sober.

"You, WHAT?" said a loud voice from behind us. I turned and saw Hugo standing at the door, wearing only sweatpants.

Okay, must all the Wotter boys have amazing abs?!

I was starting to creep on Hugo, his abs were so amazing.

I was breaking like every friend law ever by creeping on my best friend's little brother.

I regret nothing.

"Oh, Hugo, calm down," Rose said. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?!" Hugo yelled. Man in this two-minute conversation he's said more than I've heard him say in six years. "You spent the night in some guys dorm!"

"Nothing happened," Scorpius said, sitting up. Rose glared at him and sat in his lap, leaning her back against his chest. I thought that I might have died they're so cute. "She was drunk and I brought her back here because some guy was about to take advantage of her. I would have taken her up to the girl’s dorms but I wasn’t able to get up there."

Hugo glared at Scorpius. "Fine." He turned to James. "Look what your party did to my sister."

"How is this my fault?" James asked. "I didn't force drinks down her throat! This was all her doing!"

"Well if you didn't have that dumb party she wouldn't be drunk in the first place!" Hugo yelled.

Man, I never knew he was such an overprotective brother.

"Oh, you're just jealous," James said. "You still aren't allowed to go and that pisses you off. Well don't worry Hugo, next year you'll be allowed to come!"

"I don't give a shit about your stupid party!" Hugo said. "Imagine if it was Lily, instead of Rose in some guys bed, completely drunk. I'm not overreacting. Your party gets everyone drunk and makes them do stupid things they wouldn't normally do!"

Albus and I made eye contact when he said that and I knew we were both thinking about the kiss.

It was a stupid thing we wouldn't normally do.

All because we both were drunk.

"Oh, Hugo, lay off him," Rose said, pulling Scorp's arms around her. I could tell all three Wotter boys were torn between killing Scorpius and letting him live since this was the only time anything like this had ever happened. "I'm fine. I'm safe. Nothing happened. All thanks to Scorpius."

"Whatever," Hugo said and left the room.

"Here's your hangover potion," I said to Rose, placing it on Scorp's bedside table.

"Thank you," she said, from her perch in Scorpius' lap. She looked so happy.

I was glad that when she was drunk she didn’t deny her feelings.

I left the room and heard footsteps behind me. "Addie," Albus said, grabbing my arm and pulling me around.

He was still not wearing a shirt.

My hormones were going insane.

"So we need to talk," he said.

"Talk about what?" I asked him.

"About...last night," he said.

"No we don't,” I said getting out of his grasp. "It was a mistake and I have a boyfriend. So it didn't mean anything."

I tried to ignore the hurt look on his face as I walked away.

It didn't mean anything.

* * *

 

The look on Al's face after I told him the kiss didn't mean anything haunted me for the next week.

I couldn't get it out of my head and I tried, trust me, I tried.

He avoided me the next week and every time he looked at me, he got this pained look on his face.

Which made me think that the kiss might have meant something to him.

But we were both drunk. So how could it?

"Addie are you okay?" Caleb asked me, one night when we were studying in the library. I had been quiet all day, not really responding to hi and I could tell that it was starting to bug him.

"I'm fine!" I snapped at him. He had been asking me that all week and I was fed up. I was fed up with everything.

Al avoiding me made me feel guilty because it made me feel like I did something wrong when I didn't. And I couldn't help but feel bad whenever I looked at him and remembered the kiss and how right it felt. And sometimes I would be kissing Caleb and then I would think to myself "You know this is nothing like kissing Albus." Which made me feel like a bad girlfriend. Caleb had constantly been asking me all week if I was okay and I told him I was fine every time and now I was just fed up.

"You don't need to ask me every ten seconds if I'm fine," I hissed at him.

Caleb was clearly taken aback. "Well you've been in a bad mood for the past week. I wanted to make sure that you were okay and not dealing with something that I could, you know, help you with. So sorry that I actually care about my girlfriend."

"Yeah well maybe what's bothering me is you asking me what's bothering me all the time!" I said.

"Okay what is with you?" Caleb said, putting his quill down. It was clear he was angry now. "Ever since Halloween you've been walking around with a pissed off and annoyed attitude and it's as if no one can do anything right! Merlin, it’s been exhausting to be around you lately.”

I knew he was right. I knew that I had been in a bad mood and unfairly irritated, especially by him. But instead of coming clean, I instead deflected, not wanting him to know my guilt.

“Maybe I’m just in bad mood lately,” I said coldly. “Maybe it’s because I have a boyfriend who thinks me being irritated warrents me to get interrogated until I admit something is wrong when nothing is!”

"What did I do?" Caleb asked. He looked so hurt by my attitude and genuinely concerned about me and it hurt my heart knowing I caused it. But it would have hurt him more to know the truth. "I have been no different to you than I have before, it's you that changed! What the fuck happened in that haunted house? Did Potter try something?"

"This has nothing to do with Albus!" I said, although it had everything to do with Albus. "Maybe it's just me! Maybe you don't know me well enough to know that sometimes I get pissy and want to be left alone!"

"Fine," Caleb said and he started packing up his stuff.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm leaving you alone," Caleb said. "Come find me when you are less pissy and don't want to be left alone. I would hate to upset you more than you already are."

"Caleb," I said as he walked away. I closed my eyes and felt the tears threaten to fall.

It was our first fight. We had been together for about a month and we had our first fight because I couldn't stop thinking about another boy.

I was such a bad girlfriend.

I went up to my dorm and said hi to Louis and Alice, who were cuddling by the fireplace, not wanting to be around them in their joy and instead feel sorry about my life.

Caleb ignored me the entire next day, leaving me alone like he promised. He ate all his meals with his friends at the Hufflepuff table and didn't even look at me once.

I missed him.

"What's going on with you and Caleb?" Alice asked me at dinner that night.

"We got in a fight," I said, poking my potato with my fork.

"You two are still together right?" Alice asked and I saw Albus looking at me with a questioning look, as if asking me if I told Caleb about our kiss.

"Yeah," I said. I saw Albus go back to stabbing his food with his fork. “Just in a fight.”

"Well, do I need to go beat some sense into him?" Scorpius asked from beside me.

Rose hit him on the shoulder. "I'm sure they don't need you to get involved, Scorp."

Although my relationship had taken a downturn since Halloween, Rose and Scorpius were on the upswing, being very flirty and adorable toward each other.

Even though Rose stills said that she didn't like him.

"No, you don't Scorp," I said, looking down at my food. "This one is my fault."

Scorpius put his arm around me and kissed my head. "It'll get better. Any guy who would let you get away is an idiot."

"Sure," I said sarcastically.

"It's true," Scorpius said, lowering his voice to a whisper. "The boggart is wrong. Stop thinking it's right."

"Thank you," I said, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you Scorp. Malfoys until the end."

"I love you too," he said. "Malfoys to the end."

I could not have asked for a better cousin.

I saw Caleb get up from the Hufflepuff table and walk towards the doors.

"I got to go," I said, getting up off the bench.

"Go win your man back!" Alice said, laughing. Louis put his arm around her and kissed her head.

I ran to catch up to Caleb as he walked out the door.

"Caleb," I said, grabbing his arm. "Hi."

"Hi," he said. His face was neutral, trying to control his emotions and, possibly, even still a little mad at me for yesterday.

"Can we talk?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I suppose," he said, shrugging.

I grabbed his hand and we walked in silence. When we reached the library, I think we both knew where I was headed.

When we reached the Restricted Section, I didn't stop walking until I was in the exactly place that we had our first kiss.

Caleb let go of my hand and pulled out a chair from the desk. "So you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah," I said, sitting on the desk. "Do you remember what happened here?"

Caleb nodded. "Our first kiss. You brought me down here to spite James."

I nodded. "If someone told me that's how I would meet my boyfriend, I don't think I would have believed them." I looked down at my hands. "I'm sorry for snapping at you yesterday. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay," he said. "I knew you were upset, I shouldn't have gotten so pissed off."

"No," I said shaking my head. "You were worried about me. I shouldn't have gotten so upset about that. I'm just not used to having people other than my friends worry about me."

Caleb grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap. "I'm your boyfriend Addie. If you're upset, I'm going to wonder what's wrong. And maybe I overreacted but I thought you wanted to break up with me."

"I don't," I said, feeling surprised by how much I meant it. "I don't want to break up with you. I'm happy with you."

I was safe with Caleb. I didn't have to take risks with him. I didn't have to worry about not feeling good enough. I didn't worry about him breaking my heart.

He was a safety net and I knew he would be there for me.

"Good," he said. "We've been together a month. We were bound to have a fight. But we're okay now right?"

"Yeah," I said. "We're okay."

Caleb smiled. "I missed you, today."

"I missed you too," I said, wrapping my arms around him for a hug. "Let's never get in a fight again, okay?"

"Okay," Caleb said, reaching his head up to kiss me.

We made out in the library for about a half hour, making up for not talking today. When he pulled away and said that he still had Charms homework, I reluctantly got off his lap and let him walk me to my dorm.

I put my arms around his neck when we reached the portrait hole. "See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Caleb said, stealing a quick kiss. "See you tomorrow."

I kissed him, glad to have him back. He walked away and I watched him as he turned the corner, a huge smile plastered on my face.

"So you guys are still together?"

I closed my eyes and turned around to face Albus. He was looking at me with a look of disbelief and, if possible, hurt, and he came closer to me, stopping when he was about a foot away.

"Yeah," I said. "We're still together."

Albus swallowed and nodded, breaking eye contact with me.

"Does he know?" Albus asked.

I shook my head. "I figured I didn't need to tell him."

"Why?" Albus asked, his eyes back on mine, intense.

"Because it was a mistake," I said. "It meant nothing to either of us."

"How do you know it meant nothing?" Albus asked, seeming genuinely hurt.

"Because we were both drunk!" I said. "We were both drinking that night and while we weren't completely drunk, we still weren't in the right state of mind. We never would have done that sober and drinking makes you do things you normally wouldn't do."

"Actually drinking makes you do things you're too afraid to do when you’re sober," Albus said. "And you kissed me back."

"I never said I didn't!" I said. "And who cares why drinking makes you do things, the point is you wouldn't do them sober! And we both drank that night so it doesn't matter!"

"It does matter!" Albus yelled. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. He waited a few seconds, clearly debating something before he looked at me his eyes intense. "I didn't have a single drink that night. Now what does that tell you?"

I was speechless as I tried to wrap my head about what his newly revealed sobriety meant.

I had been passing it off as a drunk kiss, something that didn’t matter to either of us and wouldn’t have affected us in our nondrunk world. I had been telling myself, convincing myself that I wasn’t an awful human being by cheating by justifying it as a drunken mistake.

But Albus had changed all of that. All of my reasonings, all of my get-out-of-jail free cards he revoked, with his confession.

He kissed me because he wanted to.

We stood there, staring at each other for a few seconds. I had no idea what to say.

"You didn't drink at all?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I didn't have any alcohol."

I had no idea what to do. Because I could no longer brush this off as a meaningless kiss. It meant something to Albus and so I was forced to adkowlege whether or not it also meant something to me.

And despite myself, I found that there was only one clear answer.

It meant something to me.

It meant something, whether I wanted to or not.

"Alice come back!"

We both looked down the hall, where Alice was running away from Louis, crying.

"Alice," I said, running to her. I pulled her into a hug. "Alice what's wrong?"

"He, he was in a broom cupboard," she said, in between sobs. "With another girl. They were kissing."

"What?" I said. I felt the anger raise inside me. Alice never cries, not over anything.

And now she was crying over Louis.

He was a dead man.

“Alice let me explain," Louis said, reaching us.

"Alice go into the dorm, and find Rose," I said to her, pushing her into the Common Room. I turned on Louis. "What the actual fuck?!"

"Addie, let me explain," Louis begged.

"Explain what?!" I yelled at him. The anger was coursing through me and I knew that it was not all Louis’s fault. Part of that anger was at myself however, I was directing it all at him. "You were in a broom cupboard with another girl! Alice is crying over you! She never cries!"

"Addie, listen-"

"No, you listen Louis Weasley," I said, my voice sharp. "You will stay the fuck away from her. If I ever see her crying because of you again, I promise you, that will be the end of you and of our friendship. I can't believe you Louis. I actually thought you were going to be good for her. I actually thought that you liked her. Well I guess I was fucking wrong."

I ran into the Common Room and up to my dorm. Alice was lying on her bed with Rose hugging her and I saw that she was crying as well.

I went to the bed an engulfed them both in a hug.

"I really liked him," Alice sobbed. "I really, really liked him."

"I know," Rose said. "I know."

"It'll be okay," I said. "You have us."

As long as the three of us had each other, nothing could hurt us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please, comment! I would love to know what you thought. However, if you feel more comfortable using kudos, bookmarks, or subscribe, I understand. Thank you again for reading!


	12. The Madness of Awkward Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was sitting in between Louis, who I wasn't speaking to because of the whole Alice thing, and Albus, who I wasn't speaking to because of the whole kiss might have actually meant something thing.
> 
>  
> 
> It was a little awkward.

The next day was pure awkwardness. It’s like we crashed on awkward island.

Not on Alice's part. Alice seemed to be handling the whole thing really well, acting like she didn't cry herself to sleep the night before.

She did ignore Louis though, didn't even look in his direction, even when he made puppy dog eyes at her. It was clear that she didn't want to have any contact with him.

Once though, during Charms, I saw her looking over at him and saw that she was about to cry. I nudged Rose and Rose tried to put her arm around her, but Alice just pushed her away, saying that she would be fine and wiping her eyes.

"I don't know why she won't let us help her," Rose said as we walked down to lunch. Alice had gone up to the dorms to get a book. "We know she's hurting and we hate seeing her like that. We're her best friends; of course we are going to be there for her."

"Maybe she doesn't want to seem weak," I said. "Maybe she feels like she should be stronger or something."

"Maybe she's been strong for too long," Rose said. "What if she needs someone to take care of her?"

"Rose," I said, pulling her aside. I saw that she looked upset, almost insulted that Alice wouldn't accept her help. "Alice doesn't like crying, you know that. There's a reason as to why last night was one of the only times we've ever seen her cry."

"I just want to help her," Rose said, looking at her hands. "I hate seeing her like this and I want to kill my cousin for doing this to her."

"I think that she is pretending to be fine," I said. "And she thinks she's doing a good job of it. But once you or I try to comfort her, she knows that she isn't fooling anyone, and she breaks down. What she needs us to do is be there for her when she's ready to accept our help."

"And when will that be?" Rose asked, frustrated. "I can't just sit around here, waiting for her to come crying to me! I don't work like that! I take care of people; I take care of you and Alice! And to see her so upset and knowing I can't do anything...it sucks. I want to help her but I know nothing I do will make this better."

"Oh, Rosie," I said, pulling her into a hug. "Alice needs you. And I know it's hard right now to see her like this, but we just have to wait. I get the feeling that once it's just the three of us, Alice will have no problem crying on your shoulder. But right now, in school, she doesn't want anyone to see her cry." I pulled away from Rose. "But I'm ninety nine percent sure that tonight, she will be so glad that she has you looking out for her. We just have to be there for her and respect her choices of when she'll let us comfort her."

"I guess you're right," Rose said. She sighed. "My cousin is such a dumbarse."

We walked down to the Great Hall and sat down.

"Where's Alice?" Louis asked, from his spot next to me. Unfortunately, because of the amazing friend I am, I swapped seats with Alice this morning, so now I was sitting in between Louis, who I wasn't speaking to because of the whole Alice thing and Albus, who I wasn't speaking to because of the whole kiss might have actually meant something thing.

It was a little awkward.

I glared at him. "I don't think that's any of your concern."

"Addie," Louis said. "I know that I'm a dick for doing that to her but that doesn't mean I don't care about her."

"Well if you care about her then you have a funny way of showing it," I said. "Since when is kissing someone who you aren't dating a sign that you care about them? Cheating is one of the worse possible things you can do."

Albus started choking on his lunch next to me. James came and hit him on the back.

"You okay little bro?" James asked Albus.

"Yeah," Albus said and turned to me. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What?" I asked him.

"Cheating is one of the worse possible things you can do?" he said.

"Well it is!" I said. "Are you saying it's not?"

"Of course not!" Albus said, getting annoyed. Man he looks hot when he's annoyed. "But I do think that when you cheat, you clearly don't care about the person you're with enough, even though you try to brush it off as a dumb mistake."

We weren't talking about Alice and Louis anymore were we?

"Especially when you blame it on drinking," Albus said.

Nope, we definitely weren’t talking about Alice and Louis.

"Well, maybe it was just a dumb mistake!" I said. "Maybe it didn't mean anything because drinking was involved!"

"You're forgetting that someone might not have had a drink, so that excuse doesn't work," Albus said. "Maybe the cheater is too afraid, for whatever reason, that it did actually mean something and they felt something that they don't feel with the person they're in a relationship with. Maybe they actually have feelings for the person they cheated with but don't see them for some reason."

Albus and I looked each other in the eyes. I couldn't think of what to say in response. He was telling me that the kiss meant something to him and that he knew it meant something to me. And because it meant something to me, I couldn't like Caleb because I have feelings for Albus.

Could I have feelings for Albus?

"Wow," James said, standing behind me. "You could cut the sexual tension with a knife." He pushed Albus over and sat down in between the two of us. "Sorry, but I'd rather not watch you two have eye sex while I eat my lunch."

I looked up at Scorpius to see him giving me a pointed look. I tried to have a telepathic conversation with him but he didn't seem to understand.

He looked over at Albus and they looked at each other, giving a few head nods and such and Scorpius looked away a look of understanding on his face. Then he looked at Rose, doing more head nods, and Rose nodded back before returning to her food.

What the fuck, Scorpius?

You seem to have telepathic conversations with everyone else but me.

"Hey, Alice," Rose said, as Alice sat down next to Scorpius.

"Hey Rosie," Alice said with a smile. "Hey Scorp, Al, James, Addie."

She greeted me with a smile, but I saw the redness in her eyes.

She had been crying.

And Rose and I weren't there.

"Hey Alice," Louis said, quietly, almost scared.

Alice stopped putting food on her plate and focused on the potatoes. For a rare and unusual moment, everyone was quiet, waiting to see what Alice's response would be. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and turning her attention to James.

"So James, how's Seventh Year treating you?" Alice said, scooping potatoes onto her plate.

I felt Louis deflate beside me and saw him start poking peas on his plate. He looked so miserable.

I felt bad for him. This wasn't the Louis I knew, sad and depressed, sending longing glances over at Alice every time she laughed or smiled. The Louis I knew was the one who had a smile that lit up an entire room and was the reason why Alice smiled.

I hated seeing one of my best friends like this.

I was about to put my hand on his back, to comfort him, but another hand beat me to it.

"Hey Louis," said a Seventh Year Slytherin. She was blonde, tall and somehow made our school uniform look like a sexy Halloween costume.

From the look on Alice's face (it basically said "Fuck you bitch, you better leave before I cut you) and Louis' face (which basically said "Shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Why the fuck are you here? You need to leave NOW") I figured this was the girl that Louis hooked up with.

Well, she's about to get a taste of the Addie Malfoy temper.

"Hi," I said, standing up, extending a hand. I put on a fake smile and acted like I wasn't about to bitch her out. "Who are you?"

"Oh," she said, seemingly surprised by me speaking.

Louis looked a little scared, Alice was smirking (she knew what was coming), Scorpius was watching Rose as Rose put her face in her hands (I think she mumbled "Here she goes.") Scorpius rubbed her shoulder soothingly (IF I WASN'T ABOUT TO KICK THIS GIRL'S ASS I WOULD GO OVER THERE AND FORCE THEM TO BE MARRIED), James was checking the girl out (gee James, I wonder why Annalise said no when you asked her to dance at the party...MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A HUGE MANWHORE. But I still love you) and Albus was only looking at me. He was looking at me, as if mentally betting what I was going to do to her. When he saw that I caught him, he gave me a small smile.

"Give her hell," he mouthed at me. "Pretend it's me."

I smiled remembering all the fights that we've had. In that moment, there was no awkwardness between us over the kiss. And it almost made laugh at how dumb we were being. He knew what I was going to do to her, but he didn't try to stop me, as Caleb would have, he cheered me on. He knew me better than my own boyfriend.

Which wasn't a good thing.

"I'm sorry," I said to her, newfound confidence bubbling inside me from Albus. "You never said your name. I believe I asked you who you were and how you know Louis. So you going to tell me or just stand here making things incredibly awkward?"

She looked taken aback and didn't say anything. "I..."

"I'm waiting," I said, adding some impatience in my voice for dramatic effect.

"I'm Ella," she said. "And I know Louis because he's..." She ran her hand across his back and I saw Louis tense up as if it burned him. Alice was looking at her as if she wanted to personally burn Ella in Hell. "He's a friend." She said with a seductive smile.

"I'm sure," I said, giving my fakest smile and restraining myself from ripping her hair out on Alice's behalf. "So basically...you're the whore who he hooked up with yesterday?"

"I'm sorry what?" Ella said.

"Were you aware that he was dating another girl?" I asked her. "Because the entire school knows and unless you've been living under a rock or you're just plain stupid, you would know too. " I looked at her up and down. "And since your nails seem perfect with no clues of living under a rock, I'm just going to assume that you're stupid, which from our two minute conversation does not seem that hard to believe."

"Louis, are you just going to let her talk to me like that?" Ella asked Lou, a look of shock on her face.

Louis didn't even look up at her as he said, "Yep."

"What?!" Ella cried. "But I thought I was special!"

"You fucking whore where did you get that idea?" I asked her. Now most of the Gryffindor table was watching us. "Because anyone who hooks up with someone in a broom closet isn't that fucking special." I got closer to her and grabbed her wrist off of Louis' back. "Now get your fucking hand off my friend's man."

She pushed me away in disgust. "I'm the whore? That's rich coming from you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked her, instantly getting defensive.

"Drop the innocent act, Malfoy," Ella said. "I've heard everything about you."

"Well would you like to tell me?" I said, regretting ever talking to her because she was annoying me so much. "Because I bet nearly all of it's false."

"Really?" Ella said, smirking. "I doubt that. Your little boyfriend is cute." She nodded over to the Hufflepuff table, where Caleb said, oblivious to what was happening. I couldn’t help but feel incredibly worried about what she was going to say. "Does he know he's just a toy in yours and Potter's little game?"

I looked over at Albus and saw that he looked just as confused as I did.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I asked her, genhinely confused.

"Everyone knows about you and Potter," she said.

"Really?" I said, flabbergasted. "Because I don't."

"Drop the fucking act, you aren't fooling anyone," she said. "Everyone knows that you and Potter are screwing."

I tried to think of a response but found that I could only stare at her, my mouth wide open, with what I was sure was a horrified look on my face.

"What?" I said, unable to think of anything else.

"Everyone knows about the hot nights you guys have, in classrooms, bathrooms, out by the lake," she said smirking. "And, for whatever reason, you went and got yourself a boyfriend. Maybe you and Potter ended things and you just want to make him jealous. Or maybe, you and Potter decided to take a break and try and move on from each other. But let's face it, this is probably what happened when he dated Erica, right? You guys try to move on only to get the spark back. I've heard all the stories."

"They're all lies," I said. "Don’t try and spin this on me, we were talking about you. You're the one who ruined my friends' relationship."

"Fine, maybe I am a whore," she said. "But I'm not as big a whore as you. And let's face it, your mother was a whore and so are you. It's in your blood."

At that point, I had enough and slapped her across the face.

I was about to do more damage, but Albus came and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me against him.

"Let me go!" I said, kicking and screaming. "Let me beat her bony ass!"

"No," Albus said, tightening his grip on me. "You'd get kicked off the team and I would rather not have you die because of my brother."

"Right, Malfoy," she said, getting up. "You and Potter totally aren't fuck buddies."

At that point, Alice appeared to have enough. She leapt over the table (literally she LEPT over the TABLE) and got right in Ella’s face.

"Back the fuck off of my friends," Alice said. "And stay the fuck away from them, including Louis. If I ever see you near him or any one of my friends again, you'll be lucky to ever be able to walk again."

"I'm not scared of you," Ella said.

"You should be," Alice smirked at her. "Remember when Flint got a broken nose and two black eyes and wouldn't tell anyone why?" Alice smiled. "That was all me."

Ella's eyes widened. Marcus Flint II was one of the biggest guys in school and everyone was scared of him. Everyone but Alice that is. He made a pass at her and when he didn't take the word "no", she beat him up.

Shen was such a badass.

Alice put on a fake smile, that was so sugarcoated it couldn't be anything but fake. "It was nice to meet you."

Ella ran off.

"Addie, stop kicking Albus," Alice said, turning to me. I stopped kicking Al's legs and he let out a sight of relief and rested his face on my head.

"That hurt, Addie," he said.

I turned my face up to him. "Sorry," I said, smiling at him.

"It's okay," Al said, shooting me a grin.

"Aww, aren't they sweet honey?" James said lovingly to Louis. Louis looked very creeped out that James referred to him as honey. "Today, Albus is saving Addie from killing a hot girl and soon they'll be getting married and having little blue and green eyed babies." James sighed and rested his head on Louis' shoulder. "Our babies our growing up."

"James get the fuck off my shoulder," Louis said, trying to shake James off.

James lifted his head and smirked over at Albus and me. "Nice going little bro."

It was at this point that Albus and I both noticed that he was still holding me around the waist and that I had relaxed into his chest, almost naturally.

So all the awkwardness over the kiss that had somehow disappeared?

Yeah, it all came flooding back.

Albus and I quickly detached ourselves and sat back down. My face was burning red and James put his arms around Albus and I. "One day soon," he said to me. "One day soon."

Cryptic much?

Thankfully, the bell rang.

"Well we better go to Defense," I said, awkwardly.

"You guys have Defense next?" James said. A mischievous grin appeared on his face. "You guys are in for a treat."

"What does that mean?" Albus asked slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"You'll see," James said and with a smile he was off.

"When did he become so cryptic?" I thought out loud.

"I have no idea," Albus said.

The six of us headed off to Defense and each of us was curious about this "treat" that James promised us.

Whenever James says there's a "treat" it's never a good thing. When I was 14 he said there was a treat in the kitchen, only to discover the treat was an exploding plate of brownies.

Needless to say, I became very skeptical about treats James told me about.

We walked in the classroom and headed to our regular seats. Well, all of us except for Rose.

"You coming Rose?" I asked her, pointing at the seat next to me.

Rose shook her head. "Read the board."

_Everyone, stand at the side of the classroom and wait for your new seating arrangements. These seats will be permanent for the rest of the year and no exceptions will be made. Thank you very much, Your New Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher_

"New teacher?" Scorpius asked. "Why are we getting a new teacher midyear?"

"Professor Harrison could barely teach! He was fair too old" Rose said. "It's a wonder he didn't retire at the beginning of the year. Hopefully the new teacher is someone good."

The rest of the class filed in and all of us stood at the side of the classroom, just as the instructions said.

When the bell rang there was no sign of our teacher.

After five minutes of waiting, someone tried the office and they weren't up there.

"Where on earth is our teacher?" Rose asked.

Scorpius shrugged. "Maybe they’re just running late."

"Teacher's shouldn't run late!" Rose said. She looked at the board again. "They gave us instructions and everything." She studied the board a bit more. "That handwriting looks familiar."

"Only you would remember someone's handwriting," Albus said laughing.

"No I'm serious," Rose said, ignoring Al’s teasing. "It kind of looks like T-"

But the door opening cut her off.

"Teddy!" Rose yelled as she ran to hug the man who just walked in the door.

"Hello Rose," Teddy said, with a smile. I heard the girls in the class start whispering, admiring Teddy.

I was starting to think that in order to be a part of the Wotter family (Teddy isn't blood related but he's Harry's Godson and has basically been married to Victoire since they were five) you have to be good looking. I was serious! There wasn't one bad looking one in the bunch!

Teddy was tall, with broad shoulders, chocolate brown eyes and hair that constantly changed color, though currently it was an electric blue.

You have to be extremely hot to still look hot with blue hair.

Albus and Louis went to the door to greet their cousin or whatever he was and I could feel the confusion from all the other students. I found myself aligning with them in my confusion and was about to ask when Al beat me to it.

"What are you doing here Ted?" Albus asked.

Did I not just ask that question in my head? How did Albus know that?

That was a little creepy.

"Actually, Mr. Potter," Teddy said, confusing Albus by using his last name. "It's Professor Lupin."

"You're kidding!" Louis said.

"Nope," Teddy, er, Professor Lupin said. "Now, I have the rest of my class to introduce myself too."

Teddy pulled himself away from Al, Lou, and Rose and walked to the front of the classroom.

 "Hello!" He said brightly. "Unfortunately, your former teacher decided that it was time to retire, so I will be your professor for the rest of the year. As you may have heard, I am Professor Lupin."

"Hell yeah!" Scorpius said, earning him to be hit in the arm by Rose. He just smirked at Rose and hugged her, only to let her go quickly, both of them blushing.

Seriously. Just get married.

"Language, Scorp," Teddy said, smiling. "I'll give out your new seating assignments now and like it says on the board, they will not be changed." Teddy went through a few rows before he said, "Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley."

They both smiled at each other and turned a pinkish shade.

They were trying to kill me with their cuteness.

"Hopefully we'll be near each other," Alice whispered in my ear.

"You sure you don't want to be sitting next to Chase over there?" I asked her, nodding to a Ravenclaw that was checking her out. I noticed that Louis was glaring at him. "He seems interested."

Alice looked over and smiled at him. "Too bad I'm not."

"Alice Longbottom and Louis Weasley," Teddy said, pointing to a desk a few rows from the back.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Alice whispered in my ear. "Never mind, I'll take Chase."

"You coming?" Louis asked Alice and they both awkwardly headed to their seats.

Man, I hoped I don't get paired up with someone where it will be that awkward.

Well, maybe I would get paired up with Chase. He was pretty cute.

If only I didn't have a boyfriend...

I didn't really care who I had to sit next to because I highly doubted that it would be awkward. For the most part, I got along just fine with everyone in my class.

The only person it would be awkward with is Albus.

And Merlin couldn’t hate me that much.

Right?

"Addison Malfoy and Albus Potter."

I immediately blanched, unable to believe my awful luck.

Albus and I both walked awkwardly to the back row, where we were sitting.

"Now remember these seats are not going to be changed," Teddy said walking back to the classroom. “No exceptions.”

Merlin what did I do to deserve your hatred?

* * *

 

"Addie, Albus could I speak with you?" Teddy asked us after class.

"What did you do?" I whispered accusingly.

"Me? I didn't do anything," Albus said to me as we got our stuff.

We walked up to Teddy's desk, not knowing what was coming.

"How'd I do today?" Teddy asked.

"Good," I said, smiling. "You'll be a great teacher."

Teddy sighed. "That's good to know. Now I didn't call you up here so you could evaluate my teaching. I wanted to talk to the both of you." He pulled out a file and I couldn’t help but feel ver nervous about what he was going to say. “Addie, I have noticed your grade in this class has been...well..."

"It sucks," I said, answering for him. "I've been trying to get it up though."

"Do you have a tutor?" Teddy asked me. I shook my head and he turned to Albus. "Albus your grade on the other hand is very high; in fact it's the highest in the class."

"Of course it is," I mumbled. Albus shot me his jerk smirk.

"So I came up with a decision," Teddy said. "Albus will tutor you."

"What?!" We both said.

I was pretty sure Teddy is trying to make every person feel awkward. First he put Alice and Louis sitting next to each other after he cheated on her, and then not only was he making Albus and I sit together, but he wanted us to spend even more time together. Alone! As if avoiding him in the Common Room wasn't hard enough. I would be forced to talk to him about the kiss, which I had desperately been avoiding.

“But-“ I tried to object.

"No protests," Teddy said. "I want you two to meet everyday to work on your homework and study for tests. And I expect you to work in the library, not the Common Room. There are too many distractions in the Common Room."

"How long do sessions have to be?" Albus asked, his brow turned down.

"As long as it takes for her to understand the material," Teddy said.

"We're never going to leave the library," I said. I ran my hand through a curl as a thought dawned on me. "Caleb's going to be thrilled."

"Who's Caleb?" Teddy asked me.

"Her boyfriend," Albus said, hatred obvious in his tone.

Teddy looked between Albus and I and smiled. "I expect you two to start tonight."

Albus and I nodded, neither of us looking happy about the arrangement.

“You may go,” Teddy said, and with a wave, we left the room.

"Great," I said. "Just great."

"You think I'm thrilled about this?" Albus challenged. "You've been ignoring me ever since Halloween and now I have to take my own personal time to tutor you."

"I've been ignoring you for a good reason," I said, turning on him. The bell rang and students ran to class but unfortunately, I couldn't use class as an excuse to get out of this one. Albus and I both had free periods.

"And what's that?" Albus asked.

"Because you kissed me!" I said careful to keep my voice down. "And at first I brushed it off as a mistake because we both were drinking but then you say that you didn't drink a single thing that night! And now I'm confused on whether it meant something or it didn't!"

"What's so confusing about it?" Albus questioned, his eyes fixed on me. "You either felt something or you didn't. And you can't blame this all on me. You could've pushed me away but you didn't."

“That’s not-“ I tried to deny.

“Don’t deny it,” Albus said. “You kissed me back. You’re the one that kept on kissing back.”

"I have a boyfriend," I said, hitting each word and pretending like it was a get out of a jail free card.

"So what?" Albus asked me, slamming his bag on the ground out of frustration. "Stop using that excuse Addie! Stop using that as a way to not talk about this. If you didn't have a boyfriend, then would that kiss have meant something to you? Forget about Caleb, forget about everything and just tell me if you felt something. I won't run off and tell anyone, I just want to know if I've been going crazy over a kiss that meant nothing."

I stared at him, in shock over what I just heard. His words sent my heart into overdrive and despite my best efforts, I couldn’t slow it down.

"You've been going crazy over it?" I asked him quietly, meeting his eyes.

"Yeah," Albus said just as quietly. "I can't stop thinking about it."

I looked into his beautiful eyes and got the overwhelming urge to kiss him again and never stop. To have that feeling of right come over me and to run my fingers through his hair.

"It meant something," I whispered. "I didn't want to feel anything...but I did."

It was just the two of us in the hallway and it would've been so easy to kiss him.

"You felt something?"

"Yeah," I said. "I shouldn't have though."

"But you did," Albus said.

I nodded. "But I did. But it can't happen again."

"Why?" Albus asked me, a look of hurt coming across his face.

"Because I'm with Caleb," I said. "I like him and I'm happy with him. It's not fair to him."

Albus nodded, understandingly. He swallowed, and I could tell that he was not happy about the situation, but accepted it. "It won't happen again."

I tried to ignore the sadness that filled my body. My hormones were yelling at me for saying that I would never kiss him again. "Good."

"Are you ever going to tell him?" Albus asked me, picking up his bag.

I shook my head. "I get the feeling that him finding out you're tutoring me is enough."

Albus looked over my head. "Well good luck with that," he said and walked behind me. I turned and saw that Caleb had just turned the corner. "Caleb," he said nodding as he went.

"That was strange," Caleb said. "Normally Potter just ignores my existence."

"Well maybe he's trying to get on better terms," I said, wrapping my arms around Caleb's neck and kissing him. "I need to tell you something."

"That's never a good conversation starter," Caleb said, as he held my waist. "What's up?"

"Al is going to be tutoring me in Defense," I said and I saw Caleb's face fall.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I'm failing and he's the top student, " I said. "Ted- Professor Lupin thought that it would make sense for him to tutor me." I saw Caleb looking a little pissed off and jealous. "It makes sense, you know."

"I know it does," he said. "But can't Rose tutor you? Or...anyone but Albus?"

"Why does it matter who tutors me?" I asked him, starting to get annoyed because it seemed like he didn't trust me with Al. Which, okay, maybe we kissed once but that wasn't happening again! "Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," Caleb said. "I trust you, I just don't trust him." Caleb sighed. "I'm acting like one of those dumb, jealous, boyfriends aren't I?"

I smiled because Caleb being jealous was actually kind of cute. "Yeah," I said, pecking him on the lips. "But you're my dumb, jealous boyfriend." I let out a sigh and rested my head on his shoulder. "You don't need to worry about Albus. There's nothing going on with us."

At that point, I didn't know who I was trying to convince.


	13. The Madness of the James's Stalkerish Tendencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I cringed, knowing that I was only making things more awkward than they were before.

"Okay, so if you're kissed by a Dementor than they take away your soul," I said, concentrating intensely.

It was late November and Albus had been tutoring me for a few weeks. We had gotten over the awkwardness of the kiss and had managed to return to the stage of friendship we were at before the kiss. Only now that I knew that the kiss had meant something, I was trying to figure out my feelings for him and what his feelings for me were.

I still had no idea how I felt about him or how he felt about me.

I would say that was making progress.

"Yes," Albus said, moving some papers around.

"But you won't be dead," I said. "You just won't have a soul." Albus nodded and I looked at him confused. "But you can still walk around and live your life without a soul?"

"No, it's much worse than that," he said, lifting some papers up and frowning at the lack of whatever he was searching for.

"What are you looking for?" I asked him.

"I have this page of notes on Dementor's that I think will help you a lot," Al said.

"Al, the test is tomorrow," I said. "There's absolutely no way that I can pass this. I barely know anything!" I put my head in my hands. "I may as well go get a job as a waitress since that's all I'm going to be able to do anyway because I'm going to fail Sixth Year Defense."

"You aren't going to fail," Albus said. He pulled my hands away from my face. "Addie, look at me."

I turned to look at him and, as always, was struck by how good he looked. Ever since this year had started, he had gotten more and more attractive. He must have finished puberty or something because whatever he was doing was working for him.

"You know this stuff, I know you do. You just need to calm down and believe in yourself. I know you can pass this test," he said, his voice full of confidence in me that I couldn’t help but scoff at.

"How do you know that?" I asked him. "Are you going to bribe Teddy into giving me a good grade?"

"I don't need to do that," he said, smirking. "You know all this. You're smart and you just need to believe in yourself. Just relax when you're taking the test."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"Close your eyes and take a deep breath," Albus said. At first, I didn’t but he gave me a pointed look, so I did. "Alright, what form does the Patronus take?"

"It depends on the person and whether the Patronus is strong enough to take a form," I said, my eyes still closed. "An incorporeal Patronus will just be a burst of vapor and is much easier to produce than a corporeal Patronus. A corporeal Patronus will take form of an animal and can change." I remembered the story Teddy told us about how his mum's Patronus changed into a werewolf when she fell in love with his dad. "It also depends on a person's personality and will sometimes match their Animagus form."

"And how does one cast a Patronus charm?" Albus asked, his low voice sending my heart into overdrive.

"With a happy memory," I said. "The happier the memory, the stronger the Patronus will be. That is essentially how one will get either a corporeal or incorporeal Patronus. If the memory is a strong, happy memory, then a corporeal will appear. If the memory isn't strong enough, then you will produce an incorporeal. An incorporeal Patronus might work against one Dementor but it won't protect you against a lot of them."

I waited for the next question with my eyes closed. When I got impatient, I opened my eyes to see Al's face, staring at me.

Was he that close to me before?

I sucked in a small breath at our sudden closeness, somehow losing all the calm confidence I had just gained.

"What?" I asked him, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Nothing," he said, smiling. "You just know this stuff so well." He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "You're going to do great on the test."

I smiled and looked down at my hand in his.

It looked nice.

And it felt right.

I looked back up at Albus and saw him looking down at our hands too. A piece of hair fell in his face and I used my free hand to brush it away. He looked up at me when I touched him and his green eyes pierced mine. I brushed his hair back before letting my hand fall back, my eyes meeting his once more.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with how easy it would be to kiss him. And more than that, I was overwhelmed with how I found myself wanting to kiss him.

I would just have to lean forward slightly and my lips on his.

"Addie," he said. I loved the way he said my name.

"Yeah?" I asked him, leaning forward the smallest amount.

"You have a boyfriend," he said, his voice flat. Instantly, I stopped leaning forward, guilt and embarrassment rushing into my body.

"Right," I said, shutting my eyes. "Right."

I pulled my hand out of his, grabbed my quill, and went back to work.

"It's okay that you want to kiss me," Albus said, giving me his jerk smirk. Clearly, I had inflated his ego a little too much by forgetting about my boyfriend. "I know that I'm unbelievable attractive."

"No you're not," I said. "And I didn't want to kiss you."

"Sure," Albus said. He smirked at me a little more, but when I didn’t respond, he dropped it, replacing it for a serious face. “But if you didn't have a boyfriend, I would definitely kiss you back."

I bit back my smile at this, knowing that this fact should not have built me up with as much joy as it did, and looked around, trying to think of anything but kissing Albus. I spotted Ryan walking out of a row of bookcases, his nose deep in a book.

"Ryan!" I said, waving at him to come over to the table. He looked up from his book and started towards us when he spotted me waving like a madwoman.

"Hey Addie, Albus," Ryan said, sitting down. "What are you guys doing here?"

"I'm tutoring Addie," Albus said.

"I'll bet you are," Ryan said, with a pointed look to me. He was the only one I told about the kiss and loved making me feel awkward because of it. "What are you guys studying?"

"Dementors," I said. "And the Patronus charm."

Ryan nodded. "Have you started to try casting the spell?"

Albus shook his head. "Teddy wants us to understand everything before we try casting it."

"Makes sense," Ryan said. He smirked at me. "So any idea of what your memories will be of? It can be anything...a party, hanging out with friends, Halloween, a first kiss, anything."

I glared at him, contemplating kicking him under the table, and snuck a peek at Albus. He was looking at Ryan with wide eyes.

"I remember what my memory was," Ryan said, smirking more and more at me. I hate him. Why couldn't he have been one of the super overprotective cousins? Why did he have to make fun of me and make me feel awkward? "It was my first kiss with this girl I liked since I was 11. It was really nice. We were out by the lake at night and it was just a good memory. You know?"

I was going to kill him.

I tried kicking him under the table but ended up hitting the chair leg and stubbing my toe.

It hurt too.

"Well, Ryan," I said, as Albus turned to look at me with accusatory eyes. "It was nice talking to you. You should go now. Bye."

Ryan laughed and picked up his book. "Have fun you two," he said with a wink

There was a moment of silence at the table as we watched him walk away, the awkwardness setting in. I wondered if I just pretended like nothing was awkward if it would sooth things over.

"So, Dementors," I said. "Man, they sound...depressing."

I cringed, knowing that I was only making things more awkward than they were before.

"I can't believe you told him!" Albus said.

"I didn't mean to!" I said. "It accidentally slipped out!"

"How?" Albus said. "How does something accidently slip out?"

"Well I was talking to him about Halloween and I just said it," I said. "Like I said, it slipped out."

"Yeah, sounds like your tongue," Albus said. I gasped at his comment and immediately turned deep red. "Who else have you told?"

“No one!" I said. "I haven't told anyone except for Ryan and he won't tell anyone!"

"I don't care if he tells anyone," he said. "I just would have liked to know that you told someone."

"Come on, you probably told Scorpius," I said, knowing that him and Scorpius tell each other everything. I don’t think they even went to use the bathroom without the other one knowing what they were doing in there.

"Actually, I didn't," he said. "I didn't tell anyone."

"Well aren't you just...just...special!" I said, mentally beating myself up for not coming up with a better response.

Albus smirked at me. "No I'm pretty sure that's you," he said quietly.

He just called me special.

I looked at him, unsure if I should be flattered or insulted. "Good special or bad special?"

"Good," he said, even more quietly. "There's not really a bad quality about you."

Merlin, it was taking all my will power not to jump on his lap and kiss him until benig forcibly removed.

He thought I was special.

He didn't think I have any bad qualities.

But something inside me was nagging at the legitimacy of that comment.

"Did you forget all the bad qualities that you said I had for the past six years?" I said, quietly and slowly. His face fell, as I’m sure the insults he flung my way in the past went through his head.

"I told you, I was an idiot for the past six years," he said, looking at his hands. "I would go back and change it all if I could."

"Why?" I questioned. While I wasn’t exactly a fan of our history, I still felt as though it was important. That it was a part of us. "Why do you want to go back and change everything?"

Albus’s faced fromed into a deep frown, as he seemed to be debating something in his head. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated before he opened his mouth to speak, only for nothing to come out. He gave out a huff as his frown got deeper.

“Just tell me," I said, quietly. His eyes met mine. "Why do you want to change the past so much?"

He still looked unsure, but I gave him a pleading look that seemed to work.

"Because then maybe you wouldn't be dating Caleb," he said, not looking at me as if he were ashamed of what he was saying. "And maybe we wouldn't have to pretend that that kiss never happened."

I tried working that out in my head. He wanted us to know that the kiss happened. He didn't want me dating Caleb. The kiss meant something.

...I got nothing.

Well, not nothing. There was an answer that was possible, however I found myself unwilling to accept that explanation.

Because that was an explanation I didn’t know if I was brave enough for.

"Hey Al and Ads!"

I looked up to see James, wondering towards us.

"Well don't you two look so cute sitting here, studying, having eye sex," James said. “Just make sure to use eye protection.”

"She has a boyfriend, James," Albus said. He gave James an irritated look when he sat down with us. "We weren't having eye sex."

"Whatever you say Al," James said, leaning back in his chair. "Whatever you say."

"What are you doing in the library?" I asked James, changing the topic. "I didn't even know where you knew where it was."

Unfortunately, I wasn’t kidding. I had never seen James in the library or talking about the library or reading a library book.

I actually didn’t think I had ever seen him reading a book.

"Well," James said. "I'm here because she's here."

He pointed across the room at a group of Slytherin girls which could only mean that Annalise was somewhere in that group.

"James," I said, giving him a concerned look. "Stalking her isn't going to make her fall in love with you. She might take out a restraining order against you, but she will not fall in love with you."

"I'm not stalking her!" James said, as he watched her studying. "I'm trying to figure out if she has some other boy that she likes."

"And if she does what will you do?" Albus asked.

"I haven’t thought that far ahead," James said. “This is a recon mission to see if she does like someone and if she does, why she likes them and not me.”

“Maybe because they don’t follow her to see if she likes someone,” I mumbled under my breath, earning a glare from James. “How do you plan on finding out if she has a crush on another boy?”

"Well, I just observe her from a far for a little while and see if any boy makes a move," he said. His eyes suddenly got wide. "Whoa, why is Nott talking to her? What's going on there? Is he the one she fancies?"

He was about to work himself into an anxious fit when, seemingly out of nowhere, Fred and Dom appeared, with Fred placing a calming hand on James’s shoulder, while Dom collapsed into the chair next to me, seeming exhausted.

“He ran away from us,” Dom said. “We were trying to distract him and he ran away from us. Like a child.”

“You know, I wish I was more shocked than I was,” I said, glancing at Freddy’s attempts to calm a near hyperventilating James down.

"Calm down buddy," Freddy said, he rubbed James’s back. “Deep breathes, good job. Look, Nott is back to talking to his girlfriend. He doesn't want Annalise."

"Good," James said, in between breathes. "He better stay away from my girl."

"She's not technically your girl," Dom said, sitting on the table. "Considering she says no every time you ask her out."

"That's besides the point Dominique," James said.

“Not to mention the fact that even if he didn’t stay away from her, you wouldn’t have actually done anything because you’re scared of Nott,” Dom said flipping her hair back.

“What- I- That’s crazy- You have the audacity-“

“Sure James,” Dom said, looking away from James, who was still trying to string a sentence together to prove that he was _absolutely NOT_ afraid of Nott, and looked at Al and me, smiling. “Sorry about stalker James interrupting your study date. Glad to see you came around, Addie."

My face instantly flushed as Albus and I both started stammering objections about how this wasn't a date.

"Oh, no he's just tutoring me-"

"She's failing Defense and needed help-"

"Teddy is making him do this-"

"We have a test tomorrow-"

"On Dementors, always a happy topic-"

"And we're doing a last minute review session-"

"Really it means nothing-"

"Nothing at all."

Al and I both fake smiled at her, acting like kids who had gotten caught eating cookies when we shouldn't be.

Dom just smirked and shook her head. "Already finishing each other's sentences. How cute."

What did that mean?!?

Damn her and her Ravenclaw brain.

"Okay, so we're going to get James out of here," Freddy said to us. "Sorry he disrupted you."

"It's fine," I said, sending a smile his way. "James' stalkerish tendencies were a good excuse for a study break."

"Alright," Freddy said. "Come on, James, we have to go now."

"Why?" James asked. "Annalise isn't leaving yet."

"Yes, but if you stalk her," Freddy said. "She'll probably hate you more than she already does."

James was about to argue more, but Dom was fed up.

"James, get your ass up, I'm hungry," she said. She pulled him out of his chair and dragged him from the library.

She literally dragged him from the library. He was acting like a little kid.

"I love your family," I said, smiling as they left.

Albus shrugged. "They're okay. They get annoying sometimes."

"Yeah but you still have them," I said. "They're still there to annoy you and piss you off. You guys argue and there's so many of you that holidays are always exciting." I looked down at my paper. "I would love to have that."

"You have Scorpius and Ryan though," he said, looking at me.

"It's not the same," I said. "I barely see Ryan because he's always studying and in a different house. And with Scorpius, it's just him. He has his family too, Draco and Astoria and while they treat me like their own daughter, it's different. It's not the same." I looked up at him. "You not only have a crazy amount of cousins who annoy the shit out of you, but you also have your mom, your dad and your siblings. And to you, they may be a burden or make you want to kill them but you still have them. In the end they'll be there for you." I shook my head. "I can't believe you don't see how lucky you are."

Albus was quiet for a minute, thinking over what I said. "I'm sorry," he eventually eventually let out.

I looked up at him, confused. "What for?"

"Because I was complaining about them," Albus said, nodding toward the door. "I sometimes forget that not everyone has that, especially you. It wasn't fair of me to be complaining about it when it's all you want."

"It's not your fault," I said, shrugging. "It's not like you made my parents leave, right?"

I tried to laugh, tried to make light of our deep conversation but found that it only made the conversation seem heavier.

Albus eyed me for a second, probably confused at what the weird sound I had made, and then asked, "How did you know what your boggart was going to be?"

I looked down at the paper, mad at myself for not knowing this question was coming. I had managed to avoid the topic of our Halloween adventure all month but I figured that it was only a matter of time before the question would come up.

I gulped, not wanting to tell Albus the truth, but finding it really hard not to.

"Do you remember two years ago when your house had a boggart in the attic?" I asked him. He nodded. "I wanted to see it. I had only ever seen one in Defense during Third Year and I didn't get the chance to try my spell on it. So I went in there, telling James and Scorpius to wait outside the door and bust in if they had to. Only I put a chair in front of the door so they couldn't come running in and ruin my chance to be near a boggart."

"Why did you want to be near a boggart?" Albus asked me. "Did you want to know what your worst fear was?"

"In a way, yes," I said. "I didn't know what my worst fear was, but I thought it was spiders. I figured I could take it on fine, since it would just be a spider. But I was wrong. I went into the attic and at first nothing happened. And then...my mum appeared. And she started saying similar stuff to what she said on Halloween. Just like Halloween, I was frozen in place and didn't hear Scorp and James banging on the door. They eventually got in, but at that point I was sobbing and in the fetal position on the ground. They had to have your dad come in and get rid of the boggart for good."

There was a frown on Albus’s face before he nodded in understanding.

"I remember that day,” he said. I immediately looked up at him, a look of worry on my face, that he had known my dark secret all along. “Not that part, not the part about you, but I remember Dad talking to Mum about how he got rid of the boggart for good. He said it caused too much trouble and that no one should have their fears right under their nose. He said it was dangerous for us kids." He looked up at me. "I remember seeing you crying and was about to make fun of you but then James told me off, warning me not to do anything to upset you even more. I never put two and two together before."

"James yelled at you?" I asked, confused. "I figured it would be Scorpius."

"No, it was James," Albus said. "James is really protective of you. I always assumed there was something going on with you two but he assured me there wasn't after I told him-"

Albus’s face immediately turned red and he looked down at his papers awkwardly.

"After you told him what?" I asked Albus, confused.

"Nothing," Albus said, dismissing the topic. "Don't worry about it, Addie. It was in Forth Year, so you don't need to worry about it."

I was about to interrogate him more when he said, "And don't try interrogating me, because I'll just tickle you." He looked up at me, giving me his jerk smirk that was so attractive. "And we both know how well that ended last time."

I tried to think of a witty retort but all I couldn’t think of anything to say. "Shut up."

Al smiled and looked down at his paper. "You're going to do great on this test," he said, changing the topic.

"You really think so?"

Al nodded. "Yeah."

I smiled and looked down at my paper, trying to stop another blush from coming onto my face.

* * *

 

"ROSE HAVE YOU SEEN MY PJ SHIRT?" I yelled across the dorm that night.

"YOU MEAN SCORP'S OLD SHIRT?" She yelled back from her bed.

"YEAH. THE ONE WITH THE HIPPOGRIFF ON IT."

"HAVEN'T SEEN IT SINCE YOU WORE IT A MONTH AGO."

"ALICE HAVE YOU SEEN SCORP'S OLD SHIRT THAT IS NOW MY PJ SHIRT WITH THE HIPPOGRIFF ON IT?"

"NOPE," Alice yelled through the closed bathroom door.

"Well shit," I said to myself. "Where the hell could it be?"

I started looking through my wardrobe, but gave up when I couldn't find it in two seconds.

I was not a patient person.

There was a reason I'm not a Hufflepuff.

"Ad, why don't you just wear a different shirt?" Rose asked, rolling to face me in her bed.

"Because they're all dirty," I said, pointing to the pile of Scorpius' old shirts that was on the ground.

Rose sighed and got out of her bed.

"Fine," she said, walking over to her dresser.

Wait was Scorpius' old shirt in there?

Why would it be in there?

Did she have a shrine dedicated to Scorpius?

That would be creepy and hopefully it was not true.

I looked over at Rose, who was digging in her drawers.

There appeared to be no shrine there.

Thank Merlin.

"Here," she said, tossing a shirt at me. "Wear this. It's a boy's shirt, so you'll be able to sleep in it, since you refuse to sleep in anything else."

"Whose shirt is it?" I asked, putting my arms through the holes. It was big on me, but not too big as some of Scorp's or Lou's shirts were. It was really comfortable and I didn't really ever want to take it off.

"It's Al's," Rose said, getting back into bed.

I froze. "This is Al's shirt?"

"Yeah," Rose said, looking at me confused. "You didn't notice that it's one of his old Quidditch shirts? It has his name and number on the back."

I went over to a mirror and saw that Al's name and favorite number, 25, on the back.

Well. This was strange.

I was wearing Al's shirt.

And I liked it.

Was that bad?

Despite the fact that I was incredibly comfortable in this shirt, I got the nagging feeling that I shouldn’t be.

"I think I'll go see if I can steal one of Scorp's shirts," I said, walking toward the door.

Rose shook her head and mumbled something.

I wasn’t sure if I heard it correctly but it sounded like something very, very unlikely to ever happen.

"It's not like you won't be wearing his shirts when the two of you are married."

Rose was clearly crazy.

I walked through the Common Room and up to the boy’s dorms, ignoring the looks that I got (I assumed that they were from wearing Al's shirt, but you know I was such a fine piece of ass that they could all be staring at me for that too.)

I walked in without even knocking, figuring that Scorpius would be in his room at 10:30 at night.

He wasn't.

The only person in the dorm was Louis. Who I have avoided ever since the whole Alice issue. He was lying on his bed, reading a book and looking absolutely miserable.

I decided to ignore his presence.

I walked over to Scorp's bed and went to his dresser, getting out a shirt to wear. Of course, he didn't have any clean shirts either.

And there was no way I was wearing one of his dirty shirts.

"Nice shirt," Louis said from behind me.

I turned to face him. "Where's Scorp?"

"Prefect duty," he said.

"Oh," I said, feeling slightly annoyed at myself for never memorizing his schedule. "I forgot."

"Is that why you're wearing Al's shirt?" Louis asked, putting his book down.

"No," I said. I looked around the room and saw Al was gone too. "Where's Al?"

"I don't know," Louis said. "Shouldn't you be keeping tabs on your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend, nor will he ever be," I said, trying to keep my words polite. Despite the fact that I missed Louis, I was still incredibly angry with him.

"Wearing his shirt makes people think otherwise, Ads," Louis said. "People may think that you're cheating on Caleb."

"Well you would know all about cheating wouldn't you?" I asked, my anger rising. I never realized how upset with him I actually was. He looked down in shame. "How could you do that to her? She's not some random slag, she's your friend! And you fooled everyone into thinking you actually had feelings for her!"

"I did have feelings for her!" he yelled. "I do have feelings for her. Even though she hasn't spoken to me in weeks, I still am crazy about her. She's all I think about and I don't know what to do because she wants nothing to do with me. Every time a guy flirts with her or makes her laugh, or, hell, even talks to her, it makes me want to beat the shit of them because she's mine. She's my girl, she's the first girl that I could actually see myself having a relationship with and being happy." He looked down at his bed. "I've never felt this way about a girl."

I could tell he meant it. He meant every single word and wanted nothing more than to be with Alice.

"Then why did you cheat on her?" I asked him quietly, sitting on his bed. "I can tell that you really like her and yet you cheated on her. It doesn't make sense."

"I know it doesn't," Louis said. "But I got scared. That's no excuse but everything she was making me feel scared me. I have never wanted one girl so much and not just for a hook up. I wanted to be her boyfriend. I wanted to be that dumb idiot who has a girlfriend. And that scared me. I thought that hooking up with another girl would make it better but it didn't. If anything it made it worse because while I was kissing her, I could only think of Alice and how much better it was to kiss her." Louis ran a hand through his hair. "I sound like a fucking poof."

"Have you ever thought of telling her all that?" I asked him. "It might not make everything okay but Alice would probably forgive you. And who knows what could come of that."

Louis nodded. "I guess. I just don't want her to reject me."

"How do you know she'll reject you?" I said. "And even if she does at least you will have known that you told her everything and tried your best to get her back. You need to fight for her. That's really all anyone wants."

Louis smiled at me. "Thanks Addie."

"No problem," I said smiling back. "I've missed you, Lou. And I know Alice has too."

"I really screwed up didn't I?" He asked, almost like a little kid.

"Yeah," I said. "But you can fix it."

We sat in silence for a while and I played with the end of Al's shirt.

And that's when it occurred to me.

I had Louis back as a friend.

And friends give each other advice right?

Yes. So I could ask his advice, since I need a boy’s point of view.

"So since I helped you, could you help me?" I asked him.

"Sure," Louis said.

"Okay, so I have this...friend," I said, casually. "And this friend kind of kissed this boy that she thought hated her. And that she thought hated him. But then they kissed. At first she thought it was a drunken kiss but then the guy said that he didn't drink at all last night. And it gets even more confusing because this girl has a boyfriend and sometimes is kissing her boyfriend and thinks 'This isn't as good as kissing that other boy'. And she also gets butterflies around him. And he seems to flirt with her. A lot. Even though in the past he seemed to have hated her. So...what does that mean?"

Louis had a blank stare on his face, but then suddenly broke out into a huge smirk. "Well...it sounds like you have quite the problem there."

"It's not my problem," I said quickly and Louis raised his eyebrows at me.

"Right," he said. "So...you and Albus kissed, and Albus said that he didn't drink anything. And sometimes you think of him when you're kissing Caleb and you get butterflies around Al." Lou's smirk got bigger. "Addie you're so dumb sometimes."

"Hey! I am not!" I said. "How am I dumb?"

"You deny your feelings very well," Louis said. "At least Al-"

"At least I what?" Al said, walking in the door. Louis looked at me and started laughing. Albus looked at me and asked, "Is he okay?"

"No," I said. "No he's not."

I got off the bed and headed toward the door when Al's voice stopped me.

"Is that my shirt?"

I turned around and knew I was turning bright red.

"Um, yeah," I said, playing with the bottom of it. "I needed a shirt and Rose just gave me this one. You can have it back if you want."

I silently begged that he wouldn’t want it back. It was really warm and nice and comfy.

"No," Al said, looking at me in his shirt with a strange look on his face, only to smile. "It looks good on you. Keep it."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem," Al said, smiling back at me.

My hormones went going insane.

"So much skinny love," Louis sang.

I rolled my eyes and looked back at Albus. "I'm going to head back to my dorm."

"I'm going to head down to the Common Room and see if Scorpius is back yet," Albus said, joining me at the door.

"Have fun," Louis said. "Be safe. Use protection."

Al shut the door on Louis, who was singing, "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"

"He's such a moron," he said.

"Yeah, he is," I said back, heading down the stairs. We were almost at the Common Room when I tripped.

Only to be caught by Albus, who grabbed me around the waist before my ass could hit the ground.

Unfortunately, I had screamed and therefore the entire Common Room decided to look at us.

"Nothing to see here," I said. "Return as you were."

Everyone looked away, but they broke out into whispers.

And that's when I realized that this looked really bad.

I was coming out of the boy’s dorms with Albus while wearing his shirt, while he held my waist.

Awkward.

Al let go of my waist. "You better get to bed so that you're well rested for the test tomorrow."

"Yes sir," I said, walking across the Common Room.

"You'll do great," Albus said, when we reached the stares.

"Thanks for all the tutoring," I said, turning around on the top step to face him. On the step, I was only an inch or two shorter than him.

"No problem," Albus said. "If we need to do a study session at breakfast, let me know."

"Okay," I said. "Thank you." I reached forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him.

"You can pass this test," Al whispered in my ear, holding my waist close to him. "I know you will. I believe in you."

I smiled and pulled away. "Night, Al."

"Night Addie," he said, and I turned around and walked up to my dorm.

I had the same smile on my face when I woke up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	14. The Madness of Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aww, such cute family love.
> 
> "Ew, James, did you just burp in my ear?!"
> 
> Never mind.

"Ow, Addie you're sitting on my foot."

"Sorry! It's a little cramped back here, Dom."

"Well we could just get out there and talk to her instead of sitting under a table, waiting for her."

"We can't do that! What would we even say?!"

"How about we walk up to her and say hi? You know like a normal person?"

"Dominique, you should know me well enough to know that I am not a normal person."

"Clearly, since we are sitting under a table stalking Annalise."

Yes, Dominique and I were currently underneath a table in the library (I had realized that since the beginning of the year I had started spending way too much time in here. It was a bit concerning) trying to figure out a way to talk to Annalise because James asked us to. Dom seemed to be under the impression that we could just walk up to her and start talking but I was smart enough to know that that wouldn’t work. We'd fall into an awkward silence and then have no idea what to say.

It would be horrible.

"Well, I'm no longer sitting under this table. My foot is falling asleep," Dom said and before I could grab her blonde hair, she was up and walking toward Annalise.

"Dom!" I said, rushing after her, only to hit my head on the table. "Ow."

I caught up to Dom, still rubbing my head, and we approached Annalise. She didn't look up when we awkwardly stood in front of her table, trying to decide what to say.

"Um, hi," Dom said. Annalise looked up from her work, clearly a bit annoyed that we had disrupted her. "I'm Dom Weasley and this is Addie Malfoy."

"Hi," I said, waving.

Annalise stared at us like we were doing to can-can and asked her to join. "Hi. Can I help you?"

"Well," Dom said, looking at me for help. This is why we should have planned our conversation because now Dom has no idea what to say. "Well, my cousin, James, is, kinda, sorta-"

"Totally and completely in love with you," I said for her. "He doesn't really talk about anything but you and why you don't love him back. It drives him crazy. He really likes you."

Annalise set her quill down and sighed. "Did James send you here?"

"No," I lied. "No, not at all, we came here by ourselves."

"You're a horrible liar," Annalise said. "I barely know you and I know you're lying."

"I'm not that bad-"

"Yes, you are that bad of a liar," Dom said. "Anyway, we were just wondering why you won't give James a chance?"

"You want to know why I won't give James a chance?" Annalise asked. Yeah, I think we want to know that since we just asked you that. "It's because he's an arrogant, pig head who thinks he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. He's so used to all girls falling all over and he takes advantage of it. He plays pranks on innocent people and then acts like he was wronged when he gets in trouble. He's an immature jerk who needs to realize that not everything will fall at his feet just because he's some big Quidditch player and he's the son of Harry Potter." She started packing up her stuff, putting everything away with such force you'd think they were James himself.

"Oh, he's not that bad," Dom said. "I've known the guy for 17 years and I know that he's not as horrible as you make him out to be."

Annalise put her bag on shoulder and looked at Dom with a disbelieving look. "He locked me in a broom cupboard with him, tried to kiss me, proclaiming his love for me and then started making out with another girl the second I forced him to get us out of the broom cupboard. He also ripped up my essay that was worth 30% of my grade in Charms. He also-"

"I think we get it," I said. "James does a lot of dumb, pig headed things. But you would never give him the chance?"

Annalise sighed and looked at us both. "I know you two are just trying to help but I'm sorry. I don't think I could ever date him if he's still an arrogant, immature arse. I just really, really hate him."

"Alright," Dom said, looking a little defeated. "Thanks for talking to us."

Annalise smiled at us and walked out of the library.

"Well James is shit out of luck," Dom said. "She basically despises everything that makes him, him."

"Yeah," I said. "It was worth a shot though."

"Yeah, only now," she said, looking up at me. "We have to tell James."

Fuck.

* * *

 

"What does that even mean?!" James yelled in the Common Room later that night.

"It means that you have to stop being an arrogant, immature arse, James," Dom said. "It's not that hard to understand, even for a moron like you."

James glared at Dom. "This is my Common Room, Dom, I can very well kick you out."

Dom was about to retaliate but Freddy interrupted her before she could. "No fighting. James, you asked her for help. She found out why Annalise hates your guts. If anything you should be thanking her."

Dom smiled triumphantly at James.

"And Dom," Freddy said, turning towards her. "You shouldn't call James a moron."

"But he is!" Dom cried. Freddy glared at her and Dom calmed down. "Fine, I'm sorry I called you a moron."

"Apology accepted. I'm sorry I threatened to kick you out of the Common room," James said.

"Apology accepted," Dom said, reaching over to James and pulling him into a hug.

Aww, such cute family love.

"Ew, James, did you just burp in my ear?!"

Never mind.

I clamped Freddy on the shoulder. "Such a peace keeper you are."

"That I am," Freddy said proudly. He looked over at Dom and James, who were now arguing, and sighed. "Merlin, if they weren't cousins I'd be surprised that they spent any time together at all. They seem to hate each other."

"Yeah, but James is way too protective of her," I said. "James treats her like she's his own sister. Which means he’s gets stupidly protective when he finds out that she, on her own choosing, hooked up with someone."

Freddy laughed. "Try as he might, James can't control you, Rose, Lily, Dom, and Roxy when it comes to boys."

"Freddy, you do know Roxy has a boyfriend right?" I asked, referring to Freddy's little sister, who was a fifth year Hufflepuff.

"Yes, but that guy better watch it," he said. "Sorry to abandon you Ads, but I have a potions essay I've been putting off for a week, that I should probably do. Make sure those two don't kill each other." He nodded toward Dom and James.

"No promises," I said, smiling at him as he walked out of the Common Room.

"I can't believe you would say that," Dom said.

"Oh, come on, I was kidding," James said.

"You called me fat!" Dominique said.

"You aren't fat!" James said. "I didn't mean it!"

"Well then why did you say it? Clearly it has crossed your mind before," Dom said.

"Dom, stop being irrational."

"Irrational? IRRATIONAL?! My cousin, my own flesh and blood just called me fat! I'm probably as fat as a whale and I never noticed because I've always been fat! I'm sorry James, am I taking up too much space on the couch with my big, fat butt?! I can't believe you would say that! I thought you were my best friend, my cousin-"

"For the love of god Dom!" I yelled at her. "You are not fat. Stop whining that you are because you are by far one of the most beautiful people i have ever met, and even if you were fat, you'd probably still be more beautiful than anyone in this room. Calm your tits!"

James, in typical James fashion, started giggling at the phrase, “Calm your tits”.

Sometimes it’s really easy to forget that he is almost eighteen.

"Fine," Dom said. "I guess I'm not fat."

"You aren't," James said.

"Okay, how about we change the topic yes?" I said, looking at them both with a huge smile on my face pretending everything was all great and dandy.

Dom instantly sat up straight and smiled at me like she had been given an electric shock. "Okay," she said. "I know what we could talk about."

"And what would that be, Dominique?" I asked her.

"You and Albus," she said, smiling.

"Me and Albus...what?" I asked.

"It's not worth trying Dom," James said. "I tried and got nothing out of her."

"Yes but you aren’t as smart as I am,” Dom said, sending a smirk to James. “Come on Ads, do you like Albus?"

"I have a boyfriend!" I cried, ignoring the butterflies appearing in my stomach.

No. I couldn't.

I couldn't like Albus as more than a friend could I?

"That didn't answer my question," Dom said.

"Well seeing as I have a boyfriend, I don't like Albus!" I said, ignoring the butterflies and sweaty palms.

Holy fuck, why did I have sweaty palms?

Girls in books get sweaty palms because they liked a certain boy and their talking to/about him.

NO. NO.

I DID NOT LIKE ALBUS.

"Addie, come on, tell me!" Dom begged.

"She's not going to tell you anything," James said.

"Who's not telling who anything?" Albus said, appearing next to my chair.

Holy. Fuck.

I think my heart exploded.

THESE ARE NOT GOOD SIGNS.

"Nothing," I said quickly. "No one is telling anyone anything. Dom's just insane. Haha. HA. I'm going to bed now. Bye."

"Yea," Dom said, rolling her eyes. "I'm the insane one."

I tried walking coolly to the staircase but stopped when I heard Al's voice. I turned around to face him.

"Yeah?" I asked, hoping I sounded calm and not like the inside of my head was filled with screaming.

"I wanted to let you know that Teddy's giving back our tests from last week tomorrow," he said. At least, I think he said something like that. I wasn't really paying attention since I was just looking at his mouth and imagining that I could pull it down on top of mine.

These were not good signs.

"Oh that's great," I said, trying to think of other things besides kissing Al.

"Yeah, and I want you to be proud no matter what you get on this test, okay?" Albus said, putting both hands on my shoulders. "You know this stuff and that's more than any letter grade is worth."

DJKSLAFSA. CONTACT. THERE WAS BODY CONTACT.

MY HEART WAS RUNNING A MARATHON.

HOLY FUCK.

MUST. NOT. KISS. HIM.

I'M ACTING LIKE ONE OF THOSE STALKERISH TEENAGE GIRLS.

MUST STAY COOL.

Eh, hem.

Sorry about that.

"Okay," I said. "Thanks."

And then I walked away as quickly as I could.

What the fuck was happening with my feelings?

* * *

The next day, I was relatively more sane than the day before.

Yesterday was strange. Maybe someone slipped something in my pumpkin juice.

That would make sense.

"Who's going to Hogsmeade in a few weeks?" Alice asked at lunch.

All six of us rose our hands.

"I need to get Christmas presents," I said, eating my PB&J sandwich. "So I'll probably have to go alone."

"Dang," Alice said. "There's supposed to be this cool new clothing store opening. I thought it'd be fun for you, me and Rose to go shopping in there."

"And what about Al, Scorp and I?" Lou asked her from his seat next to her. "Are we just chop liver to you?"

Louis had apologized to Alice last week, and since they had been on better terms. I could see Louis trying to win her back but Alice was resisting. She only wanted Louis to be strictly a friend, claiming that she couldn't trust him as more just yet, if ever.

It was a bit pathetic to see Louis following after her like a puppy dog, begging for her back.

"I just figured you wouldn't want to go shopping that's all," Alice said. "Scorp, Al, would you fancy going clothes shopping with me?"

"Count me out," Al said, spreading jam on his bread.

Yeah, you spread that jam.

"I think I'll pass," Scorpius said. "Something tells me that shopping would not be the best way to spend my time."

"How else would you spend your time?" Rose asked, looking at him. "It's not like you have some date, right?"

"Well, actually," Scorpius said, awkwardly shifting his eyes. "I, ugh-"

"Oh," Rose said, taken aback. "You do have a date."

I shot up, glaring at Scorpius and yelling at him in my head for how stupid he was. How could he do this? Rose was so into him and almost at a point where she could admit it.

Ryan had been doing such a good job of making Scorpius jealous that it was obvious to everyone that Scorpius was in love with Rose. It should even be obvious enough to Rose if she paid any attention to that, instead of holding some dumb idea in her head that he could never like her.

"Hey Rose."

Ahh, Ryan. Thank goodness you were here. Maybe you could make Scorpius jealous again and he'll dump whatever whore he's going on a date with and be with Rose.

Rose turned toward Ryan with a smile. "Hey Ryan. What's up?"

Ryan smiled lazily back. "Not much. I just wanted to ask you something." He suddenly became shy, like he was a little embarrassed of what he was going to say. "I know that you probably won't want to but I was thinking that maybe you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?"

Could I give him the cousin of the year award? Because he was the most amazing cousin for making my other cousin want to kill him. (I'm not kidding Scorpius actually looks like he's going to kill him.)

"Oh," Rose said, shocked by his answer. "Well, I guess so-"

"No," Scorpius said, standing up. "No, no no. Listen, she has the right o make her own decision and everything, but dude, you need to back off. I know you Ryan and I know you’re game. Rose is more than just some girl you can hook up with and leave. She’s amazing and she deserves more than you. So, while she can make her own decision, please for the love of Merlin, do not toy with her, Ryan, or else you will be sorry.”

ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR SCORPIUS FOR FIGHTING FOR HIS GIRL!!!

WOOOOOOO!!! OW OW!!!

Ryan looked at Scorpius and smiled. "Okay, cuz. See you at Christmas."

And with that he walked away.

Scorpius sat back down, looking really confused at Ryan's reaction and why he just gave up so easily.

Rose on the other hand, looked murderous. "Are you fucking kidding me Scorp?! You had no right, NO RIGHT, to do that! I can date or hook up or do whatever I want without you threatening and taking that option away from me! It’s esepecially not fair when you already have a date! It's not fair and it is a free country and I am able to make my own decisions on who to go on dates with and-"

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?" Scorpius asked, interrupting her speech.

"I-uh," Rose went from murderous to confused to shocked and, for probably the first time ever in her life, looked like she had no idea what was going on. "What?"

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?" Scorpius asked his gaze intense on her. "On a date."

Al, Louis, Alice and I were all watching them waiting for Rose's answer.

If she said no, I would beat her up. I did not go through having to convince Ryan to even do this for her to back out of a real chance with Scorpius.

"But what about your date?" Rose asked, confused.

"Don't have one," Scorpius said shrugging.

"Oh," Rose said, comprehension dawning on her face and, finally, smiling. "Okay."

"YES!" I said, pumping my fist in the air.

Cue me doing happy dance and having everyone at the Gryffindor table looking at me.

"Uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah," I said, dancing.

"You are so weird," Alice said, laughing at me.

"Look at all the fucks I give," I said, throwing my arms up in the air. The bell rang and I stopped my happy dance.

The next class was Defense.

Which meant I was getting my test back today.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I walked slowly to class, behind everyone else and took a deep breath before entering the room. I walked to my seat and tried not to puke.

"Ready to get your test back?" Al asked when I sat down.

"No," I said. "I'm trying not to puke from the stress of it."

Al smiled. "You did great. I'm sure of it."

That was doubtful, Al. Very, very doubtful.

Teddy came in and started class. He announced that we were getting our tests back today but that he wouldn't be giving them back until the end of the period.

What kind of teacher did that? It was an injustice! I couldn’t sit through an hour of waiting for my test score!

I felt as if I was actually going to vomit.

Al wrote in his notebook and slid it over to me.

_Calm down. You look like you're going to puke._

I glared at him and grabbed my quill to respond.

_That's because I probably am. I can't wait another 37 minutes to get my test back!_

Al smiled when he read what I wrote.

I'm glad you find my pain enjoyable Al.

And to think I was thinking that I liked you.

_Addie, you did great, I guarantee it. You need to stop worrying and relax. I believe in you._

Well at least one of us did.

"Oi, Al, stop writing love notes to Addie and pay attention," Teddy said from the front of the class.

I tried relaxing for the rest of the period. I tried taking notes, looking out the window, doodling, figuring out my feelings for Al, but I couldn't think of anything but that test.

There was no way I passed.

"Alright, class, I'm going to give back your tests."

He walked around, giving everyone their tests back. Al got an O, of course, and when the bell rang, Teddy called, "Addie? Could I talk to you about your test?"

"Shit," I said. "There's no way I did well."

Al grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "I'll wait outside for you."

I smiled, grateful that he would be there and (hopefully) not brag about his perfect score when I find out that I got none right and basically failed out of school.

"Addie," Teddy said.

"How bad did I do?" I asked him, approaching his desk.

"Not too bad," he said, smiling.

"So I didn't completely fail?"

"No, you didn't completely fail," he held my folded up test in his hands. "I want you to be proud of the grade that you got on this, regardless of what the letter says. It's good to see you're improving, even in the slightest."

Well, maybe I didn't get a T, maybe I got a D.

High hopes there.

"Here you go," Teddy said, handing me my folded up test.

I walked out of the room and saw Al waiting by the door as promised.

"Well?" he asked me.

"I haven't opened it yet," I said. I took a deep breath. "Well here goes nothing."

Slowly, I opened up my folded test to see what my grade is. At the last minute, I held it only so Al could see it.

"What are you doing?" Al asked, pushing the paper out of his face.

"I don't want to see it!" I said. "Just tell me if I did better than a T!"

"You did better than a T," Al said, smiling at me. "You did way better than a T. Ads, you got an E."

"What?!" I said, pulling the paper toward me. In bright red ink at the top of my paper was a big E. I looked up at Al in shock. "I...I got an E."

"Yeah," Albus said, smiling at me like I had won the World cup. "You got an E."

"I got an E!" I yelled and flung myself at Albus, my arms going around his neck, clinging to him like my life depended on it. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!"

Al's arms were around my waist in an instant and held me up. "Why are you thanking me, you did all the work!"

I kissed his cheek. "Thank you so much!"

"I knew you could do it," Al said, softly into my ear.

I never wanted to leave this moment in time.

"What the fuck?" I heard a voice say.

I detached myself from Al (sad) and looked behind me to see Caleb standing there, looking pissed.

Right. I had a boyfriend.

I couldn't hug boys like I'm a baby koala since I have a boyfriend.

I forgot.

"Caleb," I said, walking over to him. "Hi."

"Hi?" Caleb said, looking down at me. For the first time in our relationship, I saw that he was angry. Not annoyed or defensive, but full on angry. "I catch you clinging and kissing on another guy and all you can say is hi?"

"Caleb it wasn't like that-" I tried to explain.

"Then what was it like?" Caleb asked. "Because it looks to me like you seemed pretty content on your position. What the fuck Addie?"

"Hey, don't yell at her," Al said, stepping in.

"Stay out of this Potter," Caleb said, darkly.

"Al, stay out of this, this isn't your business," I said harshly to Al. He looked a little taken aback at my tone, but I found I didn’t have time to focus on his feelings. I turned back to Caleb and grabbed his hand. "Caleb, let's go somewhere and discuss this-"

“Addie, he has no right to treat you like that," Albus said, pushing me aside. I was about to snap at him, telling him once again to stay out of it, but got distracted when I noticed that students were slowing down to take a better look at what was happening. "Don't treat her like she's a piece of property. She's able to do whatever she wants."

"She's my girlfriend, Potter," Caleb said, stepping closer to Al. "Something you haven't seem to been able to accept, since you always seem to be flirting with her."

I gulped, anxiety filling me up as more and more people stopped to watch and as I felt the tension between Caleb and Al escalate.

“Caleb, let’s go,” I tried to say, but my voice came out small. “We can talk somewhere el-“

"Flirting is a two way street," Al said, not even hearing my protests. "Maybe if your girlfriend actually liked you then this wouldn't be a problem."

And then, as if he couldn’t handle it any more, he pushed Caleb.

“Al, don’t-“ I tried to protest, but, once again, was cut off.

"Don't push me," Caleb said, pushing him back. "Addie is my girlfriend, and you need to back," push, "the," push, "off!" Bigger push. "You can't seem to accept the fact that you lost. She doesn't want you, she chose me. When will you get that through your thick skull?"

I tried to grab Caleb’s hand, attempt to pull him away, but Al seemed to take Caleb’s words as a challenge.

"If she likes you so much," Albus said, smirking his jerk smirk. I immiediately knew what was coming and started to grab Caleb’s hand, tried to distract him, tried to do anything besides listen to Al. "Then why did she and I kiss on Halloween?"

I immediately froze at the words, shame, guilt, and, most of all, worry for how Caleb would react filling me. I looked at Caleb, trying to gage his response.

Caleb was stunned into silence, but he quickly regained himself and punched Albus square in the jaw. Albus responded by tackling him to the ground, only Caleb managed to get the upper hand and wind up on top of Albus.

"Caleb!" I yelled, trying to get him off of Albus. Although on the bottom, Al punched Caleb right in the mouth. "Caleb get off him before you guys get hurt!"

"You asshole!" Caleb yelled as Albus pushed him off. I pulled Caleb back by the hand and stood in front of him, putting my hands on his face, in an attempt to calm him down. He was my constant calm, my safety net, I couldn’t have him angry at me.

"Caleb," I said, my thumbs stroking his cheeks. His eyes were still on Al and full of fire. "Calm down. Breathe."

"Is it true?" Caleb asked, turning his eyes to me. They were still so full of anger. "Did you two kiss on Halloween?"

"No!" I lied, hoping that for once, it wasn't obvious. His eyes looked at me, so full of anger and disbelief, that it made me on the verge of tears. "No it's not true. Please just calm down, Caleb. Please. I would never, ever, hurt you like that."

The sad part was, I meant it and yet I still had done it.

"It isn't true?" Caleb asked again, his eyes losing some anger as he looked at me.

"No!" I yelled.

I turned toward Al who was looking at us with such anger. Anger at Caleb, anger at himself and, a look I recognized all too well, anger at me.

"Tell him it isn't true," I begged, hoping that, for once, Al would be on my side. "Please. Tell him the truth."

I saw Al's jaw lock and could tell he was arguing with himself. He glared daggers at Caleb but then his eyes locked on mine, losing all the anger. He just watched me, noticing the tears forming and took a deep breath.

He gulped and brought his eyes back up to Caleb’s.

"It's not true," he said, shortly. "I said it to piss you off, but it's not true."

He wouldn't make eye contact with me, so I couldn't give any thanks. But what would I say to him? Thanks for lying about the kiss because I think that I really have feelings for you but don't want to lose my boyfriend?

That made no sense.

Caleb looked around at everyone, standing in the hallway watching the three of us. "What are you looking at? Don't you have class to go to?"

They scurried away, the bell ringing as they went.

"Addie," Caleb said, looking down at me. "I have to go to class, but we'll talk about this later, okay?"

I wiped a fallen tear away. "Okay."

Caleb leaned down and kissed me and then rested his forehead on mine, just as Al had so many times before. And it felt wrong. The forehead thing was something Al and I shared, something that only the two of us did, so to have Caleb doing that didn't feel right.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to me. I wasn’t sure if he meant about fighting with Al, not listening to me, or believe I would cheat on him, but all of it made me feel awful and undeserving of him.

"It's okay," I said. I looked at his face, filled with how much I adored him and how awful I felt that I wasn’t giving all of myself to him.

Caleb kissed me one last time and then left, heading to his next class. I turned around and saw Al standing there, staring at me with a hurt expression. There was no way I could escape him, either; we both had free period.

We stood in silence for a while, neither of us knowing what to say.

Fortunately, Al spoke first.

"You don't get it do you?" Al asked me.

"Get what?" I said.

"This," he said, motioning between us. "I know that you think it's nothing but sexual tension but it's not. It really isn't and I know that you know that. I can tell that you feel for me exactly how I feel about you."

"You...you have feelings for me?" I asked him, shocked. The butterflies exploded in my stomach and my heart went into overdrive.

"You must be fucking blind not to see it," Al said, shaking his head. "I've made it so obvious, I basically told you and you laughed in my face. And I know you feel the same."

"I have a boyfriend," I said, using the same excuse I always used.

"Stop using Caleb as an excuse to not talk about this! Stop thinking that just because you say you're with him that everyone will assume that you must have feelings for him and none for me!" Albus was close to me now, so close that I could kiss him. But I didn't want to kiss him. I just wanted him to hug me and make me feel like nothing in the world could harm me because his arms were around me. "You admitted that the kiss meant something. And I know that I'm not the only one who has been feeling this way. I can tell, just by the way that you look at me, I know you feel something. Why are you so desperate to hold onto Caleb when you don't feel any of the things you feel for me for him?"

The tears were falling from my face now, but not because of Caleb. No, it was because he was right. He wasn't the only one feeling all the things between us because I felt them, full force. As much as I wanted to deny it, I felt it.

"Why are you so afraid to be with me?" Al whispered, in almost a desperate tone.

I looked up at him, not knowing what to say.

What was I supposed to tell him? That I was afraid to be with him because I knew that he could hurt me? I knew that by years of arguing and hating each other, he knew all my weaknesses, could break me without being together, and that giving him my heart would just be more power to do so? He could so quickly change his mind about me and shatter me, leaving me alone and making me feel like I wasn’t good enough, just as the boggart said.

Caleb couldn't do that to me because he didn't have my heart. He didn't know about my past and my insecurities. He didn't hold the power to break me because he didn't know me well enough. But that's why I couldn't lose him. He's the only person who seemed to not know the full story and who made me feel like I would never have to be afraid of losing him because he liked me more than I liked him. I liked him, I adored him even, but I had no long term emotional attachment to him. I was a horrible person for holding onto him for those reasons, but it's safer this way. Caleb could never hurt me the way Al could.

But I couldn't say that to Al.

My silence was enough of an answer for Al.

He shook his head at me, locking his jaw.

"Forget it," he said, taking a few steps back. I wanted so badly to pull him closer and just have him hold me, and tell him everything. But I didn't. "Just forget everything I said."

"Al..." I said, watching him walk away from me and mentally begging him to come back.

I watched him walk down the hall, not turning back once.

* * *

I found him by the Black Lake, in the exact spot that we had kissed on Halloween. I walked to the lake and stood next to him.

"Can I sit down?" I asked, watching Al as he looked at the lake.

Al shrugged and I sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry," I said to him.

"For what?" he asked.

"For pretending that I don't feel something for you," I said, running a hand along the thin layer of snow on the ground. "But I need you to understand that I do have feelings for Caleb. And right now all my feelings are really confused and muddled together and I barely know anything anymore. I'm trying to figure out my feelings, I really am. But...I've never felt feelings for you beyond hate. I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm trying to figure out what is right for my relationship, while also trying to decide how I feel about you, and if that gets in the way of my relationship. I'm trying, Al. Ever since Halloween, I've been trying to figure out my feelings and I can't."

"Maybe you aren't trying hard enough," Al said. "Maybe it would be easier for you if we weren't friends."

I shook my head. "That would probably make everything more complicated. I need you as a friend because no matter what my feelings are for you or Caleb, you're still my friend Al. And I need to find out if my feelings for you are just friend feelings or if they're something more. I care about you, I do. And I'm not asking you to wait around until I figure out my feelings; in fact I don't even expect you too. I just need you to respect my relationship and know that I'm trying to work things out. I haven't been trying to lead you on or hurt you because you have become one of my closest friends and hurting you would kill me. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's what I have to say."

Al nodded. "I understand."

"Good," I said quietly.

And we sat there, two friends, sitting in the spot they had once kissed. One of them, knowing exactly how they felt for the other, and the other one, confused beyond belief.


	15. The Madness of Having to Do Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe that was why Annalise didn't like him.
> 
> Because he was a lazy ass and liked to torture innocent children.
> 
> I understand that girl more and more.

I was going to kill James.

I wasn’t going to kill him with just the regular, painless Avada Kedavra either. Oh no. It was going to painful, with lots of torture and pain.

Maybe I should castrate him.

He'd be upset over losing his manly parts.

He'd probably tear up a little.

Hmmm that's not good enough...he needed to cry.

How to make James cry?

Well I could burn his broomstick. But I thought he might be more angry than sad.

I needed him to cry. I needed tears streaming down his face so I could laugh at his pain.

What does James love the most?

I know!

I would make him watch Annalise love someone else!

He'd probably cry and want to beat the shit out of the dude.

But that's not enough!

I KNOW!

I would just show him his boggart!

He'd probably start sobbing.

Muwhahaha!

Take that you fucking asshole.

"RUN, FASTER WEASLEY! YOU TOO MALFOY!"

I fought the urge to flip him off as I continued on my laps given to me by my evil captain.

I was pretty sure he was trying to kill the entire Quidditch team, somehow believing that all this "training" will help us win.

James, this isn't "training" its 3 hours of HELL.

"WHAT WEASLEY AND MALFOY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Scorpius yelled up at James, who was sitting on his broom, watching us.

Yeah, he made us run 30 laps (not kidding. We had to run 30 laps after 3 hours of practicing plays and such. I'm in so much pain. The pitch is fucking huge. He also made us do 300 crunches and 250 push-ups, without a break) while he stayed up on his broom and watches us.

He was such a lazy ass.

Maybe that was why Annalise didn't like him.

Because he was a lazy ass and liked to torture innocent children.

I understand that girl more and more.

"ADDISON AND HUGO, MOVE YOUR ASSES!" James yelled at Hugo and I, who were pulling up the rear. Albus had finished first, of course, and was now sitting on a bench drinking water, his shirt covered in sweat.

You could see his abs through his shirt.

Me fucking guesta.

Running laps and only being on my twenty eighth lap?

No me guesta.

“I,” I said, panting and struggling to stay standing up. “Hate. Your. Cousin. With a firiy passion.”

Hugo nodded, taking deep breaths, trying to maintain his breathing pattern.

A man of few words that Hugo.

And apparently he liked having an even breathing pattern, maintaining his cool and calm demeanor, unlike me. I looked like a dog that stuck their head out the window and couldn't stop panting if my life depended on it. Also my hair was sticking to my face because of the amount of sweat I had perspired.

I looked like hot shit.

The only time I've ever heard him talk a lot was the day after Halloween, when he caught Rose in Scorpius' room. It was also the only time I got to see his amazingly hot abs.

Sadly.

Hugo and I continued running at our slow pace, although he did try to go ahead of me at one point.

Not cool dude. I can barely move and you want to abandon me.

Jerk.

And to think I considered you a little brother.

A true brother would never abandon me.

...strange since Scorp ditched me on the first lap.

And James is making me do all this.

Those arses.

"We're almost there!" I wheezed. "I see the promise land!"

Of course our team looked like anything BUT the promise land, since Freddy was puking, Scorpius looked like he was going to pass out, and Louis was lying on the ground, his face in the grass.

Al looked like the promise land though, since he was sitting on the bench, drinking water and regaining his breath.

His shirt may or may not be socked through (it so was).

I waddled to the team and ran toward Louis on the ground.

He looked rather comfortable with his face in the ground.

Maybe I'll join him.

"Oof," I said, landing on my stomach and letting the dewy grass cool me off. "I'm going to kill James."

"Me too," Hugo said, face planting next to me.

We're cute aren't we?

"He will die slowly and painfully," Louis said. "Lots and lots of torture."

"I call torturing him," Hugo said.

"I think we can all take turns," I offered.

"Agreed," Louis said. "I say we take the plan to action tonight."

"I like that idea," Hugo said.

"Mmmm mhm," I said.

We were just three sane people, plotting the death of our Quidditch captain/cousin/overprotective big brother, while lying face down on the ground.

Normal.

"Good job today, guys!" James said. He sounded closer than normal, so I assumed that he was on the ground.

Hey, James why don't you come closer to me?

Right next to my fist please, so that I can punch in the fucking face.

"I think we're in good shape to win against Slytherin tomorrow," James said. "Remember if we win-"

"Yeah, yeah, we'll be in first place, we know James," Scorp said. "Now it's fucking cold so can we go inside?"

"Well, yes, we'll be in first place," James said, ignoring the last half of what Scorp said. "But, this is Slytherin. Not only do we hate them, but also Annalise is in that house. There's a good chance that if we beat them, each of us showing off our awesome Quidditch moves, me especially, then she'll realize what a great captain and guy I am and love me. So work hard tomorrow team!"

"You're crazy," I said into the grass. Louis and Hugo made noises of agreement.

I heard grass crunching in the direction of the locker rooms, meaning that everyone was leaving, hoping to get inside and take a shower.

Meh, the ground was too comfy to move. Besides I was in pain.

Hugo and Louis pushed themselves up. "Come on, Addie, get up."

"No," I said. "I can't move. I'm just going to lie here for a little while."

"You're going to get sick," Hugo said. "It's cold. If you get sick James will kill you."

Shut up, Hugo. I liked it better when you didn't talk.

"My muscles hurt all over," I said. "I cannot move. So unless one of you wants to carry me, I'm not moving."

Silence.

Slightly insulted that they didn’t jump at the chance to carry me.

Really, I was getting overwhelmed because you guys both wanted to carry me so much.

"Well, it was nice knowing you Ads," Louis said and walked away, Hugo not far behind him.

"It was nice knowing you too," I said. "I will stay here. I will lie on the ground until I feel like moving. It's rather comfortable actually."

I heard the door to the locker room close.

They actually left me outside, all alone.

"Alone time!" I yelled. "Yay! Time to think!"

I sat in a few minutes of quiet.

I didn't think. Quite frankly being alone with my thoughts was the last thing I wanted.

So instead, I just sat there.

A cold wind blew over me.

"It's fucking cold!" I yelled, but didn't want to move. "If only someone could save me! I'm a pathetic excuse of a girl who can't do anything! I need a man!" I chuckled. " I don't need a man. I'm a strong girl. I'll move." The wind roared. "Eventually."

The wind was picking up, making me colder than I already was.

I heard the grass crunching, and before I could register it, Al pulled me in into his arms, holding me bridal style.

“Hey!” I said. “I was just about to move!”

"No you weren’t,” Albus said, sending me a knowing look. You were going to die of hypothermia out here beore you actually moved."

“You don’t know that,” I said, laying my head on his shoulder.

He was warm. I nuzzled closer to him, using his body heat to warm myself.

The penguin theory is not just a theory you know. It really is basic facts.”

"I'm sore," I said. "It made it hard to move. I was plotting how I'm going to kill your brother."

"I'll help you kill him," Al said, smirking and walking to the castle. "I'm so fucking tired."

"Maybe you should put me down," I said, looking up at him. If he ended up having a heart attack because he carried me, I'd feel pretty guilty.

But at the same time, I absolutely did not want to be any less close to him than where I was right now.

"I have enough energy to carry you," Albus said, smiling down at me, causing sparks to fly through my body.

Since our conversation last week, Al really had backed off. No flirting or trying to make me think about the kiss. He just let us go on as friends, giving me the space I needed to figure out my feelings.

I found that I missed him, even though he was right in front of me most of the time. But he was never really there because we weren't flirting, or arguing or just being us.

I figured I felt something toward him. I didn't know what or how much, but I felt something for him. Something I didn't feel for Caleb.

And that wasn't fair to Caleb.

Al walked into the Common Room and sat on the couch, me on top of him.

"Finally," he whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't have to carry me," I said. Although I knew that I should probably get off him, knew that I could easily slide off his lap and onto the couch, I found myself not doing so, chooing instead to stay as close to him as possible.

"It's fine," Al said, closing his eyes.

I looked up at him, my head still on his chest and smiled at how peaceful he looked. His arms were still holding me, one under my legs and the other on the small of my back, right in-between where my leggings and t shirt didn't cover, his hand providing warmth to my back. I shut my eyes and nuzzled into him, doing exactly as my instincts told me too.

"You're comfy," I said. "I don't think I'm going to get off you."

I could tell he smiled as he removed his hand from underneath my legs and put it around my waist pulling me closer. "I don't mind," he said. "You know how I feel, so I'm going to get as much as you as I can."

I was a horrible girlfriend for enjoying this so much. And for getting so many butterflies.

We fell into a silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was a nice silence, where we just sat, eyes closed, and enjoyed the moment we had together.

It was the perfect moment.

So of course James and Freddy have to ruin it.

"Damn Al!" Freddy yelled, looking over at us with a huge grin.

"Ugh," I said, nuzzling my face into Al's warm neck. "No."

I heard Al sigh while one of his hands rubbed my thigh and the other one drew small circles on my back.

"Get it little bro!" James said. "Get your girl all to yourself!"

"I'm sorry," Al whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my neck. "I guess you can move, if you want." I noticed that there was hope in his voice that I wouldn't move.

Well he was in luck.

"Moving is painful," I whispered back. "Being right here is perfect."

Al broke out into a grin.

"You know I never expected Al to be the kind of guy to have such PDA," James commented.

"Yeah, I always thought he was more of the proper one," Freddy agreed. "Well, let's just hope that this is as much PDA that we see."

"Fuck off," I said to them, puling my face out of Al's neck.

"And miss the chance to ruin this wonderful moment you guys are having? Never," James said, and I knew he was smirking.

"It was worth a shot," I grumbled, as I put my face back to his neck.

"Just ignore them," Al said, still drawing circles on my back. "They'll lose interest eventually."

"Would you mind if I fall asleep on you?" I asked him, tilting my head up to look at him. “You’re very comfy and my bed is so far away.”

He looked down at me. "Wouldn't mind a bit."

I continued to look at him, at the close proximity we were in. We hadn't been this close since we kissed. He was only 3 inches away and it would be so easy to just tilt my head up a little bit and kiss him. I looked into his green eyes and saw that he noticed too. And I think we both wanted it, we both knew how easy it would be to kiss. My eyes flickered down to his mouth and back up to his eyes and I saw him smirk when he knew that I wanted it, as much, if not more than he did. He slowly began to lean down, but before he could move 3 centimeters, the mood was ruined.

"We are NOT going to Madame Puddifoot's!"

Rose and Scorpius walked into the Common Room, Rose first, marching furiously and Scorpius behind her, looking semi-annoyed and semi-worried.

"Madame Puddifoot's is way too pink and is always filled with overly gross couples!" Rose said. "It's the worse place to ever go on a date! Why would you suggest that?"

"I'm sorry!" Scorp said. "I didn't mean anything by it, just throwing it out there. That's where most girls want to go."

"Well, I'm sorry that I'm not like your usual slag!" Rose said. "I'm sorry that I inconvenience you so much that I have to break your pattern of where you go! Maybe you should go back to your normal type of girl-"

"Merlin, Rose I'm fine if we don't go to Madame Puddifoot's! I hate it there!" Scorp yelled. "I'm glad you don't want to go there. I can actually have a good time on this date, which is good because it's the date I care most about."

"Oh," Rose said, smiling like an idiot. "Well...good."

"They're getting married," I said to Al.

Al laughed and continued the circles on my back. I nuzzled further into his neck, feeling how right everything was and wishing it would never end.

"Addie?" I heard Rose say. "Al?"

I pulled my face out of Al's neck and saw Scorpius and Rose's confused and, if I’m being honest, angry expressions.

"What the fuck?" Scorpius said. Rose hit him lightly for swearing but I saw her face looked just as annoyed as Scorp’s did.

"I'm tired," I said, resting my head on Al's chest as I looked at them. "Don't judge."

"Not judging," Scorpius said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Just wondering if you remember you have a boyfriend, Addie."

“And he probably wouldn’t appreciate this,” Rose said, her voice stiff.

Al's hand stopped making circles and his entire body stiffened. I guess he forgot that I had a boyfriend.

Meanwhile, I was pretending that I didn't have one.

I sighed, removing my head from Al's chest and standing up, feeling Al's arms fall away from me. "I was tired. Now I'm not, so I'm going to take a shower now. Goodbye."

I walked (slowly because I was still a little sore) and I reached the staircase, walking up each step slowly.

"Al..." Rose said in a worried tone, causing me to stop and listen.

"I know," Al said, running a hand through his hair. "You don't need to lecture me again."

"We just don't want you to get hurt mate," Scorp said. "She's my baby cousin and I love her, but she doesn't even see what she's doing to you and Caleb. She's being a total bitch and leading you both on. What's worse is that you're letting her do this to you. You let her make you start to think you have a chance and then she runs back to Caleb and does the same thing to him. It's not fair for you guys."

Al was quiet for a minute. "I know she's leading us both on and I know that it's not fair for us. But I'm just hoping that she'll figure out her feelings and pick me."

"Don't tell her this," Scorpius said, quietly. "But I think we're all hoping for that."

"You deserve more than this Al," Rose said, quietly. "You deserve someone who isn't going to make you wait and figure out her feelings for you. You should be able to be with someone who knows their feelings and wants to be with you and you only." They were all quiet before Rose started speaking again. "You should stop chasing her. I hate saying this but Al; she may not be worth it."

I walked up the stairs, not wanting to hear anymore.

My best friend and cousin both agreed that I was being a bitch. My best friend said I might not be worth chasing.

I wanted to say that it wasn’t fair, that they were wrong, that they didn’t understand. But that wasn’t the truth. Scropius and Rsoe were right.

As I took my shower, I played their conversation in my head. Scorpius said I was leading them both on and, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was. While trying to figure out my feelings, I was giving each of them false hope that I was leaning towards them. I was dating Caleb, so he thought that I chose him, yet all my moments with Al prove that I wasn't choosing Caleb. If I chose Caleb then why would I want to kiss Al all the time?

But I didn't choose Al either because I was still dating Caleb. And by having moments with him where we were both aware that we wanted to kiss each other, I was leading him on; making him think there was a chance for him.

Rose was right. They deserved more than me. They deserved with someone who knew their feelings.

Although, I was pretty sure my feelings were becoming clearer to me.

After I showered and loosened all my muscles, I got into a pair of jeans and a Gryffindor sweater. I pulled my hair back and looked at myself in the mirror.

"You have to do this," I whispered to myself.

I took a deep breath and walked to dinner, dreading what awaited me in the Great Hall.  


* * *

  
"Are you okay?" Al asked me. "You've been unusually quiet."

"I'm fine," I said, harshly, stabbing my food.

Al appeared to be taken aback. "I was just asking," he said, locking his jaw.

"Well I'm fine, Potter," I spat out.

"Back on last name basis?" Al asked. "Screw you, Malfoy."

He turned away from me with a look of disappointment and disgust. Tears pricked my eyes and I looked down squeezing my eyes shut, holding the tears back.

I had to do this.

"Lou stop eating off my plate!" Alice said.

Lou smiled flirtatiously. "You're more than welcome to share food with me. You know I'd love you to."

Alice's cheeks became pink and she looked down with a smile on her face. Though she had been trying to fight her feelings for Louis, they came back full force. She didn't even deny it. She felt something for him and she was okay with that.

I wish I knew my feelings as well as she did.

"Hey Alice?" Louis asked quietly.

"Yeah?" She said, looking up at him.

"I was wondering, if, maybe you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me? As my date?" Louis looked nervous, more nervous than I had ever seen him. "I completely understand if you don't want to but I was just-"

"Yes," Alice said, breaking out into a smile. "I'd love to."

Louis broke out into a reveled grin and they both sat there grinning at each other like idiots.

If I weren't so upset right now I might have puked from how cute they were.

"Whatever you do," Scorpius said to Louis. "Don't offer to bring her to Madame Puddifoot's."

Rose smacked him on the arm and he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. Rose smiled and made herself comfortable and Scorpius gave her a grin. Louis and Alice were being pretty cute too, talking about their date with ridiculous smiles.

Al and I were staring at our food in a stony silence.

It was really cute.

I looked up at him and studied him. He was frowning down at his food, his eyebrows pulled in and his lips tight. His hair stuck up in every single direction. His jaw was locked, meaning that he was pissed off. He stabbed his food but never ate any of it. He was wearing a sweatshirt that had a logo of the Canons on it. He looked wonderful, every part of him. But I couldn't see my favorite part of him.

Slowly, he looked up at me, having felt my gaze. And I finally saw his wonderful, expressive green eyes. As he looked at me, I saw that his eyes filled with anger and annoyance, probably wondering why I snapped at him earlier. But even behind that, I saw that he also looked worried, wondering why I had snapped at him. There was something else there too, but it was something I didn't want to admit.

That feeling filled his eyes the most and that scared me. A lot.

I broke away from his gaze and looked down at my food, taking a deep breath.

I knew what I had to do. Now more than ever before.

I saw Caleb get up from the Hufflepuff table just as the six of us finished our dinner as well. I said a quick goodbye to them and ran over to Caleb.

"Hi," I said, wrapping my fingers around his.

"Hi," he said, leaning down to kiss me.

"Can we talk?" I asked him, tugging him away from his friends. Caleb nodded and followed my lead down the corridor until we were alone.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Caleb asked, turning toward me. He smirked. "Or did you just want to get me all to yourself?"

I smiled a little at that. "No, we actually need to talk."

"Okay," Caleb said. "What about?"

I felt tears prick my eyes. "Can we walk a little more?"

"Yeah," Caleb said and pulled me down the corridor.

We walked in silence, our hands intertwined but neither one of us really being there. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Caleb spoke.

"We're-we're breaking up, aren't we?" he asked quietly, looking down at me.

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

Caleb shrugged. "I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. We've been off since the beginning."

"I don't think so," I said, meaning it. "I thought we were good together, for the first few weeks at least."

"Yeah we were, I guess," Caleb said and smiled. "Remember how we first met?"

"How could I forget?" I asked him, smiling back, despite how sad I felt. "You spilt pumpkin juice on me and I forced you to come down to the Restricted Section with me."

"I should have taken notice that you were crazy then," Caleb said and I smacked him on the arm. Caleb smiled and I couldn't help but feel like we were doing the whole break up thing wrong, you didn’t tease each other, you yelled and fought and cried.

Then again, I didn't have a whole lot of experience.

"Can I ask something?" I asked him, hoping that maybe to clear up something on my mind our whole relationship but never found the courage to say..

"Go ahead."

"Why did you have a problem with Al?" I asked. Caleb scrunched his face up, clearly debating if he should tell me or not.”

"Do you want the truth?" Caleb asked. I nodded and he sighed. "Well...I was jealous of him."

"Why?" I asked, totally confused. "Why would you have any reason to be jealous of him?"

"Because even though you were with me, you...I don't know how to say this," Caleb said, running a hand through his hair. "You had feelings for him. I knew it from the first day when he broke us apart in the library. I tried to ignore it, thinking that I was making it up in my head but..."

"But you weren’t," I said quietly, giving him a sad smile.

"Yeah. I saw the way you looked at him," Caleb said quietly. "You look at him in a way that you have never looked at me. I knew that while you may have been with me, your heart was with him. Whenever you talked to him or his name was mentioned, you acted differently. What's worse is that I saw the way he looked at you too. I felt like such an idiot, standing there holding your hand when everyone, including myself could see that you're crazy about him and he's crazy about you. I guess I was just hoping that somehow you'd pick me, in the end."

"I'm so sorry Caleb," I said, tears pricking my eyes. I'm such a horrible, terrible person for doing this to him. "I never meant to do that to you. You are such an amazing guy and I'm a huge bitch for treating you like that. You deserve so much more than me." I remembered Rose's words earlier. "You deserve someone who's going to show their feelings to you and know they have feelings for you and you only. I'm sorry I dragged you into this madness that is my life but I'm trying to figure everything, including my feelings, out. I liked you. I really did. But you deserve to be with someone who would have feelings for you and you only." A tear fell down my face. I wasn't crying because Caleb and I were breaking up, I was crying because I was such a horrible person. "I'm so sorry."

"Addie," Caleb said, pulling me into a hug. "It's not all your fault. You're forgetting that I voluntarily came into your life and decided to stay, even though I knew you had feelings for Albus."

"But I shouldn't have led you on," I said, looking up at him.

Caleb wipped some of my tears away. "You didn't know you were doing it. Maybe we were just doomed from the start."

"That's a happy thought," I said, wiping some snot on my sleeve.

Caleb smiled. "I'm glad I got the chance to get to be your boyfriend Addie."

"I'm glad I got to be your girlfriend," I said. "You're going to make some girl so extremely happy someday Caleb."

Caleb kissed my forehead. "I hope you and Al are happy together," he whispered and let go of me. He looked down at me. "Friends?" he asked, sticking out his hand.

I smiled up at him and grabbed his hand. "Friends. I'm really sorry Caleb."

"It's okay," Caleb said. "Good luck in the match tomorrow."

"Are you coming?" I asked him.

"Wouldn't miss it," Caleb said, giving me the easy smile that light up his whole face.

"Good," I said, smiling back.

Caleb turned around and walked in the direction of the Hufflepuff Common Room. I took a deep breath and turned around, walking away from Caleb and walking toward the Gryffindor Common Room, my heart racing at the thought of seeing Al.

"You did it," I said quietly to myself. "He doesn't hate you either."

Strange as it may seem, I walked away smiling from breaking up with one of the most amazing boys on the planet.   



	16. The Madness of Being Creepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was really annoying because I would like to find some wonderful boy for him to be with and then they could fall in love and adopt children from China or Africa or where every it is popular to adopt children from.
> 
>  
> 
> Sigh.

I tried to take my time heading back to the Common Room, in order to let the fact that Caleb and I just broke up set it. However, it didn't take nearly as long as I had hoped and soon I found myself at the Fat Lady's Portrait. I took a deep breath and walked in, seeing everyone gathered sitting near the fireplace.

Louis and Alice were in one armchair, Alice sitting on Lou's lap with his arms casually hung around her waist. I smiled, glad that they were able to fall back into place so easily and hoping that this time it would actually stick.

Scorp and Rose were in the other armchair, although Rose wasn't sitting on his lap (sad...that would've been adorable). Scorpius was sitting in the chair, Rose on the armrest with her legs across Scorp's lap. Her head rested against the chair and Scorpius was drawing circles her legs with his fingers. (All right they were still pretty adorable)

James, Dom and Freddy even joined them, James lying on the ground with Dom next to him. Freddy was sitting on the couch shaking his head as James tried to convince Dom to give him a back rub.

I heard a loud laugh and looked next to Freddy and felt my heart speed up. Al was watching Dom as she hit james for a reason I missed. I just watched Al, his eyes bright and carefree, and noticed how...handsome he was. Yes he was hot but there was something more than that. I don't know how to explain it. He was just...beautiful.

Because that was what all boys want to be called.

"I'm not giving you a back rub," Dom said to James.

"Whyyyyy?" James whined.

"Because I don't like giving back rubs," she said.

"Really Dom?" Freddy said, smirking. "Because do you remember what I caught you doing yesterday?"

"Shut. Up. Fred." Dom said, glaring at Freddy.

"What were you doing yesterday?" James asked. "Did you give Freddy a back rub?!"

"She didn't give me one," Freddy said. "I caught her in the Charms Classroom with some guy."

"What?!" James and Louis yelled.

"Alice get off me, I need to go kill this guy," Louis said trying to get Alice off his lap but Alice refused to move.

"I'll help," James said, sitting up. "You in Fred?"

"Nah, I took care of him yesterday," Freddy said. "Didn't I, Dom?"

Dom glared at Freddy. "Not only did you send him to the hospital wing, but he didn't speak to me all day. In fact every time he saw me he ran in the opposite direction."

"Good job Freddy," Louis said, giving Freddy a high five and settling back into his seat.

"Ugh I hate my family," Dom said and put her head in her hands.

"No you don't you love us," Louis said.

"You're too over protective," Dom said into her hands.

"It's our job to protect you Dom," James said. "We need to protect our baby cousin."

"I'm older than you!" Dom cried. Everyone laughed and I even cracked a smile at that. "You guys are so over protective it's impossible to even find a decent guy because they're all scared of you. It's amazing how Addie got a boyfriend with you guys around."

"That doesn't mean we like Caleb," James muttered.

"He's a good guy just not the right guy for her," Scorpius said and looked over at Al. I followed his gaze.

Al was looking down at his pants picking at a hole in his jeans. His jaw was clenched and I didn't see that boy who was laughing at his cousins. He looked sad and I wanted to do nothing more than crawl into his lap and hold him until he felt better.

“You just don't like him because he's not Al," Rose said, rolling her eyes. “Caleb is a good guy. Just because it’s not the person who we would like it to be doesn’t change that.”

I smiled, thankful I could always depend on Rose to look on the bright side of things. And, thankful that they couldn’t see me.

Because then I could eavesdrop.

I liked to eavesdrop. Especially when I was the topic being discussed.

"It's not our fault that she can't see her feelings," James said. "But ever since Halloween they've been a lot more obvious. I bet Caleb can even see them."

"I've noticed that too," Alice said and was lost in thought for a minute. "Al, did something happen on Halloween?"

"No," Al lied. Unlike me, Al was actually a good liar and appeared to be telling the truth, unless you knew better. "Just the boggart-"

"We know about the boggart," Alice said. "Did anything else happen?"

I saw Louis and Al share a look. Louis raised his eyebrows almost as if to say, "I don't care if you tell them but Ads may kill you. And Caleb."

"No," Al said. "For the millionth time, nothing happened."

There was a moment of silence.

"Al," Dom said quietly, breaking the silence. "Have you ever thought of just kissing her? If taking her by surprise and kissing her is what it will take to make her notice her feelings for you why don't you just do that?"

"She has a boyfriend. She's with Caleb and she's happy with him. I'm not going to screw that up for her. It’s my job to respect her relationship" He sighed. "There have been times where I have thought 'Fuck all this and kiss her' but I don't. If she wanted to be with me, then she would have broken up with Caleb by now. I’m done trying to make a move on her. It’s up to her now. I've liked her for 5 and half years. I think I can wait a little longer."

Holy shit. Five and a half years?! He had liked me since first year?! But he was a jerk for most of that time period!

Rose sighed and rested the side of her head on the top of Scorp's head. "For what it's worth, Addie is an idiot."

Hey! I took offense to that Rose! I made a mental note to discuss the blanet lies that Rose was spreading around with her later.

Although it was kind of true.

Al smiled. "I know."

"But you luuurrrvvvee her," James said.

Everyone started laughing and unless you were watching Al intently (like I was. No, that is not creepy) then you never would have heard him say, "Yeah I do."

Suddenly feeling flustered and wanting to go jump onto Al,  I decided that moment might be a good time to stop being creepy and enter the room. I had gotten some confused looks by standing in the dark corner like a creep.

"Hey guys," I said, walking into the room. I looked around at everyone laughing and pretended to be confused. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Dom said. "James was just ranting about Annalise again."

"Oh how is that going?" I asked James, walking towards the only seat available.

It was on the couch. Next to Freddy. And Al.

Yay.

James sighed. "Apparently blowing up her potion isn't a good way to try to win her heart."

I groaned. "James please tell me you didn't do that." I plopped myself down on the couch.

"I wish I could, but I can't," James said, shrugging. “I was trying to talk to her and accidentally dropped some Mandrake root in. It did not respond well to her Sleeping Potion.

I sighed and looked at Al. "Your brother is an idiot."

"I'm well aware of that fact," Al said, smiling at me.

I smiled back and then looked away, not wanting to creep him out by staring at him. Now that I liked him, and was able to admit it without guilt filling me, I didn't want to creep him out.

James threw a pillow at Al for calling him an idiot but it hit me instead. I rolled my eyes and put the pillow on my lap, one hand underneath it.

"Enough about James's failed love life," Alice said. "How's Caleb, Addie?"

"Yeah, how is the oh so hot boyfriend?" James asked.

"Um," I said. I hadn't actually figured out how I was going to tell everyone. I figured that I would tell Rose and Alice and then it would just get around to everyone else. “Well...actually he's not my boyfriend anymore. We just broke up."

"What?" Scorpius said. "Why? Did he hurt you? Do I need to beat his ass?" He pushed Rose's legs off of him and started to stand up, going into incredible Hulk mode.

I let out a small laugh and shook my head. "No, you don't need to beat him up. It was mutual."

"Oh," Scorp said. He sat back down and pulled Rose's legs back onto his lap.

"Why did you guys break up?" Rose asked.

I shrugged. I didn't feel like telling everyone that we broke up because of Al. "It just wasn't working."

"Bullshit," I heard Louis say. Alice elbowed him in the gut, but not before he gave me a pointed look.

"We're sorry, Addie," Alice said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said, surprising myself that I meant it. "I'm fine."

The conversation moved back to James and Annalise but I didn't pay any attention to it. I just stared intently on the fire and again, absorbed the fact that I had broken up with Caleb. I had been so hesitant to because with him, I didn't have to take a risk and I knew he wouldn't break me. He didn't have the power to break me.

Al reached under the pillow and grabbed my hand. I looked over at him and saw him staring intently at me. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I said, smiling. "I'm okay."

Al smiled back at me but made no move to let go of my hand.

And for once, it was okay.

"Alright everyone get to bed!" James said.

"It's nine o clock," Dom said.

"Yeah but most of us have a Quidditch game tomorrow," James explained, standing up. "Now all of you get to bed! We need to be well rested for tomorrow!"

Alice grudgingly got up off of Lou and Louis said, "Aw, don't look so sad."

"You were comfy," she said.

"You want a piggy back ride?" Louis asked her.

"Yea-"

"Oh for the love of Merlin, LOUIS WEASLEY GET TO BED RIGHT NOW!" James yelled. "STOP BEING CUTE AND GET YOUR ASS TO BED. SAME GOES TO YOU SCORP. GET YOUR ASS TO BED." Alice jumped on Lou's back and he went up the stairs and Scorpius and Rose both awkwardly walked up the Common Room, almost as if trying to figure out if they should do that or not. It was adorable. "OI! AL GET OFF YOUR ASS AND-oh." James looked at Al and I sitting next to each other and (in a rare moment for James Potter) became very awkward. "Well, ugh, you guys can, um, talk for a little. Just get to bed soon. Bye Al. Bye Ads. Stay safe. Don't get pregnant. Remember there are children around."

I used my free hand to face palm. James was a moron. And he was causing me to blush.

"Just go to bed, James," Al said.

"Okay, but not before I TAKE MY PILLOW!" James ran over to us, grabbed the pillow that was covering our intertwined hands and ran up the stairs to his dorm.

"He is so weird," I thought out loud.

"Yeah and you don't even have to live with him during the summer," Al said. "He's even weirder then. Lack of proper socialization, probably"

We sat in silence for a while and watched the fire.

"So," Al said, tentatively. "You and Caleb are done?"

"Yeah," I said, looking over at him. "Me and Caleb are done."

"Are you sure you're okay with that? Do you need a shoulder to cry on?" Al asked me.

"No, I do not need a shoulder to cry on, but thanks for offering," I said. "Strangely, it was a good break up."

"Is it okay if I ask why you broke up?"

I bit my lip. "It's fine."

"Well then, why did you guys break up?" Al asked.

"Because my feelings became clear," I said, looking down at our hands.

"Oh," Al said quietly.

I looked back up at him, into his beautiful green eyes.

"Yeah." I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for carrying me today," I whispered. "Night."

"Night," he said.

I got up off the couch and couldn't hide the huge smile that I had on my face. As I reached the steps I looked back at Al and saw that he had just a big of a smile on his face.

* * *

 

"Hey," Al said as he sat down next to me at breakfast the next morning.

"Hey," I said, smiling. "You ready for the game?"

"Yeah," he said, smiling back. "You?"

"Never more excited," I said and fought the urge to lean forward and kiss him.

"The amount of eye sex you guys have is disgusting," James said as he squeezed his way in between us. "You both are eye whores."

"Eye whore?" I said. "Did you just make that up?"

"Yes," he said. "Now I'm sorry to be an eye-cockblock but I must eat my breakfast and not want to puke because my little brother and my fake little sister are having eye sex." James thought about what he said and then made a disgusted face. "Ugh, my little brother and my fake little sister have had eye sex. That must be some sort of incest."

I rolled my eyes and went back to buttering my toast. Louis and Alice sat down and soon were later joined by Scorpius, who looked very annoyed.

"What's up with you?" I asked him.

He glared toward the doors of the Great Hall and I saw Rose talking to Ryan. "Our git of a cousin is talking to my girl."

"Scorpius, I don't think you need to worry about Ryan," I said.

"Why?" he asked me. "He seemed very interested in her and I would not put it past him to try and get her back."

"Scorp, trust me he won't want Rose back," I said. "He knows you two are going to Hogsmeade together and he knows that you're crazy about her. He wouldn't screw that up."

Scorpius still didn't look completely satisfied and grumbled into his oatmeal.

It was all I could do not tell him that Ryan didn't want Rose because he was gay.

But that wasn't my secret to tell. Ryan would come out on his own time.

Which I respected

But it was really annoying because I would like to find some wonderful boy for him to be with and then they could fall in love and adopt children from China or Africa or where ever it was popular to adopt children from.

Sigh.

People really needed to listen to me and just let me make their lives for them.

"Hey, guys," Rose said, sitting down besides Scorpius.

"What did Ryan want?" Scorpius asked, his annoyance laced in his words.

I saw Rose's cheeks instantly begin to flush. "Um, well, he...ugh-"

"I knew it!" Scorpius said and slammed his hand on the table. "That bastard is trying to get you back! I knew it. I swear to Merlin I'm going to kill him. You're my girl and no one is going to take you away from me-"

"Scorpius calm down!" Rose said, pulling him back to his seat. "He was talking to me about you and how he thought that we were really good together! He wasn't trying to get me back at all!"

"...oh," Scorpius said, realizing what a fool he made of himself. "Well, ugh, sorry about that."

"It's okay," Rose said. She cracked a cheeky grin. "So I'm your girl, huh?"

Scorpius' face turned bright red. "Um, ugh, well."

Wow.

My cousin was so slick with the ladies. Actually, he was really slick with the ladies as a whole; it's just that when the particular lady is Rose Weasley, he loses all his slickness.

"It's okay Scorpius," Rose said. "I like being your girl." And then she kissed him on the cheek.

SHE KISSED HIM ON THE FUCKING CHEEK.

HOLY SHIT YES.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING YEARS FOR THIS.

Rose grabbed some waffles and put them on her plate, acting like she kissed Scorpius on the cheek every day, but Scorpius was quite the opposite.

He was sitting there, frozen in place. Until he broke out into a really big grin when he realized what had happened.

"Good," Scorp said and wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. "That's why you're wearing my jersey, because you're my girl."

Wait. I actually think that I have died and gone to heaven.

Rose and Scorp are kissing each other on the cheek like they did that every day AND she's wearing his jersey.

I was going to die because of how adorable they were.

I sat there, just staring at them with a huge smile on my face.

No it wasn't a creepy smile.

Yes, I'm sure.

"Ads, why are you creepily smiling at Scorp and Rose?" Louis asked.

I glared at Louis. "It wasn't a creepy smile."

"Yes it was," he said.

“No, it wasn't."

"Yes it was."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"N-"

"How old are you both, five?" James asked us.

"I'm actually six," I said to him.

James shook his head and looked at Al.

"I don't get what you see in her, bro," he said. "She's crazy."

Hey! I took offense to that!

Al shrugged. "At least she doesn't hate me anymore. That's more than I can say for you."

"That hurts, little bro," James said, clutching his heart. He looked up and smiled at the entrance of the Great Hall. "Now if you don't mind, I have to go.Meet at the pitch in 20 minutes.”

He straightened up and put on a giant smirk, one that was so similar to Al's jerk smirk. "Hey, Annalise!"

I groaned as I watched James walk with his shoulders thrown back, smirk on his face, taking long strides as if he owned the place. I saw Annalise watching him from where she stopped in front of the doors with an amused expression at his obvious overcompensating arrogance. This personality James put on tended to have girls falling all over him, as if he was as great as he pretended he thought he was, and Annalise was really the only girl that hadn’t fallen for this façade.

I was pretty sure that was why James fancied her so much. Despite the fact that they bickered and fought, they did have a playful banter sometimes which was very clear that they both enjoyed. But more than that, I think James liked that Annalise always called him out on his shit and didn’t let him get away with being an idiot.

“Here we go,” Al said as James said something that clearly annoyed Annalise. She frowned at him and said something before walking away, which caused James to get a panicked expression on his face. He ran in front of her, blocking her path to the Slytherin table and started to ramble.

Because, clearly, the best way to win a girls heart was by word vomit.

But weitdly it seemed to be working?

As Annalise listened to James, her face softened as she bit back a smile, her eyes shining with amusement at James’s completely panicked and rambling state. She finally cut him off, saying something to leave James in shock before walking away. James immediately started smiling like an idiot, looking after her in awe. However, upon realizing he was staring after her, he quickly attempted to compose himself.

He tried to walk coolly out of the Great Hall, but I saw him burst out into the happy dance right as he left.

* * *

 

"Malfoy hands it off to Malfoy who passes it off to Potter and Potter shoots, HE SCORES!! Ten more points to Gryffindor, making the game 120 to 60, Gryffindor in the lead," Dom announced into the mike. "HA TAKE THAT YOU LOUSY SNAKES."

"Dom!" I heard Teddy yell.

"Sorry Ted," she said.

I chased down one of the Slytherin's who now had the Quaffle, only to be nearly hit by a Bludger.

"Fuck!" I yelled, as it whizzed right by my head. I saw Freddy appear ahead of me.

"Duck!" He yelled and I went into a dive. Freddy hit the bludger and it raced in the other direction, hitting one of the Slytherin Chasers.

"Nott is down! Hit by a lovely bludger by my wonderful cousin Freddy! Alright Freddy!!" Dom said. "You never would have guessed he used to be afraid of getting on a broom-"

"Dom get back to the game," I heard Ted say.

"You okay?" Freddy yelled at me and I gave him a thumbs up.

"And Potter gains control of the Quaffle!"

I looked up and saw James racing towards the Slytherin posts. I raced below him, ready to catch the Quaffle if it dropped.

But it didn't. James held onto the Quaffle and aimed it at the right goal post and then threw it straight into the left, making his ninth shot.

He was kind enough to let Scorp and I make two shots each.

James had a look of triumph on his face and flew towards the Slytherin stands, blowing a kiss at an amused Annalise.

I raised my eyebrows at that. Had Annalise finally come around?

I hoped so because then James would finally stop talking to me about how I should just lock them both in a broom closet together.

"Slytherin heading down the field again, Goyle shoots and IS DENIED BY MY AWESOME COUSIN HUGO! GO HUGO!!!!! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU DUDE."

I smiled at Hugo and gave him two thumbs up. He really had been doing great all game, blocking most of the Slytherin shots.

"Addie, take a breather!" I heard James yell as he flew up next to me. "Scorp and I can handle it but I don't think Al's seen the snitch. Save your energy!"

"Okay," I said and aimed for the only place safe during a Quidditch game.

The sky.

Al and the Slytherin seeker were up here as well so I flew up next to Al and caught my breath.

"Hey," I said. "Any sign of the snitch?"

"Nope," he said. "Nothing."

"Well when you see it, can you catch it?" I asked him. "Because I'm getting really tired."

Al smiled at me. "I'll try my best." And then he shot off into a deep dive towards the ground.

I figured I would go out on a limb and say he saw the snitch.

Either that or he was desperate enough to get away with me he felt the need to plunge head first towards the ground.

One of the two.

The Slytherin Seeker followed him, trying to gain on him and failing. Al followed the snitch intently, weaving throughout the players and many balls.

"Oi, Ads," I heard Dom say. "I know my cousin is dreamy, but could you please stop drooling and get back in the game?"

I scowled and gave Dom the finger before wiping my face.

I knew I wasn't drooling.

I dove back into the game and looked around for the Quaffle. Slytherin had it again and were making a beeline to the posts. He smirked as he raced down the field, hardly anyone blocking his way, confident that making the shot would be a cakewalk.

Not on my watch buddy.

I was in below him, more toward the ground and he was above. He hadn't quite reached where I was and I knew that to do this, I needed to make sure I had perfect timing.

As soon as he was a foot or two away from me, I shot up, aiming straight up and praying that I wasn't going to die.

"Holy fuck, Addie what are you doing?" I heard Louis yell when he realized what I was planning on doing.

The Slytherin chaser was right above me, totally unaware of me racing toward him. I focused on the Quaffle and flew up.

I passed him at the perfect angle, right next to his body, freaking him out enough for him to drop the Quaffle. I looped down to catch it but saw that Scorp was already underneath me, catching the Quaffle and giving me a wink before he raced off to the other side of the pitch.

For once, Scorpius read my mind. We had a telepathic conversation that I wasn't even aware of.

I was so proud of him.

"After some great cousin work by the Malfoys, Scorp races down the field," Dom announces. "He shoots, and HE SCORES!! AND IT APPEARS THAT AL POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH!"

I looked up and I saw Al flying down to the ground, a huge grin on his face and the snitch in his hand. I returned his huge smile, feeling elated that we had won.

All of us landed on the ground and James pulled Al into a brotherly hug.

"You did it little bro!" He said as people from the stands came down from the stands.

I was going to say something to Al, but he got welled up into the huge group of people and I found myself standing with Louis and Scorp.

"Great play at the end there," Scorp said and pulled me into a hug.

"I thought she was going to kill herself," Louis commented, looking around the crowd.

“Me too,” Scorpius said. “That’s the only reason I was below you, so I could catch you.”

“Oh Scorp,” I said, patting his arm. “You are so protective.”

"Alice!" Louis called. Alice appeared through the crowd, a huge smile on her face and ran towards Louis.

"You did it Lou! I'm so proud of you!" She said before kissing him.

Man she really kissed him too. It wasn't just some chaste kiss. No there was tongue and everything. It was disgusting.

Why was I still looking?

I looked over at Scorp and saw that he was looking across the crowd.

I was going to guess that he was looking for a certain red head that happened to be wearing his jersey.

But I was just guessing.

"Looking for someone?" I asked him, smirking.

He looked down at me and reddened at my smirk. "Shut it, Addie."

I smiled and was about to make a comment but was cut off by Rose jumping into Scorp's arms.

"I'm so proud of you!" she said, holding herself close to him. "You did so well!"

Deciding them to give them privacy to be adorable, I walked through the crowd, getting congratulated as I went. I saw James talking to Annalise, him smiling and her smiling back at him. He wasn't being the jerk he was earlier, he was being the guy that I saw.

I got the feeling that Annalise could like the guy that I saw.

"Addie!" I heard someone say and turned and saw Caleb heading toward me. "You did great out there!"

"Thanks," I said. I awkwardly put my arms out for a hug. "Friends give each other congratulatory hugs right?"

Caleb smiled and hugged me back. "Of course they do."

"Thanks for coming," I said. "You didn't have to. Especially since we broke up."

"Ads, I don't care if we broke up," he said. "I would've come anyway. Besides, if I had missed that play you did at the end, I think I'd be more pissed about that than anything else." He looked over my head and waved. "I think your boyfriend wants you to himself."

I turned and saw Albus standing a few yards away, looking awkwardly at Caleb and me. I couldn't help but smile as I turned back to Caleb. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Not yet," Caleb said, winking. Then he kissed me on the head. "You played great out there, Ads. Don't be a stranger, okay?"

"Okay," I said. "Thanks.""

No problem," he said and walked toward Al. He and Al talked for a second before Caleb walked away.

I walked over to Al and noticed the strange look on his face. "What did Caleb say to you?"

He gave me a strange look.

"Nothing," he said, before smiling at me. "You played great out there."

"Not as great as you," I said.

"I was pretty great wasn't I?" he said, smirking at me.

I rolled my eyes.

He was always going to be a little arrogant.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. "You weren't that great," I said into his chest.

"Liar," he whispered in my ear as his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I felt the world fade away, as I always did when he hugged me. It was always just me and him when we hugged.

I liked that.

I took in everything about him, his scent, his arms, and how we fit so perfectly together.

And for once, it was okay for me to like all of that.

It was such a good moment.

So of course it got ruined.

"Addie!" I heard a voice yell and groaned as I pulled myself out of Al's grasp.

"Don't be so upset," Al said, smirking. In response, I stuck my tongue out at him.

I turned and saw Rose coming toward me. "You did brilliant out there! and did you see Hugo? Didn't he do great?! Mum and Dad will be so proud of him!"

"Thanks, Rose," I said. "And Hugo did fantastic. He proved that he deserved his spot on the team today.”

"I know!" Rose squealed. "Albus, do you mind if I steal Addie away?"

"Nah, you can have her," Al said. "I was getting sick of her anyway."

Again, I stuck my tongue out at him.

I wasn't lying when I told James I was only six years old.

Rose watched him get pulled into a crowd of people and said, "So what's going on there?"

"What?" I asked her.

"What is going on between you and my cousin?"

"Nothing," I said, but she looked at me like she didn't believe me. Which, I understand. But I didn't feel like telling anyone that I liked Al. The only person I wanted to tell was Al. "It's true Rose. Believe me."

"Really?" She said, eyeing me. "Because I felt like I was disturbing something when I walked over here."

"We were simply giving each other congratulatory hugs," I said. Rose looked disbelievingly at me. "Friends do that. Caleb gave me a congratulatory hug. It's not a big deal."

"Whatever you say," Rose sighed. "Whatever you say."

"Well, since you brought up feelings for cousins," I said. "What's up with you and my cousin?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rose said. I raised my eyebrows at her. "Okay, so I'm wearing his jersey and going to Hogsmeade with him. Big deal." I kept staring at her. "Okay so it is a big deal." Rose sighed and looked across the lawn at where Scorp was talking with some Ravenclaw girls. "I'm so far gone."

I watched Scorp talk to the Ravenclaws and noticed that he seemed extremely uninterested in them. Al walked over to him and I noticed that some of the attention had been drawn from Scorp to Al. I felt a pang of jealous as Al talked to the girls and how they flirted with him. I was suppressing the strong urge to go over there and punch them all in the face for trying to get with him. He was mine.

At least, I thought he was.

My jealousy was calmed when Al looked around and when he spotted me, smiled brightly at me, more brightly than he ever smiled at anyone else. The girls noticed too and looked over at me, annoyed that Al didn't care about them because he wanted me.

He chose me.

Butterflies exploded in my stomach and I was smiling like an idiot. I just wanted to run over to Al and kiss him, letting him know that I chose him as well (but I was pretty sure he already knew).

Rose, you weren't the only one so far gone.

Because I was just as far, if not more, gone than you are.

* * *

 

"Who's ready to party?" Freddy asked as we all changed.

James gave Freddy a high five. "I got more victories than just the match to celebrate."

"What else could you have to celebrate?" Hugo asked.

"I, James Sirius Potter, have finally gotten the girl of my dreams to agree to come to Hogsmeade with me."

"No fucking way," Louis said. "There is no fucking way that Annalise said yes."

"Oh but she did," James said. "I saw her this morning before I came out here for warm ups. I had  pissed her off by something I said, I forget what—something about Slytherin—and I panicked and ended up spilling my guts. told her how she was special and how I had liked her from the very first day I saw her, at Platform 9 3/4 and how me playing pranks on her for the past seven years was my screwed up way of trying to woo her. I told her that I actually cared about her and that’s why I was always so stupid and apologized for being so stupid. I even told her that I didn't care if we hooked up or even went out on a date because simply being around her was enough. And then I asked if she felt anything towards me and if she didn’t that I would leave her alone. And instead of giving me a direct answer, she just smiled and said that if I won the game, she would come to the party tonight and we could take it from there.

James smiled and ran a hand through his hair. It was clear that hwas so excited that she said yes, so excited that he had a chance that he could barely believe it. He was still awestruck by the whole thing.

"I'm a completely straight male," Scorpius said. "But if you said that to me, I would totally be in love with you too."

"Well I guess it's a good thing that I didn't say that to you," James said, smirking a little.

His eyes were still twinkling though.

He was so adorable.

"So she's coming to the party?" Hugo asked and James nodded. "Can you at least make sure my sister doesn't get totally pissed like she was on Halloween?"

"She's not my responsibility," James said. "I trust Scorp with her." I saw Scorpius smile at that. Being trusted by the Wotter boys is a big accomplishment. "But, I swear to Merlin if you push her to do anything or get her pissed I will murder you."

Scorpius looked scared as shit now.

"Alright, everyone, TO THE PARTY!" Freddy yelled and lead everyone but James and I out of the room.

"Hey," I said to James and walked over to him. I pulled him into a hug. "I'm happy for you."

I felt him smiling into my hair and pulled away to see him with a full swoon worthy smile. "I'm so happy Ads," he said. "I cannot believe that this is happening. For once both of the Potter boys seem to have a good love life."

I couldn't help but blush as I looked down. "Just don't screw this up with her okay?"

"I won't," James said. "Trust me, I won't."

"Good," I said, grinning up at him.

"Promise me one thing?" James asked me and I nodded. "Don't screw whatever you and Al have going on up."

"I won't make any promises," I said, quietly. I knew myself well enough to know that I would probably screw things up and was shocked that I somehow hadn’t screwed things up enough already. "But I'll try my best. I really like him, James. I think I may have for a while but I didn't want to see it. I don't know what we have, but whatever it is, I don't want to screw it up."

"Good," he said grinning down at me before pulling me into a hug. "He wanted to fly around for a bit and I told him I'd get him when we were leaving. But I think that he'd be happier to see you."

I smiled into James's chest. "Thank you, James."

"You're welcome," he said, pulling away. "He's done chasing you, just so you know. So why don't you go out there and show him that he's finally caught you?"

I smiled and turned away from James. "Have fun with Annalise."

"Bye," he said. I was at the door to the field when he said, "Just kiss him, Ads."

I blushed and opened the door, not giving James a response.

The air was cold outside and I saw Al flying around in the air, getting lower and lower to the ground. He landed in the middle of the field and I walked out to meet him there.

"Hey," I said as I got closer to him.

"Hey," he said back. "Has everyone gone up to the party?"

"Yeah," I responded, wrapping my arms around my middle to warm myself. I hadn't worn outdoor December clothing, but indoor party clothing. I just had jeans, boots, a nice shirt and a cute little cardigan.

"You cold?" Al asked before taking a step towards me. I nodded and was ready for his arms to come around me. However, I was disappointed when, instead of pulling me into him, he just said, "We should get you inside."

"No, I'm fine," I said. I was worried that if we went inside, I would lose my nerve. I would lose my chance to have Al all to myself and be honest with him and not have to worry about eyes on us. I looked around the Quidditch pitch, trying to calm my anxieites. "You never realize how big the pitch is until you're standing in the middle of it."

"I guess," he said. "I noticed it was pretty big when James made us run laps yesterday."

"Yeah, I guess I should have noticed then," I said quietly. "You missed his big news. Annalise finally said yes to him."

"Really?" Al asked, dropping his broom on the ground. "Never would have saw that coming."

"I don't think many people did," I responded. "I'm just glad she came around."

"James has been chasing her for years now, it's only fair that he gets some chance at her," he said. "One of the Potters deserves the girl of their dreams, at least."

While it may have sounded like he was mad at me, I knew he wasn't. The way he said it wasn't in an angry way. He said it in almost a pathetic way, like he believed he didn't deserve the girl of his dreams.

But he did. I didn't know if I was that girl, but I wanted to be. I wanted to be the girl that Albus wanted more than anything.

I couldn’t believe I was actually saying this.

But I was going to take James's advice on boys.

"You deserve the girl of your dreams to," I said, quietly. "Whoever she is...you deserve her. I...I would love to be the girl that you want that much." I felt Al's green eyes on my face, but I was too busy looking down at the ground. "I would be so happy to be that girl because I...I want you that much."

I lifted my eyes and met Al's intensely green ones. And even though I had just admitted all of that, I knew that what James had said was true. Al wasn't going to chase me. I had to show him that he finally caught me.

I close the space between us and put my arms around his neck. My body was warm and tingly, every inch of his body touching mine. My heart was racing at about a million miles a minute and I couldn't think of a place I would rather be than out on the freezing cold Quidditch Pitch in December.

Don't even get me started on the amount of butterflies that were in my stomach.

Slowly, I raised up onto my tiptoes and kissed him softly. He didn't respond at first, so I kissed him again. Slowly his lips started moving against mine in a kiss that wasn't all that different from the kiss we shared on Halloween. It was slow, soft and passionate.

It was perfect.

We broke apart and I looked into his emerald green eyes and whispered the one thing I knew would shred any last doubt from his brain.

"You can stop chasing me. You caught me, Albus Potter."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading!!! Please kudos, subscribe, or bookmark. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section too!


	17. The Madness of Potter Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was not like most people.
> 
> I was Addison Elizabeth Malfoy.
> 
> I was the most unique person ever.

The rest of the week flew by and before I knew it, it was Hogsmeade.

Which meant it was the day of Louice, Jamlise and Scorose dates.

And I was going to spend the day with Al.

Not on a date. No. We were going with Freddy and Dom, because James ditched Freddy and Dom couldn't find a date after James hexed the last boy she was interested in.

So no. It was not an Aldie, Albie, Aldus, Adbus, or whatever-the-hell-our-name-was date.

Even though we had kissed and I told him that he caught me, our official "status" hadn't changed. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend or non-dating or hooking up.

We were just two friends who liked each other.

And flirted. A lot.

And, okay, sometimes we would hold hands if it was just the two of us in the Common Room late at night.

And maybe he kissed me once in an abandoned classroom when we went to get food.

And maybe we snogged on his bed the night after the match.

But other than that we were the same as always.

"So you aren't going on a date with my cousin?" Rose asked, as she got ready for her date with my cousin.

"No!" I said, sitting on her bed, ready to go to town.

Rose frowned. "But you guys are basically dating! You've snogged and held hands and you told him that he caught you. Why wouldn't he ask you on a date?"

"I need to get Christmas presents and so does he," I said simply.

"Go Christmas shopping together! That could be your date!"

"Rose do you not want a gift?"

"If you two got together that'd be enough of a Christmas present!" Rose said, pulling a dark blue sweater over her head. "I've had to watch you two for five and a half years argue and insult and basically tear down each other's personality, because you were completely in love with each other and were too immature to handle it!"

"I wouldn't say in love," I said. "And I haven't liked him for five years-"

"Bullshit," Alice said, walking out of the bathroom. She looked in the vanity mirror before walking over and joining me on Rose's bed. "Everyone could see it. Merlin, just the way you look at him it's obvious. Even when we were 13 and he pushed you into the lake in the middle of December, you could still see that you were crazy about him."

"I forgot he pushed me in the lake," I said, biting my nail. "I need to reevaluate who I have feelings for."

"NO!" Rose yelled. "DON'T! It took us six years for you to finally admit that you had feelings for him. It took you that long to just be nice to the bloke and realize that he isn't always a jerk. Don't you dare reevaluate your feelings because I swear to you that if you find some way to convince yourself that you don't want him, I will personally murder you in your sleep. He's been waiting years for this, you can't just back out-"

"I'm not going to back out! I fancy him!" I said. "But just so you know, I feel the same way about you, Rosie. It was getting hard watching you and Scorpius like each other but not do anything about it."

"Well Scorp didn't decide he liked me until this year," she said, examining herself in the mirror.

"And when did you start liking him?" Alice asked. She met my eyes and I knew we were both thinking the same thing.

Maybe Rose would actually admit she had feelings for Scorpius now.

"Um," Rose said, pulling on her hair. "I'm not really sure. I think...I think I've liked him for a while."

"No shit," I said, smiling at her blushing face.

"I didn't want to admit it," Rose said, looking at us through the mirror. "I figured that he would never like me, so I was insane to fancy him. I knew I was just asking to get hurt if I did."

"He's not going to hurt you," I said. "Trust me, he really likes you."

"I really like him too," she said, turning towards me. "Al really likes you."

I smiled, getting the fluttering feeling in my stomach. "I really like him back." I pushed some curls behind my ear to look at Alice. "Louis really likes you."

Alice smiled. "Well good, because I like him too."

The three of us sat in silence, thinking about our boys and smiling like idiots.

"Is this really happening?" Rose asked softly. "Are the three of us really all happy at the same time?"

I looked at the both of them, smiling like idiots just at the thought of their boys.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't smiling like an idiot thinking about my boy.

My boy. Albus.

I felt butterflies in my stomach.

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah I think we are."

 

* * *

 

I walked into the Common Room, attempting to ignore the whispers that followed me. The rest of the student population had seemed to pick up on the fact that there was a change in dynamic between me and Albus and thus, the rumors started flying like crazy. Although we hadn’t really done anything different than before, something about the way we were towards each other caused people to create rumors about us that were borderline crazy.

There was one rumor that I was leading Al on just so I could break his heart. There was another one that said that Al was only being nice to me to make some other girl jealous.

The most recent one I had overheard was that I was hooking up with James, Freddy, and Al all at the same time.

As I said, all crazy rumors.

Al and I had already discussed what to do about the rumors and agreed we would just ignore them. We had then immediately started snogging and I wasn’t sure how much of that conversation he actually remembered, since he seemed pretty intent on kissing me and not on talking.

At least it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like there was any truth to any of them anyway.

I exited the Common Room, about to head down to the Entrance Hall where Dom, Freddy, Al and I all agreed to meet. However, I stopped when I saw Dominique and Freddy outside the Gryffindor Common Room, waiting for me.

"Where's Al?" I asked as I approached them.

"Went down to the Entrance Hall," Freddy said. "Can Dom and I meet you down in the Village?"

"Yeah sure," I said. "Why?"

Freddy glared down at Dom, telling her to explain.

Dom looked down guiltily. "I may have hooked up with a boy a few days ago," she said. "And now he won't stop following me and thinks we're going to Hogsmeade together."

"And being the amazing cousin I am," Freddy said, still frowning at Dom. "I get to go and straighten this whole situation out."

"I told you I was sorry," Dom said, looking up at Freddy with her big eyes.

"I know," Freddy said. "You just need to stop getting yourself into these situations. Just go find yourself a boy who is nice and won't hurt you or stalk you and gets the Wotter family approval."

"That's difficult though!" Dom whined.

"Just stop slagging around, okay?" Freddy said. "I love you and respect that you can chose whatever you want to do with your body, but could you please stop?"

"Okay," Dom said quietly. "I'll stop."

"Hey Weasley," a voice said from behind me. I turned and saw Lysander Scamander walking towards us. He nodded at Dom. "And Weasley."

"Hi," Dom said, a slight pink coming to her face.

Freddy noticed this and glared at Lysander. "Scamander."

Dom hit him on the arm. "Don't be rude, Fred."

"Don't be too nice, Dom," Freddy said back.

"I better go," I said, interrupting their cousin bickering. "Where did you say Al was?"

"Your boyfriend is in the Entrance Hall," Freddy said. "Dom and I will meet you in the Village."

"Okay," I said, waving. "Bye. And Dom?" She looked at me and I could see that her cheeks still had a pink tint to them. I slid my eyes over to Lysander and smirked at her, causing her to blush even more. "We need to talk soon."

"Just go be with your boyfriend, Addie," Dom said, biting her lip and telling me to shut up with her eyes.

I smirked and headed toward the Entrance Hall.

Dom had a crush.

I never thought that would happen. Maybe she would actually stop hooking up with random guys now.

I walked into the Entrance Hall and looked around for Albus.

I was shocked when I saw him talking to Caleb.

Caleb saw me first, waving before returning to his conversation with Al. Whatever they were talking about seemed a bit serious and Al had his jaw locked, just like he always did whenever he was pissed or aggravated or annoyed.

Well this could be an awkward encounter.

"Hey," I said when I reached them.

"Hey," Caleb said, giving me a quick hug. I saw Al glare at Caleb. "I'm going to go now." He turned to Al, who was still glaring at him. Caleb laughed. "Seriously dude? No. Besides, its not me you were worried about remember?" Caleb clapped Al on the shoulder. "Just ask, mate. Bye Ads."

"Bye," I said, confused by that whole exchange. I looked at Al, who was glaring at the ground. "Hi."

"Hi," he said. "Where's Dom and Freddy?"

"They had stuff to do," I said, not feeling like expanding. "They'll meet us down there. Want to go?"

Al nodded and we headed toward the doors. I looked at him in my side vision and saw that he was still glaring at the ground and his jaw was locked. It almost seemed like he was debating something.

After a few minutes of walking in silence, I asked "Are you okay?"

Albus shrugged.

Okay then.

We walked in silence for a bit longer before we heard someone call our names. I turned and smiled when I saw that it was James.

"Hey!" I said, grinning at him and Annalise.

"Ads!" James said, engulfing me in a hug. "And my little bro!" He was about to engulf Albus in a hug, but stopped when he saw Albus glaring at him. "You okay, dude?"

"Fine," Albus said, though his tone suggested that he was anything but.

Annalise seemed to have picked it up, and instead of leaving it to James and I (smart...we would have made things awkward very fast. We weren't the best at conversing) she took over the conversation and stuck her hand out to me.

"I'm Annalise," she said as I shook her hand. "We've met before. Addie right?"

"Yeah," I said. "Glad that you came around."

She smiled. "If this thing lasts as long as James seems to want it to, we'll have to get to know each other better. Although I feel like I know a lot about you, because James talks about you so much."

"Of course he does," Albus muttered, scowling at his brother.

I looked at him, telling him to cool his tone before giving Annalise a smile. "Well I feel like I know you pretty well, since James talks about you so much too."

"I don't talk about her that much," James said quietly, turning red.

"Yes, you do," I said. "Whenever we're together that's all you talk about."

"Shut up, Addie," James said.

"Aww, James," Annalise said teasingly. "Do you really?"

"Yeah he does," I said before James could. "It's all he can ever talk about when we're alone together. And we're alone a lot."

Al snapped his head up from death glaring the ground and turned to death glaring his brother. "I knew it."

We all turned to look at Al in confusion.

"Knew what?" James asked, shrinking away from his brother's glare. "And why are you staring at me like that?"

Albus walked right up to James. "Stay the hell away from her, asshole."

And then he punched James in the face.

"Fuck!" James said, holding the side of his face. Annalise rushed to his side, offering help.

"What the hell, Al?" I asked him but he just glared at me and walked away.

"Oh, fuck, where did he learn to hit like that?" James said, holding his jaw. "And what the fuck did I do?"

"I have no idea," I said staring at Al's retreating figure.

"We better get you to the Three Broomsticks so you can put some ice on that," Annalise said. She wrapped her arm around James's waist, much to mine and James's surprise. James, however, realized that this may be a once in a lifetime opportunity and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. "It was nice to see you Addie."

"You too," I said before they walked away.

I looked at Al's retreating figure and suddenly became furious.

What the hell was he thinking?

I ran after him and when I reached him, I did what every sane person does.

I tackled him.

"What the hell?" Al said into the snow.

I sat on his back and punched him.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" I asked him, still punching him.

"Why the hell are you sitting on me?" Al yelled. "And why are you punching me?!"

"Because you punched your brother for no reason!"

"It was not for no reason!"

"That's total bullshit!"

This pissed Al off. He pulled himself up, causing me to fall off him and into the snow.

"It's not bullshit!" Albus said, standing up and turning to look at me. He offered a hand out to me, which I took. "I know!"

"You know _what_?" I said as he pulled me up. I pulled my hand out of his grasp, too annoyed and mad at him to hold it. "What could you know that causes you to punch James?!"

"I know about you two!" Albus yelled. "I know you two are hooking up!"

"Wait,  _what?_!" I asked him as I took in his words. And then I started laughing.

He thought James and I were hooking up.

James. The boy who had been in love with Annalise since his first year. The boy that was like a brother to me.

That was too funny.

Albus, however, did not seem to find it funny and he walked away in a huff.

"Hey!" I said, running in front of him and putting my hands on his chest to stop him. "Don't walk away from me!"

"Don't laugh at me!" Albus said and I could tell I wounded his pride.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at that ridiculous accusation."

"It's not a ridiculous accusation!"

"Yes it is!" I said. "You think that I would hook up with James!"

"Yeah! Most people would!"

I scowled at him, suddenly very annoyed that he thought I would be like most people and hook up with his brother.

I was not like most people.

I was Addison Elizabeth Malfoy.

I was the most unique person ever.

"I'm not like most people," I said. "I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't give the guy who has insulted them for the past six years a chance."

"Probably not," Albus said quietly, looking at the ground.

"Look," I said, moving my hands off of his chest and taking his hands in mine. "I have not been hooking up with James."

"Okay," Al said, squeezing my hands and resting his forehead on mine. "I'm sorry I-"

"But," I said, interrupting him. "I would be lying if I said we never kissed."

Al pulled his forehead away from mine and looked down at me. "What do you mean?"

Oh, and the locked jaw appears.

It must be that Potter jealously kicking in.

"It was when I was in third year and he was in fourth," I said. "I hadn't been kissed and I wanted to know what it felt like so I kissed him." Albus was quiet, as if he was expecting me to say more. "And...okay I snogged him too. It was really bad because I had no idea what I was doing and I couldn't look at him for weeks afterwards."

"So...you snogged him," Albus said. "Did you like him?"

I squeezed his hands. "No. I wanted to snog someone and he was there and, while you will probably hate me for saying this, he was attractive. So I snogged him."

Al looked down at me, his jaw still locked and I knew that he wasn't convinced.

I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, not caring that this was our first public kiss.

"I didn't like him and I never have," I whispered. "Trust me. I have never felt anything for him. Especially not what I feel for you."

"You find me more attractive than him right?" Al asked, smirking slightly, all his jealousy gone.

I smiled up at him. "Of course."

"Good," Al said, giving me the smile that all his fangirls love. "Can't have my girl finding my brother more attractive than me."

"No," I said, teasing him. "That'd be terrible. What would the press say?"

"Who gives a fuck about what the press would say?" Albus said, leaning down. "I'd just be worried about your mental health."

"A common thing to worry about," I said, turning my head up so my lips would meet his.

And he was right.

Who gave a fuck about what the press said.  


* * *

 

"Scorp and Rose aren't back yet?" James asked, moving my feet so he could sit on the couch.

I frowned at him and placed my feet on his lap. "Nope. They're probably off having sex somewhere."

"That's not funny, Ads," James said darkly before looking at the Entrance of the Common Room. "Well, if it isn't my abuser."

I turned and saw Al walking in, bags from shops in his hands. After our snog session, we hung out with Freddy and Dom before we realized that we had to do our separate Christmas shopping. I got back about an hour ago and put all my presents away, hiding Rose and Alice's from them so that they couldn't find them.

They always tried to find their presents before the actual day.

I hid them exceptionally well this year.

I highly doubted they would look in my laundry bin.

No one dared to venture into the depths of my dirty clothes.

"Hey," Al said, sitting in a chair and dropping his bags. "What's up?"

"Not much," I said.

I expected James to say something, because there was rarely a moment of when he didn't say something. However, he didn't say anything.

Not even a peep.

I didn't know it was possible for him to be this quiet.

I looked over at him and saw that he was staring very intently at Al.

"James?" I asked him, but he didn't stop staring. Al finally noticed and looked over at me, a confused look on his face. I looked at James, trying to get inside of his mind so that I could understand him.

That might be very difficult.

Instead, I ended up staring at him, trying to read his mind, he ends up staring at Al for whatever reason and Al ends up staring at me, totally confused as to what's going on.

We just had a staring circle going on.

You wished you were as cool (and creepy) as us.

And then, suddenly, I understood.

"Oh!" I said, breaking the intense staring circle. I looked at Al. "James wants you to apologize."

"Oh, right," Al said, sighing. "James, I'm sorry for punching you in the face."

"Explain why you punched him in the face."

"Do I have to?"

I raised my eyebrow at him.

He huffed and said, "Fine."

Ha.

I always got what I wanted.

"I punched you in the face because I thought that you and Addie were hooking up."

There was a moment of silence as we both watched James to see what his reaction would be.

"YOU THOUGHT WHAT?!" James yelled, staring at his brother as if he lost his mind.

"It was stupid," Al said.

"I'll say," James said. "You thought I'd do that to you? After I told you I wouldn't when you told me you liked her?"

"I told you that in fourth year!" Al said. "I thought you may have forgotten."

"I didn't," James said. "I wouldn't do that to you. Ever."

"Well I know that now," Albus said. "Sorry."

"It's fine," James said. "Potter men do dumb things when they're jealous."

I snorted. "You mean like curse a first year for talking to the girl they like?"

James glared at me. "He was trying to make a move on Annalise. It was my duty to protect her."

"She hated you! And that made her hate you more!"

"Yeah well now she doesn't hate me! I figured it would make her love me."

I shook my head. "I question you Potter boys and your wooing ways."

"Why?" Al asked, smirking his jerk smirk at me. "My wooing ways worked on you."

"Only took you six years," I said, smirking right back at him.

"Minor bump in the road," he said.

I laughed as James told a story about one of his horrible wooing ways of Annalise.

I loved my Potter boys.

"Stop following me!"

We looked toward the entrance of the Common Room, wondering who was yelling.

And instantly my heart stopped.

It was Rose.

And she was yelling at Scorpius.

"I'm not following you!" Scorpius yelled back. "I'm going to my fucking dorm!"

"Whatever, I don't care what you do!" Rose yelled. "Why don't you just go hook up with Melanie again?"

Oh Merlin.

What the fuck did Scorpius do?

"I didn't hook up with her!" Scorpius yelled. "We went on one date, one fucking date that meant nothing!"

"Well clearly she didn't get the memo!" Rose said. "Clearly she still wants you back!"

"Well that sucks for her because I don't want her back!"

"Yeah right! You probably were wishing she was me the entire time!"

"Yeah well you were probably wishing I was Ryan the entire time!"

"No I wasn't!" Rose said, anger evident in her voice. "Because I like you! I've liked you for years! I don't know why, since you're such a prat!"

"I'm not a-"

"You took me to the bloody post office!" Rose yelled. "The post office! That isn't where you take a girl that you say you liked for a date!"

"Oh like you have so much experience!" Scorpius yelled.

I cringed.

Out of all the things to say to Rose, her dating life, or lack of one, was not one of them.

Rose looked at him, her face full of fury. "I don't have much experience because I've been stuck fancying you! I've been stuck fancying a jerk from a stupid Death Eater family!"

Scorpius looked taken aback. But I saw the look in his eyes. Rose hit him, in the one part that hurt the most. Scorpius spent his entire life trying to get rid of the Death Eater image that followed him everywhere. He thought that with Rose, his family didn't matter.

"Fuck you," he said, pushing past her and walking up toward the direction of his dorm.

"Don't ever speak to me again!" Rose yelled after him.

Scorpius stopped on the first step and looked over his shoulder at her.

"No fucking problem," he said before retreating up to his room.

Rose stood, rooted in her spot, and watched him walk up the steps. And her expression changed with each step he took.

She realized what she had done. And she knew that there was no going back and that she was never getting another chance with him.

Because if there was one thing Scorpius never gave, it was second chances.

Her eyes filled with tears as Scorpius went out of sight.

She took a deep breath right when Scorpius slammed his door and she ran up to her dorm, holding a hand to her face to stop herself from crying.

I looked after her and then looked in the direction that Scorpius went.

And I felt my heart breaking for the both of them.

I stood up and started but then stopped when I realized that I had no idea who to go comfort.

My best friend or my brother cousin.

"Hey," Al said, coming beside me and pulling me into a hug. "I'll take Scorp, you take Rose."

I nodded before kissing him on the cheek.

"Take good care of him," I said, pulling away.

"Take good care of her," Al said.

And then we went up the opposite staircases, going to comfort our best friends because of what just happened with our cousins.  


* * *

 

The next week went by painfully and slowly. I didn't know time could move so slowly.

Scorpius and Rose's breakup (I guess it was a breakup...what else would you call it? A fight? Because that was more than a fight. It basically stopped their entire friendship) had an even larger effect on the group than when Louis cheated on Alice. Honestly, their situation is looking like the Golden Age of our group.

Scorpius and Rose wouldn't be within ten feet of each other. So, if they could, they would avoid each other and sit as far away from each other as they could. They wouldn't even look at the other. The whole thing was ridiculous and made the past five years of mine and Al's fighting to look like what we did to each other wasn't hurtful at all.

Scorpius and Rose were both heartbroken.

And there was nothing anyone could do to change that.

"Scorpius, please just sit with us," I said one night on the way to dinner. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Ads," he said. "But you heard her. She told me to never talk to her again. I'm keeping my end of the bargain. Besides, I'd hate for her to have to be in my Death Eater presence."

"Scorp, you know she didn't mean that," I said.

Scorpius shrugged. "It doesn't matter. She still said it, which meant that some part of her brain has thought that before."

"Sometimes people say stupid things," I said. "Remember what Al said? It hurt, yeah, but I forgave him and gave him another chance. If I didn't, I wouldn't be with him now."

"It's you and Al, you always say dumb things to each other," Scorpius said. He sighed. "Rose and I aren't you two. I told you, that day at the Weasley's party that we wouldn't work. I knew that because I was the son of a Death Eater and she was the daughter of a Weasley that it would end badly. I always thought that I'd be the one to screw it up and maybe I did. Maybe I took a chance on something that was never supposed to work."

"Scorp," I said. "Please sit with us. I don't like having my best friend and my brother not getting along."

Despite how upset he was, he smirked down at me. "Now you know how I felt for the past five years." He looked over my head at Rose, who was sitting next to Alice, looking absolutely miserable. "You know me. I don't give second chances."

"Not even to her?" I asked. "Not even to the most perfect girl in the world?"

Scorpius shook his head, looking down at me sadly. "Not even to her."

I nodded and pulled him into a hug. "I love you, Scorp. I'm so sorry."

"I love you too," he said. "You're the only person I'd give a second chance to."

I looked up at him. "Promise?"

"Promise."

And then he went off and sat with Ryan at the Ravenclaw table, feeling just as miserable as Rose seemed.

When we got on the Hogwarts Express to head back home for the holidays, neither of them sat with us, instead opting to sit with other people, probably for the other's sake.

"I just don't get it," I said, leaning against the window as the Scottish countryside passed us. "I don't get how they could go from perfect for each other to not even speaking."

Alice shrugged. "I feel bad for them both. They both look miserable and I sometimes catch them giving longing looks at each other."

Louis put his arm around Alice and pulled her close. "It sucks. Not talking to the person you're crazy about. I never thought that they'd not be speaking. I figured once they went on a date it'd be impossible to tear them apart."

"Me too," I said sadly, looking out the window. I felt Al rub my back soothingly and smiled at him. "Were we ever this bad?"

"I don't think so," Al said, leaving his hand lingering on my back.

"That's a lie," Alice said. "You guys were worse. We used to not be able to get through dinner without you yelling profanities at each other."

"At least we talked to each other," I said. "We didn't make it awkward for our friends."

"No you made it pretty awkward," Louis said. "With the amount of sexual tension you two had, we thought you were going to jump each other at any second. I'm pretty sure Scorpius considered killing Al just so that he wouldn't have to be scared that he might see Addie snog some guy in front of him."

"Well, I'm glad he spared me," Albus said.

I smiled and kissed his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder with one of his arms around my waist. "Me too."

The compartment door slid open and suddenly, we were bombarded.

"I KNEW IT!"

"Oh my god, it's true!"

"What is he doing with  _her_?"

"What the hell?" I said, wondering if I should get involved.

But then I saw Alice stand up.

She could take this one.

I will just sit here next to Albus.

"OI! SHUT IT!" She yelled and the group of girls was silenced immediately. "Now would someone like to tell me why you felt the need to interrupt our perfectly nice and peaceful train ride?"

"Well," a voice said and Erica Ericson pushed herself to the front of the crowd. "We had to see if The Prophet and Witch Weekly were telling the truth."

"Ugh," I said under my breath to Al. "It's your girlfriend."

Al made a disgusted face and pulled me closer to him. "Don't joke about that. You know I'm spoken for. We may not be official, but I have a girl that I fancy quite a bit."

I smiled up at him.

"I think the feeling is mutual," I said.

"Good," Al said.

"What were they saying, exactly?" Alice asked. The group started speaking at once, but Alice silenced them. "Does anyone have copies that we could see?"

And just like that, there were copies of each of the papers in front of us.

And in each, there was a picture of Al and me making out in Hogsmeade.

Well.

“Damn, guys," Louis said. "You two are really going at it."

"Shut up," we both said. I sat up properly, no longer leaning on Al so that I could skim the articles.

Oh, Al's hand remained on my back.

The fangirls noticed and each made noises of fangirling.

I ignored them.

The articles were similar. They talked about how Albus was and how we were caught making out. And then they talked about who I was. Oh look they even mentioned my mother. Lovely. And about how I was basically left by both my parents and now I live with Draco and Astoria. Great. I love everyone knowing about my fucked up family life.

Al must have reached that part because he started rubbing my back soothingly. (cue fangirl squealing)

Then they went on to speculate if we were dating or not. That was where the article in the Prophet stopped, but Witch Weekly went on.

They said that it was said that Al was off the market and then they even had a poll, asking if people thought we looked cute together (85% said yes we did). Then they talked about whether I was "worthy" of him (72% said yes) and then they said that they didn't know if we were for sure together and that they would confirm when they knew more because for all they knew, this was a random hook up.

"So is it true?" Erica asked us. "Are you her boyfriend, Alby?"

I clenched my fists, annoyed with her presence and the way she was batting her eye lashes at him.

She didn't get to flirt with him.

He was mine.

Al looked at me, as if asking me what he should say. I didn't look at him, partially because I was too busy plotting Erica's death and partly because I didn't want to tell him what he should say.

He should say what he wanted to say.

And if that was that he was my boyfriend, fine.

All the fangirls looked at him, expectantly, and I sat there, waiting to hear, almost as eager as they were.

Was he my boyfriend?

"No, we're not dating," Albus said.

I would have been lying if I said that my heart didn't drop when he said that.

And that was when I realized that just because I was his girl, that didn’t mean I was his girlfriend.

"Alright, you got your answer," Alice said. "Now out!"

The fangirls left and Alice resumed her position in Lou's arms. I was pretty sure Al expected me to, but I couldn't.

He hand moved in a circle around my back and I stood up, letting it fall away.

"I'm going to go sit with Scorpius," I said, casually. "I haven't seen him in a while."

Al stood up. "I'll go with you."

"No," I said, a little too harsh, and he stopped, taken aback. I made my tone more casual. "I promised him and Ryan that I would give them some cousin time. I've been neglecting them because of Rose and...everything." I avoided Al's gaze. "Bye."

I walked out of the compartment, the Prophet and Witch Weekly rolled up one hand, and started down to the front of the train where Ryan and Scorpius were sitting.

Someone grabbed my wrist and turned me to face them. I smiled when I saw it was Al, but only because I didn't want him to think something was wrong.

"Hey," I said, hoping I sounded happy. "What's up?"

"Are you mad at me?" he asked me. I gave him a confused look. "Because I said we weren't dating. Because I said I wasn't your boyfriend."

"Oh that?" I asked, flipping my hair over my shoulder. You know, like a chill person does. "Nah, it's fine. I mean, we aren't dating and you aren't my boyfriend. Why would I be upset?"

"Well you seemed like you wanted me to say that we were," he said.

No shit, Al. I fancied the pants off you, I snogged you, I held your hand, I cuddled with you, I did everything that a girlfriend does with her boyfriend. Why wouldn’t I want you to say that you were my boyfriend?

"It's fine," I lied, pulling my wrist from his grasp. "Now I got to go; Scorpius and Ryan are in great need of my company."

"Okay," Al said, though I could tell he wasn't entirely convinced. "Are you going to come back?"

"Probably," I said, putting distance between us. "Bye."

I turned around, hating the fact that I wasn't a good liar. Hating that he could see through me.

Hating him for not wanting to be my boyfriend.

When I found Ryan and Scorp, I slid the compartment door open and walked in. They were playing poker, the muggle card game that Ryan was obsessed with. I sat down next to Scorp and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Hey," he said, looking at me. "This is unexpected."

"Yeah, well I missed you."

"I thought you'd be spending time with your boyfriend," Ryan said as he collected all the cards together.

I put the articles on the table they enchanted. "Well, as Al told the fangirls who brought us these, we aren't dating."

Ryan and Scorpius looked at the pictures before looking away, disgusted looks on their faces.

"Ads, I don't want to see that," Ryan said, flipping them over.

"That's never going to leave my mind," Scorpius said, shuddering.

Suddenly, a piece of paper flew in through the open window and landed in front of me.

I picked it up and read it aloud. "Albus Potter confirms that he and Addison, commonly known as Addie, Malfoy are not dating. You heard it here first. Sincerely Witch Weekly."

I tore the paper into pieces and threw them out the window, slamming it shut, before sitting back down next to Scorpius.

"I hate him," I said, leaning my head against Scorpius. "I mean, yeah we aren't dating officially. I know that. But I like him and he likes me, so I thought that maybe, he'd tell everyone we were dating. And then I had to pretend like I wasn't upset because how was he supposed to know that was what I wanted? I guess..." I looked at my hands. "I guess I was hoping that he'd say it."

Scorpius put an arm around my shoulder and I leaned against him. Ryan came over and leaned against me, holding my waist.

"Do you want us to beat him up?" Ryan asked.

I shook my head. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"So?" Scorpius asked. "When has that stopped us before?"

I smiled and sighed. "It's fine. I don't really feel like going back anytime soon though."

Ryan kissed my head. "Well you're always welcome here."

I ended up falling asleep on Ryan's lap for the rest of the trip. He woke me before we pulled into Kings Cross, thinking that maybe I'd like to go back to Al but I decided against it. I decided to stay with Scorpius and Ryan, even though I'd see Scorp at home and I would see Ryan in a few days for Christmas and there was a good chance I wouldn't see Al until the Potter's New Year’s party.

When we got onto the platform, I saw Al looking for me. He was standing with his parents, who were standing by Scorp's, but wasn't paying any attention to them. He was looking out at the sea of students trying to find me.

And that almost made me forget that he said he wasn't my boyfriend.

Almost.

He saw me and made his way toward me, saying hi to Ryan and Scorp before asking if we could talk alone. He pulled me over to the side of the platform.

"You didn't come back," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I fell asleep on Ryan."

Al nodded and we were quiet for a moment.

"Are you sure you aren't upset with me?" he asked me.

"I'm fine," I said. "Being upset with you would be like me being mad at you for telling the truth." Al didn't look convinced. "Al, if I was upset with you, don't you think you would know? Don't you think I'd be yelling at you?"

"I guess," Albus said.

"Then trust me when I say I'm fine," I said.

"Alright," he said, taking a step closer to me, causing me to immediately take a step back.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he slowly leaned down.

"I was going to kiss you," he said. "I'm probably not going to see you until New Years and I wanted to kiss you goodbye." He frowned. "Do you not want me to?"

"It's not that I don't want you to," I said. I wanted him to kiss me. But I was still annoyed with him over the whole boyfriend thing. If people caught us kissing, again, then they'd probably think I was a slag. "Your parents are looking."

Al stopped leaning in and looked at his parents, who were, in fact, looking at us.

"Dammit," he said, looking down at me. "This is why I was hoping you'd come back when we were on the train. So that I'd get to kiss you goodbye and not be stared at by my entire family."

His entire family was staring at us. Not just Lily, James, Ginny and Harry either. I mean his entire family. Teddy and Victoire, Dom's family, Rose's family, Freddy's family; hell, even his stick in the mud Uncle Percy's family was staring at us.

Scorp also got his parents and Ryan's parents to stare at us.

Although, Scorpius and Ryan looked more like they were glaring at Al.

"Sorry," I said. I moved forward to hug him. "Bye. Happy Christmas."

I felt him kiss my head. "Happy Christmas."

I pulled away and walked quickly past his smirking family and towards mine.

"Let's go," I said, grabbing Scorp and Ryan's hands and dragging them away.

"Alright, Al!" I heard Teddy say and soon the entire Wotter clan broke out in cheers.

I looked back and saw Al with his family, bright red and receiving many pats on the back as his family cheered at him.

"Do you want us to do that?" Draco asked as he pulled my trunk.

"Please don't," I said and walked through the barrier, pulling Ryan and Scorp with me.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please kudos, comment, bookmark or do whatever you feel you need to to show how you felt! Have a lovely day!


	18. The Madness of Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They bloke was crazy about you!"
> 
> "He insulted me constantly."
> 
> "Again, the bloke was crazy about you!"

"Scorpius, Addison!" Astoria yelled from downstairs. "You two ready?"

"Hold on!" I yelled down, pushing the Wotters’ presents into my bag. I was surprised that just by buying Al and Hugo presents caused me to need more space in my bag. Normally, I just buy Rose, James, Lily and their parents’ presents and they all fit fine in my bag.

But for whatever reason, Al and Hugo's gifts were causing issues.

Once they both fit (I had to put a shrinking charm on James's gift. Go illegal magic!), I slung my backpack over my shoulder and ran downstairs, pulling my sweatshirt over my head as I did.

"Okay, I'm ready," I said, standing in front of the fireplace. "Where's Scorp?"

Astoria sighed and looked up the stairs. "Still getting ready. He's going to the Potter's for one night, what could possibly be taking him so long?"

"He seems to be making a habit of not being ready on time," Draco said.

"Yes, I wonder where he got that from," Astoria teased.

"Not from me," Draco said, wrapping around her waist. "No idea where that came from."

"You two aren't going to start making out, are you?" I asked. "Because it was really disturbing when you did that."

"You mean before the end of summer party?" Astoria asked.

"Yes," I said.

"We were waiting for Scorp then too!" Draco said.

"And that was when Albus and Addison got into that huge fight!" Astoria said, looking at me and smiling. "Oh, how things have changed."

Astoria and Draco grinned knowingly down at me.

"Um," I said, feeling very uncomfortable. "Yeah."

"What exactly is going on with you and Albus, anyway?" Draco said.

I sighed, remembering what happened on the train with the fangirls.

Fucking fangirls ruining my blissful, non-relationship-relationship.

"We're not dating if that's what you’re asking," I said.

"Well, it's only a matter of time," Draco said.

"Right," I said, not wanting to talk about my nonexistent relationship status.

"I'm here," Scorpius said, walking into the room, his bag slung over his shoulder.

"Finally," I commented.

Scorp glared at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Okay, stop acting like you're five," Astoria said.

"I'm six!"

"Oh Merlin Ads."

* * *

 

We both flooed over to Potter's, since Rose lived right next door, I could just walk over.

"Scorp!" I heard a female voice say. Scorpius was engulfed in a hug by a small redhead that I first thought was Rose.

I nearly peed in happiness until I saw it was Lily.

"And Addie!" Lily said, coming and hugging me.

"Hi Lily," I said, hugging her back. "Where's the family?"

"Parents are at some Ministry event, James is out with Annalise and Al will be down soon," Lily said, letting go of me. "He wanted to take a shower before you got here."

At the idea of seeing Al, my heart fluttered and I became nervous. I didn't mean to, and certainly didn't intend to, but I was avoiding him. I was still irrationally upset about the whole dating thing. He didn't know what I wanted. Hell, I was perfectly happy with what we were until the fangirls made me doubt it.

"I should go, I promised Rose that I would go shopping with her," I said and Scorpius frowned at me.

"Rose hates shopping," he said.

"Um, she's trying something new," I lied and I saw Scorp's frown deepen. "She's all about new things now. Anyway, we have to be back at the Manor by eleven tomorrow for Christmas, so I should head over to Roses now. She wants to hit all the Christmas Eve sales."

Lily and Scorpius both looked at me, expressions of disbelief on their faces.

"So yeah," I said, inching toward the door. "I'll just be going. Tell your parents Happy Christmas, Lily."

"Okay," Lily said, confused at my sudden departure.

I walked swiftly out of the kitchen door to the side yard. I made my way to the front of the house and was almost off of Potter property when I heard, "Oi! Addie!"

I turned and saw Scorpius coming over toward me, a frown on his face.

"What the hell was that?" He asked when he got close to me. "And don't say it was nothing, because I knew you were lying back there. Rose doesn't want to go shopping, even if she was trying new things, you'd still have to drag her kicking and screaming. So what's wrong? Why did you run out of there?"

I was silent, trying to think if something that was believable.

I got nothing.

Scorpius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're not going to tell me? Fine I'll guess."

"Good luck with that," I said quietly.

"You secretly hate Lily."

I raised my eyebrow at him and dropped my backpack on the ground, figuring that this could be a while.

"Thought not," he said, thinking. I pulled my sweatshirt closer trying to keep myself warm in the December chill. "You...hate...the Potters?"

"Really?"

"Shut up. You're...you're in love with James?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Good. Al would be pissed," Scorpius said. He appeared to have a sudden realization. "You're avoiding Al."

Not a question that time.

I bit my lip. "I'm not trying to."

"Why are you avoiding him in the first place?" Scorpius asked. "Don't tell me you're still upset about the whole fangirl thing."

"I don't want to be," I said truthfully. "But I am."

"Why?"

"I don't know!" I said. "All I know is, I'm upset about it."

"So because he wasn't able to read your mind and he told the truth, you're upset?" Scorpius asked.

"Stupid as it is, yes," I said. "I don't want to be. I was happy with what we had before that. But now, it just...it just seems like we're just hooking up and that I mean nothing to him."

"That's not true," Scorpius said quietly.

"I know." I sighed. "But I'm upset and I tend to do and say dumb things when I'm upset. So I'm avoiding him so that I don't make this situation worse by doing something stupid."

"Because avoiding him won't do that," Scorpius said sarcastically.

"It's not smart, I know," I said. "If it helps, I hate all this passive aggressive stuff."

"Then stop being passive aggressive and fix the problem," Scorpius said firmly. "If you want to be with someone, you have to work with the other person and forgive them for their mistakes."

I looked up at him pointedly. "So when are you talking to Rose, then?"

"It’s different, Ads," Scorpius said quietly.

"No its not," I insisted. "You care about her, I know you do. And she cares about you too. You guys want to be together."

"She can't take back what she said," Scorpius said.

"But she didn't mean it, she was mad-"

"Ads, you've told me all this before," he said.

"I just don't get it," I said softly. "You two want to be with each other. So why can't you just talk about it?"

"We're not you and Al, we don't fight like that," Scorp said. "I want to be with her-"

"So talk to her!"

"But I don't know how we could move past it."

I studied him. He was looking away, his eyes downcast. His mouth was turned downward and he just looked tired and hurt.

"Scorp," I said. "You two could work it out. I know you could."

Scorp smiled slightly. "I come out here to yell at you and somehow we end up talking about my messy love life." He shook his head. "I don't think we'll work this out. But you and Al, you guys can work your issue out."

"We don't have an issue-"

"Addie?"

I turned my head and saw Rose standing outside of her house, her purse over her shoulder and looking like she just came from a date. She looked cute, a stylish winter coat and her hair up in a high pony -she was even wearing makeup.

I could tell that Scorpius noticed that she looked like she put effort in. Which she only did to impress people.

Normally, the only person she was trying to impress was Scorpius.

"Hey Rosie," I said walking over and hugging her.

"Hey, I thought I heard your voice," she said. She looked at Scorpius and bit her lip. "Hey Scorp."

Scorpius nodded and Rose looked at him, begging him to say more.

But he didn't.

"I need to get my bag," I said and Rose pulled her puppy eyes off of Scorpius. "Just wait here for a second."

Rose nodded and I turned back to Scorpius. I walked over and grabbed my bag off the ground before looking at Scorpius.

"I'll talk to Al if you talk to her," I said.

"But-"

"No buts," I said. "When you talk to Rose, I'll talk to Albus."

I turned away before he could say anything.

"Hey Rosie," I said, linking my arm with hers. "Why do you look so nice?"

"Went out to get a book," she mumbled before looking back at Scorpius, who was retreating back to the Potters’. "He's really not speaking to me isn't he?"

"He's just being a stubborn prick," I said, pulling the front door open.

"No he's not," Rose said leading me inside. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Let's not talk about it, okay?" I said, dropping my stuff on the kitchen floor. "It's Christmas Eve for Merlin's sake!"

"You're right," Rose sighed getting some hot coco for us.

"Of course I am," I said. "Why do you look so cute, anyway?"

"You'll think I'm dumb," she said.

"Rose, I could never think you were dumb," I said. "Now spill. Did you have a hot date?"

Rose gave me a ridiculous look as she sat down. "Yeah, because I'm not still totally crazy about your cousin."

"Okay," I said. "I guess it wasn't a date."

"No," Rose said quietly. "I knew you guys were coming about now, you've come at noon for the past five years, so I guessed this year wouldn’t be different. I needed to walk down and get a book from the village anyway, but I decided that if I looked really cute and just happened to be coming back from getting it, then maybe, just maybe, Scorpius would talk to me." She fiddled with her cup. "Like I said it was stupid."

"No it wasn't," I said. "You fancy the bloke. Trust me, there are girls who do worse than that for the guy they fancy."

"But he doesn't want to speak to me, hell he can barely look at me! I crossed a line by saying that," Rose said, sighing. "I've tried apologizing because right after I said it, after I told him to never speak to me again, I regretted it. I wanted to speak to him. I figured that we would end up speaking to each other, but every time I got close to him at school, he'd either ignore me or walk off in the other direction. I've written him a few letters explaining how sorry I am but he hasn't responded. I thought that maybe, if he saw me looking good then he'd talk to me. He'd see that maybe I'm worth it."

"Oh Rose, of course you're worth it," I said, laying a comforting hand on her arm. "He's just hurt right now. You need to talk to him."

"I can't," Rose said and I nearly screamed in frustration.

Why couldn’t these people just talk to each other? Just talk to each other, shit, even yell at each other, make the other want to pull their hair out but just solve the fucking problem.

I ignored the logical part of my brain telling me to take my own advice.

I enjoyed being a hypocrite, logic back off.

"It's not that I can't talk to him, I know what I would say to him," she said. "It's more that I doubt he'd let me."

"Yeah well Scorpius is an idiot," I said and Rose smiled slightly.

"Nah," she said. "He may have his moments, but he's not an idiot."

"Rose," I said. "If he lets you get away, he's an idiot."

Rose looked out the window, but I see the small glimmer of hope in her eyes that he wouldn't let her get away.

Not that she wanted to leave anyway.

Like shopping, you'd have to pull her kicking and screaming.  


* * *

 

"You got Hugo a gift?"

"Yes Rose, I got Hugo a gift."

"Why?"

"Because it's Christmas!"

"I know but you've been coming here since first year and you've never gotten him a gift before."

"Well I realized that was rude of me."

"No it wasn't! He didn't say anything to you!"

"Yes, well now we're on the same Quidditch team!"

"So you normally get everyone on the team gifts?"

"Yes!"

"Then why haven't you gotten Al a gift for the last five years?"

"Al was a git. He didn't deserve a gift."

"The bloke was crazy about you!"

"He insulted me constantly."

"Again, the bloke was crazy about you!"

I shook my head, smiling, and continued putting presents under the Weasley's tree.

"How many presents did you get for people?" Rose asked, sitting in her dad's armchair.

"I got presents for you, Alice, Louis, Albus, James, Lily, Hugo, Scorp, Freddy, Dominique, your parents, Al's parents, and Scorp's parents." I put her gift under the tree.

"Is that mine?" She asked, pointing at it.

I nodded. "But not peeking until tomorrow!"

"Well duh," she said, rolling her eyes. "What'd you get Al?"

"Um," I said, because I was nervous about his gift. I wasn't really sure if he would like it. I zipped up my bag so I wouldn't have to stare at it. "I'm not sure he'll like it. But I'm hoping he will."

Really, really hoping he will.

"Tell me what it is," she said. "I'll tell you if he likes it."

I bit my lip and told her.

She looked at me, her eyes wide.

"Do you think he'll like it?" I asked.

Rose nodded. "He's going to love it. So much."

"Good," I said smiling.

"What’s going on with you two?" She asked. "He told me that you've been weird since the train ride home and that you haven't written him at all. He thought that maybe you were too busy to write, but then he saw that you wrote me. So he is really confused as to why you're mad at him."

"I'm not mad at him!" I said. "Merlin, can't a girl just not write or see someone and not have it be a big deal?"

"But the two of you are practically dating-"

"But we're not dating!" I said. "Just because we both fancy each other, doesn't mean we're dating. I have no obligation to write him or see him if I don't feel like it."

"Ads, the bloke cares about you, a lot," Rose said. "Don't screw around with his feelings."

"I'm not!" I cried. "Look, I'm upset about something I shouldn't be upset about and I'm worried that if I talk to him, I'll say something I regret. I know he cares about me and I care about him too. I'm not going to screw it up."

"Good," she said. She looked down at her hands. "He's waited a long time for this. And I know what it's like to wait for something and not get it because something went wrong." Rose sighed. "And it sucks when you have no idea what went wrong, but before you know it, you're yelling at each other and you say something that you would never, ever say and suddenly you ruined everything."

"Rose, it's okay," I said, trying to comfort her. Our agreement to not talk about Scorpius or what happened between them was going well until now.

"No it's not," she insisted. "I don't associate Scorpius with Death Eaters. He's nothing like them. He's honestly the sweetest guy I ever met. And I know that he has worked so hard to get away from that image, how hard his entire family has had to work so that they aren't associated with that. And I knew that someone bringing that up was his deal breaker. I don't think of him like that, I really don't. I think he's funny and smart and sweet and just an amazing guy, nothing like the Death Eaters. I don't know why I said it, I was just so mad at him. He took me to the bloody post office and then asked me if wanted to go to Madame Puddifoots- Madame Fucking Puddifoots, where we agreed we wouldn't go- and I just lost it. I was so mad, so upset that this was the date that I had waited for. And then I started yelling that maybe a ditz like Melanie would want to go there but I didn't. And then I stomped off, walked up to Gryffindor and...well you know the rest." She looked at the ground. "The point is, I know what it's like to wait for something and not have it happen. And I don't want Al to have to deal with that, especially since he was already such an idiot for the past few years."

I looked at her, slightly in awe of all I just heard. "You...you really like Scorpius don't you?"

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I really do. But it doesn't matter. I screwed it up between us because I lost my Weasley temper. It's all my fault."

"No it's not, Rose," I said. "There were lots of factors that caused it to not work out, it's not just you. Look, if you just talked with him, you could work it out. He really likes you, trust me. You two could fix this."

"I don't doubt that we could," she said. "I just doubt that'd he give us the chance to." Rose shook her head. "And in the unlikely case that he did, I wouldn't even know where to start talking."

"You'd tell him how you feel," I said. "You'd tell him that you don't think that he is what you said, that you don't associate him with that. Everything you just told me, that is what you would tell him."

Rose nodded. "When did we start actually having relationship problems?"

"I don't know," I said. "Normally, the poor bloke gets beaten up before he can even express his feelings."

"Yeah," Rose said. "Maybe it's just because these are the boys that our families have been rooting for. At least, in your case. Merlin knows James has been trying to get Al to ask you out, or to simply be civil with you for years. And Scorpius has been trying to get that to happen forever. I swear, I've had more awkward conversations with them about you then I would like."

"That's weird," I said, scrunching my nose. "But I know I've been rooting for Scorpius and you. Even before he liked you or I even suspected that you liked him, I thought you two would be good together." I remember vowing myself that I was going to get them together. It worked, sort of. Without Ryan they never would have gone out on their date, even though that date went horribly wrong. But I still was planning on keeping my promise. "I even managed to convince James and Freddy of it."

"Not Hugo?"

"I barely talked to Hugo before this year," I said. "But I think he approves."

"Well that's good to know," she said. "In the unlikely case we work this out."

Oh Rose, you would work it out.

If I had my way, you would work it out.

And I always got my way.  
  
 

* * *

 

_Scorp,_

_You need to talk with Rose, ASAP. Trust me, the girl has a lot to say to you._

_You'll want to hear it._

_So talk to her soon._

_There's no need to respond to this._

_Your favorite and most beautiful cousin,_

_Addie_  


* * *

 

I attached the letter to Rose's owl and sent it over to the Potter's house, not even bothering to wait for a response. I left the window open so that he could fly back in without causing a scene and Rose wondering why I secretly sent something to my cousin.

Rose and I were in her room, listening to music (we cast a Muffliato Charm so her family wouldn't complain about the noise) at around 1:30 in the morning.

"Hey, can you hand the Pumpkin Pasties over here?" I asked her from her bed.

Rose looked on her desk at the assortment of junk food we had for the night. "Doesn't look like we have any here."

I sighed and got up. "I'll go get some from the kitchen then."

"Why don't we just use magic?" Rose asked.

"Rosie, we're underage," I said. "And we've already used a fair amount of indictable magic as it is. If I go and get the Pumpkin Pasties myself, then it will make up for all the magic we've used."

"Okay then," Rose said before stuffing a chocolate frog in her face.

I walked out of her room, shutting the door quietly and walked down the stairs, not bothering to turn any lights on. I walked into the kitchen and headed toward the pantry, grabbing a plate on the way.

"Come to me, yummy things," I said, poking around the pantry. "Ah! Here they are!" I grabbed some and put them on the plate before heading out of the kitchen.

I stuffed one in my mouth before I heard a noise.

That sounded like a door slammed.

I stopped moving, my cheeks full of pumpkin patsies, and listened, waiting to hear something else.

"Ads?"

I screamed.

Well, as much as I could scream with my mouth full of pumpkin pasties.

"Be quiet!" the voice said, putting their hand over my mouth, which only caused me to freak out more. "It's me!"

"Swopus?" I said, not being coherent due to my mouth being covered and full of food.

"Yes, Addie, it's me," Scorpius said, removing his hand from my mouth. He smirked down at my plate of treats. "Midnight snack?"

"Why would you scare me like that?" I asked, hitting him with my free hand.

"I didn't mean to!"

"Why are you even here?" I asked him. "It's one thirty! Shouldn't you and Al be doing whatever it is boys do at sleepovers?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't take Albus complaining about why you weren't talking to him any longer," he said, heading for the stairs. "So I'm taking you up on your deal. You said that Rose has a lot of things to say to me. So I'm going to talk to her, and you're going to go talk to Al."

"Now?!" I asked, following him up the stairs.

"Of course now," he said, stopping in front of Rose's door. "Now get your arse over to his house."

"I'm in my PJs!"

"So?" he said. "Look, do you think I want to be here? No. But it was either talk to Rose so that you'd talk to Al or listen to Al complain and ponder as to why you are mad at him. I decided that talking to Rose would be less painful." I was about to object but he stopped me. "Addie, just put the bloke out of his misery. He's getting more and more pissed with you as time goes on, so if you want to save what you have, talk to him."

And then he opened the door.

Rose was sitting at her desk chair, flipping through Witch Weekly, stuffing her face with the piles of junk food on her desk. Her hair was in a sloppy bun on her head, she didn't have any make up on and she was wearing a pair of sweat pants and one of Hugo's old shirts.

I swear I saw Scorpius crack a small smile.

"Good you're back," she said, not looking up as I shut the door. "Bring me some pasties. I'm starving over here."

"Doesn't look like it," Scorpius said cheekily and Rose froze and looked up.

"Scorpius!" She said, frantically standing up. "Um, hi." She awkwardly pulled on the end of her shirt. "What, um, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you," he said.

"Couldn't it wait until the morning?" Rose asked, and I knew that she was embarrassed that this was time that he saw her and chose to speak with her.

She looks cute for the guy and he barely acknowledges her presence. She's in sweats and looking like a homeless grandma and he can't stop smiling at her.

Scorpius is strange.

"No, we need to talk," Scorpius said, turning towards me. "Alone."

"I know, I know," I said, putting the plate down on her desk.

"But where is Addie going?" Rose asked and I could see how nervous she was. She kept fiddling with her shirt and her eyes were wide. She'd probably start rambling soon. "I mean, we can't just kick her out, my parents will be suspicious. And we can't let her out on the street, there are scary people on the street. People that could kill her. And I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want her to be dead because she's my best friend and I just don't know what I would do without her. No, she should definitely stay because that seems like the best option."

Ah, there is nervous Rosie I know and love.

"She's going to talk to Al," Scorpius said, his eyes filled with amusement as he watched Rose fidget.

"Oh," Rose said, and I could tell she was trying to think of a reason for me to stay. "Er...good, I guess. They have some stuff to work out."

"We do not have problems!" I said.

"Stop denying it and get over there," Scorpius said firmly.

"Fine," I said and started toward the door only to turn around. "Just let me get something first."

I went to my bag and pulled out his gift, before walking back to the door.

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving," I said when I saw Scorpius glare at me.

I left the door the tiniest crack open so that I could listen, despite the Muffliato Charm.

"You couldn't have waited until morning to talk?" Rose asked him, still standing.

"Nope," Scorpius said and I saw him go over to her bed and sit down.

"But I'm in my PJs!" Rose said, sitting down in the seat she was previously occupying.

"So?" Scorpius said, giving her a crooked grin. "You still look beautiful."

I didn't think I've ever seen Rose blush that much.

Deciding that they needed their privacy, I shut the door quietly, hoping they wouldn't know that I listened in on that little part. I smiled when I realized how flirty Scorpius was.

I guess he was having Flirt-With-Rose withdrawals over the past few weeks.

He's making up for lost time.

I looked down at Al's gift in my hand and sighed.

I would have to make up for lost time too.  


* * *

 

I knocked on Al's bedroom door, shivering.

I didn't bring a jacket.

I remembered Al's gift, but did I remember a fucking jacket? No.

It was Christmas Eve in England and I didn't remember a fucking jacket while walking outside.

There was a reason I was not a Ravenclaw.

"Scorpius, why are you knocking?" I heard Al say from inside. "Just walk in."

I took a deep breath and walked into Al's room.

The first thing I noticed was that it was red, Gryffindor red. I also noticed that he was pretty neat; nothing on his floor except Scorp's bag.

Al was sitting on his bed, throwing what looked like a Snitch up in the air before catching it, its wings not breaking out so it could fly all around the room.

"Scorp, why would you knock?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the Snitch. I leaned back against the door. "You know you don't have to knock. Besides, I'm surprised you heard me with the Muffliato Charm we had on. And why did it take you so long to go to the bathroom? I know that I've been talking about Addie a lot, sorry about that, I guess we can talk about Rose if you want. Not that I'd particularly enjoy that, but if you want we can-"

"Hi," I said, stopping his rambling.

Al caught the Snitch one last time and held it to his chest, looking up at the ceiling.

"Um, hi Al," I said again.

Slowly, he turned his head toward me and I saw that his eyes were full of surprise.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Where's Scorp?"

"He's over at Rose's," I said. "They needed to talk about some things."

He muttered something that sounded very similar to, "They aren't the only ones."

There was an awkward silence between us.

"So do I get a hug?" I asked, awkwardly.

"I don't know, are you going to ignore me afterwards?" Al asked, pushing himself into a sitting position and giving me a pointed look.

I looked down, unsure of what to say.

"Honestly, what the fuck was that Addie?" he asked me, his voice harsh. I looked up slightly and saw that his jaw was locked and could tell that my efforts to not make things worse between us, had made things worse.

Dammit.

Scorpius was right.

"I thought that you didn't want me to kiss you because my entire family was looking, which I understand," he said, standing up and dropping the Snitch on the bed. "But then I don't get any letters from you. Even though I wrote you, do I get a response? No. I thought that maybe you were busy. But then you have time to write Rose a three page long letter, saying that you're so bored at home and you can't wait to get to her house and I realize that you aren't busy. According to your letter, you and Scorp are sitting at home doing nothing all day. But do I get a letter? No. For whatever reason, I don't get a letter. And then, according to Lily, you practically run away at the mention of seeing me, as if you don't want to see me. Even though I thought there was something going on here."

"There is something going on here," I said quietly.

"I know that!" Al said, raising his voice a little. "I know there is, which is why I'm pissed off that you thought it was okay not to write me. Why the hell are you mad at me Addie? Or are you just running away again? Are you here to tell me that you're back together with Caleb because he's safe and all that other shit?"

"I'm not running away!" I said and I was surprised that my voice was raised as well. "I'm not running away this time and I am not getting back together with Caleb! I fancy you, you complete idiot!"

"Well you got a funny way of showing it!" Al said back. "This is the first time that I've seen or heard from you since we got home! I figured that you would actually want to spend time with me, considering what we are."

"And what the fuck are we, Albus?" I said, spitting out my words. "Because as you made quite clear on the train, I'm not your girlfriend. We aren't dating. We snog, we cuddle, we hold hands, and many people would think we're dating. Hell, I'm pretty sure that my mother, wherever the bloody fuck she is, thinks we are because of those fucking articles!"

"You're mad because I didn't tell those fangirls we were dating?" Al asked.

"Yes!" I said.

"Why?"

Oh my Merlin, this boy was going to be the death of me.

"Because I fancy you and I want to be with you, you complete arse!" I said. "And you said that we weren't dating, that you were still a free man and on the market, making me look like some cheap slag. You may as well have held up a sign that said, 'Hey everyone, come and hook up with me! I have no attachments to anyone!'"

"How was I supposed to know that's what you wanted me to say?" Albus asked. "You didn't tell me to say that."

"I didn't want you to say it only because I wanted it to happen!" I said, throwing his present on his bed out of frustration. "I wanted you to say we were dating because you wanted to date me. Because you wanted to be my fucking boyfriend. If you didn't want to be my bloody boyfriend, you could have told me that, instead of letting me know in front of a million of your biggest fans. Not to mention Erica Ericson, who is probably thinking of ways to win you back now."

"I don't give a shit about Erica," he said. "And don't say that I don't want to be your boyfriend because I do, I even had a whole plan of how to ask you to be my girlfriend!" He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a small box with a bow on it. "Tomorrow morning I was going to go over to Rose's and get you to come on a walk with me. While we were on that walk, I was going to give you this and ask you to be my girlfriend."

He thrust the box into my hand and I looked down at it, my eyes wide.

He wanted to be my boyfriend.

He had a plan and everything.

"I've had this planned since the Quidditch game, when you told me that I caught you. I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend on Christmas morning and it was going to be all magical and shit, since I know you love Christmas morning," he said, ranting out his frustrations. "And then you started freaking out on me and I thought that I was being a complete idiot by thinking that you would want to be my girlfriend. Hell, you were probably just stringing me along, making me suffer in revenge for some idiotic thing I did when I was twelve. And the longer I didn't hear from you, the more and more pissed off I got and I wasn't even sure I wanted to ask you out anymore. I figured that you didn't want me to and that I was being a complete idiot for thinking that you wanted me to-"

I stopped his rambling by kissing him firmly on the lips and throwing my arms around his neck.

Albus was clearly in shock, since he just kind of stood there the entire time.

Which, as I know, is not like Albus at all.

He tends to be a very active participant in kissing.

I pulled away a little and looked up at him. "Yes."

"Yes?" Albus said, confused.

"Yes," I said again, smiling up at him. "I'll be your girlfriend. If you still want me to be."

Al looked down at me, dumbstruck.

"I never thought that I'd ask you to be my girlfriend by yelling at you," he said, slowly.

"Yeah, well I never thought I was going to be your girlfriend in general," I said, pecking him quickly before pulling away. "Now what is this?" I shook the box next to my ear.

"Why don't you open it and find out?" Al said, a smile on his lips.

"Okay." I ripped the paper off to see a jewelry box. "You didn't have to get me jewelry," I said. "I hardly wear jewelry as it is." I opened the box and nearly gasped at what was inside.

It was a silver necklace with the letter A hanging off the chain. There was small diamond on the part of the A where the lines met in the middle.

"Do you like it?" Al asked me.

"I love it," I said, looking up at him. "Thank you. Will you help me put it on?"

Albus nodded and I turned around and held my hair up. I felt the necklace fall and hit my skin, the silver cool against it.

I grabbed the A with my fingers and started playing with it as I turned around. "Thank you, so much."

"No problem," Albus said. "Your boyfriend did good?"

I smiled at him calling himself my boyfriend. "He did really good."

"Good," he said, smiling triumphantly. "Now where's my present?"

"You're greedy you know that?" I said as I walked over to the bed to pick his gift up.

"Yeah but you fancy me anyway," he said, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me.

I moved around so that I was facing him. "You might want to put some space between us so you can open your gift."

"Fine," Al said, letting go and backing away from me before sticking his hand out. "Now gimme."

I nervously handed over the gift. "You don't have to like it," I said, watching him open it. "It's totally returnable. I'm bad at buying gifts, so I wasn't really sure what you would like them, so if you don't it's really not a big deal-"

"You are the best girlfriend ever," he said, interrupting me as he looked down at his new Seeker gloves and tickets to the Quidditch World Cup in August. "You have only been my girlfriend for about five minutes and I can already say that you are the best girlfriend ever."

"You like them?" I asked, a feeling of relief washing over me.

"Are you fucking me?" he asked, putting his gifts down on his dresser and pulling me into a hug. "Best. Gifts. Ever."

I smiled into his chest. "Good." I looked at the clock and realized that it was two in the morning. "Hey, I just realized something."

"What?" Albus asked, looking down at me.

"It's Christmas morning," I said, smiling up at him. "You still got to ask me out on Christmas morning."

Al cracked a small smile. "I guess I did, didn't I?"

And then he leaned down to kiss me.

I wasn’t going to go into details, but our snog session got heated pretty quickly. Before I knew it, we were on his bed, him on top of me, and snogging as if our lives depended on it. His hand was up my shirt and I was working on taking his off.

It didn't come off though, because Al, being the rational one here, stopped.

"Hey," he said, pulling away. I noticed that he was panting for breath, just like I was. "We-we should probably stop."

"You're right," I said and Al got off of me, sitting against the wall. "I feel like getting a boyfriend and then losing my virginity all in one night might be a little too fast."

Al eyed me oddly. "You're still a virgin?"

I pushed myself up and looked at him. "Yeah. Why?"

"It just makes this a little awkward," he said, softly. “I was hoping to avoid this conversation.”

"What do you mean?" I asked, adjusting my shirt. "Did you think I was some whore who just slept around?"

"Of course not," he said. "It's just that...you're a virgin and I'm...well...not."

What.

"I'm sorry, what?" I said, completely in shock of what I heard.

"I'm not a virgin," Al said again. "I've, um, had sex before."

"Oh," I said. "Um, who was she?"

Not that I really wanted to know.

Because I was cool girlfriend.

Not one of those clingy, worried girlfriends.

But honestly, who the hell was this person that was sleeping with my man? Like, yes virginity really doesn’t matter but considering Al never had a serious girlfriend, I had assumed he never had never been with someone biblically.

"You wouldn't know her," he said quickly.

Which meant that he didn't want to tell me.

Oh buddy, you were going to tell me.

"I don't care, I want to know," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Al eyed me strangely. "Um, Veronica St. Clair."

I tried to push down my automatic annoyance at her and not think she was a whore. I was trying to be a bigger person.

"You mean the one that goes to Beauxbatons?" I asked and he nodded. "Didn't Scorpius hook up with her twin sister last summer?"

"Yeah," he said. "We hooked up with them at the same time."

Those whores.

I gave up on being the bigger person. I was never really good at it anyway.

It wasn’t even that she was his first time. It was more that Al had slept with anyone that was sending me spinning.

I sat in silence, plotting Veronica's death when Al spoke.

"Are you jealous?" he asked, and I saw that his jerk smirk was on his face.

"No," I said. "I'm just plotting her death because you should really have saved yourself until marriage.”

He laughed and pulled me to his chest, kissing my head. "You're something else, you know that?"

I settled into his chest, my forehead resting on his neck.

"So is the bet off then?" I asked him, changing the topic. "Because we just got into a fight, which would mean that one of us would have to tell the entire school who we like. But since we're dating that might not work as well."

"True," Albus said.

"I know!" I said, sitting up. "Whoever loses our next fight has to tell their family that we're dating first."

"It could take a while for us to get into another fight," Al said, playing with the bottom of the back of my shirt.

"I doubt it," I said. "I've been on my best behavior not to get into a fight with you this year because I didn't want to lose the bet. But now that we don't even have to worry about losing anything in this bet, we can do it." Al still looked a little hesitant. "Please? Come on, secret relationships are supposedly really good." I kissed his neck. "Come on, Al. It could be nice." I worked my way up his jaw line. "Snogging in closets, sneaking away, it sounds like a pretty awesome thing."

"Fine," he said, pulling my face away from his neck. "We'll do that. But if we haven't told anyone by New Year's, then everyone's just going to have to figure it out then. Because I plan on kissing you. A lot."

"Okay."

We fell asleep around 3:30. Until then, we talked a lot, getting to know more about each other and laughing at some of our dumb fights, and we stole kisses from one another before dozing off to sleep, my head against his chest and his arms around my waist.

It was the best Christmas morning ever.  


* * *

 

I walked up the staircase slowly, making sure that I didn't wake anyone. It was 6:30, so it was still early, too early to be up and unwrapping presents.

Especially since normally I had to be pulled from my bed by Rose.

Scorpius never came back to the Potters’ last night, which could mean one of two things.

Either Rose had killed him or him and Rose had made up and spent the night talking and cuddling.

I wasn’t really sure which one was more believable.

I reached Rose's door and reached a hand out to turn the handle.

But it was locked.

That was strange.

I looked around, unsure of what to do before I decided that knocking was probably the best idea.

When I knocked, I pressed my ear to the door, trying to hear something, figuring that since I heard Al say something, I could hear Rose trying to hide my cousin's body.

I didn't hear anything.

Rose must have casted a really strong charm then.

Damn her for being good at everything.

Rose opened the door, slightly out of breath. "Hi."

"Um, hi," I said. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," she said, casting a brief glance over to her bed. "So, um how did your talk with Al go?"

Was her shirt inside out?

Yeah, it was definitely inside out.

Why was it like that?

"Fine," I said. "How did your talk with Scorp go?"

"Oh, it went...it went swell," she said and she started fidgeting with her inside out shirt and casting glances at the bed.

"Swell?" I asked her, confused by her behavior.

Why was she nervous?

Why was her shirt inside out?

And for Merlin's sake, why did she keep looking at her bed?!

"Yeah, swell," she said. "You know, it went swell. People say swell all the time. Swell is a great word, you should really start saying it. It can describe anything, a day, a person, a conversation, really just about anything can be swell."

And now Rose was ranting.

Why was Nervous Rose here?

I wanted Normal Rose.

"And are you," I asked, "swell?"

"Me? Oh yeah, I'm very swell. Sweller than swell, really. And you? I hope you are swell. And Albus. I bet he was swell because he got to see you. But me, I'm super swell. I'm the swellest a person could ever be-"

Her ranting was cut off by a sneeze.

Not from me.

But from her bed.

"Rose," I asked, slowly, putting all the pieces together. "Did your bed just sneeze?"

Everything made sense now. Why her shirt was inside out, why she was Nervous Rose, and why she kept glancing at the bed.

"No," Rose said, but I could tell she was lying. "That was Crookshanks. You know him how he's always getting into my bed and sleeping there, getting his hair everywhere-"

"That would be believable," I said, walking over to her bed. "But Crookshanks died last year."

I pulled the covers up and saw my cousin, curled in a ball in only his boxers.

That was not something that I wanted to see.

"Bloody hell!" I yelled and Rose clasped a hand over my mouth.

"Please don't tell Mum or Dad!" she begged. "Please. I promise I'll explain everything, just please don't tell them."

"She's not going to tell," Scorpius said, sitting up. "Because then I'll have to tell my parents that she was with Al all night."

I pulled away from Rose's hand. "I wasn't going to tell your parents Rose, just like Scorpius won't tell his parents anything." I looked at Scorpius who was still standing there in only his boxers. "Now please put some clothes on and get to the Potters' house. You know that James likes waking up early to open his presents."

I wasn’t kidding. That kid would get up at 5 if his family let him. Instead they got up 7:45, since that’s as late as James would let them sleep.

I swore that boy was like a five year old sometimes.

"Right," he said and looked around the ground for his clothes. He got dressed and I sat on the bed before quickly jumping off it.

My cousin and my best friend may have just had sex there.

*shivers in disgust yet is half happy that they finally got their acts together*

"Alright, I guess I'm off," Scorpius said.

"Right," Rose said and walked over to the door and putting her hand on the knob. "Well, um, I guess we'll talk later?"

"Yeah," he said, meeting her at the door. "We'll talk later."

"Go down quietly and go through the side door," Rose said, looking up at him. "Happy Christmas."

Scorpius slowly leaned down and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

It took all my restraint not to jump up and down and scream for joy.

Scorp pulled away from Rose, who still had her eyes closed. "Happy Christmas."

Rose opened the door for him and he quietly left the room. Rose shut the door behind him and leaned against it, a huge smile plastered on her face.

Her smile dropped a little when she saw me sitting at her desk looking smug.

"So, good night with my cousin?" I asked, cheekily.

Rose's face flushed. "Um, yeah."

I sat forward a little bit. "Want to tell me what happened?"

"We, um," Rose stammered. "We kind of...had sex."

"Yeah, I guessed that," I said. "So how does it feel to not be a virgin anymore?"

Rose sat down on her bed. "It doesn't feel any different, honestly. I feel the same as I did yesterday. I guess...I guess we were both ready to take that next step."

I nodded though something sounded off in what she said.

She made it sound like Scorpius also just lost his virginity last night.

"I'm glad that it was with Scorpius, you know?" Rose said, a small smile on her face. "I don't know what other guy I would want to have my first time with."

I nodded, trying to figure out a way to ask if Scorp had said he was a virgin without telling her that he wasn't.

"I hope he feels the same," Rose said. My sense of dread was building the longer she kept talking. "It's weird, you know? We've been friends for so long and now we were each other's first times and are in a relationship. It's just...strange how things work out isn't it?"

"Yeah," I said, softly. "Strange."

Rose thought that last night was Scorpius’s first time too.

But it wasn't. I knew that for a fact.

And he had lied to Rose.  
  
 

* * *

 

"You lied to Rose!" I said when we both got home that day.

"What do you mean?" he said as he made his way to his room, me trailing behind him.

"You lied to her about..." I walked in his room and shut the door. "You lied to her about being a virgin! She told me that last night was both of your first times and I know for a fact that you happened to lose your V-Card last summer with Victoria St. Clair."

And Al lost his V-Card last summer to Veronica St. Clair.

Not that it bothered me that my boyfriend had slept with someone.

Honestly, I didn't care at all.

"That was different," Scorpius said, setting his stuff down.

"Really?" I asked. "I wouldn't know from experience, but I'm pretty sure that sex is the same no matter what."

"Not like that," he said. "I didn't care about Victoria, especially not in the way that I care about Rose. What happened last summer was a mistake."

"Mistake or not, it still happened," I said. "I don't like my best friend being lied to."

"Do you think I like lying to her?" Scorpius asked and I could tell he was frustrated. He sat down on his bed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know it's wrong and I know that she deserves better but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that I had sex with some random girl who meant nothing to me. I don't want her to think less of me for it because that was the only time I had ever done it. But the first time that it actually mattered was with Rose. So I know that it's the best friend code or whatever to go tell her when her boyfriend is lying to her but could you please not tell her?"

"Of course I'm not going to tell her," I said, sitting down next to him and putting a comforting arm around him. "I know that it meant nothing to you. I know that you don't care about Victoria the way you care about Rose. You have no idea how happy I am that you guys are dating. I'm not going to ruin that for you."

"Thanks Ads," he said.

"You're welcome," I said. "But you need to know that if she finds out, then that will probably end all of this."

"I know," Scorpius said. "But it's a risk that I need to take."  


* * *

 

"Scorp!" I said, knocking on his door while trying to hold my dress up. "Open up!"

Scorpius opened his door, dressed in a tux and his hair looking in place for once. "What?"

"I need you to zip my dress up," I said and turned around so that he could.

"There you go," he said and walked back in his room.

I followed him in and sat on his bed, pulling my dress up so I could put my heels on.

The Wizarding Community had thankfully given up dressrobes when they realized that the Muggle formal wear was better.

Boys in dressrobes: Meh. They're wearing a dress. That was weird.

Boys in tuxes: Holy fucking crap why are they all so attractive?

I don't know what it was, but tuxes made boys look better than usual.

It was like a law.

Tonight was the night of the Potter's New Year's Eve Party, which meant that everyone had to dress up in their finest clothing and dance the night away. It was always a fun event and it was always great to see how everyone managed to clean themselves up.

"Alright, how do I look?" Scorpius asked me, standing in front of me while I put my shoe on.

"Very handsome," I said and stood up myself. "How do I look?" I asked, spinning around.

My dress was sapphire blue and a drop waist pick up skirt. It had thin straps to hold it up and had little silver and blue jewels around the chest area.

Scorpius grabbed my hand and kissed it, like a proper English gentleman would. "Absolutely beautiful, my dear cousin."

"Thank you kind sir," I said, smiling up at him.

"Is that necklace new?" Scorpius asked and my hand touched the necklace Al gave me.

I smiled. "Yeah, Al gave it to me."

My boyfriend gave it to me. And because of that, I had worn it worn it every single day since he gave it to me.

"It's nice," he said and then offered his arm out. "Ready to go?"

I looped my arm through his. "Yeah."

This was it. This was where mine and Al's relationship was going to become known to everyone. We hadn’t gotten into a fight, probably because we hadn’t really seen each other, but still, our relationship was becoming public. I wasn't just some whore he was fooling around with or someone he didn't care about.

I was his girlfriend.

I felt on top of the world. Nothing could pull me down because I had my boyfriend (Al), my best friend (Rose), my cousin (Scorp), my Veela (Louis), and my badass (Alice) all by my side.

I felt invincible.

"No, Addison cannot know you're here!"

I halted at the end of the stairs when I heard Astoria's voice say that from the living room.

Scorpius and I looked at each other before walking over in that direction, trying to remain quiet so we could eavesdrop.

"You need to go, now," Draco's stern voice said. "I will not have you causing problems in my house and in my family-"

He was interrupted by a person who kept their voice low, making it hard for Scorpius and I to hear.

"She is my family!" Draco yelled. "You have no right to say who her family is and who isn't. You, of all people, are not her family."

Scorpius gave me a confused look, as if asking for an explanation of what was going on, but I just shrugged, since I had no idea either.

"It would be best for everyone if you left," Astoria said. "You know nothing about her or her life now. And because of that you should leave. You lost your right to know things eleven years ago."

More murmuring from the unknown person.

"No, you don't get the right to an opinion because you lef-"

Scorpius sneezed.

Of course, when we were eavesdropping and trying to figure out who the was in our house, Scorpius sneezed.

I need to get this kid some allergy medicine.

There was silence in the living room for a second before Astoria said, "I'll take care of them."

I heard Astoria's heels clicking on the floor as she made her way towards us. She walked out and plastered a fake smile on her face.

"Why don't you kids go and wait in Scorp's room and we'll come get you when we're ready," she said. "Draco and I just have a few things to deal with."

"What are you dealing with?" I asked, unable to keep my curiosity down.

"Nothing," Draco said, suddenly appear by Astoria's side. "Go upstairs."

"Ads, maybe we should go upstairs," Scorpius said quietly but I knew by the look on his face that he didn't want to. He wanted to know what the hell was going on in that room.

I looked at Draco and Astoria, both of them having very concerned yet stern faces on.

"Addison," Astoria said softly, reaching out and grabbing my hand. "Trust me; you would want to go upstairs. Please, Draco and I will explain everything later, just please go upstairs." She squeezed my hand and I saw that there were tears in her eyes. Whatever was in there was making her upset and while my curiosity was peeked, I knew that something that made someone in my family upset, wasn't worth it. "Please Addie."

I was about to respond, say okay, when the person inside the room decided to speak.

"Please," the voice said and I instantly tensed up. Astoria's eyes were wide, almost like she was begging me not to keep listening, but to run upstairs to where I was safe from this voice that has haunted me for so long.

The last time I heard this voice was on Halloween.

And suddenly the invincible feeling was gone.

"Please just let me see her," the voice said again.

"Don't you dare come any closer, Matilda," Draco said, casting a glare inside of the room. "Addison, please go upstairs."

Matilda.

Not that name.

"Please Draco, just let me see her," she said again, her voice begging. "Just let me see my daughter."

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I pushed past Draco and Astoria, my heart pounding in my chest.

It couldn't be her.

But her voice was the same. And her name was Matilda.

"Oh my," the women said, when she caught sight of me. "Addison, you have grown into a beautiful girl."

I felt the tears rush to my eyes and my heartbeat speed up, thumping so hard that I heard it in my ears as I stared at the women, not even believing my own eyes.

I was hoping I would never have to see her face again.

"Well, long time no see," I spat out, the anger I've held in for years sharp on my tongue. "How have the past eleven years been for you Mum?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading!!!


	19. The Madness of New Year's Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Addie,” Scorpius said, his voice stern. “What’s going on?”
> 
> And suddenly, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I didn’t remember much about my mother.

She left before I got the chance to have any real memories with her. The strongest memory I had of her was her voice.

I couldn't tell anyone anything about her. I didn't know if she was a good mum, one that spoiled me and took me to the park often or if she was one of those parents who were high or drunk all the time. I couldn't say anything about her really, because she left when I was five, not giving me enough memories to associate with her.

All I remembered about my mum was her voice and the picture that I had until I burned it.

Sometimes that was even too much.

And suddenly, eleven years after she left me, eleven years after she dumped me on Draco and Astoria, she was standing in front of me. She looked older than from what I remember from the picture. She must have been around 39, but her blond hair had become darker and hung down flatly. She was no longer the perfectly skinny women I remember, because while she was still skinny, she was rounder in her hips and face. Her eyes though were still the same. The light green, so different from Al's vibrant, emerald eyes, stared into mine, as if she was awestruck that I was standing in front of her. Looking at her, I felt like I was looking at a different version of myself, a version I didn't want to be and I was suddenly so grateful to my father for giving me curly hair and blue eyes, for making me different from the woman in front of me.

"Addison," Matilda said, her voice cracking like she was about to cry. "Oh Merlin, you are so beautiful. You've grown up so much."

"Yeah," I said no sympathy in my voice. "That tends to happen in eleven years."

"Addison, I know you probably weren't expecting to see me," Matilda said, her eyes glistening. "But I had hoped that you would be a little-"

"A little what?" I asked, feeling all the anger well up inside me, threatening to burst out. "A little happy? A little thrilled to see the mother who abandoned me?"

"I never abandoned you-"

"Then what do you call leaving without as much as a goodbye?!" I yelled. "You left! You abandoned me! I thought we were staying here until you got back on your feet and then I wake up one day and you're fucking  _gone_! As if it wasn't bad enough that my father was Merlin knows where, my mother had to leave me as well! And then you show up here and you expect me to be happy to see you? You expect me to be so fucking  _thrilled_  that you finally decided to show up in my life?"

"Addison, I know you're angry with me," Matilda started, but once again, I interrupted her.

"You know I'm angry with you?!" I screeched. "Angry doesn't even begin to hit the surface! I'm furious! Not only am I furious, but I'm also so heartbroken that my mother could do that to me! Do you know the emotional hell you put me through? I've dealt with so many issues, so many stares because I'm the child that got ditched by her mum. You put me through fucking hell and now you expect that you can just come here and act like everything is fine, like you didn't completely fuck me up by leaving me!"

It was then that I realized I was crying.

Scorpius came up to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me away. "Let's go, Ads. Let Mum and Dad take care of her."

"No," I said, pulling my hand out of his grip and turning back to face my mother. I tried to keep my voice steady. "It's not fair of you to do this to me. I have finally accepted what happened, I've finally moved on. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy and not feeling like everyone in my life is just going to abandon me. It's not fair for you to come back and shatter all that for me. It's not fair for you think that I would accept you with open arms. After all the hell you put me through, you didn't even think that maybe seeing you would hurt me?"

I heaved a sob and I felt Scorpius's arm wrap around my waist, pulling me to his chest.

"Oh honey," Matilda said, and she took a step closer to me as I buried my head against his shirt.

"Don't you dare get close to my child," Astoria said, her voice stern, moving to walk in front of Scorp and me. Draco came and stood next to us, laying a comforting hand on my back. "You've caused her enough pain already and I will not let you come any closer and hurt her even more."

Matilda turned towards Astoria, her face suddenly full of anger.

 "Addison is  _not_ ," she said curtly, "your child. She's my daughter."

"You left her in our care," Astoria said firmly. "She is my child. She hasn't been your child since the day you walked out that door on her."

"You didn't give birth to her!" Matilda yelled hysterically at Astoria. "You didn't see her take her first steps or say her first word! She isn't your child, she is mine!"

"You can't suddenly claim her!" Astoria yelled back. "I may not have given birth to her or know what her first word was, but I was there for her when she stayed up all night with the stomach flu! I held her hand when she had to get a shot; I took her to Diagon Alley for her first year at school! I'm the one who grounded her and fought with her when she broke the rules! She told me she hated me when she was thirteen and going through her I-hate-everything phase! I was the one who taught her how to fix her hair and dress properly! I gave her basic schooling lessons and showed her off to Hogwarts every year. I loved her just as I would if I had given birth to her." Astoria lowered her voice. "Just because you gave birth to her does not make you her mother. There is so much more than carrying a child inside you for nine months to make you a mother, something you didn't understand eleven years ago and something you don't understand now. You may biologically be her mother, but I will always be her mum."

"Scorp, bring her upstairs," Draco said, softly. Scorpius tightened his hold on my waist and guided me slowly toward the door.

"You can't do this," Matilda said quietly. "You can't take away my right to be a mother."

"You lost that right eleven years ago," Astoria said her voice unfaltering. I had never heard Astoria so angry at someone, not even when Scorpius nearly killed himself by jumping off the roof two years ago. She came over to where Scorpius and I were standing, wrapping another arm around me and pushing us towards the door.

There was silence and right before they lead me through the door, I broke out of their grips and turned to face Matilda.

"You want to know what my boggart is?" I said, my voice scratchy. I was sure that my eyes were red and puffy, most of the make up running down my face due to the tears. "Just take a wild guess, Matilda."

She seemed shocked that I called her by her name and not Mum. "I don't know. What?"

"It's you," I said, remembering all of what it said. "It's you, telling me exactly what I have felt since you left. It's you telling me that I'm not good enough and that I'm never going to be good enough and that you are so glad that you left. You tell me that every single person I care about will realize that I am not good enough and leave, just like you did." I let out a dry laugh. "Most of the time I end up crying in the fetal position because I think you're right. Maybe I am just a worthless piece of shit."

"Addison, I would never-" Mum started towards me, causing Scorpius to grab my wrist and Astoria to throw a glare that could kill her way. "I would never say that about you."

"Yeah, well," I said, shrugging. "That's how you make me feel. Every day for the past eleven years, I have felt like I'm not good enough. Because let's face it, my own mother didn't love me, so who could?" Matilda looked like she was about to cry, knowing that she made me feel that way. "You taught me one lesson and that's to never think you could be good enough. Because eventually someone comes along and proves you wrong." I met her eyes, my blue ones piercing her light green ones. "I have been hoping for you to come back for eleven years and now that you're here, I don't know what I was waiting for. You are not my mother, nor have you ever been. And I hope that I never have to see your face again."

Scorpius pulled me toward him right as a sob erupted from me.

"Bring her up to your bedroom," Astoria said. "I'll be there in a minute- I need to go make sure the house elves know what is going on."

Scorpius nodded and slowly led us out of the room, holding me close to him, whispering, "I'm not leaving. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"Addison-" I heard Matilda call out.

"I think you should leave," Draco's stern voice said. "I think that my daughter made herself very clear that she does not want you here. Not only have you upset her, but you have also upset my wife. You are not allowed in this house if you upset my family."

"I'm your family, Drake," she said, using her nickname for him. "I'm you're sister, your baby sister. I know that I've screwed up, but I'm still you're family."

"You may be my sister," Draco said, his voice not faltering. "But Astoria is my wife and Addie is my daughter. Addie has been through enough because of you and I won't have you causing her more pain, especially when that pain distresses my wife. I won't have you hurting people that I love, people that have been here for me and each other." There was silence before, "Merlin, Mat, what are you even doing here?"

"I missed my baby," she said softly. "I missed my beautiful little girl. Every day for the past eleven years I have wondered about her and every time I saw a girl with curly blond hair, I would think it was her, but they wouldn’t have her eyes. I know I screwed up, I know that I've missed so much...but I missed my daughter. I had no idea she was so beautiful until I saw her in the Prophet."

"So an article comes out that she might be dating a Potter and suddenly you decide to come and make amends?" Draco said, and I could hear the accusation in his voice.

"You think I came back just because Addison might be dating Harry Potter's son?" Matilda said, her voice a whisper. "What kind of person- what kind of mother- do you think I am? I don't give a damn about Addison's relationships! If there were an article that she was dating a fifty-year-old woman, I would still come back! The only thing that fucking article did for me was make me deal with the fact that I had royally screwed up and that I missed my daughter. I was missing her entire life because I made a dumb mistake when I was young."

"You were 28!"

"I was naive!" Matilda yelled. "I wasn't you, Drake! I'm four years younger than you and I had a child and no husband! I was a single mother to a five year old. I couldn't hold a steady job and I was barely making ends meet! I wasn't planning on leaving that day. I was naive enough to think that I could track down her father, that I could make us have a family again! That suddenly, I wouldn't be taking Addison to The Leaky Cauldron to play while I worked and that she'd have a chance at a normal childhood with a normal family. I was trying to do the right thing, I was trying to find my daughter's father."

Draco and Matilda talked on, but I stopped listening. Scorpius opened the door to his bedroom and walked me over to the bed.

I curled up in a ball, my beautiful blue gown all around me, and held myself, trying to get rid of the pain and forget all that had happened. Scorpius rubbed my arm, trying to calm me down, but I sobbed and screamed and hit his pillows, doing everything I could to take out everything I was feeling.

And when I was done, I felt nothing.  


* * *

 

"You're sure you want to be here?" Astoria asked as we entered the Potter's house. The house was huge, and the downstairs had been transformed into a large ballroom so that the formal event could take place.

"I'll be fine," I said, my voice lacking emotion. "I don't want to ruin your night."

"You won't," Draco said. "If you want to get out of here, just let us know and we'll be gone." I nodded and Draco kissed my head. "We love you, kiddo. You look beautiful."

"I love you too," I said. "And thank you."

I went toward the drinks table, wanting to get away from my family. I saw Scorpius looking after me, but I used our cousin telepathy to let him know that I didn't want to be bothered. He understood and I saw him start to walk towards Rose, who was sitting with her family at a table. When she saw him, she lit up, getting out of her seat to kiss him before grabbing him by the hand and pulling him over to the table where her parents were sitting. Hermione greeted him with a warm smile and Ron even seemed glad that he was there.

I reached the drinks table and looked around, trying to see where everyone else was.

On the dance floor, James and Annalise were dancing close. James looked very classy in his black tux and green vest to match Annalise's dress. Annalise looked stunning; her gown was a dark green that went perfectly against her tan skin tone. Her deep brown hair was in an updo, with a few soft curls framing her face. James dipped her dramatically and she laughed, and smiled up at him when he pulled her in close. She leaned her head up to kiss him quickly and then set her head back on his chest. Lily was also on the dance floor, though she looked less than enthusiastic with her partner: Professor Slughorn. Her eyes were shifting around, as if trying to find someone to help her escape. Fortunately for her, Hugo asked Slughorn if he could cut in, saving his cousin from dancing with the elderly Professor. Louis and Alice were also there, talking to Alice's parents.

With a sigh, I grabbed the first drink I could off the table and was pleased when I felt the firewhiskey burn down my throat as I chugged it.

I grabbed another glass and was about to drink it when I felt a pair of arms come around my waist and grab my arm, stopping me from pulling it up to my mouth.

"Isn't it a little early to start drinking?" Al said, an amused smile on his face as he pulled the cup out of my hand and placed it on the table.

"It's never too early to start drinking," I said curtly, turning around in his arms so that I could see him. He was smiling down at me, his green eyes full of joy. My heart started racing and all I wanted to do was cry into his arms and tell him everything that was wrong, but I couldn't. Seeing Matilda had brought back all the walls that Al had broken down. "Especially on a shitty night like this."

Al frowned. "What's shitty about it?"

The way he was looking down at me, with such concern, almost made me tell him. I almost just broke down sobbing, right there in the middle of the ballroom in that beautiful dress, right into his arms because I knew that he would make sure I was okay. He would make sure that I wasn't going to get hurt again, that Matilda was never going to come close to me.

"Everything," I said instead, my words short. "Everything about this entire night is fucking shitty."

"Hey," Albus said, cupping my face. "What's wrong?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead I just shook my head.

"Do you want to dance?" Albus asked, pulling me towards the dance floor.

"No," I said, resisting his tug on my hand.

"Come on," he said, the playful smile back on his face. "Dancing can make everything better."

"It won't make this better," I said. He tugged on my hand again. "I don't want to dance, Al. I'm serious."

"Just one dance," he said, still pulling me. He was testing my patience. "One dance with your boyfriend."

"No!" I said, my voice shrill. "No, I don't want to dance! I don't care who it's with, I don't want to dance!"

Albus frowned at me and stopped trying to pull me to the dance floor. Instead he just got close to me and forced me to look at him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice stern. "And I want an answer this time. I don't want any of this silent crap."

"Nothing is wrong," I said, my words clipping. All the anger from what happened with Matilda was coming back and I knew that if I didn't keep it down, I would end up spilling it all on Al and probably ruin everything. "I just don't want to dance."

"Bullshit," Albus said, his fierce tone matching mine. "Now tell me what the fuck is going on with you."

"Maybe I'm just pissed off," I said, pulling out of his grasp. "Maybe I'm pissed off and annoyed and you interrogating me isn't helping."

"I'm sorry that I care," Albus said, clipping his words. "But as I recall, we're in a relationship and as your boyfriend, I'm supposed to care."

"Yeah, well as my boyfriend," I said. "You should know when to back off."

"When have I ever known when to back off? I'm not going to let you drink your problems, whatever the fuck they are, away."

"It's my life and my problems," I said, grabbing another firewhiskey. "I will deal with them as I please."

I tried to walk away, but Al grabbed my elbow. "Don't you dare run away from this. We aren't done here."

"Yes," I said, pulling my arm away. "We are."

I walked away before he could say another word.

 

* * *

 

I stared at the full glass of firewhiskey in front of me. It was the same glass that I grabbed when Albus and I fought about an hour earlier. After walking away from Al, I found a table in a corner, no one there mainly because no one could see it.

But you could see everyone from it.

After our argument, Albus walked around, talking to people before meeting up with Scorp. I'm guessing that he asked if something was wrong with me and Scorp said nothing. Al then continued moving on to talk to more people and has spent a lot of time talking to a really pretty brunette.

Not that I was jealous.

But seeing her talk with him, flirt with him was enough to make me want to puke.

The worst part? Al seemed so totally oblivious that she was flirting with him. He just smiled and continued talking to her while she would flip her hair or touch his arm.

Watching it made my blood boil and I was getting more and more pissed off with every passing second and I knew that if I didn't stop watching, I'd go over there and rip her hair out. But I couldn't stop watching. Partly because it made me forget about everything else that had happened earlier and partly because it amused me how even though she was flirting with him, Albus would constantly look around the room, a worried look on his face.

I could only hope that meant that he was looking for me.

"So, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're hiding?" I heard a voice say and looked over my shoulder to see Ryan standing there. He came and sat down next to me. "Are black tie events not your scene?"

"Something like that," I said, turning the glass of firewhiskey in my hand. "What are you doing here? I thought your family always went to Paris to visit your other grandparents on New Year's."

"They do," Ryan said. "But when I secured an invitation to the Harry Potter's famous New Year's party, Mum insisted I come."

"How did you secure an invitation?" I asked him. "You aren't friends with any of the Potters."

"Dom brought me as her plus one," Ryan said, shrugging. "We aren't super close, but we got closer when she told me she figured out I was gay. She said I had to come because there was some guy she wanted to set me up with."

"Oh," I said, frowning. "That was supposed to be my job. When you felt comfortable enough to come out to everyone, I was going to find you a boy and make you get married and then have you adopt children from a developing country."

"Well, Dom beat you to it," Ryan said with a smile.

"Damn her," I said, bring the glass of firewhiskey up to my lips. When I set it back down on the table, I saw Ryan giving me a disapproving look. "What?"

"I know that seeing your mum was hard," Ryan said and I snapped my head up at him. How did he know about that? "But you shouldn't drown yourself in alcohol to numb the pain."

"I'm not drowning myself in alcohol," I muttered and pushed the glass away from me. "How did you know?"

"Scorp told me because he thought that you might talk to me," Ryan said. We were quiet for a moment. "Was it bad?"

I nodded. "It was bloody awful."

Ryan wrapped his arm around me. "I'm so sorry, Ads."

I rested my head on his shoulder and held back the tears. "I also got in a fight with Albus."

"Of course," Ryan said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"It wasn't one of our usual fights," I said softly. "He's my boyfriend now and he knows something's wrong, so he cares and is trying to get me to talk about it. But I...I can't."

"He's your boyfriend?" Ryan asked. "When did that happen?"

"Christmas," I said, my eyes finding him and the girl again. I felt a dull stabbing in my chest. "But now I have no idea if he wants to be with me, now that he knows how fucked up I really am."

"I have no doubt in my mind," Ryan said, stroking my hair softly. "That no matter how fucked up you are, he will still want to be with you. You two are falling into something special. And if you want to be with him, then you have to let him in, Ads, you have to let him see just how screwed up you are. You have to bring down the walls completely."

I nodded and was about to respond but Dominique came over to our table, looking excited.

"Ryan! He's here!" she said. "Oh, hey Addie. Do you want to come meet Ryan's new boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," Ryan said. "I haven't even met the guy, Dom. Besides, no one but you, Addie and my parents know I'm gay."

"Whatever," Dom said, brushing that off. "Do you want to meet him now? A bunch of us are talking, so it will be pretty casual."

Ryan looked at me. "Do you want to come with me or do you want me to stay here with you?"

"I'll go with you," I said, lifting my head off of his shoulder. I looked back at where Al and the girl were and couldn't find them. My heart hammered, worried that maybe he was with her somewhere.

Maybe he was snogging her or something.

Because he realized I wasn't worth it. That I wasn't good enough.

Dom clapped her hands excitedly. "A bunch of us are standing there, so just come when you're ready." She left us, heading towards a group of teenagers.

"You sure you want to do this?" Ryan asked, standing up. "I could stay here or bring you home if it will make you feel better."

"No. I want to meet this guy." I said. "I need to see if I can find you a better boyfriend than Dom can. Besides, you wouldn't dare date a guy without my approval first, right?"

"No, no you're right," Ryan said, holding a hand out to help me up. He squeezed my hand. "You really do look beautiful tonight, Addie."

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Ryan."

We walked over to where Dom was standing, with the Scamander twins, James, Annalise, Albus and two girls that I didn't recognize, one of whom was the girl who was flirting with Al earlier.

Well I was glad to see that they weren't snogging or fooling around.

She was still flirting with him, only now, he was just looking at me. His eyes met mine and I gave him a small I'm sorry smile. He walked across the crowd to stand with me wrapping an arm around my waist. I nuzzled into his chest and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly.

"It's okay," he whispered back.

"I'm going to be an emotional mess for a while."

"That's fine with me. I'll take care of you."

Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because he sounded so totally sincere about it. That made my screwed up family life okay, that made the fact that my mother had come back and totally fucked with my emotions okay because I knew that Al was going to take care of me.

I leaned my head up and kissed him. With my heels on, I was only about four inches shorter than he was, so it was much easier to kiss him. Al responded, kissing me slowly, telling me that he was going to keep his promise to me, no matter what.

"Merlin, can you guys please stop?" James said and I pulled my head away to see him looking at us with a disgusted look. "I don't like seeing my little brother snog my fake little sister."

Annalise frowned up at him. "You realize that sounds wrong, right?"

"I know," James said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back to his chest. "I don't like to think about it."

I laughed and rested my head against Al's chest. "You two are cute."

James smiled and rested his cheek against Annalise's head and was about to say something, but was cut off by Freddy's sudden arrival.

"Only took him seven years, but he finally got her," Freddy said, clamping James on the shoulder. "Never would have thought that Annalise would still want to date him after hearing about how he had nightmares up until he was twelve. Nightmares to where he needed Teddy and Toire to sleep in the same room as him."

"Freddy," James said, his face turning red. "Shut. Up."

"Aww, was wittle Jamesy scared?" Annalise asked in a teasing voice, turning her head so she could look up at him. She kissed him on the cheek quickly. "It's okay, I'll protect you now."

James smiled before offering his hand. "Would you like to dance with me and get away from this idiot I call my best mate and cousin?" Annalise laughed and nodded, allowing James to pull her back onto the dance floor.

I giggled and relaxed into Al, listening to the other conversations going on.

"Ryan, this is Lorcen," Dominique was saying.

"Hey," Ryan said, giving one of those guy nods.

"Hey, mate," Lorcen responded. They started talking about something and Dom came over to me, pulling me away from Al so that we could talk privately.

"Do you think they're getting along?" she whispered in my ear.

I nodded. "Yeah. You definitely did well."

"Good," Dom said, smiling.

"So why are you over here talking to me and not talking to Lysander?" I asked her, looking at the tall blonde who was now talking to the girl that kept flirting with Al. "You fancy the bloke, Dom. Talk to him. Use your usual Veela charm on him."

"I can't do that," she hissed and I gave her a confused look. "He's not some idiot boy from school, okay? He's known me my entire life, he knows when I'm trying to flirt with someone."

"And that's a bad thing that he knows that?"

"Yes!" she said, keeping her voice low. "Because then he'll know that I like him!"

"He probably likes you back!"

"No he doesn't!"

"He's a guy, isn't he?" I asked, smirking slightly. "Look, he's coming here now. Just flirt. Take a chance on him, okay?" Dom bit her lip. "Look, you're able to snog blokes you don't even like, so why not talk to the one you actually fancy?"

"I hate when you make a logical point," Dom muttered.

I smiled triumphantly.

"Hey Addie," Lysander said, smiling at me. "Glad to see you're giving Potter a chance."

I smiled and looked back at him talking with Fred. "Yeah, I figured I would put him out of his misery."

"Why do you call her by her first name, yet insist on calling everyone else by their last name?" Dom asked.

"Because I feel like it," Lysander said, a teasing smile on his face.

"It's weird," Dom said. "Especially since when you say Weasley, no one is really sure who you're talking to. Sometimes I think you're talking to me and it turns out that you're talking to Freddy."

"Yeah, that has happened a few times tonight," Lysander said. "Like Fred thought I was complementing him on how beautiful he looked tonight, when really I was talking to you."

Dom blushed a soft pink. "Fred must have been confused as to why you were coming onto him."

"Only a little," Lysander said, smiling. "But when I told him that I was actually trying to come onto you, he nearly killed me."

"Oh," Dom said, gasping. "Um, well, I'm glad he didn't kill you."

"Me too," Lysander said, smiling down at Dominique’s blushing face. "Dominique Weasley, would you like to dance?

She broke out in a huge, dazzling smile. "I'd love to."

Lysander put his hand out and Dom took it, smiling as he led her off to the dance floor.

I decided that moment might have been a good time to stop creepily staring at them.

Dom had a history of randomly snogging boys, ya know. I would rather not watch that.

I turned back toward the group and was about to return to my spot at Al's side when I stopped.

Because my spot was taken.

By the same girl who was flirting with Albus earlier.

And suddenly, all the calm emotions and happiness I had felt in the last ten minutes were gone. I was pissed off, because my night had started out shitty and then the only thing that had made it better was Al, once I let him. He saved me from myself, reminding me that no matter what I go through in my life, he's going to be there for me.

And just like when I had first got to the party, I lost all control of what I was doing.

A waiter walked by with a glass of champagne and I grabbed one, chugged it, and then grabbed another before walking over to my boyfriend.

"Excuse me," I said, my voice faking kindness. Al and the girl turned toward me, Al smiling at first, but then his face dropped once he saw my expression and the glass in my hand. "But I do believe that you're standing in my spot."

"Oh," the girl said, moving. "Sorry. I was just catching up with Al."

"You've been catching up with him all night," I said, moving in my spot next to Albus. "Why would you need to talk with him anymore?"

"Addie, cool it," Al said quietly to me.

I frowned up at him. "I thought we established that I do what I want," I said, matching his quiet tone before taking a drink. I turned back toward the whore and looked her up and down, sizing up my competition.

She was prettier than me.

Dammit.

"So how do you know, Al?" I asked, my words slurring together. I hadn't even had that much to drink and my words were slurring.

That wasn't fair. I didn't want to be a lightweight.

"Oh, we're good family friends," she said, her brown eyes twinkling up at Albus. He smiled back and from their exchange it felt like they shared something, a secret or a joke, and I really didn't like it. I chugged the rest of my champagne and caught a waiter who was passing by, putting my glass on his tray before picking up what looked like another Firewhiskey.

Al noticed this and tried to pull it away from me. "I think you've had enough to drink."

I held the drink out of his reach. "Albus, I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone. And I'm perfectly fine."

"How exactly do you know Albus?" The whore asked, looking at me with curious eyes.

"I'm his girlfriend," I said, the words sharp on my tongue. I watched as that fact set in her and couldn't help but smirk when I saw the small dose of jealously in her eyes. That was right. He was my boyfriend. Mine, not yours. So you can run along and find someone else to flirt with. I stuck my hand out, feeling the need to rub my relationship in her face more. "Addie Malfoy. I don't think I caught your name."

"Oh, right, of course," she said, grabbing my hand and shaking it. "How terribly rude of me. I'm Veronica St. Clair."

I froze.

That name was a sobering name.

Out of all the girls at this fucking party, Al had to be talking to the girl he slept with? Really?!

As if my night wasn't shitty enough.

"Um, are you okay?" Veronica asked, noticing my stillness. When I didn't say anything, she looked over at Al. "Maybe you should take her back home," she said, touching his arm. "She seems drunk and I would hate for her to-"

I saw her hand on his arm and the way she was looking at him and the way he was looking at her, like he actually thought that she was right, and I just lost it.

I pushed myself in between them, placing myself in front of Albus, facing Veronica.

"Listen, you whore," I said, and she looked back at me, her eyes wide. "You stay the fuck away from my boyfriend. I know what happened last time and let me tell you nothing like that is going to happen again tonight. So stay away from him.”

"I know that you've been drinking and you don't mean that-"

"Oh, shut the fuck up," I said, trying to maintain control over the conversation even though I could barely control the words coming out of my mouth.. "Even if I didn't have any drinks tonight I would tell you that I think you're a fucking whore and that you should stay the fuck away from my boyfriend. I have seen you all night, flirting with him, touching his arm and flipping your hair, but I'm just going to tell you right now that it's not going to bloody happen. You're going to have to find some other guy to fuck tonight because my boyfriend is taken."

"Addie, stop," Albus said firmly, placing his hands on my elbows.

I turned, pulling myself out of his grip, and glared at him. "I'm dealing with you later," I said before turning back to Veronica, who was still looking at me like a deer in the headlights. "Don't look at me like you're innocent, you bloody whore. Now stay the hell away from my boyfriend."

Veronica's innocent look changed to a sneer quickly. "Well, I see that Albus downgraded from me to you. Merlin, you're drinking and you somehow think you're able to tell Al what he wants to do. I'll have you know that just because he's dating you, doesn't mean that he's all yours. He's free to do whatever he wants." She smirked slightly. "And my guess is that, after seeing you tonight, he's not going to want you anymore. He was such a willing part in our last get together, I'm sure he'd be just as willing this time. And who the hell are you to call me a whore? With your family history, I think we all know who the whore is."

I was really not proud of what I did next.

Really, really ashamed.

But between the alcohol in my system, the fresh wound of seeing my mother, and Veronica’s words, I lost it.

I threw my drink in her face. All her make up started running down her face and her perfectly curled brown hair was starting to fall.

"You fucking bitch!" I said, dropping my glass on the ground. "You know, nothing- absolutely, bloody, nothing about my family!" I advanced on her. "Just stay the fuck away from my boyfriend!"

"Okay, that's it," Al said, before picking me up, bridal style.

"Oi! Put me down!" I said, hitting him as he carried me out of the ballroom.

"No," Al said, his jaw locked as he walked up the stairs.

I struggled, trying to get out of Al's arms the entire way to his room, where he put me down and slammed the door shut.

"What the fuck," Al said, his voice full of anger. "Was that?"

"Well, I'm sorry to ruin your chances of getting laid with Slut St. Clair!" I yelled, kicking off my heels onto his floor. "But she's a daft bint!"

"You bloody well attacked her!" Al yelled. "Out of nowhere, you started calling her a whore and accused her of trying to hook up with me!"

"Because she was!" I yelled, picking up the skirt of my dress and moving away from Albus. "And in case you forgot, we're in a relationship!"

"I don't think I'm the one forgetting that!" Albus yelled back at me. "I'm not the one who is being completely bipolar and drinking my life away without refusing to tell their boyfriend why!"

"Oh, don't act like you're a bloody saint," I sneered. "You were flirting with her, you were allowing her to flirt with you without doing anything about it!"

"No I wasn't!" Al yelled, running his hands through his hair. He took a deep breath, calming himself down a little before turning to look at me. His voice was firm and serious. "What the bloody fuck happened before you got here? And don't say nothing because I know that's a lie."

I didn't respond, instead just looking down at the ground, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to come out.

If I told him, then he'd know how screwed up I was. He'd know that I was a total emotional wreck and was probably never going to get better, depending on whether Matilda decided to keep this whole "get in touch" with me idea. I knew that if I let him in, all the way in, when he left me, it'd hurt even more than it would have before.

I heard him sigh and he walked over to me, cupping my face and tilting my face up to look at him.

"Tell me, Ads," he said softly. "No matter what you say, no matter what happened, I promise I'm not going to leave or run away. I want this- I want you." He rested his forehead against mine. "I'm in this for the long haul." He took a deep breath, taking his forehead off mine, his beautiful, emerald green eyes boring into mine. "Don't push me away, don't do that to me. I'm so happy with this and I'm not going to let it go, no matter what happened." He looked down at me and I could see that he looked very sad, like he thought that no matter how much he tried, I wouldn't tell him. "Just tell me what's wrong."

Something in the way he said it, his voice full of emotion and how he sounded like he cared about me more than any other person, pulled at my heart. His eyes were looking into mine and were so full of an emotion that I didn't want to name, not yet. But I knew that by the way my heart was pounding and how even though I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, just being with him brought a light to me that wasn't there before.

Ryan was right.

We were falling into something.

It was scary. It would take a great leap of faith and would require me to fully give myself to him; to let him see me for all that I am. And even though it sounded like he was asking me to just tell him what was wrong, what was bothering me, I knew that it was more.

He was asking me if I was ready to fall.

He told me he was. All he needed to know was if I was too.

And I realized that I didn't have a choice. It was too late.

I was already falling.

"My mother came back," I said in a small voice, biting back a sob. Al looked down at me, rubbing a thumb along my cheekbone. "When Scorp and I went downstairs to come here, we heard Astoria and Draco yelling at someone and it turns out...it was her." I felt a tear fall. "And that's why I've been totally weird tonight. When I first got here, I just felt numb and I wanted to drink it all away and forget everything and then when we got in our fight, that didn't help either. I just felt so numb and the only time I didn't was when I was with you. You made me feel like everything was going to be okay, like everything might work out. But then I saw you with Veronica and all of it- the anger and frustration with my mum came flooding back, on top of the jealousy." A sob escaped me. "I'm so sorry. I never expected to see her again and then I took all that I was feeling out on you and then..." I broke off in a sob before looking up at Al. "I'm kind of an emotional train wreck."

"It's going to be okay," Al said, pulling me in close to him. I breathed in his scent and let all my tears out onto his tux. I squeezed him tightly and screamed against his chest, knowing that I was completely safe. He wasn't going to leave. "It's going to be okay, Addie. It's all going to be okay."

I believed it too.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that, me sobbing against his chest with him holding me, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I just purged myself of all my emotions, all my sadness, not wanting to feel like shit anymore.

When I finished crying, I didn't pull away from Al. I stayed in his arms, and he kept swaying me back and forth, soothing me, even though I was no longer sobbing.

"It's weird," I said quietly, resting my cheek against his chest and looking at his bed. "She's back. I saw her for the first time in eleven years, in the flesh. The entire thing...was weird."

"I would imagine so," Al said, swaying. "Did she say why she was back?"

"I didn't really give her the chance to," I said. "She told Draco that she missed me and wanted to be back in my life."

"Well maybe she means it," Albus said softly. "Are you going to let her back in your life?"

"I don't know," I said. "I told her I never wanted to see her again but...I don't know if I meant it."

Al pulled away from me slightly so that he could look down at me. "Maybe you should try to let her back in. I know she hurt you and I know that it's hard but she is your mother. You always said you wanted a family, so maybe you owe it to yourself to try to get to know the person who brought you into this world."

I looked up at him, smiling ever so slightly. "You're very wise, you know that, Albus Potter?"

"I know," Al said, smirking. One of his hands moved from my waist up to my face, cupping it. I leaned into his hand. "You're going to be okay?"

"I will now," I said, standing on my tiptoes in order to kiss him.

We kissed slowly and I felt his heart racing just as fast as mine was. I pulled him closer to me, not wanting to be anywhere but in this moment with him.

If someone told me last year that I would be falling into something with Albus Potter, I would probably insist that they were all idiots.

But now I saw I was the idiot for thinking that Al was such a bad person in the first place.

We kissed for a little while longer, and I'm sure we never would have gone back down to the party, had Louis not walked in the door.

"Well, I'm sorry to interrupt," Louis said and Al and I broke apart. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks and I buried my face in Al's chest, hiding from Louis. "Al, do you have a shirt I could borrow?"

"Yeah," Al said, detaching himself from me. He went over to his dresser and pulled open a drawer throwing a shirt over to his cousin. "Here. What even happened to yours?"

"Oh, this?" Louis said, looking down at the stain on his shirt. "Mum got a little excited when meeting Alice and hit my drink out of my hand when she went to hug her."

"So I take it that Alice was accepted by your mum?" I said.

"They've been talking ever since," Louis said. "Oh and Al- your Mum wanted you back downstairs to explain why Veronica St. Clair was dripping Firewhiskey."

I sniggered and Al sighed before coming back over to me and kissing me on the forehead. "Looks like I get to go clean up your mess."

"I can go and explain," I said, looking up at him.

"No," Al said. "It's fine. I figure that it's better that my girlfriend doesn't explain to my mother that she poured alcohol on someone because they slept with me. I would like my mum to think I'm still innocent."

"Well, good luck with that," I said, kissing him quickly. "I'll meet you down there once I put my shoes on."

"Take your time," Al said, shutting the door behind him.

"So you're his girlfriend now?" Louis asked.

"Yeah," I said, sitting down on the bed. "Since Christmas."

"And you dumped your drink on Veronica St. Clair because she slept with him?"

"Yep."

"Malfoy's aren't smart when they get jealous are they?"

"Nope," I said. "So are you and Alice officially together?"

"Yeah, Alice finally gave in," Louis said, starting to undo his buttons on his shirt. "Thank Merlin. I thought that girl was going to make me relive my dumb mistake forever." He took his shirt off and threw at me, putting his arms in the shirt but leaving it unbuttoned as he sat down next to me. "I'm glad you finally are giving Al a chance."

"Yeah, well, I couldn't deny my feelings any longer," I said, shrugging slightly. "Even though I tried."

"And tried and tried," Louis teased, smirking at me. "You even got a boyfriend in that time just to deny it."

"Hey, I actually liked Caleb!" I said, hitting Louis. "I'm not that much of a bitch that I would use some guy just to deny my feelings for Albus."

"Not that much of a bitch, but still a bitch," Louis said, his smirk still on his face.

"You know what? I’m not speaking to you anymore," I said, crossing my arms and looking away, pretending that I was mad at him.

"Oh thank Merlin, I thought you would never shut up," Louis said. When I didn't respond he rested his head on my shoulder. "Come on, Ads, you can't be mad at me." I still didn't respond, keeping my gaze on Al's poster of the Canons. "Aaaaadddddddddddddiiiiieeeee."

I ignored his whining.

He didn't like that.

"Get of me!" I yelled as I was crushed under his weight as he laid on top of me on the bed.

"Ha!" Louis said, still laying on me. "I knew I could get you to talk to me!"

"Yes, that's great, now get the fuck off me!"

"Hmmm, such bad language," Louis said, his cheeky smirk reappearing on his face. "Does someone need to be punished?"

"That sounds so wrong, Lou," I said, squirming under him.

"Get your head out of the gutter," Louis said. "It's time...FOR THE TICKLE MONSTER."

Oh, bollocks.

Why must people tickle me?

"No!" I said, squirming around as Lou's fingers grazed my sides.

Louis didn't listen, that jerk.

I tried to push him off me, putting my hands against his bare chest and pushing with all my might against him. He continued tickling me and, despite my efforts otherwise, I let out a giggle and continued trying to push him off me.

I probably would have succeeded too.

If Alice hadn't come walking in the door.

"Lou, are you done changing?" she asked, walking in. Louis and I froze, like we were caught doing something we weren't supposed to be doing. Her eyes went wide when she saw Louis lying on top of me.

On a bed.

Shit, this looked bad.

Correction: This was bad.

I pushed Louis off me and sat up on the bed, looking at Alice. "Alice, it's not what it looks like-"

"Are you serious?" she asked, quietly.

Louis went towards her, grabbing her waist, as if to comfort her. "Alice, I swear it's not what it looks like, nothing was happening-"

She slapped him across the face, hard. "You fucking arse! I can't believe that I actually trusted you!"

"Alice-"

"No!" Alice said, pushing Louis away from her. "No! I should have listened to what everyone was saying, I shouldn't have given you another chance! Once a cheater, always a cheater, that's what everyone says!"

"He wasn't cheating on you!" I said, figuring that maybe I could get through to Alice, since she wouldn't listen to Louis. "He was tickling me, I swear, nothing happened-"

"Shut up, Addie!" Alice turned on me, her eyes full of tears. "Just shut up! What do you think Al is going to do when he knows that you cheated on him?"

"I didn't cheat on Al-"

"Merlin you really are a whore, just like your mother!" Alice yelled.

I felt like I had been slapped. But I knew she didn't mean it, I knew that she was upset and that she was saying something to hurt me, just like I had hurt her. "You don't mean that, you're upset, you don't mean-"

"Yes I do!" Alice yelled. "You're a fucking whore and now you not only have your own boyfriend but mine too! I hate you, both of you!"

I felt my heart stop as she ran out the door, away from the cause of the pain.

Away from me.

"Alice, wait!" Louis said, walking after her as she left. He kept calling after her, trying to explain but she wouldn't hear it.

She was heading back down to the ballroom.

She was going to tell Al. And Al would believe her; Alice is an honest person who never lied he would believe that I would fuck up because I was me. He would believe her over me, even though I told him that I was in this and ready to fall. But it wouldn't matter. Not if he thought I cheated on him.

And then he was going to leave, all because Alice thought something happened when it didn't.

I felt my eyes well up as I picked the skirt of my dress up and ran down the stairs, following Alice and Louis, hoping that I could somehow save this.

Once I reached the ballroom, I looked around, trying to find Alice and Louis. I walked blindly through the crowd of people, searching for them. I finally saw them, Louis trying desperately to hold her hand and explain but Alice would pull away and walking determinedly away from him, like she wasn't crying. I was going to continue after them, but I stopped when I saw something else that made my heart lurch.

Victoria St. Clair, looking exactly like her slut sister, was heading straight for Scorpius and Rose who were standing against a wall, holding hands and laughing about something, their heads close together.

And despite everything inside me telling me that I shouldn't abandon my current mission, that I had to find Alice and explain to her, I ran straight to Rose and Scorpius.

They saw me coming and looked at me, concern across their faces.

"Addie, are you okay?" Rose asked when I reached them.

"I'm fine," I said, grabbing their wrists and pulling them away from Victoria. She had stopped and frowned, watching me try to drag them away. "Let's go get some punch."

"We already got punch," Rose said, looking at me with a worried expression. She looked over her shoulder, wondering what I was looking at and frowned, clearly confused. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, still tugging on them. I felt the tears threatening to fall but it didn't matter. It didn't matter that my relationship with Albus was probably over or that I had ruined my friendship with Alice. I had to save the two people I loved the most, the two people who meant the world to me, from the small detail that would ruin their relationship. "Just can we please move?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm thirsty and we need to go!"

"Addie," Scorpius said, his voice stern. He grabbed my arm, holding me in place telling me that we weren't moving. "What's going on?"

And suddenly, I just couldn't take it anymore.

I couldn't handle the secrets and I was trying to ignore the dull pain in my chest, knowing that I had ruined some of my closest relationships.

And like the fuck up I was, I ended up ruining all of my relationships.

"What's going on is that the girl who you lost your virginity to is coming over here!" I screamed, suddenly unable to control myself. "And I don't mean Rose! I mean Victoria St. Claire! Remember, Scorp? Remember last summer when you hooked up with that girl? Well she's coming over here right now and I want to make sure that she stays away from you!" Rose and Scorp both stared at me, their eyes wide, like they couldn't believe what I was saying. So of course, I ended up making things even worse. "Rose, you weren't his first time. Last summer he had sex with some random girl, so Christmas wasn't his first time."

Rose turned toward Scorpius. "You lied to me?"

He reached out and touched her arm. "It wasn't like that-"

"You still lied, didn't you?" Rose said, her voice shaking as her eyes filled up with tears. She turned toward me. "And you knew! You were my best friend and lied to me! You should have told me!" She broke free of Scorp's grasp. "Stay away from me! You too, Addie!"

She ran off, leaving Scorp and I standing there.

"Scorp," I said softly, the effects of my outburst feeling heavy. "I didn't mean-"

"Save it, Addie," Scorpius said, shaking his head and looking totally betrayed. "Just leave me alone." He walked off in the direction that Rose went.

However, every time he got close to her, she ran away from him, not letting him explain. As I watched, I felt like my world was slowly falling down around me, one piece at a time.

_"Now you not only have your own boyfriend but mine too!"_

_"You were my best friend and lied to me!"_

_"Save it, Addie."_

I put my hands against my face, taking deep breathes, trying to stop the darkness from coming in.

I fucked up. I fucked up big time. My life was in complete shambles and I couldn’t do anything about it.

And as much as I tried not to, I heard the words that my boggart spoke at Halloween, echoing in my head.

_"But you may think you have your friends right? But no, they too will realize what a pathetic human you are."_

I had broken Alice and Louis up. I ruined Scorpius and Rose's relationship.

In a matter of two minutes I had broken any trust that those relationships had. I had ruined the happiness of my two best friends. Any doubt that they had in their relationships I had brought up and put right in front of them.

I fucked up so badly.

_"Rose is far too smart to deal with you. It's a wonder she hasn't given up on you already. And Alice will get fed up of you holding her back."_

I knew that they weren't going to forgive me. Even though nothing happened with Louis, Alice would still think that something did because of mine and Lou's history. Louis had cheated before and I had a whore as a mother.

Being a whore was in my blood.

Rose wouldn't forgive me for lying to her. If there was one thing Rose hated, it was liars. When I found out Scorpius had lied, I never thought it would come back and affect me, make me lose my best friend.

And Scorpius. He wouldn't understand why I lost it, why I told Rose about Victoria. It wasn't up for me to tell, it was up to him. I ruined everything for him; I made him not get the happy ending.

_"They'll leave you, just as people always leave you."_

I lost them. They were going to leave because I fucked up too much this time, I ruined too much for them.

I did everything a good friend wasn't supposed to do. I ruined everything. I lied to my best friend, I ruined my cousin's happiness and my other best friend thought that I was hooking up with her boyfriend.

It all hurt so badly.

I couldn't have lost them all. I...I couldn't have.

_"I hate you, both of you!"_

_"Stay away from me! You too, Addie!"_

_"Just leave me alone."_

A sob welled up inside me.

I lost them.

I lost my two best friends. I lost my brother.

And it hurt so fucking bad.

_"But those won't even be the most painful losses."_

I shook my head at those words, not wanting to know what it was telling me.

How could something be more painful than what had just happened?

"Addie," I heard a voice say. And just like on Halloween, Al's voice brought me back, brought me from the darkness within myself and back to the world.

I looked up at him and nearly cried when I saw him. His jaw was locked tightly, more tightly than it had ever been, and his lips were in a thin line. His eyes, normally full of joy or annoyance or amusement, were full of anger, total and pure anger.

I had never seen him that upset.

And that was when I knew exactly what the boggart meant by there being a more painful loss.

Because even standing here, looking at Albus was breaking me.

And I knew that I had lost him.

_"You'll be devastated after he leaves."_

"Is it true?" Al asked his voice loud and firm.

I shook my head, trying to say something, anything that could possibly make this situation better.

But nothing came out.

"Merlin, are you looking for a reason for me to break up with you?" Albus asked. I had never heard him that angry. I couldn't respond, choosing to instead stand there, in the most beautiful dress I could have ever worn, tears falling down my face, gaping at him. "First you don't tell me what's wrong, then you nearly pass out from drinking so much, you throw drinks in my friend's faces and yell at me like I'm the one who did something terrible, and now..." Al looked down at me, his eyes livid. "Now I'm hearing that you've hooked up with my cousin and instead of denying it, of trying to save this, you're just standing there."

I continued shaking my head and said, "No." I did that over and over again, trying to force myself to say more, to say anything that could actually help me save my relationship.

But I couldn't.

And that wasn't what Al wanted me to say.

"Fine, you know what? You get it," Al said, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm done."

It was like a hundred people cast stunning spells at me at the same time. The dull pain that had been in my chest since Alice told me she hated me, escalated, and I felt everything inside me break, as if I was suddenly unable to hold onto myself anymore.

_"Your heart will break in to a million pieces."_

I stared at Albus, who was looking down at me with total disgust on his face, yet at the same time, I saw that he too was sad. He didn't want to break up with me but he thought that was what I wanted.

But I didn't want that. I wanted anything but that.

I was suddenly so very aware of everyone staring at me. Albus and I had a group around us, made up of teenagers. I saw the entire Wotter clan here, Dom and James looking murderous, like they couldn't believe that I had just broken Al's heart. Freddy also looked disappointed, though not as upset and Dom and James. Annalise looked as if she were trying to comfort James, like she was telling him that he should stay where he was and not get involved.

I didn't see Rose, Scorpius, Alice, or Louis anywhere, which told me that either they had all left or were still fighting.

And I just felt like my world was suddenly too small.

I looked at Albus, one last time, before hearing the words I knew to be true, now more than ever.

_"You can't have him. You aren't good enough for him."_

I wasn't good enough for him. Everything that had happened in the past few hours proved that.

So I did the only thing I could do.

I ran. I ran away from the group, toward Harry's office, where I knew that there would be floo powder so that I could get home and get to my bed.

“Thirty seconds until midnight!" I heard an adult yell as I reached the large double doors.

I pulled one open, not even bothering to close it. I figured that if someone, though I didn't know who, wanted to find me, then they would spot the open door easily.

I grabbed some of the powder in my hand and stepped into the fireplace, wanting to be home so that I could forget that this night had ever happened.

"Twenty seconds!"

"Malfoy Manor," I said, thankful when the green flames enveloped me.

I fell out of the fireplace, coughing from the dust, to see all our houselves with New Year’s hats on their heads. I ran past them, trying to ignore their countdown.

"Fifteen!"

I reached my door and pushed it open.

"Ten!"

I fell onto my bed, not even caring about my dress as I curled into a ball.

"Nine!"

I sobbed, hearing all that Alice, Rose, Scorp, Albus, and the boggart's voices all around me.

"Eight!"

_"Nobody will ever love you, Addison."_

"Seven!"

_"I hate you, both of you!"_

"Six!"

_"Nobody will ever stay."_

"Five!"

_"Just leave me alone."_

"Four!"

_"Stay away from me! You too, Addie!"_

"Three!"

_"You aren't good enough and you never will be."_

"Two!"

_"I'm done."_

"One!"

I couldn't feel anything more. I had nothing left inside me.

"Happy New Year!"

I was numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading!! Please let me know what you thought!


	20. The Madness of Overworked Tear Ducts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And for about the fifty billionth time that week, I started crying.

Six days.

It had been six days since my friends have spoken to me.

And it wasn’t because I hadn’t tried talking to them.

I sent Al, Rose and Alice letters, long ones, explaining my actions on New Year’s Eve. I assumed that Alice read the letters but decided not to respond, since I didn't receive anything from her.

Rose simply wrote a letter in response saying,  _I'm too hurt right now to read them. Stop writing._

Albus just sent the letter back to me, unopened. No response, no angry howler, nothing.

And that hurt.

Scorpius had spent the entire time ignoring me. But it wasn't like he could go out either. He went to Al's house once, but came back in a huff, slamming the door closed. At dinner, Astoria started freaking out because he had a black eye and when she asked where he got it from, he said, "Potter."

And that was all he said at dinner that night. Later I heard Astoria telling Draco that Ginny had told her that Al and Scorpius had got in a fight in the front yard because Albus was pissed at Scorpius for hurting Rose and Scorpius was pissed at Albus because he called me a teasing bitch. When Louis tried to get involved in order to break them up, he ended up joining the fight, since Al once again accused him of hooking up with me, causing Scorpius to not only get pissed at Louis, but pissed at Al for thinking that I would ever cheat on him. And then apparently, Rose walked out of her house and saw and started yelling at them. She yelled at Albus for hurting me and beating up Scorp and Lou. She yelled at Louis for hooking up with me, hurting Alice and beating up Scorp and Al. She yelled at Scorp for lying to her and beating up Lou and Al.

And then somehow, the guys ended up fighting again, Rose yelling at them the entire time.

Ginny said that James ended up having to break them all up.

That was another person who wasn't speaking to me.

I saw him in Diagon Alley when I was out, getting away from Scorp's cold shoulder and trying to get my mind off of the fact that I had single handedly ruined my entire friend group. I was in Flourish and Blotts, looking at a book when he walked in, Annalise holding onto his hand. I waved at him and he stopped moving, and just stood there staring at me.

I hesitantly walked up to him. "Hi," I said softly.

He grunted in response.

Annalise on the other hand, remained friendly. "Hey, Addie. What are you doing here?"

"Just trying to get my mind off of things," I said, shrugging. "Things aren't too great lately."

"And whose fault is that?" James asked, under his breath. I looked down in shame.

Annalise glared at him, warning him to keep his mouth shut before turning back to me. "I'm sorry. I know that it can't be easy for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me."

And for the first time in six days, I smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that-"

"No," James said, interrupting me. "No. Absolutely, fucking no. There is no way that I'm letting you near this bitch."

I flinched.

"You do not control who is my friend and who isn't," Annalise said, her words short.

"Yeah, well you want to know what will happen if you become friends with her?" James said, his words harsh. "She'll screw you over. She acts like she's all innocent, like she would never hurt you, but she does! Look at what she did to Rose! Hell, forget Rose, look at all the hell that Al went through. The bloke fancies her for six years and all she does is yell at him and belittle him. And then they decide to become friends and once he makes the first move to show her how he feels, she runs into another guy’s arms! And then for two months, she goes back and forth between them, leading each of them on and making Albus jump through hoops so that he thinks he has a chance. But every time he thinks that he has one, she was right back in Caleb's arms. And then when she finally broke up with him and told Al that she feels the same way, she cheats on him! With our fucking cousin! She caused Al to be holed up in the house, not speaking to either of his best mates because she ruined everything!"

I looked down, feeling ashamed of all that I had done.

I was a bitch.

"James Potter," Annalise said, her voice firm. "Go outside. Now."

"I'm not leaving you with her," he said, as if I was going to attack Annalise.

"Well, tough," Annalise said. "You're going outside because you need to cool off. She made mistakes and maybe, just maybe she needs someone."

"She doesn't need anyone," James said. "She did this to herself."

"You're about to do a lot worse to yourself if you don't go outside right now," Annalise said, her eyes narrowing.

James looked down at her, a determined look on his face, telling her that he wasn't going to leave her with me.

"Potter," Annalise said curtly. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Now just go outside and I will deal with you later."

James cast a quick glance at me before looking back at Annalise. "Don't trust her."

"I won't if it will make you go outside," Annalise said.

James reluctantly went and he kept glancing back at us, as if making sure I wasn't going to hurt her. The way that he looked at me made one thing very clear.

He hated me.

My fake big brother hated me.

The thought brought tears to my eyes.

"Hey," Annalise said, resting a hand on my arm. "James didn't mean any of that. He's upset."

"Yeah, but too bad he's right," I said, looking up at her. "I did screw everything up. I put Al through hell. But I didn't cheat on him. I would never cheat on him."

"I know," Annalise said. "You don't seem like the type. Besides I saw you throw a drink in Veronica St. Clair's face because you were jealous that she slept with him last summer. There's no way you would have done that if you didn't care about him." I nodded, dumbly. "James is really protective of his family."

"I know," I said, looking out the window at James standing outside, looking in at us. "I remember when I was a part of that family."

"He'll forgive you," Annalise said. "He's a pain in the arse, especially when he's pissed or wants something, but he'll forgive you."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," I said softly. "You should go. I'm sure he wants you to get back to your date."

"You sure?" Annalise asked and I nodded. "Look, just because I told James that I don't trust you doesn't mean that I don't. I do. And I meant it when I said that I would be here if you ever needed someone."

"That's nice," I said. "But I don't want to get in the way of your relationship with James."

"It'll give us something else to fight about," Annalise said, a small smile on her face. "We've been running out of things to bicker about and let's face it, James and I aren't James and I unless we have big explosive fights." She gave me a quick hug. "It will get better. I promise."

I nodded and watch her head out to James. He stood up straight when she arrived, glaring at her before saying something. It clearly pissed her off as she frowned and said something back, using wild hand motions. James argued right back with her, looking down at her and pointing at me through the window. Annalise rolled her eyes, saying something else, something that caused James to stop fighting with her. Annalise wrapped her arms around his neck, speaking to him, probably just solving the fight for them. I knew the fight was over when James smirked down at her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. He said something, teasing her, before kissing her softly, a huge smile on his face. Annalise had the same smile on her face as well.

And I couldn't help but think that maybe they were perfect for each other.

They fought, got pissed off and made up. I got the feeling that no matter what happened between them that they could work through it.

They stopped kissing and James pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on top of her head. He looked around and when he saw me in the window watching, his smile turned into a hard glare.

I turned away quickly.

I didn't leave the Manor again after that.  


* * *

 

"Are you sure you two have everything?" Astoria asked as we stood on Platform 9 and 3/4.

"Yes, Mum," Scorpius said. "Can I go now?"

"I won't see you for another six months," Astoria said. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

An awkward silence fell over us and I saw Scorp's eyes slide over to me before quickly looking away. Whether he was looking away because he was trying to make sure I didn't see or because I looked like a complete mess, I wasn't really sure.

I wasn’t lying when I said I looked like a mess. I had worn no makeup, because every time that I had put some on, I ended up crying over something that reminded me of everything that I did, everything that I ruined, and the makeup would end up streaming down my face. I decided that since this was before I saw anyone, that maybe I should avoid wearing makeup because it'd probably end up on my cheeks within the hour.

Most days of going back to Hogwarts, I tried to look nice. To create a nice impression on people before school started and everything. Not today. I wore sweatpants with an large sweatshirt over it. And, despite everything telling me not to, I wore Al's shirt that Rose gave me a while ago. I knew it wasn't the smartest idea but I wanted to have some part of him- something that he wore- with me today.

He had been my strength when I needed him to be. He saw me at my worse and still cared for me.

I was so upset that I screwed that up.

"Fine," Astoria said, sighing. "Just let your father have a word with you and then come say goodbye."

Draco led Scorpius a few feet away before Astoria turned to me.

"Oh, Addison," she said softly, clearly understanding my messy appearance related to my messy emotions. "How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "I've been better."

Astoria pulled me into a hug, stroking my unruly hair. "I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry about everything."

"Not your fault," I said into her shoulder. "It's mine."

"They'll come around," she said. "Everyone makes mistakes. But they'll come around. Scorpius most definitely will."

I looked at him, having a stern talk with Draco before burying my head into her shoulder. "I miss him."

"I know you do," Astoria said softly. "He'll come around. New Year’s Eve was a rough day for you."

I nodded and I heard the train whistle, signaling students to board.

Astoria pulled away, biting her lip. "Everything will be okay. I promise. If it's not, then let me know. If you need anything, whether it be about Scorp, Albus, Rose...even your mother, just let me know."

I nodded. "Have you heard from her at all? Matilda?"

"No," she said softly. "I made her leave all her information just in case but she hasn't tried to make contact."

"Well if you do hear from her," I said, wondering if I was making the right choice. "Tell her...tell her that it might be okay to try and contact me."

"Are you sure?" Astoria asked.

Slowly, I nodded. "A lot of people have left my life lately," I said quietly. "And I don't know if they're going to come back. But if they do, then I may as well let them back into my life. Through all of this I learned not to take people for granted. People always leave, so enjoy the time you have with them. And if they come back, like she did, then I may as well let her back in so that maybe, our relationship could be better than before. I'm scared of losing people. I want them in my life. Matilda wants me in hers and I would be lying if I said a part of me didn't want her in mine. I don't know who else would ever come back, but she did. And for that, I deserve to try."

Astoria nodded. "If she writes I'll let her know." She looked over at Scorpius before turning back to me. "And don't worry. People come back. And if they don't then it's their loss."

I pulled her back into a hug in order to hide my tears. "Thank you," I whispered softly, "for being the best mum I could ever ask for."

"I love you so much Addison," Astoria said, hugging me tightly. "You'll be fine. I know you will."

And for a second, I almost believed her.  


* * *

 

I followed Scorpius onto the train. I made sure to keep some distance between us, but I still trailed behind him, since I was unsure of what else to do.

Not that he noticed.

We were walking through the crowded train and I couldn't help but feel like everyone was looking at me.

Correction.

Everyone  _was_  staring at me.

And Scorpius noticed too.

Well, he thought everyone was staring at him.

"What?" He asked loudly. "What are you bloody staring at?"

Everyone was quiet and continued looking at me. Scorpius turned, looking at all the onlookers before his eyes rested on me and I could see the confusion in them.

"Well?" Scorp asked, turning his gaze toward the crowed. "Anyone got anything to say?"

"How was New Years, Malfoy?" a Seventh Year boy called. "I'm not talking to you, Scorp. I heard little Addie was quite busy that night."

No.

"Yeah, I heard that too," his friend said. "Heard that she was all over Potter and Weasley."

This couldn't be happening.

"No," I said softly.

"Hell, you want to know what else I heard?" one of them said. "That Weasley's girlfriend, Longbottom, walked in on her and Weasley doing it!"

"No," I said again, my eyes filling up with tears.

"You don't know shit," Scorpius said, his overprotective side coming in, despite the fact that we hadn't spoken in a week.

"Yeah, well, then I have some questions to ask you."

"What the bloody hell is going on here?" Rose asked as she pushed to the front of the crowd, Alice in tow.

"Ask away, arsehole," Scorpius said.

"Merlin, stop blocking the corridor and move!" A new voice said. Lou's voice. He pushed himself to the front, clearly pissed off at the hold up. He paused when he saw that Scorpius and I were in the center. He sent me a questioning look and I responded with a shrug and looked around. Alice had apparently seen the exchange between Lou and I and her eyes narrowed.

"Is it true that you hooked up with Victoria St. Clair and then lied to Rose about it?"

At this point, Rose stopped trying to push people in order to get them moving. Instead, she froze in place, looking at the seventh year.

"I don't think that's any of your business," she said, her voice firm.

The boy smirked. "I'll take that as a yes."

"How about you back off?"

I closed my eyes at that voice.

I hadn't realized how much I had missed it.

"Well, it seems like we got the whole gang here!" The seventh year said. "We got Weasley and Longbottom, Malfoy and Weasley and Potter and Malfoy. All of you weren't together long. What caused of all of it to fall apart?"

I saw Al's jaw lock, Alice look towards Louis, Rose send a look in Scorp's direction and Scorpius to look down at me.

I caused all of it to fall apart.

"Because I heard," he said and I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. "That it was because of Malfoy here."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Alice said, causing me to look over at her in shock.

She was defending me.

I had ruined everything for her and she was defending me.

"Oh, I don't?" The boy asked.

"No," she said. "You don't. And even if you did, then it wouldn't even be your business."

"Really, so Malfoy didn't hook up with Weasley?"

A hurt look passed across Alice's face and the boy smirked.

"Addie?"

I turned and saw Caleb standing behind me, a concerned look on his face.

"What's going on?" He asked, eyeing the crowd. "Everything alright?"

"Well, looks like we got everyone here!" The boy said, eyeing Caleb. "We even got Malfoy's ex here."

Caleb sent me a questioning look but I was unable to respond. However, I didn’t need to; he could tell by the look on my face that everything was not alright.

"Don't you all have some place else to be?" Caleb asked, his Prefect voice coming in. "House points could be taken off for blocking off a part of the train. I've gotten many complaints about this. I suggest you all move if you want to hold the current rankings for the House Cup."

At the mention of house points, the group quickly dispersed, although I noticed that many people were staying around, but quickly left after glares from the seven of us.

Louis looked at Alice, as if he were debating whether or not to try anything, but Alice looked at him and quickly looked away, as if telling him not to even try. He walked away, his shoulders slumped, not looking back once.

Scorpius decided that instead of sending longing glances at Rose, decided that speaking to her would be better.

"Rose," he said. "Can we talk?"

Rose looked up, her eyes wide, and slowly shook her head. "No. That's not a good idea."

"Rose, please-"

"No," she said firmly before walking away with Alice.

Scorpius looked after her and I could tell that it hurt him to have her reject him.

After I screwed everything up for him.

"Scorp," I said, softly, reaching out to him but he flinched away. "Scorp, come on-“

But he just walked away.

He didn't say anything. He just left.

Tears fell onto my cheek and I moved my gaze and saw Al staring at me, a concerned look on his face. I wanted nothing more than to run over and hold him and cry into his chest, telling him that I was so sorry and that I needed him.

However, before I could say any of that, he walked away.

And that's when I really started crying.

I felt Caleb grab my hand and pull me to his chest. I pushed him away saying, "You don't have to do this."

"I know," Caleb said, pulling me towards him.

And that was enough.

I ended up crying until I thought I couldn't cry anymore. When I went to walk away, Caleb told me that it'd be fine to sit with him and his friends. And though I had planned of finding a compartment to sit in by myself, I found myself agreeing to his offer and following him.

I knew them, of course, since I had spent time with them when Caleb and I were dating. I didn't know them as well as Caleb knew my friends, since for whatever reason we always spent more time with my group of friends than his.

I sat next to window, giving everyone a quick nod before turning to look out at the scenery. Someone told a joke and everyone laughed. I thought about how if New Year’s went differently, if I followed Al out right when he left his room, things would be completely different. I would be sitting in a compartment with all my friends. I wouldn't be with my ex-boyfriend because he took pity on me.

And for about the fifty billionth time that week, I started crying.

I sat there, crying quietly, my head against the window, and I felt a hand grab mine, squeezing it tightly. I looked down and saw the Caleb's hand holding mine and I nearly started crying harder. None of my friends were there for me. I relied on my ex-boyfriend to tell me everything was going to be alright.

It was strange and a part of me worried that he was getting the wrong idea that he thought maybe we could get back together.

But when I glanced up at him, he gave me a small smile, telling me that it didn't matter what our past was. We were nothing more than friends and he knew that I needed a friend, so he was going to be here for me. Just like he always was.

And when I put my head back against the window and I heard Caleb go back to talking to his friends, I squeezed his hand tightly, using it as an anchor to know that even though my closest friends weren't speaking to me, as long as I had Caleb in my life, I would never be alone.  


* * *

 

That night at dinner, I sat towards the end of the Gryffindor table, away from everyone. Many people had walked by, glancing at me, whispering, but none of them sat down.

Until Louis suddenly did.

"Well today sucked," Louis said, sitting across from me. "I thought that my worst life experience would be getting attacked by a wild dog and being worried that I was a werewolf. But no. Apparently having everyone I care about ignoring me and everyone who doesn't know shit telling me what a horrible person I am or how jealous they were that I've hooked up with two of the hottest girls in school, is really the lowest that my life can get." He put some meat on his plate. "People suck."

I stared at him, confused.

Why was he here?

Didn't he get that him being here meant that he wasn't helping our cases as not hooking up?

"Louis," I said. "You shouldn't sit here."

"What do you mean?" he asked, stuffing food in his mouth.

"I mean that you shouldn't sit here," I said and Louis continued to stare blankly at me. "Look, everyone, including the girl you fancy and the boy I fancy, thinks that we've hooked up. And we're not helping prove them wrong by sitting here."

Louis looked at me, a pleading look in his eyes. "You're the only friend I have right now, Ads."

"I know," I said, holding back tears. "You're the only person who doesn't hate me. But we can't do this. We can't hang out. At least for now." He looked down at his food. "Look you want Alice back, don't you?" He nodded. "I don't think she's going to take you back if she is thinking that you hooked up with me at New Years and then suddenly we're hanging out all the time."

"I guess," Louis said softly.

"Okay," I said, standing up. "I'm going to go to bed. I'm sorry, Lou."

Louis shrugged, looking down at his food.

I walked back to my dorm and pretended to be asleep when Rose and Alice walked in.  


* * *

 

The bell rang, telling everyone to get to their next class. I was already in Defense, sitting in my desk. I had gone down to the kitchens for lunch, not wanting to sit and be stared at again. I hadn't gone to breakfast either, which a girl Caleb was friends with noticed and she invited me to eat with them. I considered going, but decided against it, taking the chocolate cake in the kitchens over typical lunch food. She informed me that I was welcome at their table if I ever wanted to eat with someone.

Typical Hufflepuff thoughtfulness.

I sat there in Defense, playing with my necklace that Al got me for Christmas. I had worn it every day since, even though it had been a week since he broke up with me.

I was nervous. I didn't know what it was going to be like to sit next to him.

The class filtered in, and the longer it took Al to get there, the more nervous I got. I squeezed the A in my hand, nearly cracking my skin from the sharp edge. 

Finally, Al walked in, one of the last stragglers. When I saw him, my heart started racing and I just wanted to kiss him. Going a week without kissing him was too long for me.

I ignored the fact that I would most likely not kiss him for a long time.

He sat down next to me, not even acknowledging my presence.

"Hey," I said. 

He looked at me, his eyes conflicted, before they went down to my neck, eyeing the necklace. Unconsciously, my hand flew up to it, holding onto it tightly. He looked away, his jaw locked.

I turned away from him, feeling defeated.

"Why are you still wearing the necklace?" Al asked, his voice flat and his eyes on his desk.

"I wear it every single day," I said, softly, sneaking a glance at him. "Ever since you gave it to me."

"I used it to ask you out," he said, maintaining his flat voice and intense staring contest with the desk. "I used it to ask you to be my girlfriend and now you aren't, so you can take it off."

His words stung, but instead of backing down, as I had been lately, I kept talking. "I don't want to take it off," I said. "It means too much to me."

"And why does it mean so much to you?" His voice no longer flat. He looked at me, his bright green eyes that I loved so much staring accusingly at me. "Is it just an example of all the shit that you put me through?"

"No," I said, ignoring the pain in my chest. "That's not it-"

"Merlin, did you even feel anything for me?" Al asked and I noticed that there were people looking at us. "You lead me on the entire time you're with Caleb and then right when we get together you cheat on me."

"I didn't cheat on you-"

"Hello class," Teddy said as he walked in. "You all had a good break, I presume?"

Al turned toward the front of the classroom, away from me.

And I just couldn't be there anymore.

"Ms. Malfoy where do you think you're going?" Teddy asked as I walked toward the door, my bag over my shoulder.

"I..." I said, trying to hold back all the tears. "I-I can't. I'm sorry. I just...can't."

I ran out of the room, running away from the classroom and Al. I fell against a wall, sliding down it and started sobbing. I pulled my legs against my chest and held myself as tightly as I could, since no one else would. 

I heard someone walk towards me and slide down next to me. I pulled my head up and looked next to me, to see Alice sitting there a concerned look on her face.

“Hey," she said softly. "You okay?"

"I just fucked up every single relationship I had with people I care about," I said, wiping my nose with my sleeve. "I'm so far from okay."

She nodded and was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have told Al what I saw," she said. "I shouldn't have called you a whore." She bit her lip. "I read all your letters. And I realized that what you said made sense. You and Lou...it shouldn't work. It doesn't work. I was just so upset but after all that happened yesterday and just now...I knew you wouldn't cheat on Al. The way you look at him shows that you don't want anyone else. And I ruined that for you."

"No you didn't-"

"Yes I did," Alice said. "I was just so upset and I thought I saw something that wasn't there. I saw something that would never be there, because it doesn’t make sense. You guys are like siblings.”

I nodded. "So are you going to back to him? Maybe not now, but eventually?"

Alice bit her lip, as if contemplating her answer.

"No," Alice said softly, shaking her head. "I'm not. If it wasn't you, which I know it wasn't, then it would have been someone else. I like him, I really do, but I have put myself out there with him and he has hurt me. And clearly, I don't trust him enough." She looked down, her eyes sad. "I don't want to be constantly worried that he's cheating on me. He did it once and I know he could do it again, easily too, since he's so bloody attractive and I just can't do that to myself. Or to him. He deserves someone who trusts him completely and isn’t afraid to give their heart to him and that just isn't me."

"I'm sorry for making you realize all that," I said.

Alice shrugged. "I would have figured it out anyway." She stood up. "I'm going to get back to class."

"Okay," I said, watching her walk away.

And I couldn't help but feel like maybe I didn't lose everyone.  


* * *

 

On my very short list of things that I was excited about coming back to Hogwarts, Quidditch was most definitely toward the top.

However, I didn’t think it'd be like this.

"Malfoy, you could have made that!" James yelled at me when I missed yet another shot. "Merlin, are you trying to ruin this team as well?"

The entire practice was terrible. There was an extreme tension in the air, due to Al not speaking to Louis and Scorp, Louis not speaking to Scorp and Al, and Scorp not speaking to Al and Louis.

And of course everyone was not speaking to me.

Hugo, who I had thought I formed a special bond with, was back to his ways of not speaking to me. He did send me an encouraging half smile when I missed my first shot, but that was it.

Even Fred wasn't speaking to me. Fred, the ultimate Wotter Peacekeeper. He made James and Dom get along, which was really something. But he wasn't speaking to me.

James was the only one who spoke directly to me at practice. And even when he did, he yelled at me, saying that I wasn't running fast enough or that I was barely trying.

And he was right. I was off my game. Normally, Quidditch was my escape from my emotions. Everything I was feeling would be put toward throwing the ball harder, making sure that I made every single goal.

But I had suddenly lost every will too.

I flew back around, going close to the ground so Scorpius could try shooting, heading toward my spot so that we could restart play.

But then I felt something hit the back of my broom, sending me completely off balance and flipping my off my broom.

"Addie!" Louis yelled right before the bludger hit my broom.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I fell. My back slammed against the ground, causing all my breath to catch. I put my hand to my eyes, thinking that after all the shit that I had gone through the past week, falling, as if symbolizing my failures, was the last that I could take.

The boys landed on the ground before running over to me. I heard Scorpius swearing as he ran, with Louis behind him, spattering something about how he should have hit the bludger away from me and how he thought I wasn't going to be in the way.

But it was Albus that reached me first.

"Addie?" He asked, his voice full of concern. "Addie, are you okay?"

I felt my body tingle at the sound of his voice, along with tears rushing from my eyes. I covered my eyes, which were already clamped firmly shut, trying to stop all the emotions that were suddenly overcoming me.

"Ads," James said, his voice still firm. "Are you okay? Can you still fly?" I didn't say anything, knowing that if I did, my emotions would be out there for everyone to see. When I didn't say anything, James said, "Alright. Everyone get up in the air."

Everyone started walking to their brooms but I didn't move.

"I can't," I managed to get out.

"What do you mean you can't?" James asked.

Slowly, I got up, ignoring the dull pain in my back and the fact that my face was slowly becoming covered in tears, and looked at James.

"Quidditch," I said, my voice cracking. "I can't do it anymore." I looked around at all the boys, my boys, who weren't speaking at me before making my final decision "I...I quit." My tear ducts, despite being totally overworked the past week, managed to make even more tears appear. "I'm sorry."

I ran out of the Pitch and didn't look back. I ran up to my dorm, craving the only comfort I had left, my bed. I had screwed everything up for myself, I lost my best friend, I lost cousin, and I lost my Veela. I may have lost Alice but not completely.

And Al. I lost Al. Even though I hated to admit it, I missed him. His kiss, his hug, his laugh. Hell, I even missed all of our arguments, even the one at the Weasley's party at the end of the summer. I would give anything to have him back, to have all of it back.

The only thing I was looking forward to coming back to was Quidditch and now I had lost that as well.

As I crawled into my bed, I let the tears fall, letting the overwhelming feeling of nothingness come over me.

The last thing I remember before falling asleep was how I wished I could never leave my bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you thought!


	21. The Madness of the Worst Birthday Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have I ever mentioned how much I loved Witch Weekly? They were such nice people.
> 
> Not.

The next two weeks passed by slowly and, because of my back, painfully.

My back ached for a while after my fall and eventually, Caleb made me go and get a pain potion from the Hospital Wing. It helped, but I was still slightly annoyed that I had quit the Quidditch team.

I loved Quidditch. It was really the only thing that I loved that much.

James found a new chaser to replace me. I knew this mainly because some the fifth year girl who took my place was blushing when her friends made an announcement in the Common Room. Everyone cheered.

I sulked up to my bed.

That was about a week ago. Now, it was Thursday, January 19, 2023.

Also known as my 17th birthday.

And I had no one to celebrate it with.

It was the Worst Birthday Ever.

I was sitting at the Gryffindor table, in my normal spot at the end of the table. I looked down and saw Al, Louis and Scorp (who all somehow made up during the past few weeks) to throw grapes into each other's mouth. Al got one in Lou's mouth and cheered. I smiled and felt my heart race as I watched him smile. It was the first real smile I had seen from him in weeks.

And there was a part of me, a large part, that wished I was the one making him smile.

Rose and Alice sat a little ways down from him, with Lily, and I saw Rose look down at Scorp, a small smile on her face. Scorp caught her looking and Rose turned away quickly, causing Scorpius to lose his smile. He slumped over his food.

I looked away, trying to ignore the part of my brain that was telling me,  _You did that. You caused her to hate him._

I was picking at my oatmeal when a shadow fell over me. I looked up and saw Caleb, standing on the other side of the table.

"Hey," he said. "You want to eat with us today?"

I looked at the Hufflepuff table and saw his best friend Oliver sitting on one side of the table while Mary and Anna sat on the other. I had eaten with them a few times, but I always felt like I was being a bit intrusive.

"I'm fine," I said. "I just kind of want to be alone right now."

Caleb nodded and sat down across from me. "If you need anything, you know I'm always here right?"

"I know," I said. "Trust me, if I need something...I'll come to you."

"Good." Caleb looked down the table at Albus, Lou and Scorpius. "Well, I see that those three made up."

"Yeah," I said. "Somehow they can forgive each other, but they can't seem to forgive me."

"They'll come around," Caleb said.

"You don't know that," I said, sneaking a glance down at Al. "I really fucked up."

I felt Caleb's hand reach out and grab mine, squeezing it tightly.

"If he's going to let you get away for that one mistake than he's a total idiot," Caleb said.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's me," I said, looking down at our hands. "I don't know if you heard about this, but I lead this really amazing guy on because I was too afraid to admit my feelings for someone else. And I think that might have been my biggest mistake ever. He didn't deserve it."

"I heard the guy was a bit of an idiot," Caleb said, smiling that smile that first attracted me to him. "He, along with everyone else in the world, could see that you and the other guy had feelings for each other and he still stuck around. Eventually, I heard that you and him broke up."

"We did," I said, squeezing his hand. "But he's still a really good friend of mine." I looked down at my oatmeal. "Lately, one of my only ones."

"You sure you don't want to come eat with me?" Caleb asked again.

I looked down at where Al, Louis and Scorpius were sitting, just a little ways away from Rose and Alice. The constant dull pain that had been in my chest since New Year’s returned since I wished that I was sitting down there with one of them, just so that I could have one of them by my side. I scanned over them all and how they at least seemed a little happy. All of them had pleasant smiles on their faces like they were content with where they were.

Louis and Scorpius would occasionally look over at where Alice and Rose were sitting, only to look away, the smiles disappearing. Al would then say something comforting to them and then distract them from their grief.

I wondered if Al ever looked down at me when I wasn't looking.

Almost as if he was answering my question, Al's head turned slightly in my direction, just enough so that he could get a good look at me. I sat up straight, my body suddenly alert. He caught my eye for a second, but quickly averted his eyes.

Unfortunately, they went down to where mine and Caleb's hands were.

I pulled my hand away instantly, sending a guilty look down at Al, who was already turned back towards his food.

I looked back up at Caleb, my eyes filling up with tears. He was looking down at Albus, before slowly turning back towards me.

"Maybe, I shouldn't hold your hand when I'm trying to comfort you," he said.

"That's probably a good idea," I said, sighing and forcing the tears away, a skill that I had become very good at.

"You're sure you don't want to come to the Hufflepuff table?" Caleb asked, standing up.

"Yes," I said. "I'm fine by myself."

"Okay," Caleb said. He stood there for a moment before leaning down across the table so that he was only about a foot away from my face. "Happy birthday, Ads."

I gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Caleb."

"You sure you don't want company?" Caleb asked. "My friends are very good at birthday stuff..."

"Caleb," I said, laughing slightly. "Go. Now."

Caleb laughed, waving at me as he walked back to the Hufflepuff table, sitting down beside Oliver. Anna asked him something and he answered her, shrugging in the end. Anna looked over at me and smiled, before turning her gaze back to Caleb.

I sighed and suddenly wished that I had taken up Caleb's offer to sit with him.

Sitting alone on my birthday.

I had reached new levels of pathetic.

I looked up from my oatmeal, which I hadn't even eaten, at the sound of wings flapping. I wasn't expecting any mail, although after Witch Weekly ran a lovely spread on all that I had fucked up on New Year’s, I had received my fair share of hate mail for ruining Aldie, Louice, and Scorose.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Witch Weekly? They were such nice people.

Not.

An unfamiliar owl landed in front of me, hooting quietly. It stuck its leg out to me and I unhooked the letter from it. It took off before I could give it some bread as a thank you.

I believed that you still had to thank the bird for flying all the hate mail.

It wasn’t their fault their owners were evil and sent people hate mail on their birthdays.

At least this time it was only one letter.

I sighed and looked at the writing on the envelope that wrote out my name. I looked to see if there was a return address and nearly puked my two bites of oatmeal.

It was from Matilda.

_Matilda Malfoy_

_24 Diagon Alley_

_London, England_

She was living in Diagon Alley.

And she wrote me a letter.

I couldn't decide if this was better or worse than hate mail.

I opened the letter, my hands shaking. I pulled out a piece of paper, taking a deep breath before I read it.

_My beautiful Addison,_

_Astoria informed me that I could try to get into contact with you. I don't know if that was a decision you made on a whim and you are suddenly regretting it- hell you probably could have thrown the letter away when you saw who it was from- or if you do, in fact, want to get into contact with me._

_Well, I suppose I should start with why I'm writing. 17 years ago, on this very day, I gave birth to the most beautiful and wonderful baby girl on the planet. Addison, you were the cutest child I had ever seen. You were so friendly and happy- you barely ever cried. I remember talking to Astoria after Scorpius was born and I was still pregnant, how Scorpius screamed his lungs off, never letting them sleep. I was so worried that when I brought you home to our apartment, this very apartment that I'm living in now, that you would be crying all night. But you weren't. You slept through the night perfectly, something very rare._

_You made everyone around you smile, with your father's big blue eyes and his crazy curls, a mess on top of your head. However, you got the Malfoy baby fat gene, making you a huge child. You had a way about you that made everyone instantly love you and put them in better moods. You were the only thing that got Scorpius to stop crying. There were some nights when Astoria or Draco would Floo over, a screaming Scorpius in their arms, and put him in your crib and he would instantly shut up. Suddenly all he cared about was you. I would always walk in the next morning, letting Draco or Astoria sleep in my bed while I was on the couch, and you two would be side by side, heads close together like you were sharing secrets all night. You looked so much alike; if you didn't have your curly hair, I would have thought that you were siblings. Twins, even._

_17 years ago, I gave birth to the most significant thing in my life. Addison, you probably won't believe me when I say this, but I have never loved anything as much as I loved you. You are my daughter and while I have been a shit Mum, I have loved you every single day. I have written so many letters to you over the years- birthday and Christmas cards- that the fact that you might actually read this one is surreal. You are my daughter. No matter how terrible I've been or how long I've been gone, you have always been and will always be my daughter._

_If you have decided to give me another chance, I would love to meet you next week. Astoria told me that you have a Hogsmeade weekend and, if you choose, I would love to meet you. I have business to attend to there during the week, but I will stay there for the weekend in order to see you. I will be in the Three Broomsticks all day. Come if, and when, you are ready._

_Happy 17th birthday, love. I have attached a few pictures that I thought you might like. I would have gotten you a gift, but then I remembered that just because you are my daughter, doesn't mean that I know you._

_But I would really love the chance to get to change that._

_I hope to see you next week._

_All my love,_

_Mum_

I stared at the letter, suddenly unable to breath. And despite the fact that I was in what was probably the largest room in the castle, it felt way to small.

So I ran. I grabbed the envelope and got up, running out of there. I reached an empty corridor and slid down the wall, trying to regain my breath.

She was trying.

Matilda- Mum- was actually trying.

I pulled out the photos, looking at them one by one. There was one of me, fat, with a wild mess of hair on my head, my blue eyes wide as the picture snapped. I was playing with a toy and would occasionally throw it out of the frame, only to have a hand, I assumed it was Matilda's, give it back to me.

The next photo was one of Scorpius and I sleeping in a crib. I looked very small compared to him, even though there was only a three-month age gap between us. We were both fast asleep, curled in towards each other, our breaths the only movement. Matilda was right, we did look a lot alike. So much that it was easy to mistake us for siblings. This is probably what started us to being so close. This was the beginning of him being my brother.

And I had lost him. I lost my brother.

I moved onto the next picture, forcing myself not to cry.

The next picture was when I was about two. I was still fat- there were huge rolls on my arms- but now my hair was longer ad curlier. I was sitting on Matilda's lap while she laughed at the camera before holding me close to her and kissing me. She made funny faces and Two-Year-Old Me giggled and reached out, grabbing her nose.

I looked through the pictures and read through the letter again before I heard footsteps coming down the hall towards me. I didn't look up; choosing instead to focus on the fact that my mother was actually trying.

She actually cared.

A body slid down next to me, causing me to look up. I was still holding the tears back, not wanting to cry during school hours.

Again.

"Hey," Scorpius said quietly, looking down at me. "You okay?"

I showed him the letter and pictures.

"She's trying," I whispered, a tear spilling down my cheek. "She's actually trying."

Scorpius read through the letter and then looked through the pictures. "Wow. She is trying."

I nodded and pulled my knees close to myself, hugging them to my chest, fighting the urge to cry.

For the first time in weeks, Scorpius was close to me. He had made an effort to keep a three-foot range between us and now he was here, his shoulder touching mine. Not only that, but he was speaking to me. With everything that was happening, having Scorpius here with me and Matilda trying and the fact that Rose wouldn't even look at me and that Al could barely hold eye contact with me just was too many emotions at one time.

And unfortunately, they could all only be shown by crying.

My tear ducts were getting a serious work out.

I let the tears fall, but didn't let out the sob that was inside of me.

Instead, I said, "So how's the new chaser?"

I was facing my knees so that Scorpius couldn't see my tears.

Scorpius shrugged. "She's okay. Not as good as you were. James is still pretty pissed that you quit, especially since we have that big game against Hufflepuff next month, but now I think he's more pissed because Mandy isn't as good as you."

Oh. So she had a name.

I nodded, pressing my lips together so that the sob wouldn't escape.

"You left all your stuff on the Pitch after you quit," he continued. "Al put your broom in your locker."

At the mention of Al's name, my head snapped up.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" I asked, my voice breaking, causing Scorpius to look at me. So that he could see my tear stained face.

Scorpius, almost without even thinking about it, put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him. I pressed my face against his chest and hugged him, so happy that I had him back for now.

"I don't know, Ads," Scorpius said, softly, stroking my hair. "I really don't know. He won't talk about you or what happened at New Years at all. Anytime someone mentions it, he either leaves the room or changes the subject." Scorpius hugged me tighter as another sob escaped me. "But I don't think he hates you," he whispered. "I've known Al a long time and I don't think that he could ever hate anybody, especially not you."

"I find that hard to believe," I said.

"He's just hurt right now Ads," Scorpius said. "It took him so long to get you. The bloke basically pinned after you for six years and then you lead him on for a couple a months and right when he gets you, he hears that you cheat on him."

"I would never cheat on him," I said quietly.

"I know that," Scorpius said. "And I think he does too. But I think the thing with him is that you had never given him the chance before and so when you did, he knew it was only a matter of time before you changed your mind. So it was easy for him to believe that you were ditching him, yet again." Scorpius was quiet before, "And I think you hanging out with Caleb isn't helping. Especially since I think he saw you guys holding hands during breakfast."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "I've fucked everything up," I whispered. "I screwed up everything. Not just for myself, but for everyone I care about to." I pulled away from Scorpius and looked him straight in the eye, trying to regain my composure. "I'm so sorry that I told Rose about Victoria. I shouldn't have. It wasn't my place but Alice was going to tell Al what she thought she saw and she had just called me a whore and ended our friendship and her relationship with Lou and I knew it was only a matter of time before Albus came over and broke up with me and I was just too overwhelmed that I blabbed. It's not an excuse though. No matter how overwhelmed I felt, I shouldn't have ruined your relationship with Rose. I shouldn't have told your secret." I gulped. "I'm so sorry Scorpius. You have no idea how sorry I am."

"I know you're sorry," Scorpius said. "I should have known that night was tough for you. You just saw your mum-"

"That's not an excuse though!" I said. "Scorp, I ruined your relationship with her. I made it so that you couldn't have a happy ending with her. No matter what shit was going on in my life, I never should have brought you down with me!"

I wiped my nose with my sleeve, only feeling slightly ashamed that I was full on crying again.

"Hey, come here," Scorpius said, putting his arm back around my shoulders and pulling me to his chest. I cried, harder this time, balling his robe up in my hand.

"I'm horrible," I sobbed. "I shouldn't have done that to you. You promised you'd always be there for me and I screwed that up- I pushed you away. I pushed you away right when I needed you the most." I pulled myself closer to him. "I miss you Scorp. I don't want you to hate me. I need my brother back. I need the one person who was always there for me to be there for me again."

"I'm here," Scorpius said softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He squeezed me. "Your my sister, Ads. I may have been pissed off but I never hated you. Dad reminded me that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate you because we're family." He rested his cheek on my head. "I'm not going anywhere anymore. I'm here for you. You're forgiven for everything you did."

A sob escaped me at that, out of sheer relief of what I was hearing.

Scorpius forgave me.

"I told you that you were the only person I'd give a second chance to," he said softly. "I meant it. You're my sister, Addie. You're my sister and nothing- no matter what you do or what I do- nothing is ever going to change that." He kissed my forehead. "You're stuck with me as a brother for the rest of your life of madness."

And I couldn't help but think that maybe, the worst birthday ever got a little bit better.  


* * *

 

I skipped all my classes until lunch, when I sat in the kitchen eating my feelings and one of the house elves told me off for eating all their cake.

So I decided that if I couldn't eat, I may as well go to class.

Today, I wasn't freakishly early to Defense like I had been in the past few weeks. For once, Al was the first one at our shared desk. My heart flipped at the sight of him and as I walked towards him, more and more butterflies appeared in my stomach.

He had been ignoring me for two weeks and I still had this reaction towards him, every single time I saw him.

I sat down in my seat and looked over at him. He was writing something and acting natural, but I could tell by the way he locked his jaw that he wasn't as calm as he seemed.

"Hi," I said, quietly, just like I did everyday. Some days, he would look at me before turning away. Other days I would get a nod while he stared forward or at the table.

Today I got nothing.

He was pissed. I knew him well enough to know that when he was angry. I had been on the receiving end of his temper enough to know when he was pissed at me.

And though lately, he had been constantly pissed at me, I knew that today was different.

"Al," I said, keeping my voice low. "What you saw this morning between me and Caleb didn't mean anything. He was comforting me because I was having a shitty day-"

"I don't care," Albus said, his voice emotionless, as he continued writing.

I felt tears prick my eyes at what he said.

He didn't care. He didn't care about me.

"That's not true," I said, softly, shaking my head. "I know you care. I know you, Al, and I know that you still care about me the way I care about you." He didn't say anything, putting his paper away and staring straight ahead. "Please say that you still care about me, Albus. I know I screwed up but you don't know everything, Alice made a mistake-"

"I don't care," Al said again, though this time without as much strength. It sounded like he was forcing himself to say it. "I don't care about what the fuck you and Adams were doing, I don't care what Alice saw, I don't fucking care anymore, Addie." He looked at me now, straight in the eyes. "I don't care. Go find someone else to fuck over because I don't care anymore. I'm done with you and your fucking games."

And then he looked forward at Teddy, who had started the lesson.

I sat in my chair, looking up at the ceiling and forcing myself not to cry. I didn't pay attention at all during the lesson, even though I knew that my grade, which had been pulled up to an Acceptable with Al's help, was probably tanking, especially now that I didn't have a tutor.

I just sat in class, staring at the ceiling until the bell rang and Teddy said, "Addie? May I see you for a moment?"

Albus basically ran out of class the moment the bell rang, not even bothering to wait for Louis or Scorpius, who were now also leaving their very awkward seating arrangements next to Alice and Rose. Alice and Rose walked together, trailing a little ways behind the boys. Alice looked back at me and sent me a small smile before returning her gaze forward.

I dragged myself up to Teddy's desk. "Yes?"

"Just wait a minute, okay?" Teddy said, waiting until all the students left the class before sitting in his chair. "How have you been?"

"You're a part of the Wotter family," I said, shrugging. "Not to mention that Witch Weekly seems to love to tell the world how much I screwed up. How do you think I've been?" I bit my lip, realizing my harsh tone. "Sorry, Professor. That was rude."

Teddy shrugged. "It was a dumb question." He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his desk. "I did actually call you up here to say something to you."

Oh Merlin, please don't let him yell at me for screwing up his relatives lives.

"Al asked to switch seats," he said.

I felt like all of the air had been let out of my lungs. I wished he yelled at me instead.

"Oh," I said, looking down. My hand found my necklace and grabbed it, squeezing it tightly.

"I said when I first started teaching here that the seating arrangement was final," Teddy said. "And I'm sticking by that."

"So why did you tell me that?" I asked, wondering if maybe he was just trying to rub it in my face that the boy that I was mad about hated my guts.

I always thought he was one of the nicer Wotter family members.

Apparently not.

"Because it made me see that since Al doesn't want to sit with you, I highly doubt that he's been tutoring you," Teddy said, looking at me with those chocolate brown eyes that I'm sure melted Victoire's heart when she was here. "So, I figured that maybe I should get you a new tutor." I bit my lip, not wanting to tell him that I didn't want a new tutor. I only wanted Al. "Unless you think you're ready to try without a tutor for a while?"

"I think I'm ready for that," I lied.

I could tell Teddy didn't believe me, but he shrugged anyway. "Alright, we'll give it a shot. If your grade falls, I assign you another tutor or kick Al until he agrees to tutor you again."

"Okay," I said. "Thanks, Professor."

I walked out the door into the abandoned hallway, since the bell had rung. I was grateful that I had a free period then since that meant that I probably wouldn't be on the verge of tears again.

I took my time heading up to the Common Room, since I really didn't feel like starting on my Defense homework just yet. But I reached the Common Room eventually and said the password and walked inside, ready to lie next to the fire and just take a break from everything.

Except there was already someone sitting next to the fire.

Al sat on the couch with a book in front of him, taking notes. I stopped when I saw him, most of what he said passing through my head.

_Merlin, are you looking for a reason for me to break up with you?_

_Fine, you know what? You get it. I'm done._

_Merlin, did you even feel anything for me? You lead me on the entire time you're with Caleb and then right when we get together you cheat on me._

_I don't care. Go find someone else to fuck over because I don't care anymore. I'm done with you and your fucking games._

Everything he had said hurt. And I knew that I should have let him be in peace and not bother him anymore.

But I couldn't. No matter what he said, I knew that he cared. I heard his voice when I fell off my broom. I knew that somewhere, deep down underneath all the anger and hurt, that he still cared about me. He still cared about me the way I cared about him.

And because of that, I tried again.

"Al," I said, causing him to look up. But before I could say anything else, he packed his stuff up and went up to his dorm without a second glance at me.

I flinched as I heard the door slam and once again, felt tears prick my eyes.

"Worst fucking birthday ever," I said to the empty Common Room.

* * *

 

"You're eating dinner with me and my friends," Caleb said as he grabbed my wrist. "I refuse to let you sulk anymore. It's your birthday."

"It's been the worst birthday yet," I said, but didn't fight him as he pulled me towards the table. "Why are you so insistent on me eating with you? You didn't even care this much when we were dating."

"That's because I didn't need your opinion on something like this when we were dating," Caleb said, stopping and turning towards me. He dropped my wrist and looked down at me. "I need you to meet someone."

"Okay?" I said. "Why?"

"Because...well..." Caleb ran a hand through his hair, almost like he was nervous. "Because I need you to tell me what you think of her."

"Oh, it's a her, aye?" I said, raising my eyebrows. "Does Caleb Adams have a crush?"

"...shut up," Caleb said, blushing. "Look, you just need to meet her and tell me what you think of her, okay? Like if you like her and think she's good for me and all that shit girls tell guys when they fancy a girl."

"Why don't you just have one of your girl friends do it?" I asked. Caleb didn't say anything. "OH...you like one of them don't you?"

"Yeah," Caleb said, looking back at the Hufflepuff table. "Anna."

Anna was gorgeous. There was really no other way to put it. She had fair skin and thin dark hair that flowed over her shoulders. She seemed pretty nice too, always smiling. I didn't know her very well, but the few times I hung out with her, I always noticed that she would smile a little longer at Caleb and laugh at anything that he said that was remotely funny.

"Okay, I'll meet her," I said. "It may as well be a way to make my day a little better."

Caleb smiled down at me. "Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?"

"A few times," I said, smiling back up at him, my first smile of the day. "But you know that you're the wonderful one. You deal with me and my moods and force me to not sulk on my birthday. You're taking care of me when no one else wants to." I wrapped my arms around his torso, bringing him into a hug. "I really am crazy for letting someone like you go."

Caleb hugged me back and I had a brief moment where my heart flipped. I knew that if I had made different choices, that this is where I would be. I would still be on speaking terms with Rose and Alice, I wouldn't have to avoid Louis, and I wouldn't have had to go two weeks without Scorpius. I would constantly be in the safety net that was Caleb, having him hold me down and I would be able to have the nice, calm relationship that I had with him in the beginning.

I didn't know what that would have meant for me and Al. We probably would still be hating each other and arguing constantly. I would complain about him to Caleb. I wouldn't have ruined any sort of relationship that I had with Al.

I could see myself having strong feelings for Caleb. I really could. I knew that if I put the time and effort in, that I could fall in love with him. He was a great guy and anyone would be lucky to fall in love with him.

For a brief moment, I almost wished that I did fall in love with him.

But then I wouldn't have Al. Yes, being with Caleb was great. Yes, it would have caused less damage. It would be easier and it would hurt a hell of a lot less than being with Albus.

But he wasn't Al. That was the problem. I knew that no matter how perfect Caleb was, we could never work out in the long run because he wasn't Al. He wasn't the boy who drove me crazy and made me want to pull my hair out. He didn't call me on my shit or push me to talk about things. When I told him to leave me alone, he actually did.

Caleb was perfect. He was the girl that anyone could fall in love with.

He just wasn't my perfect guy.

I couldn't fall in love with him because my heart belonged to someone else.

And no matter how much it hurt that he wasn't speaking to me, I don't want anyone but Al to have it. That's why I wore the necklace he gave me every single day. Because I wanted to show him that yes, I screwed up and ruined everything. Yes, there were misunderstandings between us. Yes, I had hurt him and he had hurt me and we would probably constantly hurt each other in some way, only to make up later and be stronger because of it. I wore it everyday to prove to him, that I didn't care about anything that I had happened. I only cared about him. I only wanted him.

I wanted passion. I wanted someone to argue with me and force me out of my shell. I wanted someone who would be my rock and who would make mistakes and say things that they don't mean. I wanted someone who wasn't perfect, but was perfect for me.

I wanted Al.

Plain and simple.

But he didn't want me anymore.

And that was one of the things that made this birthday suck so much.

"Well," I said, pulling away from Caleb and looking up at him. "Let's make you look hot." I messed up his hair slightly, running my fingers through his dirty blond locks. "There we go."

"Was that really necessary?" Caleb asked, trying to put his hair back in place.

"Messy hair is sexier," I said, shrugging. "Trust me. You look hotter with the messy hair. I'm sure Anna thinks so too."

Caleb sighed, but didn't protest. Instead, he led me over to the Hufflepuff table, sitting down next to Anna, while I walked across and sat down next to Oliver and Mary.

"Hey guys," I said. "Hope you don't mind me crashing."

"It's fine," Mary said, smiling at me. "You're always welcome here. We know how things have been for you."

“Aww, that's sweet Mare," Oliver said. "You have such a kind soul."

Mary rolled her eyes. "At least I have a soul."

"Did you do something different with your hair?" Anna asked Caleb.

"Um, yeah," Caleb said, and ran a hand through his hair, making sure that it still looked messy. "Just decided to forgo the whole neat look."

Anna looked at his hair a bit more, before saying, "I like it."

I caught Caleb's eye and smirked at him. Caleb glared at me, until he suddenly appeared to have a spark of realization and smirked right back at me.

"Hey guys," he said, still smirking at me. "Did you know it's Addie's birthday?"

I glared at him, as Mary and Anna squealed, telling me that I had to come over to their dorm tomorrow night for a sleepover. They asked me what my favorite foods were but I just kept glaring at Caleb.

He only smiled at me, before shrugging, basically saying, "Why not just try and make the Worst Birthday Ever a little better?"

I bit my lip, knowing that he was right.

So I agreed.

And as Mary and Anna came up with a list of food and stuff we were going to do, I almost felt like maybe Caleb was right.

Maybe my Worst Birthday Ever was getting a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Have a wonderful day!


	22. The Madness of Meeting Matilda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So," Matilda said, bringing my attention back to her. "How have you been the lately?"
> 
> Oh, Merlin that was the wrong question to ask.

"Al knows you didn't cheat on him," Scorpius said as we walked down to Hogsmeade a week later.

"Well then why does he still seem to hate me?" I asked, pulling my jacket closer to me.

"He's hurt Ads," he said. "He's hurt and pissed off."

"But why?!"

"Because the bloke is mad about you!" Scorpius said. "He won't talk about you, but in the one time that he did, all he said was, 'Addie is fucking Adams. He can deal with all her shit now' and stormed out of the room."

"I am not fucking Caleb!" I said loudly, causing some people to look over at me. "I'm just friends with him. That's all."

"I know that. And you know that. And Caleb knows that. Basically the entire world but Albus knows that," Scorpius said, huffing. "I've tried telling him that there was nothing going on, but he doesn't care. When I tried to get him to talk to you, he basically said he'd rather take a swim in the lake. He doesn't believe anything I say. He thinks I'm making shit up so that he'll stop being such a moody bastard."

"He's not a moody bastard," I mumbled, still feeling the need to defend Al, even though we weren’t speaking.

Scorp gave me an exasperated look. "All he does is study and brood and when he's not studying or brooding, he stomps around, yells at anyone who gets in his path and glares at everything."

I smiled slightly at this, picturing Al running around glaring at yelling and then broodily studying. It was a funny picture. "He is a moody bastard."

"But you love him anyway," Scorpius said.

I didn't say anything to this, ignoring the swelling in me at the word _love_ (and not thinking about why I reacted that way) and changed the topic instead. "How are things on the Rose front?"

Scorpius shrugged. "Same as always. She still won't speak to me, no matter how hard I try. She says that she needs time."

"So give her the time."

"I am," Scorpius said, sighing. "But how much time is too much time? I don't want to be that idiot who stands around, waiting for her." Scorpius was quiet before he spoke again. "I really wish I never lied to her. It was dumb of me to lie to her in the first place. She knew my reputation, I'm sure that she figured that I had slept with someone, so really, if I just told the truth it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. I ruined it. I ruined it for myself."

"No you didn't," I said. "If I hadn't told, then everything would be fine-"

"That's bullshit and you know it, Ads," Scorpius said as we entered the village. "I did this to myself. I ruined the relationship with Rose by myself. I was the one who lied. And I expected you to keep that from her. She was your best friend and I expected you to keep this huge secret from her."

"I told you I would," I said as we neared the Three Broomsticks. "I told you that I would keep the secret for you and that it would be okay. I blew it and I'm so sorry-"

"Addie, stop apologizing," Scorpius said, grabbing my arm and turning me towards him. "If anyone needs to apologize, it's me. I've been shit to you lately."

"No you haven't-"

"Yes, I have," Scorpius said, sternly. "I got pissed at you for telling Rose something that she needed to know and then, even though I knew all the shit that you were going through that night, I left you. When we were five, I promised you that I wouldn't leave you and then I left you when you needed me most. I ruined my relationship and blamed it on you because I didn't want to fess up to it." Scorpius looked down at me, his gaze intense. "I've been shit lately and I know that. And I'm so sorry for that, Addie. You needed me and I blamed you for something you didn't do. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am for how terrible I've been to you."

I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his torso, hugging him tightly. "It's okay, Scorp." I said. "It's okay. I forgive you. I don't care about all the shit that's happened. You're here now. That's all I need. You just can't leave me like that again."

"I won't," Scorpius said. "I promise."

"Good," I said, pulling away. I heard a loud bang and looked down the street to see Fred and Al, laughing at Louis, who was now lying on the ground, an on fire garbage can next to him. I looked back up at Scorpius. "He really won't speak to me?"

Scorpius shook his head. "Lou and I have both tried to get him to talk to you about the whole thing, to find out what's really going on with you and Caleb but he refuses. You've chosen Caleb over him again and again, so it's easy for him to believe that you would this time too. He knows you didn't cheat on him and he probably would be fine with you if you weren't hanging out and holding hands with Caleb so much."

"Caleb is the only person who has been there for me," I said, glancing over at Al. "I'm not just going to drop him."

"I'm not saying you should," Scorpius said. "I think it makes sense why you are spending time with Caleb, but Al is too thick to understand. The only thing I’m doing is trying to get you to understand why Albus is still pissed at you."

I nodded and sighed. "I miss him. A lot."

"I think he misses you too," Scorpius said. "More than he would like to let on. But Lou and I can tell that he misses you. He was in love with you. No matter how hard he tries, he can't just move forward from that."

I looked down at the ground, letting Scorp's words echo in my head. 

_He was in love with you._

_You love him anyway._

Al couldn't have been in love with me. And I didn't love him. At least, not yet. Both Al and I knew that we were falling into something. We were falling into something special and intense and I didn't want to name it before, but it was most likely love that we were falling into. Or were we already there?

They say that love makes everything more intense. It makes things harder and makes it so that there's more at stake. It makes you not want to lose that person if you can help it and if you do, then you will do anything to save it. It makes everything hurt more and just makes you feel more. It makes you feel more jealousy and more fear and more happiness and sadness and anger and everything. It's intense and scary and the risk is higher than ever before. And you can try to run from it but it won't work.

You didn't get to choose who you love or when you love or how you love. You just do. You begin to feel something for a person and before you know it, you have already taken the leap and given them your heart. The best you can hope for is that they give you their heart in return.

I gave Al my heart. Before I was even aware of it, I gave him my heart and he gave me his.

I didn't think we were in love. Not yet.

But we were on our way.

And maybe this wasn't the end for us. Maybe this was just a bump in the road that we had to get over in order to fall completely. Maybe we would work through this.

That was really all I could hope for.

"Addie," Scorpius said, pulling me from my thoughts. "You ready?"

I gulped and looked over at the door of The Three Broomsticks.

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"You don't have to do this, you know."

"I know. But I want to."

Scorpius nodded and held the door open for me. I was thankful to be in the warmth but the sight in front of me nearly made me want to run back out into the freezing outdoors.

Matilda sat at a table in the middle of the room, bent over a newspaper. Her hair was tied back, out of her face and she was sipping on a warm cup of coffee. She wore only a sweater and jeans, but a large winter coat, scarf, hat, and gloves were all thrown over one of the three other chairs at the table.

Scorpius pushed me forward slightly and I continued from there. I walked, taking deep breaths as I went, making sure that I didn't chicken out.

I was a Gryffindor. I could do this.

Matilda looked up from her paper when Scorpius and I reached the table and smiled, standing to greet us.

"Scorpius, Addison," she said, still smiling. "Hi." She made a motion like she was going to hug me before she appeared to think better of it, settling for a handshake instead.

"Hi," I said, words getting caught in my throat.

Scorpius shook her hand after me. "How are you?"

"I've been pretty good lately," she said, smiling up at him. "I just can't get over how big you are, Scorp. Your mother thought you would be tall, but never this tall. You must have girls falling all over you." There was an awkward pause, before something clicked in Matilda's head, but she quickly changed the topic before I could find out what had clicked. "Will you be joining us today?"

Scorpius looked down at me, unsure. "Well, I guess-"

"No," I said, surprising everyone, myself included. "No, Scorp you can go hang out with Louis and Al."

"You sure?"

I nodded, giving off more confidence than I really had. I knew that if I was going to do this, I had to do this on my own. "Yeah. Go. Have fun."

"Okay," Scorpius said, turning back to Matilda. "It was great seeing you. I'll just leave you two then."

Scorpius walked away slowly, as if he was expecting me to call after him, telling him that I needed him to stay with me, that I couldn't do this on my own.

But I had to do this on my own.

After all the shit that had happened in the past few weeks, I hadn't been myself. I didn't know what Matilda held for me, but I was hoping, that maybe, just maybe, it would help me find myself again.

"Please, sit," Matilda said, gesturing to the seat across from her. "Do you want something to drink? I can go up to the bar to get it for you. Or are you hungry? I haven't had lunch yet, so we could always have some pub food, or go somewhere else."

"Hot chocolate is fine, thanks," I said, and Matilda walked toward the bar, placing an order with the man there. He was around her age, maybe even a little younger, and anyone with a pulse could see how he flirted with her. She flirted back, but kept it mild, laughing at some of his lame pickup lines and teasing him.

Watching her, I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed. Because this woman in front of me, the woman who laughed and smiled and made everything around her brighter, was the woman that I remembered. That was my mother. 

And I didn't really realize how much I missed her until just then.

Which made me so much more furious with her for leaving.

She came back to the table with my hot chocolate, a small smile on her face.

"Here you go love," she said, sitting down across form me as she set my drink down. "I hope it's not too hot." She folded up her newspaper and set it on the chair with all her other stuff before resting her arms on the table and smiling at me. "Addison, you have no idea how happy I am that you met me today. I honestly wasn't expecting you to."

I shrugged. "Didn't really decide until yesterday."

Matilda nodded, as if she understood. "I'm sorry if this felt intrusive. But I've been working in Madame Malkins, helping make some robes, and she wanted me to come check on her shop here. I asked Astoria when your Hogsmeade days were and when this weekend came up, I figured that I could just make my stay here a little longer." I said nothing and Matilda bit her lip. "I know that you probably don't want to be here. You probably just came because you were curious or angry and wanted to yell at me. I figure you're probably like your father in that sense." Matilda smiled sadly, like she was recalling the memory of my father. "But I really am glad that you came here today. You could be off spending it with your friends, but instead you're here with me. I'm glad that you're giving me this chance."

I didn't bother telling her that I couldn't possibly be off with my friends, since most of them weren't speaking to me. I could have been with Caleb's friends, but I realized that he made more progress with Anna when I wasn't around. I also could have hung out with Ryan, but he and Lorcen had become inseparable since the New Year’s Party and I didn't really feel like third wheeling on one of their dates. Or fifth wheeling if they were doubling with Lysander and Dom, who finally got her shit together and admitted she liked the bloke.

When I didn't respond, Matilda awkwardly sipped her coffee, thinking of something to say. I looked around the room, noticing that there were fewer students in here than normal. However, Rose and Alice sat at the bar drinking butterbeer and flirting with some boys around them. I could tell though, that while Alice seemed glad to be flirting with someone, glad to forget about Louis for a little while, Rose's heart wasn't in it. She would smile and chat politely, but every time the door would open, she would instantly turn towards it, as if she were waiting for Scorpius to come in and tell all the boys to scram. She had a look of disappointment every time that she saw it wasn't him walking through the door, only to get frustrated with herself that she was still looking for him.

"So," Matilda said, bringing my attention back to her. "How have you been the lately?"

Oh, Merlin that was the wrong question to ask.

"Peachy," I said, my voice clearly faking sweetness. "You know, my life is a complete wreck right now. I basically have zero friends, since I ruined everything for them all and if they are speaking to me, then they can only talk to me occasionally since it may cause problems with someone else. I've spent the last eleven years thinking that my mother had abandoned me and now I'm wondering why the fuck she came back."

"Addison, I know that I don't deserve anything from you-"

"You bet your arse you don't deserve anything from me!" I said, my voice sharp. The repressed anger at her was coming back up and I wasn't fully sure I could control it. "You left me! For eleven fucking years, you left me without a family. I had Scorp, Astoria and Draco, sure, but they weren't my family! My father had already abandoned me and then all of a sudden you abandoned me too! I was completely alone with no parents and grew up my entire life thinking that they left because I did something wrong. Because I wasn't good enough." I took a breath, shocked that for once, I wasn't in tears. But I was no longer sad. I was done being sad about this situation. I was pissed. At Matilda for leaving. At myself for letting it affect me so much. At Matilda for coming back. And at myself for thinking, no,  _convincing_  myself that she wouldn't. "So why now? Why, after eleven shitty years have you decided to come back? No, I have a better question, why the hell did you leave in the first place? If you don't have a reason for leaving then I can promise you that I will walk right out that door and never see you again." My voice wavered and I wasn't sure that I would be able to completely keep that promise. "There's no way in hell you could have thought that you wouldn't have to explain yourself."

Matilda looked at me, a mix of bewildered and awe on her face.

"Bloody hell," she said softly. "You really are like your father."

My anger quickly disappeared at that.

I was like my father.

I was like some man that I never knew. He didn't just give me my curls and eyes, but he clearly gave me more of myself than I had thought.

I never knew that someone I never met could give me so much.

"Who is he?" I asked, unable to keep my curiosity down. My voice was small, so quiet that you could barely hear it. "Why did he leave?" I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from speaking. "Was it because of me?"

Matilda reached forward and grabbed my hand on the table, a motion so natural you would have that that she had been doing it for years. "No, no, Addison, it was not because of you. You were probably the only reason that he stuck around for as long as he did." She squeezed my hand tightly. "Your father was a man who knew exactly what he wanted and would have done anything to get it. He was...very complicated when it came to relationships. He had issues with commitment and by the time you were born, our relationship was ruined to the point of no return and the fact that we were poor and barely scraping enough money to feed ourselves, much less a child, was adding even more stress."

I nodded in understanding, feeling years of inner self-blame leave me as she spoke. Matilda had started to tear up, however, she kept going.

"Trust me, when I say that it wasn't because of you. One day, a few weeks after you were born, I pushed him so far over the edge that he told me he was leaving. He wanted to take you with him, but I wouldn't let him. I told him that we were a package deal, that he couldn't have you and not have me, I foolishly thought that it would make him stay, that maybe he would stay with me, just so he could see you..." Matilda took a deep breath, attempting to compose herself and I felt my eyes start to water. "But he didn't. He fought to take you, he even grabbed you out of your crib, but then I grabbed you out of his arms and held you close to me, not letting him take you because I wanted him to stay for us, both of us. I wanted us to be a family. I loved you so much and I was so in love with him that I thought if I gave him an ultimatum, told him that in order for him to see the one thing he loves most on this earth he had to stay with me, he would." Matilda shook her head and wiped some tears away. I squeezed her hand to let her know that I was still here, that I was still listening. "I'm so sorry for that, Addison. You have no idea, how sorry I am for doing that to you. I'm not proud of it. It was not your fault that he left, not at all. It was all mine, totally and completely mine and despite everything else, the fact that I did that to you is enough for you to hate me. You, my beautiful daughter, are so much like your father in so many ways. I could see it when you were young and I can see it now. I understand if you hate me for not letting you get the chance to know him. I will always love you though. No matter how shitty of a mother I may be, I have always and will continue to love you. But you don't have to love me back."

She pulled her hand away from mine, like she was expecting me to walk off. She wiped her tears away, best she could, but they kept flowing. Eventually, she gave up, choosing instead to just bow her head down towards her hands, which were now in her lap, trying her best to hold herself together.

I kept looking at her and felt even more tears spill onto my cheeks. Because with her hair pulled back, eyes downcast, and doing everything she possibly could not to cry and just lose it, I saw myself. I saw what I had been for the past few weeks. And I realized that Matilda and I were extremely similar.

We both had lost people. Sometimes it was our own fault and other times we were pushed away by them. I had lost my father, Matilda, Rose, Al, Scorp, Louis and Alice. Some of them came around, but in the end, I still lost them for a period of time. It still felt like I lost them for good.

And my mother. She had lost people too. She had lost my father, as well, and it was clear she was still hurt by that because she was, at one time, madly in love with him and wanted nothing more than for him to say. And then she was told that I might be leaving her too, that she might lose me too, if he got his way. She ended up losing me later, along with losing Draco and Astoria, who were her only support system. But even before that, way before any of that, Matilda didn't have a mother. She lost her mother as well. After the maid gave birth to her, she was dismissed and sent elsewhere while Lucius and Narcissa took care of Matilda. Narcissa was never a mother for her though and there were a constant string of nannies until she was old enough to take care of herself. But she grew attached to every single nanny and hated losing each one of them, too. She was still at Beauxbatons during the war and quickly lost touch with everyone there. And then she met my father, fell madly in love with him and lost him.

She, just like me, had lost a lot of people.

And she was expecting to lose me again.

I took a drink of my hot chocolate, trying to regain my composure enough to speak.

"Mum," I said, softly, the word sounding strange against my lips. Matilda's head snapped up and she looked at me, straight in the eyes, and I could see that she was trying not to let herself hope. "I don't want to know who my father is."

Matilda brought a hand up to her mouth, trying to hold back more tears, only to have that fail. She pulled her hand away and smiled at me, staring at me disbelievingly.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "Thank you, so much."

I nodded, not really sure how to respond. I turned my head toward the door, which had opened, wiping my cheeks as I did so.

I knew that Rose's head, just like every other time the door had opened, had looked to see if my tall blonde cousin was finally coming in and this time, she wouldn't be disappointed.

Scorpius led the group, a huge smile on his face, with his hair messed up slightly. If the group of collective sighs was any indication, then it was clear as day to tell that he was looking good. I looked over at Rose and saw her looking at Scorpius, a half smile on her face. Scorp scanned the pub and saw Rose and stopped walking, choosing instead to stare at her in bewilderment before smiling back at her. Rose broke eye contact and looked down, squeezing her eyes shut, and I could see her telling herself,  _he lied to you, he lied to you, he lied to you_  over and over again in her head. I looked back at Scorp and saw that he too, realized she was doing this and his face fell, but Louis jumped on his back before anyone could really tell.

"Move it, Scorp!" Louis said, landing back on the ground. "I could use a firewhiskey."

"Lou, you're not even of age," Al said, appearing behind Lou. My heart started hammering wildly, especially at the smile on his face. Merlin, I had forgotten how good he looked when he smiled. He looked hot when he was all broody but nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, could affect me the way Albus Severus Potter's smile did. My hand went up to my necklace and I squeezed it tightly, wishing that I could do nothing more than go and tell him all about what had happened with Matilda and what she told me about my father and everything and just hold him forever.

The boys didn't quiet down as they made their way to a booth in the corner, the eyes of all the girls, no matter what age, on them. The only female who wasn't paying attention to them was Matilda, since she kept her gaze on me, her eyes connecting everything.

"So those are Scorp's friends," she said, her cheeks still stained with tears.

"Yeah," I said, playing with my necklace. "Those are Scorp's friends."

"The famous Louis Weasley and Albus Potter," she said and looked around at all the girls, sneaking glances at them. "They seem to be quite the charming trio."

I shrugged, deciding not to go into how charming they really could be.

"But Scorp seems to have eyes for Rose Weasley and she seems to still fancy him quite a bit, even though everyone knows about their falling out," Matilda said and I looked at her, my mouth slightly open but her gaze had switched over to the table. "And then, Louis, of course, has been on again and off again with Alice Longbottom over there, and currently, though the longing stares in her direction suggest otherwise, they are off again. Which leaves, Mr. Potter." Matilda moved her gaze back to me. "But anyone with a pulse can see that he's still mad about you. And that you're just as mad about him."

I stared at her, dropping my necklace, speechless.

"How...how did you know all that?" I asked her, staring at her like she had antlers or something.

She just smiled at me. "I have a subscription to Witch Weekly. It's my guilty pleasure." She thought of something and frowned. "Although I don't like it when they shit talk my daughter."

"Trust me, I'm not a huge fan of that either," I said, laughing slightly.

"So it's true then?" Matilda asked, leaning in closely and acting like a teenage girl, despite being nearly forty years old. "You're still mad about Al?"  
  
  
I looked back at him. I wasn’t really sure why I hesitated to answer her, when I knew the answer.

In my peripheral vision, I saw Alice get up off her bar stool and head over to the table. She smiled at them as she approached and I could tell she was telling them off for being so loud. Then Lou started whining to her (once Alice realized that he didn't cheat on her, she started speaking to him again) about how he wanted a firewhiskey and that she was 17, so she could buy him one. She laughed and bantered back to him and I saw Al roll his eyes before getting up and heading in the direction Rose was in. He scanned the rest of the pub and his eyes fell on me, causing him to slow his pace slightly. He must have noticed the tear stains on my cheeks and the fact that I was sitting across from a woman, who was so clearly my mother, because he mouthed, "You okay?" to me. I gulped, suddenly hit by the fact that, no, I wasn't okay since this was the first time in weeks that he had been civil with me. That he had even showed that he cared about me still. I nodded and held his gaze for a few more seconds before he broke away and walked to Rose, taking the seat Alice had vacated and shooing all the blokes away.

"Yeah," I said, shifting my gaze from Al to Matilda. "I'm still, totally and completely mad about Al."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I just saw that this story has over 1000 hits so thank you so much for reading! It means so much! As always, feel free to comment or leave kudos! See you next time!


	23. The Madness of The Pitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks James. I had forgotten why my heart hurt every time I saw your brother.
> 
> Really, thanks for reminding me of all the stupid things I had done concerning Albus Potter.

"Alice, is that a spider?!"

"Yeah, Ads, there are about 40 of them in this tunnel. Just keep walking."

"You're so sympathetic to my slight phobia of spiders."

“What can I say? I'm just a wonderful person."

"Yeah. Sure."

"Shut up or I'm leaving you here in this tunnel and going to the new pub on my own."

I groaned, but shut up, not wanting to be left behind.

Alice and I were currently in the tunnel, connecting Hogwarts to Hogsmeade. You would enter through the one-eyed witch statue and end up in Honeydukes and then go wherever you pleased.

Where Alice and I pleased was a pub that we had never been to, called The Pitch. Since we were both of age (the only two besides Scorpius) and hadn't been able to hang out much, due to the fact that she hung out with most of the people who hated me, we decided to have a girls night, just the two of us, and go to the pub. It was supposed to be a sports pub, I guess, and they had Quidditch games playing live on the magical screens. It was also rumored that they played Muggle sports too, which would be interesting to see, since I had never seen a football match.

Another thing Alice wanted to do was pick up guys. She claimed that a few seventh years said there were always cute boys in there and that it would be great to meet some new prospects.

But I didn't want new prospects.

I only had my eyes on one.

And even though he currently wasn't speaking to me, he was really all I needed.

I knew how pathetic I sounded. I really did. Especially when he made is so blatantly obvious that he wanted nothing to do to me. I would try saying something to him and get short replies back. Even though logically, he had nothing to be mad about, he was still mad at me and wouldn't speak to me.

Any other girl would have said, "Fuck it" and move on.

But I wasn't another girl. And he wasn't just some random guy.

I was Addison Elizabeth Malfoy. And he was Albus Severus Potter. We had never been normal. We had never been functional.

But we were always us.

And I couldn't, no, wouldn't, give up on him.

Not until I had too.

We reached Honeydukes and snuck out the back door into the cold early February night. We chatted about classes on the way to the pub and sat down at one of the tables once we got inside.

"You want anything?" I asked, removing my scarf and setting it on the chair.

"Just a beer, if they have it," Alice said, sitting down.

"It's a pub, Alice," I said. "I'm sure they have beers."

I walked over to the bar and couldn't help but noticed that this place was packed with guys. Attractive ones too. And that most of them were currently checking out Alice as she watched the Quidditch game on the large screen above her.

"Two beers please," I said, when I reached the bar.

"Two beers?" I heard a male voice say from behind me. "That's a little much for someone as small as you, don't you think Blondie?"

I looked over and saw a very, very attractive guy leaning against the bar and looking at me, a crooked smile on his face. He didn't look much older than me, maybe 19, and had strawberry blonde hair, and slight stubble on his chin.

"I'm only having one," I said. "The other one is for someone else."

"Your boyfriend here?" He asked, causing me to flinch slightly.

"No," I said, rather reluctantly. "No, it's just for a friend."

"Don't sound too happy for that," he said. I've decided to call him Scruffy. "What, did the special guy reject you?"

The bartender came and handed me my beers, sending a glance Scruffy's direction. "This guy bothering you?" he asked. And though I could see that there was probably no way this old guy could do any harm to someone Scruffy's side, my heart warmed at the offer.

Before I could say anything, Scruffy spoke. "Nah, me and Blondie are just having a bit of small talk, Joe, you know how it is. Nothing to terrible."

The bartender was hesitant to leave, I could tell, and sent me look telling him to let him know if Scruffy needed to be taken care of. I sent a small smile back before grabbing the two beers.

"I have to go," I said. "It was nice talking to you."

"Oh, you're going to leave now?" Scruffy said and I heard his voice behind me. "I thought you didn't have a boyfriend to get back to."

"I don't," I said, getting closer to the table. "But I do have a friend to get back to."

I saw that a guy had taken my seat and was now flirting easily with Alice.

"I don't think she'll mind being left alone," Scruffy said, pulling on my elbow.

"Yeah, well I don't feel like talking to you anymore," I said. "Now goodbye."

Alice must have heard my voice because she looked around, her eyes narrowing when she saw me, my elbow being held by some guy. She instantly shot up, leaving her flirting session and came over to me.

"Hey," she said, her eyes stuck on Scruffy. "Thanks for the beer. Let's go back to the table."

"Come on, Blondie," Scruffy said. "Just talk to me a bit more."

Alice set her beer down on the table behind her and pulled my elbow out of his grasp, putting herself in between Scruffy and me.

"Blondie said no," she said harshly, glaring up at Scruffy even though he was a good head taller than her. "Now back the fuck off."

"Feisty," Scruffy said, a smile coming over his face. "I like it."

"You won't like it so much when you can't have children," Alice said, smiling sweetly at Scruffy as he backed away slightly. "Now stay the hell away from my friend and your future children will still be able to born. Understand?"

Scruffy nodded and Alice grabbed her beer off the table and grabbed my arm, pulling me back to the table that her flirting buddy was still at.

"Sorry about that," Alice said, pulling up another seat for me. "Some guys just don't get that no means no."

“I see it in here all the time," the guy said and I was a little shocked at his American accent. He stuck a hand out to me. "Will Anderson."

"Addie Malfoy," I said, noticing that he had piercing blue eyes that went against his dark hair perfectly. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," he said. "So you guys go to Hogwarts?"

"Um, well," I said, trying to think of an alibi.

Because really, how lame was it to say that you were still in school to an attractive guy. An attractive guy who was out of school (most likely since he's here, in a pub, rather than at school, though he looks like he's our age).

"Yeah," Alice said and I widened my eyes at her. She clearly didn't know that you didn't tell attractive guys in pubs that you were still in school! "We're in our sixth year. You would be in your seventh year, if you went to school."

"I want to go to school, trust me," Will said. "But dear old mom thought that after my little bad boy phase at fourteen that I wasn't fit to go to school at Salem's anymore. She said doing drugs, failing all my classes and getting into fights every week wasn't good for my education. So she shipped me here and said that I would learn magic and how to run a business better from my uncle." He nodded to the bartender. "And that if I still managed to get into trouble that I would have to deal with him. Which isn't something you want to deal with, trust me."

"You're homeschooled?" I asked.

"Done, actually," Will said. "You'd be surprised how much time you end up having on your hands once you stop talking to all your friends and getting into fights every week. I managed to finish schooling last year. Now I'm just working to make sure that Joe doesn't go too hard on himself. Mom's worried about his health."

"Oi!" We heard, causing all of us to look over in the direction of the bartender, Joe, who was looking over at Will with an annoyed glance. "I'm doin' you a favor by lettin' you have this job! So stop flirtin' with the pretty girls and get to work!"

"And there's my cue," Will said, standing up. "It was nice talking to you guys."

"See you around?" Alice asked and I noticed that she was biting her lip, something she only ever did when she's nervous.

"Yeah," Will said, smiling at her. "See you around, Alice. Nice to meet you Addie."

He walked away and I saw Alice smile down at her beer. When she looked up she instantly started blushing.

"Stop looking at me like that," she said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like I'm keeping something from you."

"Oh, no, I'm just wondering how long you've known Will, that's all," I said, raising my eyebrows at her. "Because you seemed pretty friendly with him."

"I was not," she said, sighing. "I ran into him on the last Hogsmeade day. He was taking out the trash and I was running back down to the Leaky Cauldron to get my scarf before heading up to school."

"So that's why you were late," I said, remembering how Rose was freaking out in the Common Room because Alice hadn't come back yet.

"It's not like we did anything," she said, quickly. "We just ended up talking. I asked him why he was here if he was only 17 and he told me that his mom sent him here when he was fourteen to be homeschooled. He then asked me if I went to Hogwarts and we just started talking about a lot of things and then I realized I needed to get back to the castle so I left."

I took in the blush on her cheeks, the way she kept glancing up to look at him, and the small smile on her face and slowly put all the pieces together.

"Alice," I asked, "Is he the reason you wanted to come tonight?"

"No!" she said quickly. Too quickly. "I mean, yeah, I guess. But I really did want to spend time with you and hang out with you. Getting to see him was just...an added bonus."

I smiled at her before realizing what this must mean. "But...what about Louis?"

"I talked about it with him," Alice said softly. "Not about Will, since this was before that, but about our relationship. And we both agreed that we were better off friends. I could tell that it was hard for him and it was hard for me too, but we both knew that there were so many things that didn't work with us."

"So you guys just gave up on each other?" I asked softly, feeling sad and hopeless about this recent development.

"Not fully," Alice said. "We said that who we are now don't work together in a relationship. I'm way too paranoid about him to the point of where I don't trust him and he is not exactly a one-woman guy right now. I realized that I couldn't be with him if I didn't trust him. He deserves more than that." She took a deep breath. "He told me that I deserved more too. He said that while he fancied me, he couldn't promise that he would never cheat on me again. He's never been in a relationship, you know? So he said that he doesn't know if he can deal with that change from randomly snogging girls and flirting and pursuing them to only one girl. And I understood that. I mean, that's the guy I fell for anyway. The charismatic guy who flirted his way into my life and caused huge wreckage before we realized we were better off friends."

"So you're never getting back together?" I questioned. "Like you're never, ever, _ever_ , getting back together?"

"I'm not going to say never," she said shrugging. "But we talked a few weeks after New Year’s and agreed that while probably for the rest of the year and maybe even next year we wouldn't give it a shot, if one day in the future we found ourselves having mutual feelings for one another, we'd give it another go."

"That's very mature for both of you," I said.

Alice nodded and took a sip of beer. "Yeah, I know. We couldn't believe it either."

"So he doesn't know about Will?" I asked, twisting my full beer in my hands.

"Yeah," Alice said, nodding. "I mean, there really isn't much to tell. But after I got back from Hogsmeade, Lou saw the smile on my face and knew that it had something to do with a guy." Her eyes found Will behind the bar, pouring some drinks to the guys in front of him. "He said that he was happy I found someone else."

"Do you believe him?"

"I have no idea," Alice said sighing. "It's just a little weird between us right now."

I nodded understandingly, taking a sip of my beer.

"Have you and Rose talked lately?" Alice asked suddenly.

"No," I said, confused as to why Alice would need to ask what I thought was such an obvious question. "She can barely look at me or Scorp, let alone talk to one of us."

"She's hurt," Alice said. "She wants to talk to you, I know she does. She misses you, though she may not act like it. But she doesn't know how to get through this without you."

"If it weren't for me she wouldn't have been in this situation anyway," I said simply.

"That's not true," Alice said. "Rose is a smart girl. She would have found out at some point."

I nodded, knowing that what Alice said was true. I took a deep breath and put my face in my hands. "When did our lives become so complicated?"

"Well, all these new complications are mainly because of New Year’s Eve," Alice said. "But I think this whole year has been very complicated."

"Just a bit," I said. "This year has been more than complicated. It's been madness."

"Only when it comes to your love life," Alice said cheekily.

"Don't remind me of how much I fucked that up, please," I said, groaning.

"I think I helped in that process," Alice said quietly. "Don't forget that I'm the one who told Al that I thought I saw you and Lou hooking up in the first place, which caused him to break up with you."

"You didn't force me to start spending every minute with Caleb though," I said.

"Don't even get me started on how stupid Al is being about that whole issue," Alice snapped, shaking her head. I was a little shocked at how annoyed she seemed to be at the whole issue. "He's being a complete moron. Everyone in our friend group, including your own cousin and the bloke you're basically in love with, ditched you and the only person in this entire school who didn't make you feel like a complete and utter shit was Caleb. He accepted you and held you while you cried and forced you not to wallow in your pities. He did nothing wrong. I know that from Al's point of view it looks like you've chosen Caleb again, but it's not even like that! Al won't give you the time of day to explain what the bloody hell is going on in your brain."

I was about to respond, come to Al's defense, when a large body mass slammed into me before falling into the chair that Will had sat in earlier.

Oh look. My old friend Scruffy was back.

And he was totally piss drunk.

Joy.

"Blondie," He slurred. "Lemme buy you a drink."

I saw Alice look over in Will's direction, knowing that now, she wouldn't be able to do this on her own. Alice was tough and could hold her own, but she was still a smaller sized person, which would be no match for the drunk buffoon next to us. Behind the bar I saw Will frown, still pouring drinks while he watched Scruffy.

"No," I said, lifting my beer up. "I have a drink already."

"C'mon," Scruffy said. "You can have another one. And then I can walk you home."

"Walk her home, yeah right," Alice said. "More like try to get in her pants."

"Jealous, Feisty?" Scruffy asked. "You know, you two are very attractive...it would be fun-"

"Get that idea out of your mind right now," Alice said, standing up and grabbing my elbow to pull me up. "We're leaving."

"Now just wait a minute," Scruffy said, grabbing my elbow and pulling me out of Alice's grasp and closer to him. In the corner of my eye, I saw Will stop pouring his drinks and walk to the end of the bar, pushing his way to Scruffy and me.

I fought against the tight grip on my arm. "Let go of me!"

"C'mon," Scruffy said, a sly smile on his face. "We could have a good time."

I saw Alice reach for her wand and I tried to do the same, but we both were beat by a voice.

"I believe she said to get the fuck off her," a male voice said and Scruffy was suddenly met with a fist in his face. I looked up, grateful that Will made it over in time-

Only to see that it wasn't Will at all.

"What the fuck?!" Scruffy said, letting go of my arm to hold the nose that James had just broken.

"You heard me, arse," James said, his voice low and threatening. "Lay one more hand on her and you will regret it."

"And who are you?" Scruffy asked. "She said she didn't have a boyfriend."

"She doesn't," James said, his words so sharp that I actually felt like he was saying that more to hurt me than anything else. "But I'm her brother. So you better back the fuck off."

Scruffy laughed. "Or what?"

"Or you'll be two against one," Will said, stepping next to James, who looked at him, confused. "And trust me, you don't want that."

Scruffy smirked, a smirk so disgusting that I wouldn't have even said that Al did that in the days that I hated him most. "Oh really?"

"Yeah," Will said before stepping forward and punching him straight in the gut, causing him to double over. "Really."

"Oi! William! No fightin'!" Joe yelled. "Get 'em out, Will! And you can bet your mum is goin' to be hearin' about this one!"

"Great," Will said under his breathe before grabbing Alice's hand and pulling her toward the door. "You better come too." He nodded at James and me.

James and I awkwardly followed Will and Alice out (they were still holding hands. I was pretty sure that Alice was blushing like crazy).

"You okay?" James asked awkwardly, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," I said, holding up my arm as if I was showing it off. "He didn't hurt me."

A moment of silence came over us. James looked down at the ground and I could tell he wasn’t going to try to talk to me again.

"Thanks for that," I said, causing him to look at me. "The whole protecting me thing. You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah I did," James said. "No one touches my sister. Not if she’s not okay with it."

"I just meant, thanks for doing it even though we weren't speaking," I explained. "Since, you know, you hate me and all."

"I don't hate you, Ads," James said softly. "I don't really agree with what you have been doing, but I don't hate you." James took a deep breath as we walked out the door. "I shouldn't have been mad in the first place. It wasn't my place to be mad."

"Al's your brother, it's understandable-"

"No it's not," James said. "Al told me not to be mad at you. He told me it was none of my business and that I shouldn't ignore you."

"But you did," I said softly, the A necklace hot against my skin at the mention of Al.

"Yeah and I put my relationship on the line over and over again," James said, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry Ads."

I smiled and wrapped my arm around his waist in an awkward half hug. "It's fine. Just don't do it again."

His arms came around me and squeezed me tightly. "No problem."

"You're sure your hand isn't broken?" Alice asked once Will lead us a few stores down from the pub.

"It's fine," he said, waving his hand that wasn't holding hers in her face. "See, I can move my fingers and everything."

"I'm sorry that you had to do that," she said. "I thought I had it handled-"

"Alice, it really isn’t that big of a deal," he said, turning towards James and me. "James already punched him. I just punched him because I needed to make sure I could still punch someone."

"And that was worth having Joe tell your mum?" Alice asked, her eyes wide. "But what if you get sent back to America?"

"Let me guess," James whispered in my ear. "Alice has moved on from Louis and now fancies this guy."

"Bingo," I said.

"I won't," Will said. "Mom doesn't want to deal with me. She'll just tell Joe to give me more hours or make me do dirty work for a few weeks and that'll be it. I'm not going to go anywhere."

Alice smiled. "Oh. Good."

"Yeah," Will said, smiling down at her. "Good."

And cue the awkward moment where they just smile at each other and I was left standing there feeling like an awkward potato that would never be loved because she screwed up the only chance she had.

James coughed.

Oh, right, he was here too.

"You should probably get back to the castle," Will said.

"Yeah, I guess we should," Alice said, though I noted that her voice sounded like she had to go walking into prison.

Come on Alice. It was Hogwarts. It was awesome. I knew Will was nice to look at, but Hogwarts had never ending food.

And really, who needed boys when you have a constant source of food?

Not this girl.

...ignoring the fact that I was currently pining over a boy that wouldn't speak to me and filling that void in my heart with food.

"So I'm James," James said, offering his hand out to shake Will's and breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over us. Will let go of Alice's hand in order to shake James's. "I'm a friend of Alice and Addie's and fake big brother to Addie."

"Will Anderson," Will said.

"How do you know these two lovely ladies?" James asked.

"I met Alice a few weeks ago when you guys had a weekend down here," Will said. "Met Addie tonight. You?"

"My brother is friends with them," James said.

This would have been more than enough information for most people. James Potter however, is not most people.

"Well, not Addie so much anymore,” James said, frowning. “Since they had six years of sexual tension and then she started showing interest by dating some other guy while leading my brother on, his name is Al, and they even kissed on Halloween which caused A LOT of awkwardness and sexual tension and then when she finally broke up with that other guy and got together with Al, well it actually took them a couple of weeks to get together since he told a bunch of fangirls they weren't dating and then Addie got all mad at him and didn't speak to him for a week and then on Christmas Eve at like 1 in the morning she came and visited him since her cousin kicked her out of her friend's house in order to sleep with my cousin, though I doubt that was his intention in the first place, and then Al blew up at her for not speaking to her and tells her that he told the fangirls they weren't dating because he had this huge elaborate plan to ask her out with a necklace and then Addie kissed him and they got together only to break up a week later because Alice here caught her boyfriend with Addie and thought they were cheating, which they weren't, and ending up telling Al who broke up with Addie but then once the whole cheating thing was cleared up and Al was ready to forgive Addie, she started spending a bunch of time with her ex-boyfriend, causing Al to get all hurt and broody and emotional and now he doesn’t let her tell her side of the story and instead just stomps around and glares at everything while Addie cries about it and wears the necklace he gave her everyday even though he appears to want nothing to do with her though everyone with a pair of eyes can see that they’re both just madly in love with one another and really need to just admit it to themselves and each other and solve this whole fucking mess."

Thanks James. I had forgotten why I was currently my heart hurt every time I saw your brother.

Really, thanks for reminding me of all the stupid things I had done concerning Albus Potter.

My face was bright red and I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from a piece of snow on the ground. Will gave me a confused look, before turning back to James.

"Oh," Will said, not sure of what to say. "How...nice."

"Yeah, I guess," James said. "I mean, besides the fact that my brother is a current emotional mess, my cousin had sex with Addie's cousin, and my other cousin and Alice are...well actually I have no idea what the fuck they are."

This caused me to break out of my embarrassed trance, because of the confused look that graced Will’s face at the mention of Louis and Alice. I smacked James upside the head for mentioning that Alice was something with someone, even though she wasn't.

"Oh," Will said, turning back towards Alice. "You're dating his cousin?"

"No!" Alice said, doing damage control. "No, I was dating his cousin. But then we decided that we were better off friends, so now I'm single. I'm super single. Like, totally, one hundred percent single."

"Okay," Will said, smiling at Alice, who was now fighting. "Maybe I'll see you next time you come down here?"

"Yeah," Alice said, trying to play cool, though I could see that she was about to burst with glee. "Yeah, that sounds great. Our next weekend is in two weeks, actually."

"I'll keep that in mind," Will said, smiling at her. "See you then."

"You know, you could always write her," I said, figuring I could help a sister out. "It may seem silly to write when you guys aren't that far from each other, but since you aren't allowed on Hogwarts grounds and Alice isn't going to be able to come out here all that often, you could write her. I mean, you do have a post office. I know that for a fact since my cousin took James's cousin there on a date."

Will looked like he was about to comment on how strange that date was, but decided against it. "That sounds like a good idea." He turned toward Alice. "Would it be alright if I wrote you?"

"Yes!" Alice said, a huge smile on her face. "That'd be fine."

"Alright," Will said. "Then I better walk you back to the castle so I can get started on that letter."

"I can take them," James said. "I mean, that is where I'm heading too."

"I guess that works," Will said, who now smirked slightly at the glare Alice was throwing James. "That'll give me more time to write my letter."

"Yeah, I'll be waiting for your letter," Alice said. "It better be a work of art. I will accept nothing less than two pages."

"I'll remember that," Will said. "Bye Alice."

"Bye Will," she said smiling.

"Nice to meet you Addie, James," Will said, still not taking his eyes off of Alice.

They got into another one of their "stare deeply into the others eyes and never look away" despite the fact that Will was now walking backwards back towards The Pitch. He ended up getting hit by the door and turning around before entering.

And you know what? Even though I was totally upset about Louice being over, I found that I could totally ship Walice.

"Man," James said when he was finally inside. "And I thought the eye sex between Addie and Al were bad."

Alice hit him.

"Ow!" He said, holding his arm. "What was that for? And when did you learn to hit so hard?!

"That was for saying that I had something going on with your cousin!" Alice said. "I know that you're a bit slow sometimes James, but honestly, even Addie picked up that I liked the bloke and we all know that she is easily the most oblivious person on the planet!"

"Hey!" I said, only to earn a hit on the arm myself. "What the bloody hell was that for?!"

"That was for not telling me that you and Albus kissed on Halloween!" Alice said. "I mean, seriously Ads, how could you not see that the bloke was crazy about you after you kissed him?!"

"I'm sorry!" I said. "But what was I supposed to do, go, 'You know, Louis really is a jerk for cheating on you. By the way, I totally made out with Al on Halloween even though I'm still with Caleb' and just move on?"

"Still you should have told me after!" Alice said. "Maybe then, you would have believed me when I told you that he was mad about you!"

"I'm completely oblivious remember!" I said, something dawning on me.

I turned and hit James.

"Ow! Will people please stop hitting me?"

"How did you know about the kiss?"

"What kiss?"

"..."

"Shit! Ow! Woman, you can stop hitting me."

"How did you know about the kiss?"

"Al told me!"

"When?!"

"When what?"

"When did he tell you?!"

"A couple of weeks ago when he was being all moody," James said. "Now can people please stop hitting me?"

"I suppose," Alice said. "Just as long as you get us back to the castle safely."

"Don't want to miss a letter from Will?" I teased.

"Shut up Addie," Alice said, her face turning red.

"Merlin," James said, walking ahead of us. "Go out for a nice night at a pub, by myself, hoping to escape all the gossiping that Annalise and Dom have been doing, since apparently they are best friends now, and I end up babysitting two girls and listening to them gossip. Awesome."

"And how is the lovely Annalise?" Alice asked. "Still as wonderful as always? You're still madly in love with her?"

"Shut up," James said, walking towards Honeydukes, his ears pink and Alice and I giggling behind him.  
  
*****

The next day, I sat at breakfast by myself, since it was a Sunday and 9 was apparently some ungodly hour that no one got up for.

There were a few people scattered throughout the room, not too many though. Hufflepuff had the most people, and I saw Mary and Anna sitting there happily chatting away. They had invited me to join them, as they always did, but I declined, saying that I had reading to be done.

Which was true, though I was currently avoiding my reading.

It  wasn’t that I didn't like Mary and Anna. I did. In fact, the sleepover they threw me a few weeks ago was a lot of fun. I stayed in their dorm and we stayed up all night, talking and eating. We were so loud that even their roommates joined us when we invited them. I found out that Mary liked Oliver and that Madge, another girl in their dorm, liked a Slytherin named Gale. I gave them the full rundown on what happened between Albus and me and got their advice.

They all basically said that I should try talking to him.

And when I pointed out that I already did that, they told me I needed to make him listen, one way or another.

I still hadn't figured out how to do that.

I looked up at the flapping of wings and was surprised to see one owl heading towards me. It landed and I grabbed the letter of its leg, giving the owl a piece of bread before it took off again. I looked down to see who the letter was from and hoping that it wasn't from another Witch Weekly reader, yelling at me for ruining my relationships. Though the number of those letters had decreased, I still got one every once in a while.

I nearly sighed a sigh of joy when I saw that the letter was from Matilda.

I hadn't spoken to her since our meeting last week, but getting a letter from her was much better than getting a letter from anyone else, especially lately.  
  
_Dear Addison,_

_How are you lately? I hope you are well. I noticed that this week you weren't mentioned in Witch Weekly, which made me feel a lot better. I'm sure you felt the same._

_Any improvement with Albus? You don't have to tell me, but I was just curious._

_I realized that I never really answered your question you asked the other day. You asked me why I left and I never really told you._

_I'm going to do that now._

_I went off to find your father. Despite everything I told you, despite how badly matched we were, I felt the need to find him. I felt the need to find him and make us be a family again._

_That doesn't explain why I Ieft for good, in fact, especially since it has not taken me eleven years to find him._

_I found him. I found him the first day I looked. He wasn't hard to find, not for me. I knew him better than anyone so I knew where he would be. And when I found him, I found him with his new wife and child, happy as can be, the picture perfect family. I couldn't take it. I couldn't believe that he was able to be in love with someone else, marry someone else, and move on like he didn't have a child already. Like he didn't have a family already._

_I'm not proud of what I did. I was just so distraught over your father, I was young and in love and knowing that I had lost my chance with him, broke my heart. I couldn't stand to be here anymore, to be in England. So I left. I packed my things in the night and left the country, leaving my entire life behind me._

_Left you behind me._

_I'm a terrible person for it. I know that I am. And you have every right to hate me._

_I went after your father for selfish reasons. I thought that he could make our life better. I thought that he would be able to save us from the problems that kept surrounding us everywhere we went._

_I was wrong though._

_Looking back, I realize that he wouldn't have made our problems better. I had the power to do that all along, I just didn't see it._

_When I decided to try and come back for you, I made sure it was for different reasons than why I left. I made sure that I was ready for the worst. I wasn't expecting anything from you, I really wasn't. In all honesty, I expected you to throw me out of the house. My timing wasn't great, I know, but after seeing you in that Witch Weekly article...I realized how much I missed. And I realized how much I didn't want to miss anything else._

_So I took the chance. I put everything, my heart, my soul, on the line because you were worth it, Addison. You were completely worth losing everything for. Risking heartbreak for._

_And if you ever take anything from me, I want it to be that._

_If you want something, go for it. Use some of that Gryffindor courage and just do it. I saw a muggle movie a few years ago that said it best:_

_"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."_

_That was what I used to convince myself to see you. And I want you to always remember that._

_It only takes twenty seconds, Addison. Just be brave with your heart and in everything you do._

_All my love,_

_Mum_

I read the quote over and over again, the words cementing themselves in my head.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

I needed to be embarrassingly brave. I needed to put everything that I had on the line.

And as I recalled, there was an outstanding bet that needed to be finished.

I knew exactly what I needed to do in order to get Al to listen to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	24. The Madness of Ending the Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't pity me, peasants.

The next week went by quickly. Quicker than I liked.

I had planned to talk to Dom during the week, but I barely saw her and when I did, she would ignore me and just walk in another direction.

So really, my whole "Get Al to Listen to Me" plan wasn't going very well.

I was sitting at the Gryffindor table with Alice across from me, she was grumpily eating her oatmeal and I was on high alert in case Dom stopped sucking face with Lysander.

They really needed to stop doing that.

They were scarring children.

Hell, they were scarring me.

And I had actually done what they were doing.

Alice's head snapped up at the sound of flapping wings, her eyes full of hope as she watched all the owls fly in, just as she had been doing all week.

Will still hadn't written her.

It had been a week since we went to The Pitch, a week since he promise he would write her, and he hadn't.

And she was very disappointed.

When all the owls settled with their respective owners and none of them were in front of Alice, she slumped back over her oatmeal.

"He's probably busy," I said. "He did get in trouble for punching that guy. So I bet his uncle gave him more work to do and he hasn't had time to write."

"Maybe," Alice said. "Or he just doesn't want to write me."

"Alice, that's not true," I said, incredulous. "The bloke was mad about you."

"Sure he was," Alice said. "Sure he was."

"He was, Alice," I insisted. "He is."

"He is what?" Louis said, sitting down next to me, clad in his Quidditch robes.

I bit my lip, not sure how to approach the whole Will situation with Louis.

How could you explain that his ex-girlfriend, who I was pretty sure he still had feelings for, was currently upset because some guy hadn’t written her?

Alice just groaned and put her head in her hands.

Thanks Alice.

Really helping the cause here.

Louis looked at her. "Is this about that Will guy?"

"Yeah," I said, figuring to just go with the truth, since he clearly knew him. "He hasn't written Alice even though he said he would a week ago."

"He's probably busy," Louis said, eating a waffle. "The bloke works at a pub. A very popular pub. So he probably hasn't had too much time to sit down and write a letter to you.”

"Or," Alice said, peeking out from her heads. "He just doesn’t want to write me because he doesn't feel anything for me."

"That's bullshit, Alice," I said.

"Addie's right," Louis said. "Any guy who doesn't feel something for you is an idiot. And any guy that would have a chance with you and let you get away, is even more of an idiot." He looked down. "I would know."

Alice pulled her head out of her hands and looked at Louis, her eyes torn.

"Lou..." Alice said, softly. "I...I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"It's fine," Louis said, shrugging it off. "We're friends. Friends give each other advice on that stuff." Alice looked like she was going to say more, apologize again, but Louis cut her off. "It's fine. If you want, I can bitch about my love life too."

Alice smiled slightly. "That might make me feel less guilty."

"Thank Merlin," Louis said, setting his fork down. "So you know how I hooked up with Melanie?"

"No," I said at the same time Alice said, "Yes."

"Wait," I said. "You told her and not me?"

"She was around," Louis said shrugging. "I would've told you eventually."

"Sure you would have," I mumbled, poking my pancake.

"Anyway," Louis said, ignoring me. "So I hooked up with her, right? And now all she does is follow me around and asking me about Scorpius and I realized that she's the same Melanie Scorpius took to Hogsmeade at the beginning of the year."

"You just realized this?" Alice asked. "How many daft Melanies did you think there were in this school?"

"I don't know! I just didn't think it was the same one," Louis said. "Anyway, I've been avoiding her like the plague since all she can talk about is how she is still mad about Scorp and wonders if she still has a chance with him since he's finally not with Rose."

"Just because he's not with her doesn't mean he's not over her," I pointed out. "You can still have feelings for someone and not be with them."

And of course, right then is when Al decided to walk in.

And holy crap, he looked good in his Quidditch robes.

Alice and Louis followed my gaze (since I was now staring at Al) and then looked back at me with pitying looks.

"Stop looking at me like that," I said, turning away from them.

"Like what?" Alice asked, quickly making her face blank.

"Like that," I said, pointing at Lou, who still had the pitying look on my face. "Like I am a peasant and you pity me."

"Okay, one, you are not a peasant," Alice said. "And we don't pity you. We just feel bad about this whole situation."

"Which is the same as pitying," I rebutted.

"No it's not," Louis said. "Look, if it weren't for us, then you guys would still be together. Because if I hadn't tickled you, then Alice wouldn't have walked in and thought that we were hooking up, she wouldn't have freaked out and told Al. So really, this is our entire fault."

"It's not your fault," I said. "I've told Alice that a million times already and I’m now going to tell you, Louis. This isn't your fault. Either of you. It's mine. I handled the situation poorly and that has nothing to do with the two of you."

"But-"

"No buts," I said, standing up. "Now if you don't mind, I have to go try to get your sister to stop sucking face and talk to her about something."

"Good luck with that," Louis said, looking over at the Ravenclaw table and cringing. "Do they really have to do that at breakfast? And lunch? And dinner? And passing periods?"

"Apparently," Alice said who looked back up to see if there were any owls coming in.

"Alice, stop worrying, he's going to write," I said. "Good luck at the game today Lou."

"We're going to need it," Louis said. "With you not playing and all. Hufflepuff has really stepped up their game from last year."

My stomach churned. This was my first game not playing. I missed Quidditch. A lot.

"You'll be fine," I forced myself to say. "Now I really have to go."

I took a deep breath walking away from them, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. I was supposed to be playing this game. I had been training for it. When Caleb and I were together, we made bets on who would win, which made me train extra hard because I wanted to beat him.

Yet here I was, not in my uniform but in my Gryffindor scarf and jumper, planning on watching, instead of playing.

Watching Paige, the fifth year that took my place, play.

I was so focused on trying to ignore the pain that I didn't even realize that I ran straight into someone.

Straight into someone wearing a Gryffindor uniform.

My heart started racing at the possibility that it could be Al. It couldn't have been Lou, and James or Scorpius would have said something. Paige was a girl and the person I ran into was most definitely male.

I bit my lip and looked up slowly, my heart pumping loudly in my chest.

It was Hugo.

My heart deflated when I saw him looking down at me with a frown on his face, instead of Al.

"Hi," I said. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," Hugo said. "So why haven't you fixed things with my sister yet?"

Ah Hugo. I missed you and your hatred for conversation, making you incredibly blunt and to the point.

"She doesn't want to speak to me," I said. "I've tried talking to her, but she won't listen to me."

"It's Rose," Hugo said. "Your best friend. She misses you. Just apologize to her, that's all she wants."

I bit my lip, considering his words.

Hugo sighed. "Look, she keeps spending time with me. I love her and all, but I need a break. I can't handle having her on my case all the time about homework and who that girl I just talked to was and if I fancied her and who I thought was cute and who she tries to talk to about Scorpius with. I'm not one of her girl friends and I really don't want to hear about how great Scorpius was in bed or anything else. She has Alice and Lily, but clearly she needs you back since her girl talk with them isn't enough."

I giggled at imagining Rose trying to have girl talk with Hugo.

Hugo hated talking. And I'm sure that he hated his sister trying to talk about every single thing in both their lives was killing him.

"Ads, she misses you," Hugo said. "And I know you miss her. Just apologize, hug it out, maybe even cry a little, and fix this whole mess, okay?"

"Okay," I said nodding. "I'll try."

"Don't try," Hugo said. "Do it. Please. For my sanity."

I laughed and nodded while Hugo went to sit down next to Lily. Rose walked into the Great Hall, clad in her Gryffindor gear and looked around, spotting Hugo and making a beeline for him.

She was walking right past me when, before I could even process what I was doing, I reached out and grabbed her arm, saying, "Wait."

Rose turned toward me, a confused look on her face, opening her mouth to speak before I cut her off.

"Look, I know that I've done some shitty things lately," I said. "And I know that I'm not always the best friend and that I have issues that sometimes get in the way of that. But I'm sorry. For everything that I have ever done to you. I'm sorry for not listening to you when you insisted that you didn't like Scorpius. I'm sorry for getting Ryan to flirt with you even though I knew he was gay. I'm sorry-"

"Wait, you got Ryan to flirt with me?" Rose asked.

"Um, yeah," I said. "It was part of my plan to get you and Scorp together.”

"Oh," Rose said, looking down, before widening her eyes and looking up at me. "Ryan's gay?"

"Yeah," I said. "He made the announcement after New Year’s. He and Locan are dating."

"I knew that two straight boys didn't hold hands in the hallways," Rose mumbled under her breath. "Even Scorp and Al don't do that."

"Anyway," I said, getting back on track. "I'm sorry for getting Ryan to flirt with you. I'm sorry for making a plan to get you and Scorpius together. I'm sorry for a million other countless things that I probably did wrong but I can't name right now." I bit my lip, looking down. "But most of all, I'm sorry for telling you that Scorpius lied to you. That wasn't my place. There are a lot of things that I could blame it on, but in the end, there is no excuse. You were happy and you with a boy who cared about you. Merlin, Rose, if only you knew how much Scorpius cared about you, I don't think you would even be able to handle it. The bloke is completely mad about you. And I ruined that for you. I told you one of the worst possible things, instead of letting him tell you. And I am so sorry for that. You were my best friend and I ruined your happiness and nothing is ever going to change that. I'm sorry and you're still my best friend, though I do understand if you don't want to be friends with me again. But if you ever need anything, I am here for you, always. No matter what I say, I know it won't fix anything, but I am so sorry and if there is anything that I could ever do to make it up to you, I'll be here."

Rose looked stunned and didn't speak for a moment, choosing instead to look at me, her mouth partly open. Her eyes drifted over my shoulder and I saw her gulp and turned my head so that I could see what she was looking at.

Almost predictably, it was Scorpius.

He was sitting at the table with Al, eating and talking about something enthusiastically with him.

I looked back at Rose, who was looking at him, a soft look in her eyes.

"He really does care about you Rose," I said. "You don't need to forgive me. But I know that Scorpius has already apologized to you and though you haven't forgiven him, you still can. We both want you in our lives, Rose, but we understand if you can't do that. Just...please think about it. You don't need to take us back, just please forgive us." I took a step back. "Just remember that no matter what you pick, I'm always here. I love you Rosie, nothing is ever going to change the fact that you are still my best friend, even if I'm not yours."

And then I walked away. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Rose had gone to sit next to Hugo, only she wasn't talking, instead resting her head on his shoulder with her thinking face on.

I wasn't really sure if her thinking face was a good face or not.

In the corner of my eye, I saw the Hufflepuff captain stand up and tell all his players to head off to the pitch to warm up, meaning that there was only 45 more minutes until the game started.

And I knew that, since I was dealing with Dom, that this could take a very, very long time. I still had no idea if she was mad at me or not, but if she was, this would take a while.

I walked swiftly over to the Ravenclaw table, heading straight towards the couple that was currently causing emotional scarring by sucking each other's faces off.

When I was right in front of the two, I cleared my throat loudly.

That did nothing.

You would think they would need to come up for air at some point.

But apparently they had both cast a spell that allowed them to go over four minutes without breathing.

"Excuse me," I said, another futile attempts to get them to stop.

"Oi, Dom, I need to talk to you."

Nothing.

"Dom. Seriously you're scarring children."

Ryan and Lorcan came up next to me, their hands attached.

"Trying to talk to Dom?" Locan asked.

"Yep," I said. "I've been trying for about three minutes now."

"I got this, dear cousin," Ryan said. He then let go of Lorcan's hand and got right next to Dom's ear. "Oh, hey Teddy, fancy seeing you here."

Dom pulled away from Lysander quickly, her face red. "Teddy, please don't tell Mum or Dad-" She caught sight of a smirking Ryan. "You arse."

Ryan patted her head and looked at me. "Dom here still hasn't told her father that she's in a relationship. Teddy walked in on these two snogging in his classroom when he had a free period and said that if he caught her again, he would tell her parents."

"She doesn't want to tell them because then they'll insist on having to meet Lysander," Lorcan said. "And she doesn't want Lysander to go running scared."

"I wouldn't go running scared," Lysander said, leaning in to kiss Dom's neck, causing her to close her eyes. "I fancy you too much, Weasley."

"Right back at you," Dom muttered, pulling at Lysander's hair so that he stopped kissing her neck, and started bringing his lips to hers. Ryan and Lorcan gave me a, "You're on your own" look and went to go sit down.

"Dom, you're in a public place," I said. "Honestly, if you don't want your family to know, then do it in private."

Dom, finally noticing that I was there, glared at me. "Well you would know all about hiding things from others wouldn't you?"

Oh, yeah, she was still mad at me.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked her. "Privately?"

"No," Dom said, turning back towards Lysander.

"Please?" I asked. "I really need help on something."

"Well of course you do," Dom said. "That's what you do isn't it? You use people. You used Al and when you were done with him you used my brother."

"Dom-"

"No," she said. "I don't care what it is, I'm not helping you."

She turned back towards Lysander and leaned in to kiss him, only to have him pull away.

"You should talk to her," Lysander said.

"No," Dom said, glaring at him and withdrawing her arms.

"Yes," Lysander said. "Come on, Weasley, she came over here. Your brother and most of your cousins have forgiven her. She probably figures that you're pissed at her. So why would she come over here, asking for help, unless you really are the only person who can give it to her?"

Dom frowned at him.

"And besides," Lysander said softly, leaning in to whisper in her ear. I couldn't hear what he said, but Dom's eyes got wide.

"Promise?" She asked him.

Lysander kissed her quickly on the lips. "Promise."

“Alright Addie," Dom said, standing up and leading me out of the Great Hall. "You have ten minutes."  


* * *

 

"Hello everyone and welcome to the Quidditch Match of Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff! I am Dominique Weasley and I will be your commentator for today. Now here are your players for today's game!"

I was sitting in the commentator’s booth with Dom, my hands clammy due to the nervousness. I didn't even cheer for any of the players as Dom announced them, though I did give a wave to Caleb, when his name was called. When Al's name was called, I had to remind myself why I was doing this. I had to remind myself that I needed to do this. I kept saying the quote Matilda put in her letter, convincing myself that I could do this.

"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

20 seconds. That's all this would take.

The two teams flew around, some players doing tricks and others waving at their friends in the stands. My eyes were on Al the entire time, even though I tried, many times, to look away from him.

"And now, ladies and gents, we have a special announcement before the game starts. You all know who she is, hell, if you have a subscription to Witch Weekly you know everything that's going on in her life right now. So here she is everyone. The one, the only, Addie Malfoy!"

Instead of the screams that I was so used to coming after my name at Quidditch Matches, I was met with dead silence. The flyers stopped flying as well and I saw Scorpius turn and look at the booth, looking at me with a questioning look.

"Um, hi everybody," I said, taking the mic from Dom. "Um, I, uh..." I trailed off, not really sure of what to say. I looked up at the players and saw Caleb, the only person who knew of my plan, giving me thumbs up and an encouraging smile. I smiled back at him before my eyes wandered over to his left, where Al said, him looking at me like he could not believe what I was doing.

He knew I was ending the bet.

"So, as many of you know," I started. "For the past six years, Albus Potter and I have fought, constantly." James nodded and I'm pretty sure that I heard Dom say, "No shit" under her breath. "And, um, this year, we decided that we would do a bet. We made a bet saying that we wouldn't fit and whoever lost that fight, whoever caused or started the first fight, would have to stand up in front of the entire school and tell them who they fancy. And as I'm sure many of you know if you listen to the gossip, I caused the fight, making me lose the bet."

Whispers erupted throughout the crowd, as people were connecting the dots.

"So even though it is fairly obvious, I guess that I have to tell you all who I fancy," I said, my eyes not moving from Al the entire time.

At this point, Albus wasn't looking at me. Instead, he was looking down at his broom, like he couldn't even look at me. But despite that, I kept my eyes on him, letting him know that while I was doing this to finish the bet, the only person that I wanted to talk to was him. I wanted him to hear it.

"I fancy Albus Severus Potter," I said. "I've fancied him for a while, I think, though I denied it very well. And we were together, for about a week, before a wrong assumption lead to a falling out. But I want Al to know that nothing ever happened." I was starting to cry now. "Nothing ever happened with anyone else because when I was with him, it was only him. It's always been him. With his bad temper and need for the last word and stubbornness and idiotic ways of winning my heart, it's always been him. Even though I have screwed things up with him time and time again, even though I denied what was right in front of my face, it's always been him. It's always been this boy who pisses me off no end and makes me want to pull my hair out only to kiss him and hug him two seconds later." I wiped a tear from my face. "It's always been you Al. It still is. I fancy you, you have my heart completely. I...” I sucked in a breath, trying to keep myself together and making sure that I used all my courage to be as honest as possible. "I think that I'm falling in love with you."

Whispers erupted through the stadium and all eyes that weren't on me already, were. All eyes but the two I wanted to see most.

I stared at Al, my tears falling on my face, mentally begging him to look at me. To let me know that he felt the same. To let me know that he heard me. To just...look at me with those beautiful eyes that I wanted to stay in forever.

But he didn't. He kept his gaze firmly on his broom and his hand gripped it tightly, and I wished so badly that he was gripping his broom tightly because he couldn't believe what I just said. Because he wanted nothing more than to come over here and snog me as if our lives depended on it.

That he was falling in love with me too.

I fled. After staring at Al and not having him look at me, having him not even acknowledge what I said, I couldn't do it. So I ran out of the pitch, fast as I could, and went straight up to my dorm. I had déjà vu of my first week back at school when I quit Quidditch but this was worse, this was so much worse.

I reached my room and dove onto my bed, curling up and crying, despite the fact that I didn't want to anymore. I didn't want to shed any more tears for Albus Potter. But while my mind said that over and over again, my heart hurt too much and the tears didn't stop, no matter how hard I tried to get them too.

I wasn’t sure when Rose got there. All I know is that I was sobbing onto my pillow when Rose lay down next to me, wrapping an arm around me and letting me bury my head into her shoulder while I sobbed.

At one point, she asked, "Why did you do it?"

"Because I needed to take a risk in order to get him back," I said through my tears. "If I ever wanted anything to happen, if I ever wanted to fix us, I need to take a risk and just suck up my pride and be courageous. Even if I didn't tell him, I would have gotten hurt in the end."

Rose nodded and said nothing else.

Alice came in a few minutes later, lying on the bed with us, just like we did when Louis cheated on her.

And I knew that while maybe I didn't get Al back, something great did come of my embarrassing declaration.

I got my best friend back.

We were back to being the three of us.

And maybe that was better than having Al.  


* * *

 

I really should have waited to finish the bet.

Want to know why?

Because the next day was Valentine's day.

Because why not have the day after I get rejected by the boy who I just told the ENTIRE SCHOOL I was falling in love with be the day that makes you feel the most lonely?

And why not have the boy who rejected me sit near today? WHY THE FUCK NOT?!

Today, Louis (and his latest girl, Paige, yes as in the Paige on the Quidditch team), Alice, Scorpius, Al and I were all sitting together. I was sitting next to Lou while Scorpius sat across from me with Alice and Albus on each side.

I was determined not to look at him.

And it worked.

Staring at my food intently was something completely sane people did every day.

Besides, he was doing the same, only he was just having conversations with Scorpius.

"Have I ever mentioned how much I despise Valentine's day?" Alice asked, slamming some jam onto her toast.

"You're only upset because Will hasn't written you," Louis said, putting an arm around Paige, causing her to blush.

"Will?" Paige asked. "Will Anderson? The one who works down at The Pitch?"

"Yeah," Alice said, giving Paige a funny look. "Do you know him?"

"Yeah he's an old family friend of mine!" Paige said. "Well, his uncle, Joe, is. But because of that, I know Will pretty well." Paige's eyes suddenly went wide. "Wait! You're the girl he fancies!"

Alice suddenly had a really goofy grin on her face. "He fancies me?"

"I'm going to assume so, since in the last letter he sent me was him rambling about how much he fancied this girl and how he had no idea if he should get her a Valentine's Day present or not since they weren't officially dating," Paige said, smiling at Alice. "I think you will be pleased."

"He got me something?" Alice asked her eyes wide. "What?"

"I can't tell!" Paige said.

"Tell me!" Alice said. "Oh shit. I didn't get him anything! Oh Merlin, this isn't-"

She stopped talking and looked up to the sky with her eyes wide. I looked up and saw what she was staring at.

A large owl was flying in carrying flowers, roses and lilies, Alice's favorites, and a box of chocolates, along with an envelope.

It landed right in front of Alice and she looked at the bird with her eyes wide.

"But...how did he...what..." Alice trailed off.

"Believe it or not, he actually thought of all this on his own," Paige said. "He said that you mentioned once that lilies were your favorite flower and that you loved-"

"He got me See's Candy?!" Alice asked, once she took a look at the box of chocolates. "As in...See's Candy?! The best candy place in the entire universe that is only sold in Muggle shops in America?!"

"Oooo, candy can I have some?" Scorpius asked, reaching his hand over to the candy, only to get it slapped by Alice.

"Back off, Malfoy. This is my Valentine's Day present," Alice said, glaring at him.

"Why don't you open the letter?" I asked, handing the envelope to her.

She tore it open. "It's four pages! Four whole pages!!" She eagerly started reading the letter, smiling down at it like an idiot.

I smiled at her and looked back down at my food, suddenly feeling kind of lonely.

Because the only boy I wanted to celebrate with was sitting less than two feet away from me.

Not to mention the fact that Louis and Paige had started making out, which not only made me feel lonely, but also incredibly awkward.

“Oi! Malfoy!"

Scorpius and I both looked up as Rose marched down towards Scorpius.

"She looks pissed doesn't she?" Scorpius asked, his voice filled with anxiety.

"Yep," Al and I said at the same time.

"What could I have done now?" Scorpius mumbled while he got up when Rose was a few feet away. "Look, Rose-"

He was cut off by her wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him as if her life depended on it.

I stared at them, my mouth open in shock.

And it wasn’t like Scorpius didn't respond. Oh no. He responded quite enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her as close to him as possible. Before he could deepen the kiss though, she pulled away.

"Don't ever lie to me again," she said, breathlessly.

"Done," Scorpius said back, and then they went back to snogging as if their lives depended on it.

I looked around at all my friends (since I clearly was not going to look at the one person who wasn't snogging/freaking-out-over-significant-other, even if that was all I really wanted to do) and all their happiness, and a part of me, a small part but still a part, didn't feel as sad about the fact that this day sucked for me. My friends were happy. Louis actually brought a girl he was hooking up with over (a BIG deal). Alice was freaking out because things were moving forward with Will. Scorpius and Rose were finally fixed. Across the hall, James was giving Annalise her Valentine's day present. Ryan and Lorcan were holding hands. Dom and Lysander were snogging (shocking). Anna's head was on Caleb's shoulder (he still hadn't gotten the nerve to ask her on a date yet). Mary and Oliver were bickering like the old married couple they were. I even saw a girl sitting with Hugo, blushing and smiling up at him, all of which he returned.

And even though my love life was in the complete dumps and I hated this day, I couldn't help but be glad for all my friends and their happiness.

My eyes traveled over to Al and I saw him looking at Scorpius and Rose before shaking his head and looking at me. We made eye contact and I thought that he was going to look away without a second thought, just as he had all the other times recently.

But he didn't.

"Thank Merlin they finally got their shit together," Al said. "I don't know that I could handle anymore tension between them."

And then he went back to eating his breakfast, not turning into the grumpy broody guy he's been the past few weeks while in my presence.

I couldn't help the huge smile that was on my face as I looked down at my breakfast.

He talked to me. He actually acknowledged my existence.

I bit my lip, trying to make my ridiculous smile go away, only to fail.

Maybe Valentine's day wasn't so bad for me after all.

Maybe there was still time for something great to happen from my bravery.

I chanced another glance up at Al at the same time he looked my way. He gave me a soft smile and continued to glance around the room.

I could only hope that something great was on its way.


	25. The Madness of Hating Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're an evil person."
> 
> "Ravenclaw, honey. There's a difference."

"This is boring," Scorpius said, looking over at Rose.

"You have to do your homework at some point, Scorp," Rose said, shrugging but not looking away from her essay. "And be quiet, this is a library."

Alice, Rose, Scorpius and I were all in the library, trying to work on our potions essay, though it wasn't due for two weeks. But Rose wanted to get it done and I figured I should probably try to kick that procrastination habit. Alice needed help from Rose and Scorpius decided to come because he wanted to spend time with his new girlfriend.

I was thinking that he was actually hoping that Rose would ditch her homework and snog him in the Restricted Section.

Which, clearly, didn't happen.

So instead, Scorpius was stuck reading his potions book, with an arm around Rose's chair, playing with the ends of her hair.

"But I don't want to do it now," Scorpius said. "There are so many other things I'd rather do."

"Like snog your girlfriend in the Restricted Section," Alice mumbled, sending a quick smirk over at Scorp. Scorp’s face flushed.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Not going to happen."

"Please?" Scorpius said, leaning his head on Rose's shoulder. "You know you want to."

Rose smiled and blushed, finally tearing her eyes off her essay to look at Scorpius. "Yeah, I want to, but I want to get this essay done first." Rose kissed Scorpius quickly. "You don't have to stay here. I think Louis said something about sneaking into Hogsmeade to get some candy from Honeydukes. You can join him if you want."

"You sure you won't mind?" Scorpius asked, lifting his head off her shoulder.

"No," Rose said. "It's a Wednesday afternoon. Hate to break it to you, but I'm probably going to be doing homework until dinner. So go and get some candy. I know that you'll enjoy that much more than being here."

"But I want to spend time with you," Scorpius said.

"Yeah, I want to spend time with you too," Rose said, looking at Scorpius with a smile. "But we've only been together for four days. We don't need to spend every single second together. Besides," she said, wrapping her arms around Scorp's neck. "Hogsmeade is on Saturday. Which means that we get to have our first official date." Rose frowned. "Well, not really our first date, since that happened before but-"

"That didn't end well," Scorpius said. "So how about we scratch that as our first date?"

"Sounds perfect," Rose said, smiling at him, looking happier than I had ever seen her. "Now go get some candy with Louis. I'll be fine. I'm sure Alice and Addie are going to bother me about you and our relationship since we haven't really talked about it yet." Scorpius still looked unsure, even though there was candy involved. "Oh for Merlin's sake," Rose said, pushing him out of his chair. "Go. I'll see you tonight."

Scorpius leaned down and kissed Rose's head. "You're the best girlfriend ever, you know that?"

"I've been told," Rose said with a teasing smile.

"Bye Ads, Alice," Scorpius said, walking out.

"Bye," I said, before turning to Rose with a giant smile on my face. "Have I mentioned how adorable you two are?"

"Only about one hundred times since we've gotten together," Rose said, smiling. She picked her quill up to start writing again, but started smiling so much that she put it down and looked at me and Alice happily. "I'm so happy."

"I can tell," Alice said. "I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much. Not even the first or second time you and Scorpius got together."

"It's different this time," Rose said. "Saying that makes it sound like all we do is break up and get back together, though that has been true for us lately. I don't know. It's just different. Everything is in the open. We both have screwed this up so much that I don't really know how else we could. Getting back together was probably the best thing for us."

"What made you take him back?" I asked. "What made you run up to him and snog the living daylights out of him? That was a very un-Rose thing to do. To be honest, I thought you were never going to take him back."

"Honestly, Ads, it was you that made me give him another chance," she confessed. I looked at her, confused. "What you did at the Quidditch game. You told everyone, not just Al, how you felt about him. It was like you said- you needed to take a risk in order to fix you guys. That's how I felt about Scorpius. I wanted to fix us, I really did. I just, I didn't know how. And I didn't want to end up hurt again, so I thought that maybe not even trying was the way to go. But then when you said that you knew you needed to take a risk to fix you and Al because you would have ended up just as hurt if you didn't. So I just...took the risk. I had originally planned on having a mature conversation with him-"

"And there's the typical Rosie," Alice interjected.

"But then, I walked into the Great Hall and thought, 'Fuck it' and kissed him." Rose smiled. "And it was the best thing I could have done."

"Did you ever end up having that mature conversation?" Alice asked.

"Oh yeah," Rose said. "When we were doing rounds on Sunday we talked. We had a lot more to talk about than just me telling him not to lie to me again. I mean, that was a major part of it but there were wrongs on both sides. So we spent rounds talking and then ended up talking even more afterwards."

"Did you guys really need to have that long of a mature conversation?" I asked, frowning.

Yeah, they had both screwed up.

But I highly doubted that their screw-ups made them have to talk for three hours about how they screwed up.

"No, most of it was that conversation," Rose said. "We talked about how he lied and then how I called him a Death Eater and then just went through our love life history, making sure we went over everything. Granted, his telling of his love life and hook ups was longer than mine, but we just decided that we were going to be honest with each other about that. We agreed that we wouldn't lie again, unless it was something small like a birthday party or a present. After that, we found a little alcove and just talked to each other. We talked about a lot of things, mainly just getting to know each other more than we do already."

"That's good," Alice said. "Kind of shocked that you two didn't end up snogging in that alcove, but it's a good thing that you were both honest."

"It wasn't easy being honest, on either part," Rose said. "He listed all the girls that he's ever hooked up or fancied, which wasn't fun to listen too. And then he felt it was only fair that I listed everyone who I had ever fancied, gone on a date with or hooked up with."

"Did you tell him about Luke Wood?" Alice asked.

Rose cringed. "Yeah. He didn't like knowing that I continually hooked up with a seventh year when I was in fourth year. Especially when I told him that I thought I was in love with Luke and that I caught Luke with another girl. I thought he was going to leave right then and find Luke and beat him up. But he did say that it suddenly made sense as to why Addie and I weren't speaking for a few months."

"Rose, I had every right to be mad," I defended. "Luke Wood was the love of my life. And all of a sudden, you started a secret relationship with him even though you knew how I felt about him."

"In my defense," Rose said. "You barely talked to him. Even though you both were on the same Quidditch team, you wouldn't speak to him, making him think that you hated him. All you really did was stare at him and follow him around Hogsmeade."

"That was one time!" I said, burying my hands in my face.

"But let's not forget that then the dorm became really awkward, since Addie came crying to me about how you were hooking up with Luke and then you came crying to me about how Addie was mad at you," Alice said. "All in all, fourth year was not very good."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot, you told Alice!" Rose said. "Even after I told you not to tell anyone!"

"He was the love of my life!" I said into my hands.

"Who was the love of your life?"

My eyes widened and I pulled my hands off my face too look up at Al.

"Um," I said. "We were just talking about how, um, in fourth year, ugh, Rose had a thing with Luke Wood."

"Oh," Al said, smiling down at me. "And he was the love of your life?"

"I thought so at the time," I mumbled awkwardly, avoiding his gaze. He seemed to understand what I had been implying, since his smile dropped and he awkwardly looked at Rose.

"Where's Scorp?" He asked.

"Sneaking down to Hogsmeade with Lou," Rose said. "I thought you'd be there too."

"I was," Al said. "But then something came up."

Alice frowned. "Something came up that was more important than sneaking off grounds to get candy? That does not sound like Albus Potter."

"Um, well," Al said, awkwardly looking over at me. "I couldn't because-"

"Albus!" A female voice with an Irish accent called. We all turned and saw a pretty strawberry blonde sitting there, waving at him. "Hey! I was wondering where you were."

Rose looked between the girl and Al, who was now looking awkwardly at the ground, before saying, "Oh."

I never knew that one word could break my heart so much.

Because Rose didn’t say “oh” like an "Oh you're going to the store? Cool" Oh. It wasn't an "Oh that's who you like? Honey, you could do so much better" Oh.

No it was an "Oh, you're not with your guy friends because you're meeting a very pretty girl who probably is going to hook up with you after" oh.

And hearing that "Oh" from Rose, the smartest girl I know, basically confirmed all of my worries as to why he didn't say anything to me about my confession at the Quidditch game.

He had moved on.

And I fucking hated the word “Oh”.

I looked back down at the table, using my hair as a shield to block my face from Al's. I picked my quill up, pretending like I was writing my essay and not at all affected by this new piece of information.

You know, cause I was totally cool like that.

"You better go Al," Alice said, a slight edge in her voice. "Wouldn't want to keep your little friend waiting."

"It's just tutoring," Al mumbled.

"Right," Alice said. "You should go. Wouldn't want your tutoring session to go longer than it should."

I felt Al's gaze on me, but kept my eyes firmly on my paper, focusing on what I was writing. I didn't want to look at him. If I looked at him, there was a good chance that all the tears I was holding back would fall and I would look even more pathetic than I was.

Which was pretty fucking pathetic already.

I heard Al walk away and dropped my quill, squeezing my eyes shut as Rose's hand started rubbing my back.

"He's an arse," Alice said. "A complete and total arse."

"No he's not," I said quietly, lifting my head up. "He just doesn't feel the same way as men anymore."

"You don't know that," Rose said. "Maybe he is just tutoring her."

"Rose, look at her," I said, glancing over at Al, who was frowning down at a book while the girl looked on. "She's gorgeous. And she has red hair."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Potter men have a thing for red hair, remember?" I said. "James and Lily? Dark hair and a redhead. Harry and Ginny? Dark hair and a redhead. Al and this girl? Dark hair and a redhead. They fit the pattern."

"That's just a weird coincidence," Rose said. "It doesn't mean anything."

"It doesn't help that she's foreign," I said, looking away from Al. "I mean, did you hear her accent? Boys love foreign girls."

"I wouldn't exactly call the Irish foreign," Alice said.

"That's not the point," I said. "The point is that he moved on. And maybe it's time I did too."

"Okay, wait a minute," Rose said. "Addie, you do not know for a fact that he moved on. Yeah, she's pretty. Big whoop. That doesn't automatically mean that he is moving on. For all you know he could be just as confused and heartbroken as you are."

"But there's a difference between us," I said, putting my essay in my bag. "I actually put myself on the line and told not just him, but the entire school how I felt about him. He didn't have to do that. He could have come up and talk to me about it privately. But he didn't. So I think we need to face the truth."

"Maybe he's just a gutless coward," Alice said, earning a glare from Rose.

"Ads, trust me, please," Rose said desperately. "There is no way in hell that he could have moved on from you this quickly. I can almost guarantee that he is actually just tutoring her."

"Or maybe we all just need to stop denying the truth," I said, standing up. "He's not a gutless coward and he's not just tutoring her. And even if he is, that doesn't mean that he hasn't moved on to someone else. The truth is we have no idea what is going on with him but we can assume that the fact that it has been five days since my confession and he hasn't said anything that he moved on. Or at least doesn't feel the same way about me anymore."

"Addie..." Rose said.

"I know you don't think I’m right, Rose," I said. "And maybe I'm not. But as of right now, I really don't know what else there is for me to believe."

I walked away before either of them could say anything else, desperate to leave the conversation and try to keep my composure.

I got out of the back section of the library, where we had been sitting, and was walking closer to the door, when someone stepped in front of me.

Someone who I really did not want to see.

"Well, hey, there Malfoy," Erica Ericson said, a sly smile on her face.

I was really in no mood to see her, so I decided to keep things short.

"Ericson," I said, making a move to get around her, only to have her grab my wrist and twist me around so that I was facing her.

And over her head I was able to see Albus and his girl too.

Awesome.

My eyes went back down to Erica, and she smirked up at me, as if she knew what I had been looking at.

"So how is my dear Alby anyway?" she asked. "Has he talked to you lately?"

"What do you want, Ericson?" I asked, hoping to get to the point.

“Me? Nothing," she said innocently only to look up at me, an evil glint in her eye. "Just wondering, did Albus ever say anything to you after your little confession on Saturday?"

I didn't say anything, instead averting my gaze to the ground.

Which only caused her smirk to get bigger.

"Oh?" She said. There was that damn word again. She looked back Albus and the Ginger. "Well would you look at that?" Erica turned back, smirking even more than I even thought possible. "He's sitting with a very cute girl. Probably someone who's a lot better than you too. He's moved on, yet you can't seem too." Her eyes flicked down to my necklace, which was in plain view. "Still wearing the necklace he gave you? That's pathetic, Malfoy. Even for you."

The tears that I was trying so hard to hold back started falling, one at a time, the A necklace red hot against my skin.

"Face it," Ericson said, getting in my face. "You lost him. And you're not getting him back. You're just a pathetic whore-"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" A voice said and I turned and saw Caleb walking towards us, a pissed off expression on his face. "Seriously back the fuck off her, Ericson."

"Well if it isn't Caleb Adams," Ericson said, smiling sweetly as him. "Don't tell me you're just as pathetic as Malfoy is here, pining over your ex."

"Ericson, I don't think you're allowed to say who is pathetic for pining over an ex," Caleb said. "Wasn't it you who went up to Albus at the beginning of the year, convinced that you were still with him even though he broke up with you?"

"Well, I-" Erica started, but Caleb wasn't done.

"And wasn't it you who wrote him every day all summer, wondering why he wasn't writing you back?"

"That's no-"

"And even tried to seduce him, despite the fact that he told you many times, that he hated you and you were never ever getting back together? Like ever?"

Ericson stared at him, speechless.

"That's what I thought," Caleb said. "Now leave."

She did, without a single retort back.

Which was rather surprising.

She normally couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"Hey," Caleb said, turning towards me. "You okay?"

I shook my head, not saying anything because I knew that more tears would come if I did.

Caleb cupped my face, wiping a tear and forcing me to look at him. "Want to talk about it?"

I nodded.

He kissed my head before grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the library. He pulled me away from the library and dropped my hand once we were down the hall.

And before he could even say anything, I put my arms around him and started crying on his chest.

* * *

 

"So are you going to tell me what that was about?" Caleb said a few minutes later, when we were both sitting against the wall. "Because I highly doubt that was all because of what Ericson was saying."

I didn't say anything, choosing instead to pick at my shoe.

"Okay, guess I'm going to guess then," Caleb said. "I'm guessing it has something to do with Al."

"Wow you're a real Ravenclaw," I mumbled.

Caleb bumped my shoulder with his. "Come on, Ads. What happened?"

I bit my lip and looked down. "I think he moved on. In fact, I'm about ninety percent sure that he did."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because he met some girl in the library today," I said. "He said he was tutoring her, and maybe that's true, but...he still hasn't tried talking to me about what I said on Saturday. I go out there and make a fool of myself and he doesn't say anything."

"So you're convinced he moved on?" Caleb asked. "Because of those two things?”

"Not addressing the fact that someone said that they're falling in love with you is a pretty big thing," I said. "I don't know...I just think that he's done with me. I put him through six years of bullshit and finally he's done."

"I don't think that's true," Caleb said.

"And why do you think that?"

"Because he looked ready to kill Ericson for making you cry," Caleb said simply. "He was sitting with that girl and she was looking but Al was looking over at you, basically killing Ericson with the look on his face. And when I brought you out, he followed. But then you latched yourself onto me and he just nodded at me, like he was glad someone was taking care of you and went back into the library." Caleb looked at me. "You can't tell me that that proves he's moved on."

"I really don't know anything anymore," I said. "I just wish I could ask him about it."

"So ask him," Caleb said, as if it was so easy. "It's not that difficult. Ask him to Hogsmeade this weekend or just to meet you for a drink and talk about it."

"I'm meeting my mum this weekend," I said. "Besides, I don't want to force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to."

"For two Gryffindors, you two are really such cowards," Caleb said. "You can tell the entire school you're falling in love with him and he can basically let the entire world know that he fancies you even though you have a boyfriend, yet when it comes to actually talking to each other, you guys cower away."

"We're not cowards," I mumbled, even though I knew it was true. "And what about you? Have you gotten around to asking our dear friend Anna on a date yet?"

"Completely different situation," Caleb said. "I'm a Hufflepuff; I'm not expected to take risks. It's perfectly okay for me to have a crush on my friend and not do anything about it."

"Bullshit," I said. "Come on Caleb, you fancy her. Ask her to Hogsmeade this weekend. What's the worst that could happen?"

"She could say no."

"You asked to Hogsmeade after knowing me for about ten minutes. I think you ask someone who you've known for a while easily."

"Yeah but I'd knew you'd say yes."

"How?"

"Because you dragged me to library to snog you, so really, you were in my debt."

I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Whatever weirdo. Just ask her.”

He thought about it for a few moments before speaking.

"Fine, I'll ask her," Caleb said. "On one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"You talk to Al," he said, causing me to glare at him. "And you find out what the hell is going on between the two of you." He smirked at me. "Just do it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I hate you."

"Love you too."  


* * *

 

"Have I mentioned how much I love these ribs?"

"Yes James," I said, looking at him sitting next to me at dinner. "You mentioned it about four times."

"Because it's good." He took a huge bite, causing sauce to get all over his mouth. "Really good."

I scrunched my nose at him. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Freddy smirked at me. "It's useless, you know that right? No matter how many times we tell him, he will continue to talk."

"Why do you think Annalise isn't here?" Dom asked. "She refuses to be anywhere near him when he eats like this."

"You’re just jealous of what we have," James said. "All you and your boyfriend do is snog."

"At least he wants to snog me!" Dom said. "And enjoys it. Annalise tells me that you're an awful snogger."

James's mouth fell open at this, grossing everyone out since it was still full of food.

"That's a lie," James said, swallowing. "That's total bullshit and you know it."

"No, it's not," Dom said. "She honestly hates the way you kiss."

"She seemed to be enjoying it last night!" James said.

"That's true," Fred mumbled, causing me to frown at him. "I walked in on them."

"Eww," I said, smiling at Fred. He sent me a charming smile back.

"It wasn't a pleasant sight."

"I do not use teeth!"

Fred and I both looked over at James's latest outburst. We weren't the only ones, since it was late for dinner, about eight, so the few others at the Gryffindor table looked over as well.

"Then you should really talk to your girlfriend about that issue," Dom said, throwing her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder.

"What the hell?" I mumbled, confused (as usual) by their arguments.

James suddenly stood up beside me. "Annalise!" She looked up from her food at the Slytherin table with a confused expression on her face. James started motioning dramatically, beckoning her over. She rolled her eyes before talking to her friends and standing up.

"You called?" she said, a slightly annoyed look on her face.

"Did you tell Dom I'm a bad kisser?" James asked frantically. "Because I'm not right? You said I was a great kisser. You weren't lying to me were you?"

Annalise frowned at him. "No, I didn't tell her you're a bad kisser. You're a fantastic kisser, I've told you that about fifty times."

James turned toward Dom, smiling triumphantly. "HA! TOLD YOU SO!"

Dom rolled her eyes. "Yes, you're a great kisser, but now you look like an idiot with sauce all on your shirt and face, doing a ridiculous dance. So really, I won this one."

James sat back down, glaring at Dom. "You're an evil person."

"Ravenclaw, honey. There's a difference."

Annalise sighed. "Is there any other reason for me to be here?"

"You mean other than me?" James said, smirking slightly at her.

"Yes, other than you," Annalise said, a slight smile on her face.

"Then I suppose not," James said.

Annalise leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, avoiding the sauce. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Alright," James said, turning his face so he could kiss her full on the mouth. "I love you."

Annalise wiped the sauce off her face with her sleeve before smiling down at James. "I love you too."

James went back to eating his ribs, a huge smile on his face.

That is, before Dom started freaking out on him.

"James!" She squealed. "You didn't tell me that you told her you loved her! You guys are so cute!"

"Weren't you just telling him that she didn't like kissing him?" I asked.

"Yes, but that's before I saw how adorable they are together," Dom said. "When did you tell her? Or did she say it first? When did you realize you were in love with her? Oh Merlin, I can't believe you actually told someone that you loved them an-"

"Dom," Freddy said, interrupting her. "It would be great if you could stop squealing and ask him about all that girly stuff another time."

"But-"

"Trust me," Freddy said, a slight edge to his voice. "He'd be more than happy to tell you all the gooey details, just please don't do it while I'm present."

Dom frowned at him. "What's got your knickers in a bunch?"

"Nothing," Freddy said. "Merlin, just because I don't want to talk about everyone's love life doesn't mean that my knickers are in a bunch."

"Bullshit," Dom said. "What's the matter with you?"

"I told you, nothing," Fred said, angrily. What shocked me was that he actually seemed angry. I had never seen him like this before. "Now if you’ll excuse me I suddenly don’t have an appetite anymore."

He got up and left. All of us looked at each other, confused.

"I should go after him," James said, starting to stand up.

"No," I said, placing a hand on James's arm. "I'll do it. I think that he won't talk about it with you."

James looked unsure, but I stood up and left before he could say another word.

I walked out of the Great Hall and saw Fred's retreating form heading in the direction of the kitchens and Hufflepuff Common Room.

"Oi!" I said, running to catch up to him. "Fred!"

He didn't turn around, choosing instead to continue walking like he hadn't heard me.

Which I didn't like.

Not. One. Bit.

So naturally, I ran up to him and pushed him.

"What the bloody hell was that for?" Fred asked turning around to face me.

"For ignoring me when I called out to you," I said. "Now what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Fred said, clipping the word and continuing his walk.

"Really?" I asked, falling into step with him. "Then why did you huff out of the Great Hall after your temper tantrum?"

Freddy glared at me. "I didn't have a temper tantrum."

"And I don't have curly hair," I said back.

Fred stopped walking suddenly and I walked so that I was in front of him, facing him.

"I'm just so fucking sick of it," Freddy said. "Of all anyone talking about or worrying about is their own bloody love lives. Especially James. Since he and Annalise started dating, it's all he can talk about! Like, I'm so glad that he finally got her but really, I don't want to know anything beyond that. Let's just talk about Quidditch and about pranks we can pull and all that. Just go back to being us. And Dom too, like I'm glad that she isn't off hooking up with random guys anymore but I feel like I barely see her anymore. At least when there were random blokes, she would come to me to beat them up and would hang out with me. And it's not even just them. Everyone I know seems to be in a relationship. Rose has Scorpius, Ryan has Lorcen, Louis has Paige, Alice has that Will bloke, Roxy has her boyfriend, Al has-"

"Fred!' I said, interrupting him. "Not everyone has someone! And even if they do then talk to them about it if you miss them!"

"It's not just that!" Fred said, running a hand through his hair and calming down slightly. "It's-it's not just that. It's not just that I miss them or that I'm upset with them being in relationships. Honestly, I'm so fucking happy that they're all in relationships. It's more..." Fred sighed, looking at me straight in the eyes. "It's more that I'm just sick of being the only person that doesn't seem to have a relationship of any kind beyond a few one night things. At risk of sounding like a poof, I guess I'm just sick of being alone."

I frowned at him before taking his hand in mine and squeezing it. "You're not alone, Freddy. Not everyone has someone. And trust me, one day you are going to meet some girl, some amazing girl who is going to be perfect for you. You're not alone Freddy, because I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Fred looked down in my eyes and I could tell he was debating something.

I couldn't tell what he was debating, but then again maybe I didn't really want to know.

Either way, he made a decision and went for it.

He pulled me by the hand closer to him before slowly lowering his mouth onto mine, giving me enough time to tell him to back off.

But I didn't.

And I was not really sure why.

When his mouth met mine, his free hand moved so that it was at the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. Mine went up to his hair, threading it through my fingers. At first the kiss was slow and timid but it escaladed quickly.

His tongue worked its way into my mouth as he pushed me up against a wall. I detached my hand from his and wrapped it around his neck pulling him as close to me as possible. His other hand went down and grabbed my waist, holding me firmly in place so that I couldn't get out of his hold.

Not that I really wanted to.

The kiss was frantic; no emotions were behind it, mainly just two people wanting to have the touch of another person. It wasn't soft or slow or gentle or romantic in any sort of way. There were no butterflies or weakness of the knees or anything. Just two people kissing each other like they hadn't kissed another person in an extremely long time.

Which, in my case, was true.

It wasn't a bad kiss at all; in fact it was really, really good. So good, that it made me forget everything that had happened lately.

So I allowed myself to get lost in it and explore a little. One of my hands left Fred's hair to wander down his chest, untucking the front of his shirt to feel his abs underneath my fingertips. In response, Fred moved one of his hands so that it was no holding my waist lightly, but grabbing my arse, something that I had somehow never experience before.

Caleb and I never got this into it- yeah, we would snog, but never in this frantic way that could easily lead to more. It was always nice and gentle; making sure that neither one of us pushed the other too far.

And with Al, even though we got like this a lot, he always kept his hands above the waist, like he was scared that I would smack him if he went anywhere else.

And that thought, that one thought about Al, was enough to pull me out of the blissfulness of the kiss.

Because this wasn't who I wanted to be kissing.

Was it great? Yes.

Did I enjoy it? Fuck yeah.

But in the end, it was Fred who I was kissing. It wasn't Al.

I pulled away suddenly, dropping my hand from his hair and chest. I don't know when the tears appeared, but they did and by the time I pulled away, I was full on sobbing.

"Shit," I heard Fred mumble, and he removed his hand from my butt. He brought me into a hug, holding me close to him. "Shit, I fucked up there didn't I? I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry."

I clenched his shirt in my fists. "It wasn't that it was bad. It's just..." I looked up at him trying to find some way to not make this sound as terrible was it was. "You aren't Al."

"No, I'm not," Fred said, looking down at me, sadly. "It was dumb of me to do that."

"It wasn't all you," I said, wiping my eye. "I wasn't complaining."

"I still shouldn't have done it," Freddy said, guilt written all over his face. "I'm so sorry Addie." I leaned my head against his chest and felt him kiss my forehead. "Al and James are going to kill me if they find out."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you're you," Fred said. "Any other girl, I'd be fine. But you're you. You're Al's. No matter what the hell you guys are going through, you're still his. Always." There was a moment of silence. "I'm sorry."

"Fred, I swear to Merlin, if you apologize one more time I'm going to kill you," I said, laughing slightly despite my tears.

"Right," he said. "Sorry."

I rolled my eyes and leaned against his chest, tears still falling. "So how about no one finds out about this?"

"Yeah," Fred said, rubbing my back comfortingly. "That sounds like a good idea."  


* * *

 

Fred and I walked back to the Common Room together careful not to get caught out since it was well past curfew. After our awkward snog session, we went into the kitchens and ate out our feelings.

We figured it was a better way than snogging out our feelings.

It was about 11:30 when we came back into the Common Room and, surprisingly, there was only one person in there.

Albus.

I noticed that Freddy stiffened, like he had been caught doing something wrong at the sight of Al.

"Hey," he said, walking towards the boy’s dorms and distancing himself from me.

"Hey," Al said, looking between us like he knew something was off. "Where were you guys?"

"Kitchens," Fred said. "There was some left over cake that was calling our names."

"You guys have been together since dinner?" Al asked, frowning.

"Um, yeah," Fred mumbled. "I got to go to bed, big day tomorrow."

"Right," Al said, glaring slightly at Fred. "Night."

"Night," Freddy said before looking over at me. "Night Ads. Sorry about keeping you out so late."

"It's fine," I said, heading towards the dorms myself.

At least, until I heard Al go, "Addie, wait."

And that caused my heart to stop and start pumping very quickly in my chest. I stopped on the first step.

"Look, what I wanted to say was..." Al said and I knew that he was probably running a hand through his hair, trying to figure out the least awkward way to say whatever it was he wanted to say.

I ignored the part of me that was hoping for a response to my confession.

"Um, it wasn't your fault. What happened between us."

"Oh," I said, not turning around, and my heart sped up as I heard him get off the couch and take a few steps in my direction.

"I was an idiot. I am an idiot. But...this whole thing, what's been happening to us the past few months, it isn't your fault. If anything, it’s mine."

"No it’s not," I said, turning to face him.

And I nearly wished that I didn't.

Because now, after having kissed Fred, I was craving even more to kiss him and run my hands through his soft hair.

His green eyes were piercing mine and I almost, almost, pulled a Rose and snogged him, right there.

But I didn't have that courage.

Caleb was right. I was a coward.

"Yeah, it is," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Look can we just...go back to the way it was before? Before all that shit with Caleb and...all that."

I knew that by "all that" he meant our attempt at a relationship. And I could see in his eyes that he didn't know what to call it. We were only officially dating for two weeks.

"I just...I would like to be your friend again, Ads," Al said. "Things weren't so bad when we were just friends."

I decided not to point out to him that we were only just friends for about two weeks before things started getting weird.

"Friends?" I asked, my heart lagging. He wasn't telling me that he was falling in love with me too. He wasn't telling me that I was still His Girl, like Fred said.

He just wanted to be friends.

"Yeah," he said. "Just back to normal."

Normal. The thing was, being friends wasn't normal for us. We didn't have a normal. For five years, I thought it was normal to argue with him every day. Then for three months, I thought it was normal to have a boyfriend and ignore all my feelings for him. For about three weeks, we stumbled between the awkward line of dating or not dating. And for the past month and a half, it was normal for him to ignore my existence and for me to constantly cry.

Normal didn't exist for us.

We had never been actual friends.

Yet here he was offering friendship like we were friends before.

But I didn't want to be friends with him. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and hold him whenever I wanted. I wanted him to push me up against a wall and kiss me like Fred had, but mean it, unlike Fred dud. I wanted him to be mine and me to be his.

But all he wanted was friendship.

So I had a choice to make. Friendship, or nothing.

The answer was obvious.

"Yeah," I said, pushing down every part of me that told me to tell him how I felt again. To instead be a coward and hide. "Yeah, friendship sounds...good."

His face broke out into a smile, a real, true smile that I hadn't seen in a long time.

"Great," he said, backing towards the boy dorms. "Well, I got to go to bed but I'll see you tomorrow." He flashed a smirk my way and a part of me hoped for the jerk smirk just so maybe, just maybe, I could find a reason to dislike some part of him. But he just gave me a friendly smirk, like he gave Scorp or Rose. "Friend."

"Yeah," I said. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow...friend."

Remember how I said I hated the word "Oh"?

Well I officially hated the word "friend" more.

But if friendship was all Al was offering, I would take it.

I would rather be his friend than nothing any day.

And I walked up the stairs to my dorm, got in my bed and curled into a ball, wondering if I had made the right decision.


	26. The Madness of Not Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you see, sharing is caring. As Hufflepuffs, it is basically our jobs to share."

"He said he wanted to go back to normal? He does realize that you're you and he's him and that normal doesn't exist for you right?"

I sighed and leaned back against the yellow couches of the Hufflepuff Common Room. Anna and Mary had dragged me down here when they realized that we hadn't hung out in a long time and insisted on using tonight to do it.

"I guess not," I said and Anna handed me the box of chocolates that the house elves brought the Hufflepuff as end of week gifts. Apparently Hufflepuffs always got food from the house elves, because the elves liked the Puffers the best. Something about always saying thank you to them after meals and keeping their rooms clean.

"That boy is even more stupid than I thought," Mary said, causing Anna to throw a glare her way.

"He isn't stupid," Anna said. "For all you know, he could have thought you lost interest in him. I mean, you did say that you walked in with Fred."

"Yeah, but its Fred. Nothing would ever happen there," I lied. "And I just told Al I was falling in love with him a week ago. Does he really think that I could move on that quickly?"

"You did move on to him from Caleb pretty swiftly," Mary pointed out and, even though I didn't want to, I had to agree with her. "So maybe he thinks he was just like Caleb?"

"But he's not!" I said. "The reason I moved on quickly from Caleb is because I didn't realize that I had feelings for Albus until I was with Caleb. I'm just lucky that Caleb is such a great guy and understood that, because I don't know where I'd be without him. Honestly, he's probably the sweetest guy on the entire planet. I'm pretty sure that if it had been a different time I would have fallen in love with him."

Anna's head popped up at this. "You would have fallen in love with Caleb?"

"Yeah," I said, shrugging. "You have no idea how many times I wish I could fall in love with him. Sometimes I still wish that because being with him would be easier than being with Al."

"Oh," Anna said, looking down and stuffing a chocolate in her mouth. I frowned and looked up at Mary, who rolled her eyes.

"Anna, here, is still convinced that you and Caleb have feelings for each other," she said. "Even though he asked her to Hogsmeade tomorrow."

"He asked you to Hogsmeade?!" I yelled, jumping up.

He did it. He asked her out.

And he didn't tell me.

"Where is he? I swear, I'm going to kill that boy," I said, standing up and heading toward the boys dorms.

"No!' Anna said, latching onto my arm and pulling me back down on the couch. "Don't! Please! I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you but I thought it would be okay, since you have feelings for Albus. I didn't know you still had feelings for Caleb. I'll go break our date because I really don't want to do anything that would hurt you. I'm sorry, I thought you were over him."

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. Mary joined me and Anna looked at us like we were insane.

"I'm serious!" Anna said. "I'll break our date. I don't want to hurt you, Addie, I really don't."

"Anna, you aren't hurting me," I said. "Honestly, the only reason I wanted to kill him was because he didn't tell me."

"You mean you aren't mad?" Anna asked like she was still unsure.

"Of course not!" I said. "I've been telling him for ages to buck up and ask you out. I was going to kill him because he didn't tell me he actually did!"

"Oh," Anna said.

Mary was still laughing. "I told you it wasn't a big deal! Merlin, you're blind if you can't see that Caleb is absolutely mad for you."

"He fancies you way more than he fancied me," I said. "So, since you're going on a date, what are you doing tomorrow, Mary? Are you and Oliver hanging out?"

"No," Mary said. "He said he had a date or something. So I suppose I may go down for a bit, but then I'll just come back up here and read or eat in the kitchens."

"After I meet with my mum, you're more than welcome to hang out with Alice and me," I said. "We're probably going to do a little shopping and then go see Will down at The Pitch."

"Is Will the bloke with dark hair and really blue eyes that make your heart melt who bartends there?" Mary asked. I nodded. "I'm in. He's fit. So it might help me forget that Oliver is off doing whatever he is doing."

"Still fancy him, eh?"

"You still fancy Al, don't you?"

"Touché."

"Anyway, I could use seeing a fit bloke to take my mind off him," she said, pushing her bangs out of her eyes.

"Who do you need to take your mind off of?" Oliver said, walking down from the boy’s dorms and plopping down on Mary.

"Get off me, you oaf," Mary said, her voice muffled by his back. "This chair is made for one person."

"You're tiny, you barely count as a person," Oliver said, sending a sly smirk mine and Anna's way.

Anna shook her head and leaned over and whispered to me. "One galleon says that he'll somehow get her on his lap."

"Do they do this often?"

"Oliver does this anytime Mary is sitting somewhere. It's his way of getting her to sit on his lap."

"Does he fancy her?"

"In his own way. However, he seems to be stuck in the twelve year old mindset that if you like a girl, you're mean to her."

I  nodded in understanding, knowing that situation all too well.

"Get off me!" Mary said. "This is my chair!"

"But I want to sit here," Oliver whined.

"Well that's tough," Mary said. "Because I'm not moving. So get off me."

"You know, there is a way that I could get off you and still sit in your chair."

"And how would that be?"

"Well," Oliver said, getting up. Mary looked revealed, until Oliver grabbed her hand and pulled her into a standing position before sitting down.

"Hey!" Mary said. "You said that I would still get to sit in my chair-"

He cut her off by pulling her hand so she lost her balance, causing her to land on top of him.

"See?" Oliver said. "Perfect. Now we both get what we want."

"I don't recall saying that I wanted to be sitting on your lap," Mary said. "I recall saying that I wanted to sit in my chair."

"Well, I want to sit here too," Oliver said. "And you see, sharing is caring. As Hufflepuffs, it is basically our jobs to share."

"I hate you," Mary said, putting her head in her heads, to hide her blush when Oliver's arms went around her waist.

"Not true," Oliver said and he tugged Mary back slightly so she settled against his chest.

"This is a regular occurrence?" I whispered to Anna.

"Yeah," she said. "Oliver won't admit that he likes her though. Just that he likes to bug her."

I rolled my eyes.

Why were people so stupid when it came to their feelings?

I mean, seriously, own up to them.

Hey, I owned up to my feelings.

Eventually.

Shut up.  


* * *

 

"Alright where do you want to go today?" Mum said as we walked along High Street.

"Three Broomsticks is fine," I said. "Anywhere that is warm sounds good and since Three Broomsticks is right here, how about we go there?"

Mum smiled at me and put an arm around me. "You are definitely my daughter. I'm feeling like it's a hot chocolate day."

"Hot chocolate, coffee, I don't really care as long as I'm warm."

Mum smiled and opened the door and we ran inside, sitting down at a table by the fire.

"Why is it so bloody cold here?" I said.

"Because it's England," Mum said. "I love England, but it is so cold. Sometimes I think that I shall leave it all and head back to California."

"You've been to California?" I asked.

"Yes," Mum said, as she removed her gloves. "Went all over the state and lived in many parts of it too, but I liked San Francisco the best. Southern California is wonderful, it was far too warm in the winter. San Francisco was cold, but not too cold. It was perfect. I'd like to go back there, as soon as I possibly could."

"Oh," I said, looking down as I absorbed her words. "Um, I'll go order us the two hot chocolates so we aren't freezing anymore."

Mum gave me a confused look but I left before she could say anything. I sat at the bar and ordered our two hot chocolates.

Of course she would leave again. It was dumb of me to think that she would actually stay here this time. She would go back out into the world, back to San Francisco and leave me here and I would never hear from her again. It was becoming normal to have her around again and now she was going to leave, pulling that bit of normality with her.

"Thank you," I said to the barman when he handed me our hot cocos and walked back to the table. "Here."

Mum looked at me. "Honey, is something wrong?"

"No," I said, taking a sip of hot coco, to hide any detection I was lying. "Why would something be wrong?"

Mum shook her head. "I may not have been here for the past eleven years, but you are terrible at lying and pretending to be fine when you aren't." I didn't say anything. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"You're going to leave again," I said softly, tears forming in my eyes. "I know that you're going to leave me again and go back to San Francisco or where ever else and I'm never going to hear from you again. You're going to leave me again, Mum. And I don't know how I can handle that."

"Addison," Mum said, taking her hand in mine and looking at me. "I'm not leaving again. I'm sorry if I said something that made you feel that way, but I'm not leaving you again. I promise."

"But you just said that you wanted to go back to California as soon as possible," I said.

"And I do," Mum said, squeezing my hand. "But I'm not going there permanently. I love California and I love travel, but I love you more. I'm going to brave the weather here for you. I'm starting my life over so that we could be a family. That's why I got a job and live in the exact same apartment that I did when you were born. I'm here to stay."

"Oh," I said, wiping my tears away.

"But I was thinking that I would like to go back to San Francisco," she said. "And I thought that maybe, you'd like to come with me? Maybe we would just go for a few weeks in the summer? Madame Malkin's has been saying that she wants to see how the American Wizarding fashion, so it would be the perfect time. Besides, we could have some bonding time and I could show you all the sights. Oh, it's beautiful, Addison. I could take you to a baseball game and we could walk along the Golden Gate Bridge and-"

"Mum," I said. "I would love that."

"I'm still not used to that," she said. I gave her a confused look. "You calling me Mum. I've imagined what it would sound like, but I'm still not used to it. Especially since just last month you only called me Matilda." She smiled. "We've come a long way."

"Yeah," I said quietly. "We have."

"So," Mum said. "Tell me what's new in your life. Any improvements on the Al front?"

"Not really," I said. "Told him I was falling in love with him and he told me he wanted to be friends."

Mum didn't respond. Instead she was staring across my shoulder a panicked look on her face.

"No," she said softly. "No, no, no, fucking no."

I frowned at her and turned back but I couldn't see what she was looking at. "Mum? Are you okay?"

She looked at me, her eyes glazed over. "I'm sorry, Addison, I am so sorry."

"What are you-"

"Matilda?" A man's voice said from behind me. He walked over to our table. "I thought that was you!"

I looked up at him and froze in my place.

He was handsome and looked a few years older than Matilda. He had curly blonde hair but it was his eyes that made me stop.

I had seen his eyes before. I saw them every day when I looked in the mirror.

They were my eyes. Which meant only one thing.

"Cormac," Mum said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

"I own this pub," he said, a smile on his face. "What are you doing here? And who is this you're with?"

He gaze turned to me and I saw him freeze when his eyes met mine.

"Holy fuck," he said softly.

Well it was good to know that my potty mouth came from both my parents.

He slowly looked over at Mum, who had her head down. "Is this her?"

Mum didn't say anything, instead nodding.

He looked back at me before turning on her completely.

"Why didn't you let me take her with me?" he asked angrily. "She's my daughter and now you're here, rubbing it in my face that you have her and I don't. You had no right to tell me whether I could bring her with me or not-"

"Shut the hell up," I said, standing up. He looked over at me. "You do not get to act like it is all her fault that you never saw me. You don't get to pretend that you tried to see me after you left. You were my father. You knew my name and my age. If you owned this pub, you could have come when you knew I'd be here. You could have tried reaching out to me. Don't blame this all on her, because honestly it isn't her fault. You had just as much ability to get in touch with me as anyone else, but you didn't. Probably because you're a fucking asshole who left his daughter and the mother of his child alone when they needed him."

They both were quiet as they looked at me.

"Damn," Cormac said. "You really are my daughter."  


* * *

 

"Alright, does my hair look okay?" Alice asked as the two of us and Mary walked down to The Pitch.

"For the millionth time," Mary said. "It looks fine. Don't worry about it, the bloke already fancies you."

"I know but Dad said something about coming down to Hogsmeade today," Alice said, "And I'm worried that he might have gone into The Pitch and scared Will off."

"Your dad is like a giant teddy bear Alice," I said. "I doubt he could scare someone off."

"When he goes off on stories of what he did during the war, he isn't so much of a teddy bear," Alice said. "Trust me. He's scary sometimes."

"Right," I said, my thoughts wandering off to my own dad.

After I yelled at him, he was in shock for a little, but then sat down with me and Mum. It was awkward at first, since that was not only the first time I was meeting him, but the first time he and Mum had seen each other since he left.

His name was Cormac Mclaggen. He was the owner of many pubs around England and had bought the Three Broomsticks from Rosemerta a few years ago. I was confused as to why him and Mum were having money problems when they were together, since he apparently comes from a wealthy family and owns so many pubs and inns, and he explained that he broke contact with his family and didn't start buying bars until he got remarried. After he left us, he mended his relationship with his parents, giving him all that money back and allowing him to start his buying of pubs in order to earn a profit. He told us he got married two years after he left and that they had their first child two years after that. His wife knew nothing about me or Mum and neither did his kids.

Throughout the whole exchange, Mum didn't look at him once, nor did she say anything. She simply played with her mug. I knew that Cormac noticed, since he kept looking at her, expecting her to jump in and say something at certain points.

But she didn't. When he started talking about his wife and family, I could see tears start to form in her eyes before she left, saying she had to check up on the dress shop for her boss. I was barely able to say anything to her before she ran out of the pub, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and a promise to write.

At first, I was confused by her actions, but it didn't take me, or Cormac for that matter, long to figure out why she left in such a rush the minute he started talking about how he moved on.

She was still in love with him.

And I realized that we had even more in common than I originally thought.

"Alright, here we are," Mary said. "Now, stop fretting with your hair. There's a fit bloke in there who thinks you're wonderful and wants to be with you, so don't worry about anything. Okay?" She opened the door. "Okay. Now in you go."

And she pushed Alice inside.

"Did you really have to push her?" I asked.

Mary shrugged. "Maybe not, but I just wanted to get her inside before she asked me how her hair looked again. Besides, her dad was in there talking to Will, so I figured that it was the least I could do to get her in there faster."

"Well, after the day I've been having," I said, walking into the pub. "I'm very glad I'm 17, because I could really use some alcohol."

Mary smiled at me. "I'm right there with you."

We sat down on barstools next to Alice, who was cringing as her father talked to Will.

"And then, after waking up from being unconscious," Professor Longbottom said. "I got up, and held Gryffindor sword in my hand as I walked towards battle. I was going to continue walking, but I saw Nagini, Voldemort's snake, going in to attack Ron and Hermione. So, I took the sword and ran towards the snake, cutting its head clean off."

"Wow," Will said and he seem genuinely interested. "History classes never tell you that much of what happened in the war." He looked over at me and Mary. "If you could excuse me sir, I have to go ask these two lovely ladies for their order but I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Take your time, boy," he said, putting an arm around Alice. "I need to chat with my daughter anyway." He leaned in close to her. "I like this bloke, Alice."

"Yeah," Alice said. "So do I."

Will's face went red as he stood in front of us. "Hey. What can I get you?"

"Firewhiskey, please," I said.

"You sure?" Will asked. "You do know that's a very strong alcohol."

"After the day I've had, I need strong alcohol," I said.

"I'll take a firewhiskey as well," Mary said.

"Let me guess, you're having a bad day too?" Will asked as he got our drinks ready.

"Nope," Mary said, smiling cheekily. "Just want to drink."

"Hey, Ads," Alice said. "Do you think you're getting Al a birthday present?"

"Um, I don't know," I said. "Why?"

"Because his birthday is coming up?" Alice said. "The 24th is on Wednesday."

"Oh," I said. Through all the confusion of what was going on between us and dealing with my mum and trying to stay on top of my Defense work without a tutor, I forgot that February 24th was approaching very quickly. "Right. Um, I don't know, I haven't really thought of it." I bit my lip. "Do you think it'd be weird if I got him a gift? I mean we are," I frowned, " _friends._ "

"Man, you sound so happy to be his friend, Addie," Mary said, taking a sip of her Firewhiskey that Will brought to her.

"Ms. Malfoy," Professor Longbottom said. "I say don't give him a gift."

"Dad!" Alice said, shocked (and slightly annoyed) that her father was giving her friends advice.

"Be quiet Alice, and let me give your friend some advice," he said. Will laughed and Alice glared at him, so he leaned over the bar and kissed her on the cheek before going to a table and checking on the people there. "I know that you think I don't give good advice, but I was once your age. Now, Addison, don't get him a gift. I say that because while you are friends, you clearly are still mad about him. And who the hell knows what's going on in his brain. So don't get him a gift."

"No!" Alice said. "Get him a gift! You're still his friend even if you have feelings for him. And friends get each other gifts for their birthdays."

"Funny, I don't remember getting any gifts on my birthday," I said, sarcastically.

"I told you I was sorry about that!"

"I know, I'm just teasing," I said, desperate to get the topic off of Al. "So, Professor do you think that Will is a good match for Alice?"

Alice blushed and put her head in her hands.

"Way to change to topic," Mary whispered to me.

I smirked at her and listened to Professor Longbottom talk about how he thought Will was wonderful for Alice.

Well, I pretended to listen.

I was a bit distracted by the fact that I had met my father and had to figure out if I should get a gift for my former enemy/ex-boyfriend/friend on his 17th birthday when I still had feelings for him while he possibly moved on to some Irish Ravenclaw slut who is not actually a slut and is very pretty and makes me hate my fucking life.

So to deal with all of that, I downed my firewhiskey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	27. The Madness of a Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so, in true Addison Malfoy fashion, I ended up crying.

Wednesdays were supposed to be great days for me.

I only had two classes, Potions and Charms, Potions before lunch and Charms after. My two favorite classes on a day where I got to sleep in, go to class, eat lunch, go to class and then head back to the Common Room and relax or do homework.

Wednesdays were always my favorite day of the week.

However, this Wednesday was different.

It was different because it was February 24th.

Also known as Albus Severus Potter's 17th birthday.

And I was still debating whether or not to get him a present.

"So you decided not to get him a present?" Rose asked at breakfast. The Great Hall was pretty deserted, since most classes had started and not everyone was cool sixth years like me and Rose, who got free periods.

"No," I said. "I still haven't decided."

Rose frowned. "So, you haven't decided whether or not to get him a birthday present, despite the fact that it is his birthday and you don't have a present?"

"Exactly," I said, popping a grape in my mouth.

"But by default you didn't get him a present."

"There's still time to get him a present."

"You think you're going to buy a present in the next 15 hours?"

“It's possible."

Rose sighed. "If you were going to get him a present, why haven't you gotten one yet?"

She was giving me one of her Rose looks. Not her annoyed one because I didn't do my homework or the one where she thinks I'm being ridiculous. The one where she knew there was more to the story than I was telling her.

"Because I didn't know if I was supposed to," I said quietly. "We don't exactly have the most functioning relationship and I didn't know if being friends with him meant I could get him a present."

"You're friends," Rose said. "That's what friends do-"

"That's the thing though," I said. "I can't- I don't know how to be just friends with him. I can't be just friends with him. Okay? It is impossible for me to be friends with him when he's moving on and I'm-when I feel like I love- when I feel this way about him." I looked down at my food. "I'm sure his new girlfriend is getting him something great."

"They aren't dating," Rose said, comfortingly. "You know that, don't you?"

"They may as well be," I said. "It's clear he doesn't have feelings for me anymore."

Rose chewed her bottom lip. "Addie, I probably shouldn't tell you this and I know he's going to be pissed at me but Al still-"

"Oi! Ads!" I turned my attention to the front of the hall, where Fred was walking in; waving what looked like a piece of parchment. "This letter came for you this morning, but since you weren't down at breakfast yet, I figured I'd save it and give it to you."

"Thanks Freddy," I said, smiling as he sat down next to me. I turned back to Rose. "You were saying?"

"Nothing," Rose said, waving it off. "It wasn't important."

"Rosie, everything that comes out of your mouth is important," Freddy said, before cringing. "In fact, I once heard Scorpius say that he really loved your mouth because you were an awesome kisser."

"Oh Merlin," Rose said. "I told him that he shouldn't talk about our personal life in front of my family."

"Yeah," Freddy said. "It was disturbing."

"You can always just make him disturbed as well," I said, shrugging. "I mean, you've done basically the same thing as him. Only difference being that I'm more of his sister than his cousin."

It wasn't until Rose dropped her fork that I realized exactly what I said.

I was such a fucking idiot.

Rose looked between me and Freddy with wide eyes, putting all the pieces together. Freddy stiffened beside me, feeling very awkward that I had just revealed our (very enjoyable) snog that we were never supposed to speak of again.

"Well," Rose said, standing up. "I- ugh, I have to go. Study. Yeah. Study for that thing that I have a test in- in that class- MUGGLE STUDIES- yes for my test in Muggle studies that is happening. At some point. Anyway, ugh, I'm leaving. Don't- um, don't do anything." Her face turned red. "And if you do- uh- use protection. Since-um, we don't want awkwardness. Yeah. Uh, bye."

She nearly ran out of the Great Hall.

I dropped my head onto the table.

"I'm sorry," I said. I lifted my head up and hit it against the table. Repeatedly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a complete idiot and I'm sorry."

"Okay, first stop hitting your head against the table before you get brain damage," Fred said. When I didn't stop, he grabbed my face and made me look at him, his hands on either side of my cheeks. "Second, don't worry about it. It was a dumb mistake. We just need to hope that she doesn't do tell anyone about it. It's not like it's going to happen again."

Something about that statement made my heart hurt.

I didn't fancy Fred. I 150% did not fancy him. However, with him holding my face like that and us being in such close proximity, not to mention the fact that I was a slight emotional wreck because of Al and I really wanted to just forget about Al and lose myself in something else, I realized that right then, in that moment, I really wanted it to happen again. My eyes left his and wandered down to his lips, wanting to feel them on mine again before looking back up to his eyes, only to see that they too were on my lips.

When Fred looked back at my eyes, I saw that the lust that must be in mine were mirrored in his. "It's not like it's going to happen again...is it?"

I took initiative. I stood up, grabbed his hand and pulled him behind me as I attempted to walk calmly to the spare Potions room that hadn't been used in decades.

I opened the door and quickly shut it, before pushing Fred against the wall and attaching my lips to his. He responded just as I expected him too- just as I need him too- enthusiastically. We snogged like that for a while, but eventually my feet started hurting from standing on my toes in order to reach his mouth. So I detached from him. He thought I was done and looked like he expected me to break down into tears like the last time, but I surprised him when instead of running out of the classroom sobbing, I sat down on one of the desks, my feet on the chair, making my skirt expose more of my leg. The hunger that was in Fred's eyes in the Great Hall returned, greater this time, as he walked toward me and fiercely attached his lips to mine.

I smiled against his lips and once again, lost myself in the kiss, forgetting everything.

Well, nearly everything.

A stupid bloke by the name of Albus Potter was very stubborn in never leaving my mind.

We snogged for a long time. Like honestly, a really long time. We heard the bell but decided to ignore it, deciding that our time was much better spent snogging than in class. We probably would have kept snogging if we hadn't been interrupted.

"I'm sorry I'm late!" A female voice with an Irish accent rang out.

I detached my lips from Fred's and looked at the girl standing before us. She had strawberry blond hair that was thrown up in a very messy bun, her uniform was thrown on and she was wearing no makeup. It was clear that she had just gotten out of bed.

But more than that, I knew exactly who she was.

"Oh," she said when she noticed that this wasn't the 6th year’s potions class. "I'm sorry. I didn't- sorry; I'll just be going to class now. Wrong door."

She looked at me, one more time, before leaving, shutting the door behind her.

And that's when I lost any need to snog. I pulled my arms out of Freddy's hair and pushed him away from me slightly, looking down at my hands.

"Hey," he said, noticing my change in mood. "Hey, come on. What's up?"

"That girl," I said, nodding toward the door. "That's Al's new girlfriend."

Freddy frowned. "Al doesn't have a girlfriend. Especially not a fit Ravenclaw."

"Well I don't know if they're actually boyfriend and girlfriend, but they may as well be," I said, shrugging. "Her name is Lana. She's a sixth year Ravenclaw and is basically perfect." I sighed. "It's just not fair. He's able to move on but the only time that I begin to forget about him is when I'm snogging you. And then I feel guilty because I'm using you and you deserve more than that."

"Addie. You aren't using me. Trust me, I am a completely willing participant in these," Freddy said. "And I would be lying if I said I wasn't using you either. I need a snog that won't mean anything but that won't be with a random bird. You came knocking so I figured I'd take advantage of that. Besides, you're an awesome kisser." I smiled at that. "And Albus isn't moving on. I would probably be hit by lightning before that boy moves on from you. He tried for six years to move on from you, he hooked up with a lot of girls and even dated the she devil in the form of Erica Ericson. If there is one guy in this entire bloody castle who can't seem to move on, it's that one."

I smiled up at him. "Man all those years of making James and Dom get along really made you the best at seeing the good in a situation didn't it?"

Freddy shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Now that they each are in a relationship and snog all day, I haven't had as much time to make them realize that they do in fact love each other."

I put my hand on his shoulder. "You're a wonderful guy, Fred Weasley.”

Freddy smiled at me. "Back at ya, Malfoy."

"So, did you have a reason for finding me?" I asked. "Not that I didn't enjoy this snog, but I would like to think that you don't just use me for my stellar snogging skills."

"No, I really only use you for your stellar snogging skills," Freddy said, smirking at me. I hit him on the shoulder. "Alright, I'm kidding. I have a letter for you, remember?"

"How could I forget?" I said, smiling. Fred took the letter out of his back pocket and handed it to me. "Who is it from?"

Freddy shrugged. "According to the return address, it's from some bloke named Cormac Mcclaggen."

"Oh," I said looking down at the return address. It said that he and his wife, Becca, lived in the village of Wimbourne.

"Who is he?"

I gulped and looked up at Fred. "My father."

"Shit," Freddy said. "You going to open it?"

"Yeah," I said. "But I...I think I should do it in private."

"You sure?" He asked. "I would be more than willing to continue skipping class for you."

"I think you've skipped enough class for now, Weasley," I said, smiling but he still looked unsure. "Honestly. I'll be fine. It's a letter, it can't hurt me."

Freddy looked like he was going to argue with me, so I pushed him away from me.

"Go," I said. "Now, before I have to hex you."

"Okay, okay, I'm going," Freddy said, leaning in to kiss me on the forehead. "But if the letter does upset you and you suddenly feel the insane need to be a rebel and snog a random bloke, come find me."

I laughed. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

And with one last wink in my direction, Freddy walked out the door, leaving me alone with the letter from my father.  


* * *

 

It took me an hour before I could read the letter.

I walked back up to my dorm telling myself that once I had gotten there I would read it.

Of course, I didn't.

It took me another 56 minutes to read it.

Once I finally bucked up the courage, I sat on my bed, opened the letter, and started reading.

_Addison,_

_Hello. How are you? I hope you are well._

_I'm not entirely sure what to say here. I know that you probably didn't expect this from me, expect anything from me, but since I met you, I had come to a decision._

_I would like to be in your life. You were right when you said that I could have made contact before, but you must realize that the thought didn't occur to me that you would actually be attending Hogwarts. I know Matilda, and I know all her dreams of travel, so I expected that once I left, she would have gone to the US, like she had wanted to and start a new life with you there. I thought you would be attending Salem's or somewhere other than Hogwarts. It never occurred to me that Matilda would leave you behind. It did not occur to me that that was why she never wrote me asking for child support or anything- I thought it was just out of pride that she did that. She's very proud your mother, which isn't a bad thing, since it makes her much more independent. But that is why I never sought you out. I thought you wouldn't be here._

_Once I left our meeting, I went home and told Becca, my wife, about you. The reason that I kept you a secret was because I thought that she would look down on me for being the kind of man to abandon his child, right when both her and her mother needed her most._

_And I was right. Becca wasn't upset, not about the fact that I had a child nor about the fact that I lied to her. More than anything she was disappointed, like you, that I never tried to find you once I left. That I was the kind of man her father was._

_After telling Becca, we made a decision. She came up with the idea- she was a Ravenclaw when she went to Hogwarts- and I agreed that it was the best thing to do._

_We told our children about you. One is only 7 and therefore too young to understand, but the other one attends school with you. She is a second year and in the Gryffindor house, so it is possible you've run into her on occasion without knowing it. Her name is Ellory, if you know her._

_Anyway, on your next Hogsmeade visit, we would like it very much if you could meet us. All of us. I want you to meet my, er, your family. And I want you to become a part of this family, like you should have been from the very beginning._

_I know that I have screwed up. I do not expect anything from you. But I would really like it if you were there, as would Becca. She knows what it is like to not have a father and I don't want the pain that she has lived her with entire life to be the pain that I put on you._

_I hope to hear back from you._

_Sincerely,_

_Cormac Mclaggen_

_PS if you want, you could call me dad. But I don't want to push it on you. Only if you want._

* * *

 

“Hey, you missed classes today," Scorpius said as he and Rose walked into the Common Room.

Before I read the letter, I had planned on going to Charms. I really did. However, after reading it, I realized that I couldn't. That I really didn't feel like going to class when I had not only just gotten a father, but a whole family attached to it.

And so, in true Addison Malfoy fashion, I ended up crying.

Now, I was no longer crying, but I was in my pj's with my hair up, no makeup on, lying on the common room couch with probably an extremely sad look on my face.

Rose, having more observational skills than her boyfriend, noticed my appearance. "Addie? Are you okay?" She let go of Scorp's hand and sat down next to me, pushing a strand of hair that escaped from my ponytail behind my ear. "What happened?"

I looked up at Scorpius. "I got a letter from my dad today."

"From Dad?" Scorpius asked, frowning as he sat down in the chair next to the couch. "What did it say?"

"Not Draco," I said and I saw Scorp's frown deepen. Meanwhile Rose's eyes widened as she realized what I meant. "From my father. My biological one."

There was a moment of silence as Scorpius digested this.

"From...your dad?" Scorpius asked and I nodded. "You told him to fuck off right? I mean 17 years after leaving and he sends you a bloody letter thinking it'll be fine? Arse."

I bit my lip and looked at Rose. She had been the only person I had told about meeting Cormac. She was looking at Scorpius with a guilty expression because she knew the truth and he didn't, before turning away quickly when he met her eyes.

"What?" Scorpius asked. "What aren't you guys telling me?"

"You know, this is a family thing, I should go-" Rose said, grabbing her bag and standing up.

"No," Scorpius said, a puzzled look on his face. "You clearly know something. What could you know about Addie's father?" Then something clicked. "This wasn't his first time making contact was it?"

I shook my head.

Scorpius looked up at Rose. "You knew?"

She nodded. "Addie told me- I would have told you only she asked me not too. I had to respect her on that." She bit her lip. "Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," Scorpius said. He looked over at me. "Looks like you're getting that family you always wanted after all. First your mum, now your dad. Does he have more kids?"

"Yeah," I said. "2 of them. A boy and a girl."

"Wow," Scorpius said. "You are getting the family you always wanted. With a brother and sister and a mum and dad- it's everything you wanted. And now you have it."

I didn't know what to say, because I knew what Scorpius was thinking. I knew that he thought, now that I had my biological family back, now that I had a brother of my own, that I wouldn't need him to be my brother anymore.

"Rose could you give us a minute?" I asked her.

She nodded and walked over to kiss Scorpius quickly on the forehead. She pushed some hair out of his eyes and he looked up at her and smiled a small smile at her.

"I'll see you, later, okay?" she said.

"Sounds good."

"Hey," she said softly, so that no one but Scorpius could hear. "Everything is going to be okay. She's still you're family."

Scorpius then kissed her. "What would I do without you?"

"Lock Addie away in a tower where no boy could break her heart," Rose said with a smirk.

I had to agree with that one.

Rose walked away and Scorpius looked back at me. "So your dad? That's pretty big. Are you going to go live with him after you visit the States with your mum? Then you can be one big happy family and have a grand old time!" Scorpius scoffed. "What a prick. Making contact with you after 17 years. As if he actually has a right to do that after he left you and Matilda. What a fucking asshole."

"Scorpius-"

"Has he told you to call him dad yet?" Scorpius asked, hotly. "Has he told you that you can change your name and just be a part of his little family with him? That you can forget about your actual family, the people who have been there for you for ages and who would never turn they're back on you or let you go without a fight. What a fucking asshole."

"Scorpius," I said, putting my hand on his arm to calm him down. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not changing my name so that I can pretend to be a part of his family. Yes, he is my father and yes, I am going to get to know him, but I am not going anywhere." I stood up and squeezed in between him and the armrest of his chair. "I'm Addison Elizabeth Malfoy. Not Mclaggen or anything else. I will continue to be a Malfoy until one day, when I hopefully get married. I'm going to continue living in the Malfoy Manor until I get a place of my own after we graduate next year. I'm going to live with my brother and the two people who have actually been parents to me." I wrapped my arms around Scorpius, resting my head on his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere. You will always be my brother just like you, Draco and Astoria will always be my family, regardless of who comes into the picture." I peeked up at him. "Malfoys until the end, remember?"

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me. "Yeah. Malfoys until the end."

I took my arms back and got up, only to have him pull me back down. "What?"

"I thought you said you weren't going anywhere?"

"I'm going over to the couch, idiot."

"Oh. Right," Scorpius said and let me go. "Sorry. I just had a panic attack from worrying I was going to lose my sister. That happened once and I don't want it to ever happen again."

"The feeling is mutual, Scorp," I said, smiling.

"Well if it isn't my two favorite cousin siblings," Louis said, crashing down on the couch.

"Hey Lou," I said and Scorpius nodded at him.

"I'm going to go find Rose," he said. "Louis, you're not going to have Paige in the room again are you?"

"Nah," Louis said. "She said she needed to study and that studying with me was distracting."

"Thank Merlin," Scorpius said. "Maybe I can finally get some alone time with Rose."

"Hey! That's my cousin! Don't do anything up there I wouldn't do," Louis said. Scorpius gave him a pointed look, which caused Louis to go red in the face. "I mean...ugh...never mind, just keep my cousin pure."

Scorpius waved and walked out of the common room, since he knew that there was no way to keep Rose pure, since she hasn't been pure for a few months now.

"Oh Addison," Louis said, putting an arm around me. "How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"Yeah well, you haven't been around much since Valentine's Day," I said. "You know, last time I saw you were snogging Paige while sitting next to me."

"Oh yeah. Not really sure what I've been doing since then."

"I believe she is blonde and the newest Chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team."

Louis stuck his tongue out at me. "It's not like I've missed that much."

"Um, excuse me?"

We both looked to our left, where a girl who was about 12 was standing there, looking at me with wide blue eyes.

"Yeah, sweetie?" I said, shrugging Louis's arm off me.

"Um, you're Addie Malfoy, right?" she asked, tucking a piece of dark hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," I said. "Why?"

"I'm Ellory," she said, sticking a hand out for me to shake. "Ellory Mclaggen. Your little sister."

"What?!" Louis said from behind me.

"Dad said that he told you about me and that it would be okay for me to introduce myself if I wanted. And that maybe, if it was alright with you, we could get to know each other a little more?" Ellory asked and I could tell she was excited. "I've always wanted a big sister."

"Holy shit," Louis mumbled from behind me. "I missed a hell of a lot more than I thought."  


* * *

 

I walked down the Quidditch Pitch, deciding that after the hectic day that I had, I would take a ride on my broom to clear my head. I hadn't touched my broom since I quit, so it was still in my locker.

I got to the locker rooms and went over to mine, putting in the combination that I had had since second year. I had assumed that Paige would be using this locker now, since it was rightfully hers, but she didn't, choosing instead to share with Louis. I opened the locker and saw that everything was exactly how I left it.

I quickly grabbed my broom and shut my locker before I could get all nostalgic and probably end up in tears.

I walked out onto the pitch, broom in hand and smiled as I felt the familiar feeling of the grass beneath my feet. I took off my heavy jacket, letting the cold hit me and took a deep breath, taking it all in. Letting myself get in the calm state of mind where I was all alone and could breath and not worry about hearing anyone else.

"Oi! No fair, Potter!"

My eyes instantly opened and I turned my head toward the voice, hoping that James was playing with some Irish girl and that it wasn't the two people I didn't want to see.

Of course, because this is my life, it was the two people I didn't want to see.

"That's completely fair Lana!" Al said, his voice filled with a joy that I hadn't heard in a long time. "You would know that if you actually played!"

"I play at home with me dad! That's enough!" Lana shook her head and laughed. "I'm letting you get away with this but only because it's your birthday!"

"Well, thanks for the present!"

I quickly turned and ran back to the locker room, dropping my broom in front of my locker before sprinting back to the castle, headed straight to my room. When I got there, I shut the door quickly, before leaning back and taking a deep breath.

Tonight was the first night in 2 months that I had heard Al laugh like that. Yes, I was sure that he had laughed like that with other people, but I had never heard it. And I especially never heard it from a girl.

I was hoping he was just as miserable without me as I was without him. But he wasn't. He had Lana and that made everything okay because he had moved on while I was still holding onto him and something that probably would never happen again.

I walked over to my bed, taking off my sweater as I went and felt the cold metal of my necklace against my skin.

And that was when I decided what to give Al for his birthday.

I took off the necklace. After months of wearing it and refusing to take it off, refusing to admit that Al and I were over, I took it off. I was giving Al what he wanted. He had closed the chapter about us and was now writing a new part of his story with someone else.

And even though it broke my heart, I had to stop writing the story of Al and me and move on.

They say that if you love someone, you should set them free.

So that's what I finally did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	28. The Madness of Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Scorpius dumped her?
> 
> What if she's pregnant?!
> 
> What if Scorpius dumped her AND she's pregnant?!

"Addie, we need to talk."

I looked up from my homework at Rose, who stood in the doorframe, a serious look on her face.

"Okay," I said, moving some homework to my nightstand to make room for her to sit.

"I need to talk to you," Rose said, sitting down.

"You said that already," I said, smiling, despite the fact that I was becoming very worried by Rose's nervousness. "What's wrong? Is it Scorp?"

Oh my god.

What if Scorpius dumped her?

What if she's pregnant?!

What if Scorpius dumped her AND she's pregnant?!

"No!" Rose said, tugging on the end of her shirt. "No, Scorp is good. Better than good, he's, uh, great."

Well thank god.

After smiling like an idiot for a few seconds, Rose soon returned to her serious demeanor. "I need to talk to you about Fred."

I frowned. "Fred Weasley? Why?"

"Because of what you let slip a little while ago," Rose said. I stared at her blankly. "You know, at breakfast last week?"

I thought back to last week.

I got nothing.

Rose sighed, frustrated. "You implied that you were hooking up with Fred."

Oh.

Right.

That was right before I actually did hook up with Fred.

Again.

"Now, I know that I left before you could explain," Rose said. "I realized that once I left but I was just kind of in shock because, you know, you're hooking up with another one of my cousins and not the cousin I expected it to be either-- I always thought that you'd hook up with Louis or James before anyone else-- and I'm not good in awkward situations so I just bolted. Anyway, I was going to talk to you after Potions, but you weren't there. After finding out about the letter from your dad, I assumed that was why and I didn't want to bring this up when you were still so upset over it. So I decided to let it go, figuring that it was probably a one-time thing and that I was being melodramatic over the whole thing. But, then I found out the real reason you weren't in Potions, which is because you were hooking up with Fred. I want you to know that I love you Addie and I support your decisions but-"

"How'd you find out that I was hooking up with Fred?" I asked. I knew the answer, but I was hoping that it wasn't the one person that it probably was.

"Lana told me," Rose said. "She came up to me that night and asked if you and Fred were hooking up-"

"What did you tell her?"

"If you stop interrupting me then you'll find out," Rose said, with a pointed look. "I told her that I wasn't sure, but that you had mentioned it."

Even though I knew that I shouldn't, I asked the one question that was burning in my head.

“You don't think she told Al do you?" I asked.

"Oh my God," Rose said, putting her hand to her face and taking a deep breath. "Addie, I'm going to try really hard not to yell at you right now, but I really can't promise anything."

"What-"

"You have to stop doing this," Rose said. "You have to stop going around and worrying about Al and what he thinks about you and moaning about how he's moving on yet go and snog his cousin. You know that would hurt him, it would probably break his heart more than anything else that you've done. You can't sob over how he might be moving on with Lana, something none of us know is true, and do this. It isn't fair to him."

"Rose, let me explain-"

"No," Rose said firmly, and I had to admit, I was taken back by the conviction in her voice. This seemed like something she had been holding back for a long time. "You are my best friend and I love you to death and I will always be by your side, but I have watched you put Albus through hell. You wouldn't even look at him unless he was insulting you for years and you were convinced he hated you, when in actuality, he was mad about you and the only way he could get your attention was to piss you off. And then this year, when he finally decides that maybe becoming friends would be a better way to win your heart, you not only lead him on, but you get a boyfriend. So for nearly 2 months, I had to watch my cousin, someone who is more like a brother to me than anything, pine over you and deal with the fact that you would act like you like him before running back to your boyfriend. You don't know this Addie, but that killed him. Yet no matter how many times I told him to stop chasing you or to not even bother any more, he wouldn't listen, because he was just happy you were giving him attention."

I looked down at my hands, suddenly wishing I could go back in time and change the past.

"And then you finally give the guy a chance. Finally, everyone thinks that Al is going to stop getting played. And for a while, that was true and you treated him really well. And then New Year's happened. I know, nothing happened between you and Louis, and Al probably made a rash decision in breaking up with you. But you can't blame him. He had no reason to trust you or expect that you wouldn't just throw him away. And since then, all you've done is complain about how much you miss him and want to be with him. You spent the entire month of January crying! And then you tell the entire school that you're falling in love with Al. But then it's like you just gave up!

“Besides your confession, you have not tried to get him back at all. You don't talk to him and despite his efforts to be friends with you, you can barely look at him. The only thing you did was wear the necklace he gave you. And now he's done and possibly moving on and suddenly it's like the whole world is falling apart for you again, even though, really all of this can be traced back to you. You need to stop being so goddamn impulsive and actually learn something from the mistakes you make. You can't say you're in love with Al and then hook up with his cousin on his birthday.

“I love you Addie, I really do, but it is so hard to be sympathetic towards you anymore, when it has been 2 months of this bullshit. If Al is moving on, you need to let him and stop moaning about how unfair it is to you. Al is his own person and has his own life and maybe he's actually starting something with a girl who isn't going to send him mixed signals and argue with him at every moment she can. For the first time in months, he is happy and it might have something to do with Lana and if it does, you need to accept that and move on. The sooner you let him go, and I mean really let him go, not just stop wearing his necklace, the sooner you will be able to move on from him. I know that idea sucks, but you need to realize that you've hurt him a lot and that he might actually be done with you. Unfortunately, that's the price you have to pay."

I nodded, still looking down at my hands, knowing that she was right. This was my fault and now I had to pay the consequences. I couldn't cry about Albus yet hook up with his cousin.

If Al had let go, I had to do the same. For real.

Rose took a deep breath and put her hand on top of mine, causing me to look up at her.

"I know it's hard," she said softly. "The idea of moving on from something that you really want but sometimes you have to accept that it's for the best. That maybe this madness between you and Al should finally end."

"I really have been an idiot when it comes to him haven't I?" I asked.

"Just a little," Rose said and tears came to my eyes. "What?"

"I just wish that I didn't have to lose him to realize that I need to stop acting before I think," I said. "But I guess that's the price I have to pay."

"Yeah," Rose said. "Unfortunately, it is."

I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath. "Okay. From this moment on, no more tears. No more complaining about how Albus has moved on, not even in my head. No pretending like I'm going to get him back. No hating on Lana. No hooking up with Freddy. No doing anything, that is impulsive, self destructive or stupid. It's time to let go. For real."

Rose nodded and picked up the necklace off my nightstand and holding it in front of me. I took it and put it in her hand.

"Take it. I can't be trusted with it," I said. "Too many memories."

And with that, I began to clean Albus Potter out of my heart.

* * *

 

Maybe attempted to clean was a better word choice.

I spent the entire month of March trying to move on from Al. It wasn't easy, so I mainly kept busy. I actually studied for tests. I got help from Rose and Scorpius in Defense and raised my grade up to an Acceptable. I wrote letters to my parents (the biological and the people who actually raised me). I got to know Ellory and she showed me pictures of her childhood and what our little brother, Jacob, was like. Scorpius would even come along when Ellory and I hung out, getting to know his newest cousin, even though they weren't actually blood related. I spent time with Caleb, Anna, Mary and Oliver. Freddy, James, Annalise and I would hang out and eat lots of food together. I would sneak down to The Pitch with Alice and Mary and got to know Will a lot better. Louis and I would go out and fly around together.

I really did anything I could to keep my mind off Al.

And for the most part, I did. I would be so busy throwing myself into all these new projects and hanging out with people that I wouldn't have time to think about Albus until I was lying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep.

But despite that, I wasn't over him.

And I knew why. There was one small incident that took place on March 10th that was making my heart hold onto hope that he still cared, despite my head telling it otherwise.

It was one day in Defense. Al's dad had come in to talk to us about the Patronus Charm and how, in his 3rd year, he used it to fight off over a hundred Dementors at once.

Everyone knew this story. Hell, everyone knew everything Harry Potter did. But everyone was still so enthralled in what he was saying, because this wasn't someone else telling us what Harry did, this was actually Harry Freakin Potter telling us a first person account of it.

The only person who wasn't actively listening was Al. Instead, he was doodling and looking around the room, as if trying to find inspiration for his latest doodle masterpiece. His eyes landed on me and, for some reason, stayed there.

I turned my head toward him, giving him a questioning look and saw that he wasn't looking at me, but instead my bare neck. But instead of looking like he was glad that it appeared that I had moved on like I thought that he would have, he instead looked sad, as if his worst fear had been confirmed.

And then he basically ran out of class, Lana close behind him.

Like I said, a small incident, but my heart was holding onto that incident as if its life depended on it.

After that, there was even less contact between the two of us than before. I mean, we still sat next to each other in class and stuff and we would still make eye contact or catch the other looking but we never really spoke after that.

But, like I said, I tried to keep my mind off him.

One night, I was doing that by sitting in the Hufflepuff common room with my favorite Puffers, since I hadn't seen them in a while.

"You cannot actually say that the Weird Sisters aren't one of the best bands of all time!" Oliver said.

"Yes, I can because I'm not an ignorant idiot like you," Mary said back. "If you listened to muggle music you would see that the Weird Sisters aren't all that special. In fact, they're kind of overrated."

Oliver looked like Mary had just told him his mother was ugly. "Aren't that spec-- you have got to be out of your mind! The Weird Sisters are a band unlike any other, a band that has character and a band that plays the fucking bagpipes! They are completely original and 'Do The Hippogriff' is a complete classic and you are absolutely mad if you think that the Weird Sisters are ordinary. They are fucking special and you don't deserve to listen to them if you are ignorant enough to think that they're overrated."

Mary smirked at him. "You're such a fanboy."

"No I'm not!" Oliver said.

"Yeah you are," Mary said. "And you're totally in love with Myron Wagtail."

Oliver glared at her. "I will sit on you."

"It won't make you any less in love with Myron Wagtail," Mary said, with a smirk. Then, "Hey, get off me!"

I looked over at Caleb. "So are they dating yet?"

"Nope," Caleb said, shrugging. "Not really sure why either."

"It's because Oliver is scared of Mary's brothers," Anna said. "He finally realized that he likes her, but the fact that she has 4 brothers is a little intimidating to him. Even if they are all muggles, he's scared that they'll beat him to a pulp."

"She has four brothers?" I asked. "Damn."

"I'd be scared of that too," Caleb said. He looked at Anna. "Thank Merlin you don't have any brothers. Besides the seven year old."

"He could still kill you if he wanted," Anna said. "He's very talented for his age."

"I could take him."

"I'm sure you could," Anna said. "Speaking of, I owe him and mum a reply. I'll see you guys at dinner."

"Bye," I said, waving at her as she walked away. Mary waved from underneath Oliver and attempted to kick him again. I turned toward Caleb. "So, are you guys dating yet?"

"Depends on your definition of dating," Caleb said. "We've gone on dates but we are not officially boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Because he's a fucking prick and won't ask her," Oliver chimed in.

"Really?" Caleb said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm the prick who won't ask the girl he likes out?"

"Oliver is just a prick in general," Mary said, attempting to push him off again. "Now GET THE FUCK OFF ME."

"They're going to have such stubborn children," I said quietly to Caleb. "Why haven't you asked Anna to be your girlfriend?"

"Because why should I?" Caleb said. "We're perfectly happy going on dates with only each other without the label. There's no point to ruin that."

"I guess you have a point," I said. "I shouldn't really be giving out relationship advice when all my relationships go to shit."

"How are you doing anyway?" Caleb asked.

"Oh I'm great," I said. "You know, I'm great when I'm busy and hanging out with people and doing stuff but the minute I'm not, I begin to think of him. I can barely look at certain things without feeling my heart lurch. Even on something as pointless as an attendance sheet, when I see his name, all the progress I made is pointless. I'm fine when I'm not thinking of him, but the minute something happens that causes a flashback, I'm suddenly not fine. And I don't really know why I can't move on."

"Do you want to?" Caleb asked.

I took a deep breath. "I don't know. I want to move on, so I can be happy again and so that he can live his life, but at the same time I'm still waiting for him to come back. And it sucks. He's not coming back. My head has accepted that. It's just my heart that can't."

Caleb nodded. "I don't really know what to say, but I'm sorry. I really am."

"You don't need to say anything," I said, smiling at him. "Just distract me, please."

"That, I can do," Caleb said, standing up and holding a hand out. "I do believe that there is a bakery down in Hogsmeade with every sweet available. I'm told food normally helps in these situations and I'll pay."

I grabbed his hand and let him pull me up. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"You say that to every man who offers to buy you food."

I smiled because of how true it was.

So Caleb and I snuck down to Hogsmeade and I ate way more than I should have, all on his tab, not even worrying about how I looked or anything.

Caleb and I may not have worked as a couple, but we were awesome at being friends.

I could only hope that Al and I could be this good of friends one day.

You know. Once I moved on from him and all.

"Oh my God," I said, holding my stomach as Caleb and I walked down the main street of Hogsmeade. "I shouldn't have eaten that much."

"I told you that you should stop after you decided to mix carrot cake with coffee ice cream," Caleb said. "But as usual, you didn't listen."

"It was all just so good."

"Yeah, but you should have stopped."

"I never had such amazing food in my life."

"You could have gotten a to-go box, you know."

"I just had to eat as much of that amazingness as I could."

"Addison?"

I hadn't realized that we were walking by the Three Broomsticks. More than that, I hadn't realized that my father was sitting on a bench right outside it, reading a letter.

"Cor- Da- uh, hi," I said, unsure of what to call him.

He stood up and walked over to us. "What are you doing down here? Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Well, yeah but I was hungry," I said. Caleb coughed awkwardly. "Oh, um, this is Caleb. Caleb this is, um, this is-"

"Cormac Mclaggen," Cormac said, reaching out and shaking Caleb's hand. "Addison's father."

"Oh," Caleb said, hiding his shock very well.

An awkward silence fell over us.

"So, Caleb," Cormac said. "Are you Addison's boyfriend?"

Even though he tried, Caleb couldn't help by let out a small laugh at that.

"Um, no sir," Caleb said. "We're just friends."

"Oh, okay," Cormac said. "You don't mind if I have a minute with Addison alone do you?"

"Of course not," Caleb said. "I'll just go back-"

"I insist that you get a drink inside," Cormac said. "Whatever you want, just tell them it's on the house. I would prefer if you walked with Addison back to the castle when you both are ready to go up."

"Okay sir," Caleb said. "I'll be right inside when you're done."

"Why don't we go sit down, yeah?" Cormac said, nodding toward the bench. We sat down but neither one of us talked, both unsure of what to say.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "I thought that you'd be at home with your wife."

"Oh, Becca and I both decided that I should stay in Hogsmeade for a while," Cormac said. "I'm staying right above the pub. One of the joys of owning it, I suppose."

"Are things alright with you two?" I asked.

"Oh yes!" Cormac said. "Yes. I didn't need to stay here because problems with our marriage, I needed to stay here for...other reasons."

"That's good," I said, awkwardly. "That your marriage isn't falling apart I mean."

"Yeah," Cormac said, just as awkwardly, before we fell into a moment of silence.

Well it's good to know where I get my awkward gene from.

We spend about two minutes in silence before we both decided to speak.

"I should go back-"

"The reason I'm here is-"

"You can go first," I said.

"The reason I'm here, Addison," Cormac said. "Is for the exact reason I said in my letter to you. I want to be a part of your life. When you didn't respond, I expected that you didn't feel the same, however after Ellory wrote saying that you and her were becoming close, I got confused." Cormac looked at me. "I understand if you cannot forgive me, I do. I know that I should have fought for you and that I never should have left you or your mother completely alone. You were my child and I walked away. I told myself that Matilda would have brought you far away from here and used that as an excuse to never seek you out. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. If I could change it, I would. However, I would like a second chance. But you don't have to forgive me."

"I never got the chance to write you back," I said. "I would have, but I've been very busy lately."

"I understand that," Cormac said. "I just can't explain how sorry I am. But I would like to change things. I would like you to have a family, a proper family-"

"I already have a family," I said, turning towards him. I was surprised at how I wasn't angry at his false statement. “Even though you and Matilda left me, I have a family. I have a father and mother and a brother. Yes, they may really be my aunt, uncle and cousin but they are my family. They've been with me through everything. They are my proper family. And I would like if you didn't disrespect that."

"Yes, of course," Cormac said. "I didn't mean it like that. I had forgotten that you had grown up with two parents, despite the fact that both of us left you. I hadn't even thought that you might not want to know the people who were supposed to be that with you."

"I'm not going to pretend like I hadn't wondered about you," I said, softly. "Yes, they are my family and yes, Draco is an amazing dad, but at the end of the day, a part of me always wondered why you both left me. Why we couldn't have been what Draco, Astoria and Scorpius were. But eventually, I just had to force myself from wondering that."

Cormac sighed. "I've wondered the same thing too." He loosened his tie. "What do you say that when you come and meet Becca and Jacob next Hogsmeade, that we invite your family too?"

"Okay," I said. "But you have to realize that my family also includes Matilda now."

Cormac smiled. "I figured."

I tried to ignore the curiosity inside me. But there was something about his smile that made me unable to.

"Do you still love her?" I asked.

"It's very complicated," Cormac said. "I do. However, I am no longer in love with her. For a long time, I was, but I eventually just had to move on. When I was first dating Becca, I wouldn't let myself get close to her because I was still in love with Matilda and I was still considering going back. But I knew that I couldn't. So I let her go. I moved on. It was hard, but I did it."

I nodded. "I think that's what we all need to do right now," I said. "We all just need to accept that this is our family. Messed up and dysfunctional as it is, we need to find a way that works with all of us. We need to accept it and move on."

No more crying. No more worrying about what cannot be changed.

I needed to accept my current circumstances-- my relationship with Al, my family, my DADA grade-- and move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Only two more chapters!


	29. The Madness of a Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you crying?" I whispered.
> 
>  
> 
> "No," Caleb said. "My allergies are just acting up."

They say that letting go takes time and they're right. It took a long time for me to let go of Al. I really couldn't even say how long it took for me to let go completely, if I ever did.

I finished that year with my best grades ever, as I was using studying as a way to distract myself. I had passed my Apparation test, with Alice, Scorpius and Louis. Rose had failed something that annoyed her no end.

Al also passed too.

Trying to move on from Albus when I had to see him at school was no easy task. However, I knew that if I didn't do anything that summer that I would drive myself mad thinking about him. So I made some very busy plans for myself.

Mum had moved-- temporarily-- to San Francisco, as she was helping Madam Maulkin open a store out there. Mum's job was to walk around the Wizarding Community there and learn what people wore and then make designs that they would like. It was Mum's dream, as she was able to be in her favorite city and design clothes, while still getting to meet people. What made it even better was when I decided to spend the last two weeks of June and the first week of July with her.

I had never been one for large cities nor had I liked America when Draco, Astoria, Scorp and I went to New York City when I was 13-- but I fell in love with San Francisco. It was beautiful and the food was amazing. Mum and I did many muggle tourist things, like going to the zoo and walking across the Golden Gate Bridge. I even got to go to a baseball game, though I don't understand the appeal of the sport. It was so slow and, quite honestly, boring. Then again, I was comparing it to Quidditch.

Astoria was worried that I would get bored there, since Mum had to work most weekdays and wouldn't get to spend time with me but she was wrong. On most days when Mum had to work, I would simply walk around the city. It's amazing and huge, yet the people were quite nice compared to those in London. There are so many little neighborhoods that I got to explore but I found that my favorite was North Beach. Lots of wonderful Italian food there.

I found myself thinking of Al a lot when I went walking. Mainly because a part of me still really wanted to share all this with him, to write him and tell him how in love with this place I was. I wanted to know what he was doing and if he missed me like I missed him. However, as time went on and I explored more of the city, I found myself thinking less and less about Al and more about what I wanted and my future. Instead of focusing on the past or what one boy was doing, I was thinking about how I could move here or how there were many places that I hadn't seen, even though I really wanted too.

I told Matilda that, and she explained that it's something that San Francisco does. She came to San Francisco with a broken heart and the city had cured it.

And I wasn't really sure if it was the city or getting to spend time with my mum. I learned a lot about myself by spending time with her. We told stories about our lives but we would mainly just hang out. She was a weird mix between a friend and a mother-- partly because she knew that all the mothering she could do might not work at that point and she also didn’t want to overstep, since Astoria had filled the role in my life. So we bonded a lot and were able to do the things together that we had always wanted or thought we wanted. We lived like muggles but were always grateful that we could Apparate back to our apartment in the Wizarding Distract of the city.

I learned a lot about her too. She hadn't seriously dated since Cormac, but when I arrived in San Francisco, she told me that she had been seeing a man named Brian. I spent a lot of time with him as well and I really like him. He was good for her and treated her well. He had grown up in San Francisco all his life, attended Ilvermorny the same time Mum was at Beauxbatons, and owned an apothecary. Mum had told him that I loved Potions, and Brian offered to let me shadow him a few times, when I got tired from exploring the city. Although I never tired of the city, I did shadow Brian and I loved it. I decided that I wanted to work in an apothecary after Hogwarts, something I had never thought about before.

I was really sad when I had to leave. I had fallen in love with this city and the life that I was having with Mum. Mum kept telling me that she would be back in England at the end of the summer, and anytime she mentioned it when Brian was around, I saw his face drop. So, despite the fact that I really wanted her there near me, I told her to stay. Madame Maulkin's had offered her the management position at the new store and she had such a great life there-- I couldn't ask her to leave it. I didn't even want to leave it.

So she didn't. She stayed in San Francisco, something that I wanted to do.

But I didn't, instead, during the second week of July, I Apparated over to Cormac's house in Wimborne.

When I met Cormac's family with my family, it had been decided that it would probably be a good idea to spend some time at his house getting to know his wife and kids, since they were also my family. This may have also been influenced by the fact that Ellory asked if I could sleepover at some point that summer and that Jacob is the most adorable brother ever who wouldn’t get off my lap.

Though it was hard to beat the amazing experience I just had, going to Dad's was amazing in a different way. Though I didn't get to wander around a foreign city, I did get to play with the siblings I never had. Becca taught me how to cook and I spent most of my time getting to be a part of a family that I thought I would have never gotten the chance to be a part of.

And I loved it. I really did. I loved getting to spend time with my sister and learn that my brother is really weird, yet strangely intelligent at the same time. Becca and I managed to bond instantly, which didn't happen with Dad. Dad and I had to work to get over our awkwardness, something that didn't happen until we went to Puddlemere United game. We bonded over our love of sports and the fact that we both yelled at exactly the same dumb calls by the ref.

That game also was the first game that James ever played in. He was on the reserve team, but then one of their chasers got hurt and James got called up. He played great, as expected, and fortunately I got to see him after the game since Lily saw me there and dragged me over to where all the team's family members wait. Unfortunately, Al was there, which caused some awkwardness, though I mainly just talked to Lily. Dad, Harry and Ginny were all talking, something about how Dad once went to some party with Hermione and then threw up on Snape. I wondered where Annalise was, and Lily told me that she was in healing school and that this was the only game that she had ever missed. Finally, James came out and I said hi and introduced him to my dad and then left, before I could make eye contact with Al and lose all progress I made getting over him.

Dad picked up on the awkwardness between Al and me and asked about as we were walking out. I ended up telling him the entire story, which led to me crying on his shoulder on a bench.

But hey, it brought us closer together.

When my three weeks with them was over, I didn't have that same feeling of not wanting to leave that I had in San Francisco. I didn't want to leave the people, but I couldn't wait to get the hell out of Wimborne. So on August 1st, I went back home to my family at the Malfoy Manor.

I had missed them. Even though I had gotten to have amazing experiences with Mum and Dad, I had really missed Scorpius being next door to me and Astoria yelling at me to wake up. I missed Ryan randomly popping in and making me bake with him, though he didn't have much time for that with his job down at the Daily Prophet and his relationship with Lysander. I missed going down to Diagon Alley with Alice and Rose.

I missed my normal life.

So the month of August was spent doing that. Living my life with the people that I loved more than anything in this world and who had been there with me through everything. They had seen me at my worst and they still loved me.

What made it even better was that I was over Al. I didn't want to try to get him back and I didn't miss him. I didn't wonder what he was doing or if he had moved on. When it came to Al, I found that I just didn't do anything anymore.

And on September 1st, when Scorpius and I got on the Hogwarts Express and sat down in a compartment with our friends, I didn't even think about why Al wasn't there or if he was coming, as I had in past years (though mainly that was because I was annoyed with him and didn't want him there). In fact, I didn't even think about him, until he showed up, pulling Lana in by the hand.

It was only then that my feelings stung a bit. But only a little. It was more the image of seeing him with someone else that hurt more than anything.

Unlike my sixth year, my seventh year wasn't spent focusing on my relationships and the relationships of my friends. This was partly because nearly all my friends were in a happy relationship. Scorpius and Rose were the old married couple of the group, Louis was still floating between girls, and Alice and Will were still dating, but not officially boyfriend and girlfriend. And whenever I got tired of hearing about the latest girl Lou hooked up with or Scorpius and Rose were being too cute for their own good, I'd go hang out with my Puffers. While Caleb and Anna were similar to Rose and Scorp, they weren't very big on PDA, making it easy to be around them. Oliver and Mary had hooked up this summer, but realized that there was no physical chemistry there, so while the flirting between them was still there, they moved on to other people.

Despite the fact that my friends were busier than bunnies most days, I never dated or hooked up with anyone that year. It wasn't because I was still pining over Al, hoping that because he and Lana broke up in October that he'd realize that he still had feelings for me even though we didn't talk. I just decided that I didn't want a relationship. I wanted to work on myself and stop doing things that were self-destructive or impulsive.

Which was actually kind of hard. Because there were times when I really just wanted to make out with someone. What made it even more difficult was that Freddy, my former snog buddy (okay so it was twice, but still), was now working at the newest branch of Weasley's Wizard Wheeze in Hogsmeade. I spent a lot of time down there and despite the fact that sometimes I'd really need to snog someone and he'd be looking really, really good, we never kissed. Flirted, yes. But never actually kissed. I knew that while I enjoyed snogging him, I was not emotionally attached to him, so I shouldn't snog him.

Another reason as to why I didn't get into a relationship was something that I had decided because I realized that once Hogwarts was over, I was going to be gone. I didn't mean gone like I'd be leaving school, but gone like I wouldn't even be in the country, something I had only told my families and none of my friends.

This decision was made in November. We were beginning to think about our jobs after school and all that. I had mentioned it in my letter to Mum and she had told Brian, who then told me that one of his friends who ran another apothecary in San Francisco was looking for someone to work for them full time making medicine. I wrote Brian's friend, Mitchell Zambo, and after a series of letters and interviews, was offered the job, which I accepted immediately.

So while most people were still sending out applications and finding roommates for once the school year was over, I had already figured everything out. I didn't tell Rose and Alice until December, when they asked me if I wanted to get a flat with them in London. It was hard to tell them that I was leaving, but I did, though my face was stained in tears. When they asked me why, I couldn't give them an answer because I didn't know. I just knew that for once in my life, this was the only thing that made sense and didn't seem like madness.

From that moment on, I spent as much time with everyone as I could. As I took my N.E.W.T.S and graduated, I made sure that I spent as much time with all the people I wouldn't see for a while when I left. But at the end of the day, no matter how much time I spent with them, it wouldn't have been enough. They were the people who I had spent the last seven years seeing every day and suddenly I wasn't going to be seeing them at all.

And that scared me.

The night before I left, I was lying in my bed at the Manor when I realized just how scared I was. I was excited, yes, but I was out of my mind scared. I began to wonder if I made the right decision.

Before I was even aware of what I was doing, I crept into Scorp's room. He was still awake, reading some book that Rose gave him, and didn't even look at me as I walked slowly to his bed before climbing in. It wasn't until I curled into a ball that he put the book down and turned towards me.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared," I said softly. "I'm going all the way across the globe. There's going to be an ocean and a country in between me and the people I love. Yeah, Matilda will be there, but I won't have my whole family. I won't have my friends. What if this was a mistake? What if I should have taken a job here instead of going so far away?"

"It wasn't a mistake," Scorpius said, pushing some hair out of my face.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you," Scorpius said. "You'll be fine, no, you'll be great. You'll take The City by the Bay by storm. Yeah, it'll be hard. But just because you're far away doesn't mean that you won't have your family or friends. We'll always be here for you. No matter how far you go."

"What if I fail?" I asked.

Scorpius shrugged. "Then you fail. Then Dad will make you come back here and sort your life out, while your Mum says failing is a part of life while your Dad says that everyone needs to make their own mistakes. Don't worry about failing. You have a whole group of people here rooting for you. You have 2 dads, 3 mums, 2 brothers, 1 sister, 1 cousin and a million other people to fall back on. You'll be fine."

"I'm going to miss you, Scorp," I said softly.

"Yeah," Scorpius said. And, though he denies it to this day, I could have sworn his eyes teared up. "I'm going to miss you too, Addie."  


* * *

6 years later and I did not fail. I did not go back to England because I was too afraid. I had managed to stay in San Francisco, become one of the top medicine makers in the area, make friends, and become happy.

Everyone visited me from time to time. I didn't get to see everyone as much as I liked, but that was the price of living in California. Alice and Will had fallen in love with the States and one year had even dared to go on a road trip across the country. Caleb, who had broken up with Anna when she moved to Greece after graduation, had actually moved to San Francisco as well a year after me when he got the chance to be the Junior Sports Editor of the SF Magic, the San Franciscan Wizarding paper. He had moved in with me, temporarily, only to end up becoming a full time roommate. We had a great time together and, since I hadn't made super close friends since Hogwarts, had become one of my best friends, along with Rose and Alice.

One night, I was cooking dinner for me and Caleb (it was my turn) when Caleb walked in the door.

"Honey, I'm home!" Caleb said jokingly.

"Hey!" I said. "Just one second, I'm putting the chicken in the oven."

"Okay," Caleb said, coming into the kitchen and setting his bag down on the counter. "Need any help?"

"Nope," I said, as I shut the oven door. "Did you go to the post office today?"

"Yeah," Caleb said, reaching into his bag to pull the mail out. "I didn't even have to say what apartment we were in. The people there know exactly where we live because of all the letters going in and out of here. I'm pretty sure that without you, the owls wouldn't get the proper exercise they need."

"Oh, shut up," I said, walking over to him. "Anything interesting?"

"Well besides the letters from your Dad, the Malfoys, Ellory, Jacob, Ryan, Rose, Alice, and Scorp, which are all for you," Caleb said. "And the one letter from my parents to me, we do have one more letter than normal. And what a surprise, it's for you!"

"Can you open it for me while I change?" I asked, taking my apron off. "I'd like to change out of my work clothes before we eat."

"No problem," Caleb said, tearing the letter open and reading it. A smile cracked on his face. "You're going to want to read this before you change."

"Why?" I asked, walking over and taking the letter from his hands.

_You are formally invited to the wedding of_

_Annalise Madeline Swan_

_And_

_James Sirius Potter_

  
  
"Fucking finally!" I said. "It's about time she said yes!"

James had been asking for Annalise to marry him for about a year now, but she had turned him down time after time. He even made big elaborate plans to propose and each time she said no.

"Here, there's another note," Caleb said, handing me a note with James's recognizable scrawl on it.

_Ads,_

_I did it! She said yes! About fucking time too. I was about to lose my mind. Funnily enough, she didn't say yes when I did really elaborate things, only when we were watching TV (bloody wonderful muggle invention, you should get it. You should especially watch Doctor Who, that's mine and Annalise's favorite show. It's actually the show that I proposed during) and talking. I told her that I could do this forever and she said that she could too, and then I got down on one knee, told her I wanted to do this for the rest of our lives and that she was the only girl that I loved and that I ever wanted to love and would she do me the honor of being my wife. She finally said yes. After all that work with the fancy proposals and all I needed to do was propose while Doctor Who was playing. Who knew?_

_I hope you'll be there. I miss you! You can even bring Caleb to the wedding, just as long as you come. In fact, if you don't come, I will personally leave my wedding and kidnap you so you're there._

_Love,_

_James_

I smiled down at the letter. "Well," I said, looking up at Caleb. "Looks like we're going to a wedding in June."

"We?" Caleb asked, raising his eyebrows.

"That's right," I said. "You get to be my date."

"Oh joy," Caleb said. "I've been your date before, hell I was your boyfriend at one point, and I would rather not do it again."

I punched him in the arm. "You're annoying."

Caleb shrugged. "Probably true. But the bigger question is why don't you actually find a date to bring to this thing?"

"Oh, okay, I'll just go pick from the large amount of blokes lined up ready to go out with me," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'm serious, Addie."

"I am too!"

"You sure that you finding a date has nothing to do with the fact that a certain ex of yours might be there?" Caleb asked.

"Well, let's see if you don't go an ex of mine won't be there," I said. "So unless you're talking about Fred, I don't think any exs of mine will be there."

"I'm talking about Albus," Caleb said and despite the fact that it had been 6 years since I had seen him, my heart lurched slightly. "You're telling me that you not bringing a date has nothing to do with the fact that he's going to be there and that you haven't really moved on from him?"

"I have moved on!" I said. "I haven't even thought of him for six years until you said his name! I have had boyfriends, hell I've fallen in love with someone else!"

"You weren't in love with Hunter-"

"Yeah I was!" I said, slightly annoyed that Caleb brought Hunter up. Hunter was my ex who I had dated for a year and a half before he broke up with me because having a long distance relationship from San Francisco to LA was too much work for him. Even though we could literally be with each other in once second thanks to magic. "Trust me, Caleb; I was in love with Hunter. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have slept with him. You know that."

"Okay, you have a point there," Caleb said. "But you only started to date him 3 years ago. You didn't date anyone for 4 years after Al."

"I didn't date anyone seriously," I said. "I dated people. I just didn't get into a relationship with them because I was focusing on myself and my job. Besides, how could I even have feelings for Al when I haven't seen him for 6 years?"

"Well maybe that's why you don't want to bring a date," Caleb said. "Because you think that if you do, you'll realize that you still have feelings for him and be stuck with some poor sucker all night when really all you want to go do is fuck Potter."

"Caleb, even if I do wind up having feelings for him, it doesn't mean he'll feel the same way!" I said. "For all we know, he's married or engaged or gay!"

"Gay?" Caleb asked. "Really? You think he could be gay?"

"Okay so maybe not gay, but the other two are still likely!"

"Alright, I'll wager you," Caleb said. "Ten Galleons says that Potter isn't married or engaged or in a relationship and that you guys hook up at the wedding."

"Caleb, this is stupid-"

"There's no harm in a bet, Addie," Caleb said. "If you're right and there are no feelings there, then you'll have ten extra galleons. So, do you take this bet?" He held his hand out.

I shook my head, knowing that there was no way in hell Al would still have feelings for me. Or that I'd have feelings for him.

Oh, what the hell.

I could always use ten galleons.

"Fine," I said, shaking his hand. "Deal."  
  
 

* * *

 

I pinned some of my hair back so that it didn't hang in my face during the ceremony.

It was weird. I was back at the Manor, a place that I hadn't been for 6 years. I still saw Draco and Astoria, it was just normally they came to visit me or I saw them when we went to Christmas at Dad's house. So to be back here, in my room, was weird.

Although, to be fair, it really shouldn't even be called my room anymore. The room was nothing like the way I decorated it. When I moved, I told Astoria she could redecorate my room since I probably wouldn't need it anymore. And she did just that. She changed everything, even the bed sheets weren't the same. It looked nice, but it was just weird, since this was my room for most of my life and now it looked nothing like the way I remembered it. The walls were a soft green instead of the aqua it was before and instead of the many pictures I had of my friends and family, most of which were in my new apartment in San Francisco, there were art pieces.

Caleb was staying in Scorp's room, which also had gone through dramatic changes. We decided that it would be best if we came back to England two days before the wedding so that we could adjust to the time difference and rest better.

After doing one last glance over what I was wearing-- a light pink lace dress that went to my knees-- I walked over to Caleb's room.

"Dude," I said, opening the door without knocking, something I severely regretted.

Because he was standing there in only his boxers.

"Caleb!" I said, shielding my eyes. "Put some clothes on! God, why does this happen to me with this room?"

"You were the one who walked in without knocking," Caleb said. "Okay, I have pants on. You can uncover your eyes."

I pulled my hand away from my eyes and glared at him. "You would think that after four years of living with me, you would know that I never knock."

"Yes, well you've never walked in on me before," Caleb said, buttoning his shirt up. "Besides that one time I brought that girl over and you told us to shut up."

"You guys were being loud and I had work to do," I said, shrugging and taking a seat on the bed. "Not my fault."

Caleb shrugged. "Could you help me with my tie?"

"Is it a bow tie or regular?" I asked as I walked over to him.

"Bow tie," Caleb said. "Bow ties are cool."

I rolled my eyes and began to tie his tie.

"You look good, by the way," Caleb said. "Al's going to go crazy when he sees you."

"He is not," I said, looping the fabric. "Because he doesn't have feelings for me."

"But you still have feelings for him right?" Caleb asked.

Although my default was to say no, I found that I really wasn't sure. Though I had moved on and never really thought about him, I couldn't help but wonder if this was because of the fact that I hadn't seen him. When we were at Hogwarts, it made it much more difficult to actually fully move on, to admit that I didn't have any feelings for him, because I still had to see him.

But now, I was an hour away from seeing him. I didn't know if I was going to talk to him before the ceremony or if the first time that I saw him would be when he was standing next to James at the altar. And that thought brought butterflies to my stomach. Now, whether they were butterflies of excitement or nervousness, I wasn't sure. Either way, there were butterflies.

"I'm going to take your silence as a yes," Caleb said.

I pulled his tie tightly. "Just put your jacket on and we'll leave, okay? Draco and Astoria left already."

"Alright, I'm coming, I'm coming," Caleb said.

* * *

 

"There's my favorite cousin!"

Ryan attacked me with a huge hug, but his cry did manage to grab the attention of everyone near us at the wedding.

"Don't let Scorpius hear that," I said. "Otherwise he might be hurt."

"He already knows that we will never have the bond that you and I do," Ryan said, letting go of me to embrace Caleb. "How have you been, Caleb?"

"I've been good," Caleb said.

"Still living in sin with my cousin?"

"Nope, since that would require sleeping with each other," I said. "And we don't do that."

"Oh, right," Ryan said. "Since you're still in love with Al and everything."

"Okay, no," I said. "One, I was never in love with him. There is a difference between falling in love and actually being in love. And two, does everyone seem to forget that I have moved on? I had a boyfriend and everything!"

"Yeah, but Hunter wasn't your type," Ryan said. "He was short with blonde hair and was obsessed with country music. Trust me; you were lucky to get out when you could."

I rolled my eyes. "So when does the bar open?"

"After the ceremony," Ryan said. But he pulled a flask out of his jacket. "But I did manage to sneak a little something in for us."

I took a sip, before scrunching my nose. "What the hell is that?"

"Tequila," Ryan said.

"More like disgusting," Caleb said, handing the flask back to him.

"You both are so immature," Ryan said, taking a sip himself.

"We're 24," I said.

"Immature," Ryan said, looking off in the distance. "Well, I see some ladies that will be very happy when they see you, Addie, so I'm going to leave before they stampede us."

"Excuse me, but I see some very attractive girls that I need to talk to," Caleb said, making his way over to a group of Annalise's cousins.

"Save me a seat?" I asked.

"Of course," Caleb said. "What kind of date would I be if I didn't?"

"I mean, you are going to pick up other girls," I said. "So you aren't that good of one anyway."

"Women," Caleb said, rolling his eyes. I laughed.

I made my way over to where two girls were standing. One, with her bright red hair and an emerald green dress was holding hands with a tall blonde bloke, while the other, dark haired and wearing a light blue dress, was arguing with a guy with dark hair and deep blue eyes.

"You have to be kidding me!" Alice said, looking at Will like he was insane. "We aren't going to Iowa again! We just went there two years ago on our road trip. It was beautiful, yes, but there was nothing to do! We need to go someplace like Belize or somewhere we have never been before we go back to Iowa."

"Iowa was great and you know that," Will said. "Don't hate on Iowa."

"I'm not hating on it," Alice said. "I'm just saying that there is so much to see in the world. You can only sell so many Wizarding travel books on Iowa."

"I don't know," Scorpius said. "I thought the cow tipping sounded pretty cool. Maybe we could do a boys trip to Iowa, while the girls go to Belize."

"Scorp, you are not tipping any cows over," Rose said. "Not when you have a full time job that barely lets you take time off, even when you want only one day for a wedding."

"An auror's job is never over," Scorpius said, wrapping his arm around Rose. "I'm sorry that I don't get to spend more time with you."

"Well," I said. "It's good to see that you two are still sickeningly in love."

Rose ripped herself away from Scorpius. "Addie?" she asked, almost as if asking confirmation. I nodded and she came running at me.

"I've missed you so much!" Rose said. "How's San Francisco? I'm so sorry I haven’t been able to visit since I did two years ago, the Ministry has kept me so insanely busy-"

"Rose, its fine," I said. "You know exactly everything that is going on in my life, even if you aren't there to see it."

"Hey, move, I want to hug her too," Alice said, pushing Rose and pulling me close. "I've missed you, Ads."

"I've missed you too," I said. "How are book sales?"

"They're great!" Alice said. "I just need to figure out the next adventure to go on. The road trip was such a hit-- I have had so many people tell me they're doing it because of my book! It's amazing, really, I'd love-"

"Hey, you can catch up later," Scorpius said. "I'd like to hug my only sister, if you don't mind."

I smiled at Scorpius and went into his arms, the place that I felt safe for so long, a place I hadn't been in a while.

"Merlin, I've missed your hugs," I said.

"Only my hugs?"

"Meh, I guess I've missed you too," I said. "Since I haven't seen you since Christmas two years ago. Thanks for not showing up this year or visiting me."

"I've been busy!" Scorpius said. "I haven't had time to just pop across the pond."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving him off. I turned to Will and hugged him. "How have you been? How's your uncle?"

"He's good," Will said. "He's getting old though. Sooner or later he's going to just give me complete control of The Pitch, even though I basically run the place already."

"Business has been good?"

"Never better," Will said. "Especially when the famous author Alice Longbottom comes in and discusses her travels."

"Yeah, well if I don't get another book out soon, me being there won't help," Alice said.

"You know, you could come live with Caleb and me for a while," I said. "Really get to know San Francisco and tell people what to see and what to skip. In your last book you talked more about the road trip part, so maybe you could focus on one city? Or you could do some international travel. If you need a travel buddy, I'd be more than willing to go with you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Alice said. "Because this one just wants to go to Iowa. Besides, I've missed hanging out with you. Do you think-"

"Al! We're over here!" Scorpius said, interrupting Alice and waving.

If I thought I was nervous before the wedding, it was nothing compared to hearing Scorpius call Al over. Suddenly my stomach was full of butterflies, to the point of where it was uncomfortable, and I subconsciously reached up to make sure my hair was okay, something Rose saw and gave me a small smile for.

"Hey," Al said when he reached us.

"Dude, when is this ceremony starting?" Scorpius said. "The invitation said 4, and its 4:15 already."

"Apparently the bride is having some sort of meltdown," Al said. "Though I think that it's Mum, crying because of how beautiful Annalise looks or something equally ridiculous."

I looked down at my shoes, a cute pair of nude heals that I had bought especially for the wedding, trying to ignore the fact that Albus was standing three feet away from me and hadn't even noticed I was there.

But I noticed. Because holy fucking Merlin, he looked good. I don't know if he just got better with age of if I had forgotten how attractive he was or if that tux was really working for him, but he just looked good. His hair was shorter than I had ever seen it, but it worked on this new him, since he never would have been able to pull off that short of hair when we were still in school. He had also filled out more, making him look wider and stronger, not to mention how good his jaw line was.

Despite all these changes, there was one thing that stayed exactly the same. And those were his eyes. The eyes that had haunted me for the past six years, eyes that I always compared peoples too. Hunter had beautiful blue eyes, but they were nothing compared to Al's. Those were the eyes that I loved, the deep green that showed every emotion even when his face didn't show any.

"Tell them that there's no rush to start the ceremony," Rose said, perking up a little. "Because I know that I would much rather catch up with my best friend right now than go straight to a wedding."

Al frowned. "Who-"

And that was when he noticed me. His eyes scanned over the group but stopped when they got to me.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Hi," Albus said. I could tell he was surprised, but he tried to hide it.

"Oh look, they're ushering people to the chairs," Alice said, grabbing Will's hand. "We better go find a seat."

They ran off, Scorpius and Rose close behind them, leaving me and Al alone.

"So, how have you been?" I asked.

"Good," Al said. "I've been good."

"I would assume so," I said. "Because you look good. I mean, you look like you've been doing well."

Al allowed himself to give a small smile. "Yeah. You look like you've been doing well too."

"I have," I said. "Thanks."

"No problem," Al said. We stood in an awkward silence for a few moments before he spoke again. "No one, um, no one told me you were coming. Then again, I didn't know that Louis was going to bring Allie either."

"He brought Allie?" I asked, shocked that Louis would bring her. Allie was Lou's on again, off again girlfriend, who his entire family hated. With good reason. She told them that she thought Quidditch was stupid and walked all over Louis. "Merlin, I was hoping I'd never have to meet her."

"Well it looks like today is your lucky day," Albus said. "You get to see how lovely she is."

"Wonderful," I said. "She made him stop writing me because she thought that I was trying to seduce him, despite the fact that I was dating someone and over 3000 miles away."

"Yeah," Al said, getting uncomfortable when I mentioned that I was dating someone. I wanted to clear things up, I wanted to tell him that I was only dating someone at the time but I wasn't dating anyone anymore, that I was single, totally and completely single and totally and completely ready to snog him and be with him since I never really got over him.

Oh fuck.

Just fuck my life.

It had been six fucking years and I was still not over a bloke who I barely had a relationship with.

How wonderful.

"Well, I have to go and make sure James is ready," Al said. "You should probably go get a seat, since the ceremony is starting soon."

"Yeah," I said. "Well, see you later?"

"Sure," Al said, though there didn’t seem to be any real truth to the words. "Yeah, sure."

As he walked away, I took a deep breath and resisted throwing myself off the highest building to avoid the fact that I was still not over the bloody arse.

When I sat down next to Caleb, he looked over at me with a smirk.

"Did I just win the bet?" he asked.

"No," I said. "But you were right about one thing."

"And what was that?"

"That I still have feelings for the bastard."  


* * *

  


The wedding was beautiful. I would be lying if I said I managed to go through the entire ceremony without crying. Then again I wasn't the only one.

"When we first met, it was anything but love at first sight," Annalise said, starting her vows. "To be quite honest, I hated you. I thought you were a jerk and immature and a complete and total pighead. You would constantly pull pranks on me, sometimes even sabotaging my schoolwork, and ask me out. For most of my seven years at Hogwarts, I cursed your parents for creating you. But then, one day you showed me that there was a decent guy down there and I decided what the hell, I may as well give you a chance." Everyone laughed, even James. "And I'm so glad that I did. Because once I said yes, you were the guy that everyone always told me you were. You were sweet and protective and annoying as hell and not that arrogant jerk that you sometimes pretended to be. And before I knew it, I had fallen in love with you."

I wiped my eyes and heard a sniffle to my right. I turned and saw Caleb with tears in his eyes.

"Are you crying?" I whispered.

"No," Caleb said. "My allergies are just acting up."

"And right when I fell in love with you, I never stopped," Annalise said. "Even though I spent 6 years hating you and arguing with you and insulting you, one day, I just didn't. One day, I realized that all I could think about was you and I couldn't get you out of my head. I could only think about how attractive you were and how you were a good friend and not all the times you had insulted me in the past. Everyone was telling me that we were going to happen, that there were feelings there, but I didn't want to believe them because you scared me and it was easier hating you."

I looked down, remembering when I had gone through this feeling, at the same time Annalise was. Despite my will not too, my eyes went straight to Al, who was standing right next to James.

"And I loved you. The minute I decided not to hate you, I loved you. There was no in between. We still fought all the time but you were no longer being annoying or insulting me. We were simply fighting because that's what we do."

Albus looked down, as if he was remembering the same thing that I was. All our countless arguments and yelling at each other over small things. How we made a bet to stop fighting, which failed epically, since we still fought all the time.

"And I look forward to a life of fighting with you, but more than that, I look forward to a life of always making up and always loving you. Because I love you, James Sirius Potter, and I will never stop. I will fight against you, I will fight with you, and I will always fight for you."

"Wow," James said. He wiped his eyes. "Way to make me feel manly right now." That earned a round of laughter and once James composed himself, he looked back at her. "Though you said that it wasn't love at first sight, for me, it was. I saw you and that was it, I was sold. I wanted you and only you. Granted, that didn't work out very well since I did go out with other girls, but in the back of my mind, it was always you. All that stuff that I did when I was annoying, I did it because I wanted you attention. I didn't know how to get your attention and I figured bad attention was better than no attention at all, so I took it. For seven years, I took you yelling at me and hating me, because I knew that at least I was on your mind."

I thought back to what Rose said to me when I decided to move on from Al. How he would constantly bother me, because that was the only way I would pay attention to him. Tears came to my eyes, and I suddenly wasn't sure if I was crying because of how beautiful the vows were, or if it was because James and Annalise's story was so similar to mine and Al's. And how we never really got to complete our story.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one thinking that, because Al looked over at me. I could tell he was surprised to find that I was staring right back at him, but he didn't look away.

"When you said yes to me, I couldn't have been happier. Suddenly, you were mine. You weren't anyone else's, you didn't hate me, you were my girlfriend and you wanted to be with me. And when you told me you loved me, I was on an infinite high. I hadn't lived a life where I was always second best or some other cliché crap like that, but knowing that you chose me made me feel better than I had ever felt. You made every fight worth it. I had never wanted to be with anyone else and once I had you, I wasn't going to let you go. And I will never let you go. For as long as I live, I don't care what happens, I am never letting you go."

_I will always fight for you._

_I am never letting you go._

I couldn't help but wonder if that was what made James and Annalise's relationship work, when mine and Al's didn't. Yes, there was that whole factor of the fact that he didn't trust me, but at the end of the day, we let each other go. Instead of fighting for each other, instead of finding a way to make it work, we both threw in the towel and let each other go. I did it because I thought that was Albus wanted, and it never occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't. Maybe he was waiting to see if I was letting go of him, to let go of me.

Caleb nudged me in the arm, causing me to break my eye contact with Albus.

"Tissue?" Caleb asked, holding a napkin up. "Your make up is beginning to smudge."

"Thanks," I said, taking the tissue before I looked back at Al. But he had already turned back to James and Annalise, as the preacher announced them man and wife.  


* * *

 

"I never knew that Will and Alice could dance!" I said from my table. It was later that night, around 8, and we had moved from the beautiful outdoor ceremony under a large party tent. A lot of people were out on the dance floor, some were leaving and a few, like Rose and I, were sitting down at the tables, eating cake.

"They love dancing," Rose said. "They probably won't come off the dance floor until it's time to leave, and even then you probably won't see them until the morning, since dancing puts them in quite the mood."

"So don't be insulted when they leave suddenly," I said. "Got it."

I ate my cake, laughing at Scorpius, who was dancing with Rose's grandmother.

"She's probably asking him when a wedding like this is going to happen for him," Rose said, shaking her head.

"Well, it's a very good question," I said. "Do you plan on marrying my brother, Rose Weasley?"

"Well, considering I've dated the guy for eight years, I'm going to have to say yes," Rose said. "If he ever asked."

"He'll ask," I said. "Eventually. It might take him a while though."

"That's fine," Rose said. "I would like to continue my career before I settle down. So maybe in like 4 years." I laughed and took a bite of cake. "What about you? Any plans of marriage soon?"

"I'm pretty sure you need to be in a relationship with someone in order to get married and as you know, I'm currently more single than ever before," I said. "So it probably won't happen anytime soon. Which is fine. I'm currently very happy being single."

At least, I was happy until I would look out and see the person that I still had feelings for dancing with his whore of an ex.

That's right.

James invited Veronica St. Clair.

And I know that it had been 8 years since I saw her and poured my drink on her, but I still hated her.

Albus, however, didn't appear to feel the same.

"I know that you've denied it before," Rose said, pulling my attention away from them. "But are you sure there's nothing going on between you and Caleb? I mean you guys do live together, you brought him here as your date..."

"Oh, Merlin, no," I said. "Love the kid. But no. We're probably the only two heterosexual people who have lived together and never slept together simple because we both don't want to. We're too good of friends. Besides, that would be impulsive and self-destructive, two things I stopped being in sixth year."

"I was just checking," Rose said.

"I've told you many times before that nothing was going to happen between me and him again," I said. "So why the need to ask?"

Rose sighed. "He's going to hate me for saying this. But Albus was asking me about you guys earlier."

My heart sped up. "Why would he do that?"

"I don't know," Rose said. "When I asked why he cared, he said he was just curious."

I deflated a little. While there was always the possibility that he was lying, I knew that Rose could spot when Al was lying better than anyone. And I didn't want to get my hopes up that he was feeling the same way when, for all I knew, he really was just curious and that moment we were having during the vows when were both reflecting on our relationship was something I just made up in my head.

Rose was watching me, intently. "You still have feelings for him, don't you?"

"It's complicated," I said.

"Well, I've got all night."

I sighed, knowing that Rose wasn't going to let me walk away from this.

"Yes," I said. "I don't really think I ever stopped. I just moved on." I sighed. "It's not like it matters anyway. It's been six years. I doubt he feels the same."

Rose, uncharacteristically, was quiet, causing me to look at her.

"Why are you being quiet?" I asked. "You know something don't you?"

"Okay, Albus hasn't told me anything himself," she said. "These are just my beliefs from the way that he's acted the past six years."

"...and?"

"I think he did the same thing you did," she said. "I think that he moved on, instead of losing feelings. Actually, I know he did that. He told me so. That summer, after sixth year, we talked about you. He told me that the only reason he really made himself move on, to really give his relationship with Lana a try, was because you had let go. He had been hurt, time and time again, and he didn't want to try again with you if you didn't want it, if there was a chance that he'd be hurt anymore. So when you took off that necklace, he forced himself to move on. And I can't help but feel like this is my entire fault."

"What?" I asked. "Why?"

"Because I was the one who told you that you needed to move on!" Rose said. "I didn't even think about if that was Al wanted, I just assumed. And I shouldn't have. Because I ruined the chance of you getting back together. I was going to tell you when you got back, I was, but as soon as I brought him up, you started talking about how you had moved on and were over him and I realized that it was too late for it. And I hated that. I hated that I ruined your chances at getting back together."

"You didn't ruin our chances, Rose-"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!" I said firmly. "Yes, you told me to move on. But in the end, I was the one who did. You didn't know what Al was feeling and you were right, I should have moved on that point. I should have fought for him." I looked down. "Earlier, when James and Annalise were saying their vows, I realized why me and Al never made it, even if our feelings for each other were strong and even if we both didn't want to move on. We didn't fight for each other and we let the other go. We thought that was what each other wanted. Let's face it Rose, Al and I were screwed up long before you got involved. We never were going to last. So stop blaming yourself."

Rose let out a small laugh. "Al said something similar when I told him. Is it bad that I still want you guys together?"

I shook my head. "No. Because trust me, you aren't the only one."

"Talk to him," Rose said. "Just please, clear the air between the two of you. Let him know that nothing is going on between you and Caleb and see if he feels the same way that you do. And if he does...maybe you guys could start over."

"Rose, I doubt that's going to happen," I said. "It's been six years. We're completely different people. For all I know, I only have feelings for Albus the 16 year old and I'm not going to like his 24 year old self. And vice versa."

"I don't know," Rose said. "I strongly believe that if two people are meant to be, they'll love each other at any age, once they find their way back to each other."

"Yeah, but Al and I aren't meant to be," I said. "Nor were we in love."

"But you could have been."

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, we could have been. And that's what leaves these lingering feelings. Is knowing that I was actually falling in love with him and could have been completely head over heels for him. We could have made it last for a long time. But we just stopped, right in the middle. The "what could have been" kills me."

What Could Have Been was up there with What If. They were both dangerous places to go, especially when it comes to relationships, so it was better to just avoid thinking about it all together.

Sometimes though, sometimes it was hard.

Especially when ever since I saw Al, all I could think of are What Could Have Beens.  


* * *

 

At 11, I decided that it was time to go. Caleb had already left, with one of Annalise's cousins that he had been chatting up all night, so I was left to walk to the apparating station alone. Like Caleb, Astoria and Draco left a long time ago, same with Alice and Will, though I suspected the latter were in a bit more of a hurry. Scorpius and Rose were still at the wedding, but they were slow dancing, so I decided that it was best if I didn't interrupt. I figured that I would just have to see them both before I left tomorrow.

I took my shoes off, since they were beginning to hurt, and begin to walk down the trail to where the Potter's had told everyone they were able to Apparate.

"Hey!"

I turned around to look at the voice to see Al running towards me. He stopped when he saw that it was me, but then continued making his way towards me.

"Um, people, especially the girls, aren't supposed to walk by themselves," he said. "Just in case something was to happen to them."

"Oh," I said.

"I was going home anyway," Al said. "So I figured I would just walk with whoever was in front of me, which was you."

I nodded. "So, did your parents think that girls wouldn't be able to protect themselves and that's why they insist that they don't walk alone?"

"Actually, it was James's idea," he said. "He deals with a lot of sexual assault cases and he has become extremely aware of just how common it is. So he wanted to make sure that everyone got home okay." I nodded. "You should see him with Lily, he barely lets her go anywhere by herself for fear she may end up needing him next."

"Because it's not like Lily can't take care of herself or anything," I said.

"Yeah, he seems to forget that most of the women we know can take care of themselves," Al said. "Some of them even move across the globe by themselves and are perfectly fine." Al elbowed me. "But then again, you always were able to take care of yourself better than most people."

I smiled and I couldn't help but think back to what Rose said. Could Al really still have feelings for me?

"So where's the boyfriend?"

And there goes that idea.

"I don't have a boyfriend," I said, slightly annoyed.

"Oh, come on," Al said. "Yeah you do. Isn't that why Adams is here?"

"Caleb is here because he's my friend," I said. "Your brother said I could bring him."

"So you aren't living with him?"

"No, I am."

Al scoffed. "He must fucking love that."

I scowled at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that he must love living with you," Al said. "Since he gets the milk for free."

"What?" I asked.

"Well, there's no way in hell you guys aren't hooking up," Al scoffed.

"Actually, there must be a way in hell, since we aren't," I defended, feeling myself get riled up at his words.

"Bull fucking shit," Al said.

"Oh, like you have any right to say anything," I said, my voice raising. "I mean, let's face it, you're totally hooking up with Slut St. Clair aren't you?"

"What does that have anything to do with this?" Al asked, his voice matching mine.

"It has everything to do with it!" I said. "You can't act like I'm doing something terrible for living with my friend, when you're going around hooking up with some whore!"

"She is not a whore!"

"As you said earlier: bull fucking shit! Why do you even fucking care if Caleb and I are hooking up?"

"Because you could do much better than him!" Al said. "In fact, you have done better than him!"

"Yeah and look at where that got me!" I said. "I fell for a guy while I was dating Caleb and then I screwed things up and let him get away! I didn't fight for him when I lost him because I was a fucking coward."

"You weren't a coward, you told the entire school you were falling in love with me!" Al said. "And then you didn't do anything about it!"

"Because I was letting you make the next move!" I yelled. "How the fuck was I supposed to know if you felt the same way? I put myself out there, I made a total idiot of myself and you never even had the decency to say anything!"

"What was I supposed to say?"

"Whatever the hell you were feeling!" I said. "I've never been able to tell what you're feeling! I can read other people and how they feel so well but when it comes to you, I'm a complete moron! I didn't understand that you constantly starting fights with me were you trying to get my attention or that you didn't trust me. I didn't understand that you felt the same way about me. And right now, I have no idea what the fuck you're thinking, all I know is that I'm going totally insane right now because after 6 years of not seeing you, after 6 years of thinking I had moved on, I suddenly realized that I haven't! I suddenly realize that the only person I want right now is you and you look so fucking good. I realized that I can be happy as long as I don't see you because if I see you, all the feelings come back. I never stopped falling in love with you, it was just on pause and I know that if I spend any more time with you, whether it be arguing or just being in your company, that I will fall more and more in love with you because that's how it is with you. I don't know why and I don't want it to be that way, but that's how it is. I'm falling in love with you Albus Potter and I really don't want to and I have no idea what you're feeling so if you could please move and let me go-"

Albus did move. But not in the way that I expected.

He walked forward, cupped his face and pressed his lips against mine. I dropped my shoes and wrapped my arms around neck, pulling him close to me.

He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. "I have wanted to do that for the past eight years. Does that clear up how I'm feeling?"

I smiled at him. "Just shut up and kiss me."  


* * *

 

The next morning, I woke up to the light shining through Al's windows at his apartment. I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up a bit more to find a way to get out of Al's arms without waking him up in the process.

I somehow managed to do this and got dressed very quietly, glad that despite our haste, all of my clothes were only inside his room and not down the hall. I grabbed my shoes and was about to tip toe out of the room, when Al's voice stopped me.

"Where are you going?"

I turned towards him, almost guiltily, and couldn't help but smile at how adorable he looked, blinking at the bright light coming in from the window.

"I was just going to go to the Manor," I said, walking back towards the bed. "Eat breakfast and all. I need to make sure I spend time with Draco and Astoria."

Al nodded, his eyebrows drawn into each other. "So...you were just going to leave? You weren't going to talk to me about this and just leave and pretend it never happened?"

"No," I said, sitting on the bed. "I just...I haven't done something like this in a long time. Ever since sixth year, I've tried my hardest not to make impulsive decisions without thinking of what might happen afterwards. So that means no random hook ups or jumping in bed with people or getting drunk. So to suddenly sleep with you, when I have to leave in two days...I'm confused. I didn't think it through and now I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how to handle this."

"Well for one, you don't run away," Al said, with a small smile. "Look, I know that this was an impulsive decision. But have you ever noticed that we tend to do things and then fuck them up because we're too rash when it comes to each other? We get in arguments, one of us says something stupid and the other ends up pissed. You decide to tell the entire school you're in love with me-"

"There's a difference between in love and falling in love!"

"-and I assume that you don't want me to try. I hear you were hooking up with Louis and I break up with you without asking what the hell happened. You take off your necklace and I assume that you've moved on to Fred."

"You knew about that?" I asked, slightly ashamed.

"Yeah," Al said. "Lana told me. I was pissed. Didn't speak to him for a couple months afterwards. But the point I'm trying to make is that with us, we always are impulsive. That's our relationship. And yeah, maybe we shouldn't be so impulsive when it comes to each other, but we are. You can't change something that comes naturally."

"Maybe," I said, biting my lip.

"Look," Al said. "I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was over you. And then one look at you and I realized that I wasn't. I realized that you were still the girl I wanted. I wasn't sure if you were that girl that I liked for six years when I was an idiot teenager, but once we started arguing last night, I realized that even though you look a little different and I haven't spoken to you in a long time, you're still the same girl in your heart. And us sleeping together meant something and I know it meant something to you." He leaned forward and rested his forehead on mine. "Don't walk away. I don't want to make the same mistakes we made when we were 17. So if you're scared, that's fine because I'm really fucking scared too. But I'm all in if you are."

I reached out and grabbed his hand, interlacing his fingers with mine.

"So where do we go from here?" I asked.

"We start over," Al said. "And hopefully not screw it up."

I smiled, knowing that this time, even if I did screw up, I would fight for him and I wouldn't let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! The next chapter is the epilogue, meaning that this monster of a chapter was the last "real" chapter of this story! Hope you guys enjoyed it!


	30. The Madness of an Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I knew that I could take on the madness that was my life.

Though we agreed to start over, it took a while for Al and me to get back in the rhythm of our relationship. I was still living in San Francisco and he was living in London and neither if us wanted to ask the other to move, so for a year and a half, we did distance.

Which was difficult. It was much easier because, unlike muggles, we could see each other in a couple of seconds due to our ability to Apparate. However, because of the time difference, one of us would sometimes pop in when the other one was sleeping.

But we did it. For a year and a half, Al and I would Apparate, write, and visit each other as much as we could. It was exhausting and annoying, but we made it work. I knew that we both hated it and that at some point one of us would probably need to move so that we could actually give this thing a go, but Al never asked me to move. He knew how much I loved San Francisco and my job, so despite the fact that he wanted me with him, he never asked me to leave here. He talked about possibly moving out here but I knew that he was going to miss his family too much. Unlike me, Al had issues leaving his family since he had always had one or more members of his family living with or near him at the time. And I couldn't ask him to do that. I loved him too much.

So I moved. Not just for him, but because I had been missing my family and England. But I also did want to give my relationship with Al a real try. So I had been applying for jobs out there and when I finally got a job as lead potion brewer at an apothecary in Diagon Alley, I took it and told everyone I was moving back.

To say the least, everyone was thrilled. Caleb wasn't, because he would miss me being his roommate, but I told him that I promised to visit. Mum and Brian had been traveling a lot so they weren't too upset to hear about my departure, since they were barely in San Francisco anyway. But as for the rest of my family, they were thrilled. Ellory was now 21 and living in Ireland and working with the bank there while Jacob was now 14 and a (very proud) Hufflepuff. That was one of the most difficult parts of living in the States was not getting to see them as much as I wanted.

But once I moved back, everything changed.

And thankfully, it was for the better too.  


* * *

 

"Is that tight enough?" Rose asked as she pulled the strings of my dress.

"I think so," I said, letting go of my dress to test to see if it fell down.

It didn't. In fact, it stayed perfectly in place.

"Okay," Rose said, taking a step back and placing a hand on her very large belly. "I'm going to go wait in the other room and then you can make your grand entrance to us."

"Alright," I said. I watched her waddle into the next room, giving me a minute to myself.

I took a deep breath and looked into the mirror at my reflection.

I was nearly in shock at what stood back at me. My curly hair was tucked into a neat updo with a tiara resting on top of my head. My make up was done perfectly, making my blue eyes stand out.

But it was the dress that really brought the whole thing together. The white dress that I had picked out nearly a year ago, that was strapless with a poofy skirt, a typical fairytale dress. The dress is what made everything come together in my head and make me realize what was about to happen.

I was about to get married. In the backyard of the Malfoy Manor, a place that I had played and rode a broom, I was going to get married.

Holy fucking shit.

"Oi!" Alice said, banging on the door. "I know it's your day and all, but we're going to be running late if you don't get out here soon!"

"I'm coming!" I said. I opened the door and walked out. "Here I am."

"Wow," Alice said, walking up to me and touching my dress. "You look beautiful. This dress is amazing."

"Do you wish you had a real wedding now?" Rose asked her.

"Nope," Alice said. "Will and I were more than happy with our spur of the moment ceremony in Paris."

"I understand that now," I said. "Better than doing a year and a half of planning."

"Hey," Alice said. "I planned majority of your wedding since you and your lovely fiancée were both too busy working. So you better love it."

"Alice you cleared all the details with me before you did anything," I said. "Trust me, I love it already."

"Hate to break up the girl talk," Dad said, coming around the corner. "But a wedding is supposed to happen now." He kissed my head. "You look beautiful, Addison."

"Thanks Dad," I said.

"Ellory and Becca can't wait to see you," Dad said. "And your mother, Merlin, I thought that she'd barge back here herself, if you didn't come out soon. Fortunately Brian was holding her down."

"God bless that man," I said. Alice and Rose were walking in front of us, stopping when they reached the doors that would lead us outside.

The music started playing and Alice walked out the door, her blue bridesmaid dress flowing slightly in the breeze.

"You sure you're ready to do this?" Dad asked. "You're only 28, you know."

Rose gave me a big smile before walking through the doors that had opened for her.

I looped my arm with Dad's as we walked to the front of the closed doors.

"Yeah," I said, a smile on my face as the doors began to open. "I'm ready."

The doors opened and I was glad to see that all of Alice's hard work did not go to waste. There was a beautiful arch at the end of the aisle, covered in the white roses that I had chosen. The white chairs had little blue accents on them. My eyes wandered, looking at all the familiar faces smiling back at me as I walked and I felt Dad squeeze my hand. I saw that Astoria and Mum were both on the verge of tears, holding one another's hand. Rose was crying as well, whereas Alice just stood next to her with a huge smile on her face. I made eye contact with Scorpius who looked like he had never been more proud and James, who smiled at me, before looking next to him.

And next to him was Al. Al had been looking at the ground until James poked him in the side. Al gave an annoyed look at James before turning his gaze toward me. His eyes went from being slightly annoyed at his brother to being completely amazed like he couldn't believe what was happening.

That was when I started to cry. Not straight up sobbing, but I felt the tears come to my eyes and I gripped Dad's arm tighter, needing something to stabilize me from this intense wave of emotions.

I was getting married. I was getting married to the love of my life and my best friend. And I couldn't have been happier.

When we made it to the end of the aisle, Al walked over to us and stood next to Dad.

"Who gives away this woman?" Louis, who was acting as our officient, asked.

"Her mother, her aunt, her uncle, her brother, her sister, her cousin, her step-mother, her step-father, and I do," Dad said. "I think that was everyone."

I cracked a smile at that.

Dad kissed me on the head before taking my arm and interlocking it with Al's.

"Hey," I said, trying to hold back my tears.

"Hi," Al said back, smiling at me. "You look beautiful."

"Now if the bride and groom are done staring at each other," Louis said with a smirk. "We can begin."

Al and I walked forward and I handed my bouquet to Rose before turning back to face Al and joining my hands with his.

"Hello everyone," Louis said. "As most of you know, I am Louis Weasley and I have been blessed with the task of officiating this ceremony since I wasn't put into the bridal party." This earned another round of laughs, including ones from me and Al. "But I'm okay with that. Because I couldn't think of a better job than marrying two of my best friends. I met Al when I was about 2 days old. I don't remember much of the experience, but obviously we got along quite well since we've been best friends for the past 28 years. And then, when I was 11 years old, I met this girl named Addison Malfoy because she was yelling at my cousin Al and then became best friends with my other cousin Rose Weasley. And despite the fact that all Addie and Al would do is argue, somehow, the two of them, plus me, Scorpius, Rose, and Alice became a friend group. And until our sixth year, Addie hated Al's guts, while Al was madly in love with her. Don't get me wrong, he tried to get over her, dated around, but at the end of the day, he never could. And then one day, Al realizes that maybe arguing with her isn't the best way to win Addie's heart. So they become friends. And slowly, I noticed a change. I always knew that Addie and Al would make a good couple, but I never thought it would happen because Al wouldn't realize that pissing her off was having the opposite effect of what he wanted. But fortunately he did. And I got to see Addie's opinion change. And I have to say, seeing these two fall in love has got to be one of the best things I've ever seen. Because it wasn't easy. They're both stubborn and make really rash decisions and can barely stand each other half the time and they are both two of the most quick tempered people I've ever met. They fought a lot, more than I've ever seen two people fight. They're so similar that it shouldn't work, but are different enough that it does. So, it is my honor, to marry them. Would it be awesome to be a best man or groomsmen? Yeah. But there can be so many of those. There's only on person who can marry them and I could not be happier that I was that person."

I looked up Lou, tears in my eyes. "Goddamnit, you made me cry even more."

"Well just wait then," Louis said back. "Because you're going to be sobbing after this." He looked back towards the crowd. "I've been surrounded by great love stories my entire life. Al's parents and my uncle and aunt, met when Ginny was only 11 years old and she had a huge crush on him her entire time at Hogwarts before they finally got together. Ron and Hermione Weasley were best friends before they started dating. And my own parents, Bill and Fleur Weasley, fell in love quickly, yet proved their love was real after my father had gotten attacked by a werewolf. But Addie and Al's was a different sort of love story. It was one that everyone saw coming, but no one was really sure was ever going to happen. And when it did, I don't think anyone expected it to result in a marriage. I know that I certainly didn't. But it did and nothing in the world seems to make more sense. And I hope one day, I will find someone who drives me crazy and pisses me off but who I love more than anything else, just like the two of you found each other."

Louis was right. I was sobbing.  


* * *

 

The reception was quite the fun time. It was still outside, in another part of the backyard.

"Now, if you would all clear the dance floor," Draco's announced. "I believe that my daughter and her new husband would like to have their first dance as man and wife."

Al lead me out to the dance floor and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"We're married," I said, resting my head on his shoulder. "Who would have thought that would happen?"

"Not me," Al said. "I figured I'd marry some hot chick."

"Well, you did," I said.

Al shrugged. "I guess."

"Albus, I'm going to punch you in the gut so hard right now if you don't take that back."

"Fine, you're hot," Al said, pulling me closer to him. "You're the hottest wife I could have asked for and I could not be luckier than to spend the rest of my life with you."

"That's more like it," I said, leaning up and kissing him, which was responded with a large cheer from our family and friends.

I felt Al smile against my lips before pulling away. "It's probably best to not snog on the dance floor. I would rather not scare Scorp and Rose's unborn child."

"Eh, he has Scorpius and Rose as parents," I said. "There’s no way in hell that they aren't going to be snogging when they drop the kid off at Platform 9 and 3/4."

"Let's never do that to our children," Al said.

I raised my eyebrow. "You assume that we're going to have children?"

"Well since you said you wanted 4, yeah I assumed those 4 would be with me," Al said, smirking.

"Actually, they're going to be my love children with Fred," I said teasingly.

"You are never going to let me forget that you two hooked up in sixth year are you?"

"I don't know are you going to let me forget that I dated Caleb?"

"Oh come on, Caleb isn't as bad as Fred."

"He's like my brother now!" I said. "Now whenever I think of how we dated I think about how it just feels like incest."

"That'll be a great story to tell the kids," Al said. "How you dated your brother and hooked up with my cousin while I just sat there doing nothing wrong."

"Thank Merlin this song is over," I said pulling my arms back to my side. "I don't know how much more of you I can take."

AL grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him, kissing me. "You get an eternity of this, Malfoy."

"Actually, it's Potter now," I said, leaning in for another kiss.

"Oi, quit snogging!" James yelled at us. "I'd rather not have my daughter see that! Save it for after the wedding!"

"You'd know all about saving it for after the wedding, wouldn't you James?" Al said, smirking at James and the 4 year old girl sleeping on James's shoulder.

"Whatever we do," I said, pulling Al's attention back to me. "Let's not be like James and Annalise and have three kids in three years okay?"

"You don't have to ask me twice."  


* * *

 

The reception, to say the least, was a total hit. People were constantly dancing, and all the kids (there were many of them at this point) eventually just passed out on the dance floor, causing their parents to groan as they picked them up and put them inside.

I was having a great time myself, but snuck away for just a little bit of alone time.

I went over to a tree that I sat under when I was little and leaned against it, looking up at the stars.

"I'm married," I whispered to myself with a smile.

"Addison?" I heard a voice say, followed by footsteps. I looked in the direction and saw Matilda come into view. "Addison are you out here?"

"Over here Mum," I said, waving. She squinted, straining her eyes to find me in the dark, before coming over and leaning next to me on the tree.

"Quite the party going on there," Mum said. "You planned a great wedding."

"I can't take credit for it," I said. "It was really all Alice and Astoria."

"Is Alice a professional event planner?"

"Nope," I said. "She's a writer. But both Al and I were super busy and she just got back from her book tour, so she offered to plan it with Astoria."

"Well she should consider adding event planner to her resume," Mum said. "Because this is amazing."

"I'll let her know."

"Astoria is so proud of you, you know that?" Mum said. "She can't help but smile every time she looks at you. Before the wedding, I caught her looking at your pictures from growing up and crying. So naturally I joined in and started crying as well." I smiled. "Everyone is so proud of you, Addie."

"I don't know why," I said. "I haven't done anything amazing, or anything."

"But you followed your heart," Mum said. "And you were true to yourself. That's all any parents can hope for their child." She reached out and straightened a piece of my dress. "You look so beautiful. Astoria was right about the princess gown." She let a piece fall. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that Brian and I are about to head back to our hotel. We have to go back to San Francisco tomorrow."

"Alright," I said, reaching out to hug her.

She held me tight and I could hear the tears in her voice. "I really am so proud of you, Addison. You are everything that I am not and I couldn't be happier." I buried my head in her shoulder, an action that I did with her before she left and hadn't done since I was 4. "Come and visit me and Brian. We'd be more than happy to have you and Al stay with us."

"Okay," I said softly.

She kissed my head. "I love you. Promise to write?"

"Promise," I said, letting go. "I love you too."

Matilda smiled at me. "I'll see you soon, Addison."

"Bye Mum," I said, leaning back against the tree as she walked away.

"Hey."

I looked up and saw Al coming towards me.

"Hi," I said. "Mum just left."

"Yeah, I saw her as I was walking over here," he said. He stopped in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me in for a hug. "You okay?"

I nodded against his shoulder.

"She's not going anywhere," AL said softly. "She's coming back, you know. She's been in your life for 11 years and she's not going to leave again."

"I know," I said, lifting my head up to look at him in the eyes. In those beautiful eyes that had become my home, my safety. By letting myself fall for him, I had realized that while I was giving him the power to hurt me, I was also giving him the power to become more of a safety net than anyone else had ever been before.

"And even if she does, I'll be here," Al said. "No matter who leaves or what one of us do or how mad I get, I'm always going to be here."

I nodded and the parts of James and Annalise's vows that made me realize where Al and I went wrong played over again in my head.

_I will never stop fighting for you._

_I will never let you go._

"Same," I said, leaning my forehead against his. "I love you a bit too much for that."

Al smiled and kissed me softly. "You ready to go start the rest of our lives together?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

And I was. As Al and I walked back to the reception with his arm around my shoulders and my arm around his waist, I knew that I was ready to spend the rest of my life with Al.

The good, the bad, the ugly, the confusing, I was ready for it all.

Because as long as I had Al, my friends and family by my side, I knew that I could take on the madness that was my life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story! It is always such an honor and joy to write and revisit this story, so thank you for letting me share it with you guys here! I hope you all have enjoyed the journey Addie took!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! Please kudos, comment, bookmark, subscribe, or do whatever you feel like doing to show what you thought of the story!


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